Illicit Deliberations

Sirius knew there was one answer. Anything like this, there was always only one answer, the oh most noble and oh most ancient house of Black. Of course, when he first left there were many disturbances, a severed finger on the Potter’s doorstep (boy did Effie lost her mind at that one), phone calls in the middle of the night, and people paid to jump him in alleyways. All of that had stopped years ago and maybe Sirius was stupid, stupid for thinking that he had finally left their minds after ten years.

He’d done a good job forgetting too, he’d done a good job in punishing the worst parts of his mind, locking them away and throwing away the key. Today, he found the key, or more accurately, the key found him. James was gone, and he knew it was someone in his family’s doing. What was only the icing on this nauseating cake was the ransom, 500k quid, the exact amount he’d inherited from his uncle Alphard. Naturally, he’d spent a good portion of it, all in his families plans surely, another big fuck you right to his face.

Figuring out which member of the insane Black brigade was up to this could prove to be difficult, the obvious answer is his parents, although last he knew they were both terminally sick so it was more likely than not they were dead. Bellatrix was another option, she certainly would have no moral qualms about extortion or murder, but knowing who James was and when to get him seemed beyond her level of intellect. Regulus. It had to be Regulus. No one else in his family knew how close he and James were, and frankly no one else cared enough to antagonize him, not after this long.

Sirius was fuming, he paced around his room, speaking out as if anyone was listening to write it down. He knew exactly what tricks Regulus would be up to, Sirius was not going to take this lying down, he was going to foil Regulus’ plan before it had its chance to peak. Sirius had moved, down on his knees digging through the boxes stashed in the back of his closet. He heard his phone vibrate on his bed, not the time for this, quickly remembering it very well could be James’ captors he shot up to grab it. It was Remus.

“Good morning love”

“Hey! Good morning” Sirius messaged back.

Remus was a bartender Sirius had met two months ago. He was tall, a bit lanky, had a mop of loose hair that tumbled out of his head, he had these soft blue eyes that reminded Sirius of a lake being rained on, and he had a sweet sweet smile that formed soft dimples in his cheeks. Remus was put in that bar, no, he was put on this earth for Sirius. It took a while, he would admit, to get Remus to agree to a date, more work than he’d ever put into anyone before. Eventually, after three weeks of turning on the Sirius Black magic, Remus was his, and his only. Sirius was not often one to consider himself a domestic man, he preferred the idea of being a stallion, no one to tie him down or hold him back, but god did Remus make that difficult. Sirius would wake some mornings thinking about a house the two would buy together out in the countryside, before having to absolutely slap himself in reminder that he and Remus had only been dating for the past month, and this whole fantasy thing might be too premature.

“You're up earlier than normal, any special plans?” Remus had messaged again.

“Nope, I just couldn’t sleep super well,” Sirius replied.

How could he bring Remus into this, how could he? Remus was pure, he was genuine, he had big ideas, he wanted to be a teacher! How could Sirius be the one who shattered his perceptions of the world. How on earth could Sirius possibly be the one to tell him that the kids in his future classes might be expected to do the same things Sirius was when they get home. If Sirius had to spend the next three weeks keeping distance from Remus that was just what it had to be. And because Remus was the person he was, he would forgive Sirius.

Sirius put his phone on do not disturb, today there was no time for distractions, no matter how enticing those distractions were. He stuck his head back in his closet, digging through what seemed like endless boxes of items he’d acquired over the years. He had left 12 Grimmauld place with nothing but the clothes on his back and a backpack of minimal possessions. Although all of his school clothes and books had quickly been replaced by the wonderful Effie Potter, it took years for Sirius to regain possessions that felt like his. It took time, it took time to build up a collection of things that were solely yours, and Sirius relished it, so much so that now his closet was packed to the brim full of everything he had owned since. Eventually he found what he was looking for: a backpack, the same backpack he had when he’d left. It’d been years since he touched the thing, disgusted by it honestly. Today was a day all for disrupting his peace, this was just another layer. Deep inside the main pocket, inside a fake lining was a notebook. This notebook was full to the brim of notes, diagrams, names, and anything else ever brought up to him in his lessons with his father.

Regulus had been taught the same as Sirius, if he were up to something the plans would be based on what was in this notebook. Sirius walked back to his bed, falling down with a thud, and began to dig through his old notes. In any other circumstance, digging through the past like this may have brought back bad memories, but today he tried his best to push them away, today was about finding James. It’d been an hour of searching through this notebook and Sirius had a plan, it might not be a good plan, but it was something.

He hurdled out of the door, grabbing his keys before running out to his car, this was going to be nothing if not time consuming. Sirius started the car and began the hour-long trek out to Datchet, the goal for today was to visit every Black family safe-house within the London area. The first was a small industrial style barn, resting on the shore of the river Thames with a view of the planes entering and exiting Heathrow airport. Sirius pulled his car into a spot on the street of the adjacent neighborhood before making his way over to the building. He might have been more careful if he was trying to avoid the eyes of his family, but right now he did not care. He shoved a crowbar under the door, snapping the lock, before pulling open the large garage style door, ready to see all too familiar faces staring back, instead he was met with nothing. Not nothing exactly, there was a table in the corner with four chairs at it, a couple of filing cabinets that upon further inspection were empty, a water cooler with no jug in it, and two plastic bins one that held a small collection of books the other sour candy and a deck of cards.

He tried, he really did, to block the memories from coming back, but in a place like this there was no stopping. The last time Sirius had been here he was 13, his father had taught him and an, at the time, 11 year old Regulus how to shoot a gun. Back then the barn was filled with everything imaginable, there were couches, a fridge full of snacks and drinks, two sets of bunk beds. All of that had been pushed up against the back wall, with two targets on the front wall. Sirius stood next to Regulus as their father paced about, explaining what they were about to do. Regulus’ eyes were darting around the room. At first Sirius could not pinpoint whether this was fear or Regulus’ habit of intently analyzing situations. If you asked Sirius today he would tell you that Regulus was cold blooded, and that he was never scared during their lessons. But, if you asked Sirius at the time, he would tell you what he saw. He saw Regulus, eyes darting, body shaking, fire three shots out of the gun in his hands, each sending the small boy backwards. He saw Regulus cry.

The next safe house in Crawley went by quite the same, this time he was brought back to the day Andromeda left. Sirius and Regulus were practically dragged into the car that morning, Cygnus had come a bit earlier in the day to explain the situation to his sister Walburga. At the time, Sirius was unaware of what was happening, he had heard the names of both Andromeda and Narcissa, and had somewhat naively assumed it was a sisterly fight between the two. His father had brought him and Regulus here, to their Crawley safehouse. This was two months after the incident in Datchet and he had, stupidly, felt safer. This house was in a neighborhood with people constantly meandering just outside the doors, so what could go wrong? Simple answer, everything. Orion’s temper was already thin when he handed Regulus the knife, Regulus stared wide-eyed back, unsure what was expected of him. Orion looked back, clear his temper was breaking, his voice rose as he got closer and closer to Regulus’s face. Regulus’ lip was quivering, tears were quickly welling in his eyes. Without thinking Sirius did the only thing he could think to do, he barreled forward and slapped his father across the face. It wasn’t until later in the day, when every breath Sirius took felt like a knife in the chest, did he find out that Andromeda was gone.

It was another half hour of driving before Sirius arrived in Sevenoaks. He was greeted again by the same signs, empty except for haunting memories. He had one more safe house left, Dartford, and still no signs of Regulus, no signs of anyone in his family at all. The drive to Dartford was monotonous, his eyes stayed glued to the road in the way where one does not process what happens around them but is simply an observer. Honestly, it was a miracle Sirius did not crash. He pulled into the parking lot, he didn’t see anything. It had been a long time, much longer than the others since the last time he was here, he was 8 years old and did not remember much of that trip. Sirius grabbed the notebook that sat on his passenger seat and double checked the address, he was definitely in the right spot, but there was nothing. This time, genuinely nothing, there was not a building in sight. All there was to see was debris and construction rubble. This was the last one, this was his last chance to find James without having to go groveling at the feet of Regulus. He knew that there could be more safehouses, that even he was not aware of, but if Regulus wanted his attention so badly why would he not even leave a clue. Sirius knew there was only one option left, short of getting the money, and it was the option he was dreading the most.

Sirius made his way home, it was entering on the evening now and he was exhausted. Pulling back in he made his way back up to his room. He sat on the edge of his bed, and stared down at the floor in between his legs. This was the worst part, the part just before. He checked his phone once more, hoping to find a fleeting distraction, and there was his golden ticket. Three missed calls from Remus. Quickly, Sirius called him back

“Oh my god Sirius?”

“Hello love”

“I’ve been trying to get in touch with you all day but you haven’t responded since almost six in the morning, are you alright?”

“Yes, yes I’m fine. Sorry about that, I’ve been busy”

“Been busy? What were you up to for the last… 14 hours!?”

“I’m sorry Remus but…I- I really can’t talk about it, it’s personal, family stuff.”

“Oh, ok, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to push”

“It’s ok love, I’ll tell you about it later, just not right now ok?”

“Yeah, yeah, ok. If you ever want to talk about it I’m here though.”

“I know baby, right now is just not a great time”

“Alright, I can come over if you want”

“Uh, listen Remus, I'm really sorry but I need some time to myself for a bit, I’ll let you know when we can go out again.”

“Oh. ok. Bye I guess?”

Sirius heard Remus’ voice crack and break, there was nothing he could do about it. It was his fault of course, but he’d made up his mind. Sirius Black was not going to ruin the innocence of Remus Lupin. So, he hung up.

His thoughts of Remus were not the distraction he was looking for, they were heartbreaking. It was time for Sirius to do the thing he’d been putting off for the last 10 years. He slowly stood up, shuffled slowly over to his dresser and pulled the top drawer all the way out of the frame. He felt around the bottom, for a moment, worried it was gone, until his hand grazed the firm paper that was taped on. 5 years ago Sirius had received a postcard in the mail, a postcard from Monaco. It read:

(555) 555-5555
New phone number.
-R.A.B.

The day Sirius got the card he almost called, the day after he got the card he almost called, on Regulus’ Birthday a month later he almost called, on a random Tuesday two months after that he almost called, and on 61 days in between then and now he almost called. Almost. He knew Regulus was waiting for him to call. Regulus didn’t have Sirius’ number, he couldn’t have called if he wanted to. But why couldn’t he? He somehow had the correct address to send the postcard, even though Sirius had moved four times since they had last spoken, if Regulus could find that he most certainly could find a phone number. So why didn’t he call? Why didn’t he write more than three words on the card? Regulus had extended his olive branch and it seemed as if it was up to Sirius to accept it. Maybe that was why Sirius found himself here today, as a punishment. A sick, twisted punishment seems only fitting coming from his baby brother. Sirius picked up the phone, dialed, and for the first time in five years, did not hesitate to press call.

“Hello Regulus”

—-----

“Hello Sirius,” Regulus said. He did not even need to hear what the unsaved number had said, He had had Sirius’ number drilled into his brain since he had found it five years before. He’d been waiting, hoping, praying that Sirius would call him first, that’s why he’d sent him that postcard. He would be the first to admit it was out of character, Regulus Black was not desperate. He did not reach out again and again, for the people he cared about the most he would make the effort once and if that didn’t work, that was the end. It took every ounce of himself to push his pride aside and put the card in the post. He made the exception for Sirius. Sirius who had left him. Sirius who had had every chance to say anything, literally anything. Regulus would have let him, he would have smiled, he would have ran to give his brother a hug. Sirius never looked back, Sirius lost his chance, Regulus would have Sirius back on his own terms this time.

“Where is James?” Sirius asked, a cold, calculating tone coating his once lively voice.

“Who is James?” Regulus retorted, feigning innocence.

“Do not bullshit me Reg, you know who James is and you know where he is”

“It's Regulus.”

“Do. Not. Bullshit. Me. Regulus.” There it was, Sirius’ spark.

“Frankly Sirius, it’s not my responsibility to remember every single one of your friends names”

“Barty Crouch Jr., Evan Rosier, Pandora Rosier, Dorcas Meadows. I remember every single one of the friends you had while I was there.” Sirius sounded proud, in a way Regulus was impressed.

“Big whoop. Again I do not know who or where this James character is. If you give me some more information I might be able to help out”

“James Fleamont Potter, went missing sometime between 10pm and 3am last night, he is my best friend, I’ve lived with him ever since…”

Regulus cut Sirius off, “Ever since you left me ten years ago”.

“I didn’t leave you Regulus, I left them.” Sirius’ voice was unsteady, like he was unsure.

“Whatever helps you sleep at night Sirius.” Regulus deadpanned, “I can look into info on James, I’ll talk around and let you know if I find anything. Is there any other information that might be helpful for me to know?”

“I know it's you Regulus. Just tell me where he is please.” Sirius’ fire returned.

“Sirius, you and I both know IF it was me I would still be acting like it wasn’t. If you want me to actually be of help to you, you need to be willing to tell me things.”

Regulus heard shuffling on the other end of the phone, like papers being sorted around, notes. The corners of his mouth twitched up, good to know Sirius hadn’t lost all his training.

“There were at least three people on the other end of the phone call I got, couldn’t recognize any of the voices.”

“Is that all?” Regulus questioned, he would be having a stern talk with Evan and Remus about keeping silent near the phone.

There was a pause, it was long. Regulus checked to make sure that the call hadn’t disconnected, as Sirius' voice came back.

“I know you emptied the safehouses Reg, why?”

“Again I will remind you it’s Regulus.” He took a deep breath, pausing to regain his composure, “I will call you back if I find anything out.”

“Regulus plea-”

Regulus hung up.

He expected Sirius to go to the safehouses, they weren’t hard to break into, that was half the reason Regulus emptied them, what was the point of a safehouse if any old joe with a lock picking kit could get in. In truth he’d left one of the safehouses, well more accurately he’d repurposed one of the safehouses. Regulus was currently sitting in his office, which was located in the Dartford safehouse, the basement of the Dartford safehouse. He honestly was not quite sure if basement was the right word, considering there was no longer a building above it. Now, all that lay a mere few feet above his head was construction rubble.

Regulus could feel his heart beating, he was convinced it had moved into his throat. He had heard Sirius’ voice, Sirius was there just a phone call away this entire time. His fear quickly turned to rage, his hands balled up and he squeezed, breaking the pencil in his left. He wanted to scream, he wanted to rip something, punch someone, do something. He heard light tapping on his office door, looking up it was Remus.

“Hey Regulus, you ok?” Remus cooed, like he was speaking to a toddler.

Regulus stared back, his eyes feeling as if they were expanding, large enough to engulf Remus. He did not know how long he was staring, how long his eyes picked apart the man in front of him. He did not remember opening his mouth, his consciousness returned to him as he heard himself.

“Hey Remus?” Remus looked up, meeting his eyes almost eagerly “GET THE FUCK OUT” he shrieked.

Regulus did not feel the tears swell up in his eyes, he didn’t feel them slide down his cheek onto his throat, he heard them. Regulus looked down to see and hear another tear splat on his desk. Regulus sobbed. He wasn’t sure how long he stayed in his chair, and he wasn’t sure how he ended up on the floor, but he was. He was curled under his desk, back pressed against the corner, knees pulled into his chest. He did not often think his parents were correct, but they were right about this, Regulus was pathetic. He pressed his eye socket into the curve of his knee, his throat was raw from strangled sobs, he needed a break, a day off from being Regulus Arcturus Black. He felt a body slide in against his. Barty.

“What did Sirius do to you Reg?” Barty commanded an answer.

“Is Lupin ok?” Regulus avoided.

“He’s fine. What did Sirius do to you?”

“I shouldn’t have yelled at him” Regulus squeaked out, sniffling
God, you are pathetic. Look at yourself.

“Reg, it’s ok, he’s ok. Please tell me what Sirius did.”

“Barty, I'm fine.” Regulus made to slide out from under the desk and stand up but a hand from in front of him pushed him back down. Wherever there was Barty, there was Evan.

“Reg, What did Sirius do?” Evan asked calmly.
“HE DIDN'T DO ANYTHING” Regulus cried out
Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic. Pathetic.
“AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM, HE DIDN’T DO ANYTHING.” Regulus was sobbing again.
They were right ya know? This is why Sirius doesn’t want to talk to you. Look at yourself right now. You're screaming like a child, you are lucky Barty and Evan haven’t left you yet like Sirius.

Evan slid in under the desk making the nook far too tight, but he didn’t care. Evan handed him a bottle of water and Barty wrapped his arm around him. They stayed like that for a while. Regulus switching between which shoulder to cry on, they held him. Barty and Evan were the only people who had seen Regulus cry past the age of 12, they knew it was rare, but when it happened it was the dam opening.

“What time is it?” Regulus asked, finally composed.

Evan and Barty both checked their watches, almost simultaneously answering “8:30”

“Is James awake?”

“I gave him dinner about an hour ago and he was,” Barty answered.

Regulus got up, earning an almost identical confused look from Barty and Evan. “I’ll be back” He called as he walked out the door to his office, not waiting for a response. If Regulus Black could tackle a conversation with his brother he most certainly could tackle a conversation with James Potter.

Regulus had a complicated history with James Potter, not that James knew it. Sirius had come home from his first year away at boarding school with stories of all the great best friend James Potter. Regulus had spent a year without his brother, the only friend he’d ever had, and Sirius had promised him that he would take him under his wing at school the next year. Regulus was excited, he was a kid, he was excited to finally have friends of his own, and to meet James, the boy who seemingly controlled all of his brother's thoughts. Sirius and Regulus got on the train to school, they sat in the car and talked, freely, for what was probably the first time ever. Then came James. James stuck his head into their car and called out for Sirius to join him, never even looking at Regulus. Sirius jumped up, leaving Regulus without a second thought. That was the beginning of the end, Sirius would always choose James over Regulus.

Regulus understood it honestly, he wasn’t blind to the charisma James carried with him, he just did his best to ignore it. Ignoring worked for a while, ignoring worked until Regulus was older and he was on his houses’ football team. Regulus was good, he was really good, James was just better. James would dance in circles around Regulus on the field. He wanted to punch James. James had been a lingering presence in his mind since he was 11, at this time it had turned to be for a completely different reason. James was pretty. He had golden tan skin, deep brown eyes, the stupidest glasses on planet earth, a sweet smile, and hair that just wouldn’t cooperate with him. Regulus hated it. He hated that James Potter’s unstoppable magnetic appeal worked on him. He wanted to punch him square in the face, or kiss him, he wasn’t sure. Yet, with how much Regulus’ eyes landed on James, James never noticed. James probably couldn’t even tell you whether or not his best friend had a brother, if James heard the name Regulus he wouldn’t bat an eye. Regulus would. Every time Regulus heard the name James, his head snapped up, searching for James Potter, he was never there.

Regulus pulled his keys out of pocket as he made his way down to the end of the hallway, the room James was in. He took a deep breath, if he could deal with Sirius he could deal with James. The key slid into the lock, he opened the door into the vestibule, before turning and locking the door behind him. Now he was looking at it, one last door separated him and James. The key was in the lock, it had been agonizingly slow, he swore he felt every pin of the lock click into place. One more deep breath, for backup, and the door was open. James was laying down on the bed in the corner staring up at the ceiling, his gaze instantly flipped onto Regulus.

“Hello new kidnapper.” James said, oddly too brightly considering the situation.

“Hello James.”

“What's your name? Or what can I call you I guess.”

“You don’t need to know my name, I won’t be back in here again.”

“Why are you in here now then?”

“I wanted to see you again”

“...again?” James tensed, suddenly seeming weary.

“Yes, again. It’s been about eight years since the last time I saw you.”

James looked as if he was rattling through his brain, trying to bring himself eight years back.

“Did you go to school with me?”

“Yes James, I did go to Hogwarts.”

“Did we know each other?”

“I knew you, you did not know me.”

“Oh.” James' gaze dropped.

“Are the others treating you ok? They’ve been giving you everything you need, correct?” Regulus asked, changing the subject.

James, suddenly, seemed to become aware of the situation he was in “Treating me ok? Everything I need? You kidnapped me! Don’t play the good guy here. I'm locked in a room all day with nothing to do except to stare at the ceiling and hope that Sirius eventually figures out how to break me out of here, and y-you have the audacity to come in here and ask me a questionnaire like it's a goddamn hotel review. Fuck off”

“I understand. I assure you that you would not be here if it was not absolutely necessary. I will leave you be.” Regulus headed for the door.

“Go fuck yourself” James yelled, his voice closer. Regulus turned around to see James standing inches away from him.

“You should know, before I open this door, that the other three are standing on the other side, and if you are hurting me they will kill you” Regulus bluffed.

James took a step back, examining Regulus. James' eyes were drawn down Regulus’ body then back up again, meeting his gaze once more. James retreated back to his bed and sat down.

Regulus turned back to the door and quickly slipped out. He had been bluffing about Evan, Barty, and Remus being outside, but there they were, all three crowded into the small vestibule. Regulus led the way out back into the main hallway to a barrage of expletives from his friends.

“Seriously Regulus, what the actual fuck where you doing in there?” Barty yelled out, “If James gets a good enough look at you and tells Sirius, Sirius will know it was you and report you to the police immediately. We’re all gonna go to jail because of you!”

“Deep breath,” Evan sighed, wrapping an arm to pat his back, “But really Regulus, what were you thinking?”

“Lupin, do you have anything to add to this?” Regulus questioned.

“Well, uh, I hadn’t really thought about it until these two came running in yelling.” Remus endured two disgustingly upsetting looks from Barty and Evan, “But, uh, I agree, that was reckless.”

Regulu sighed, adjusted the cuffs of his shirt and met the eyes of his friends again. “I'm sorry I can’t explain this right now, but all three of you are just going to have to trust me.” He turned back sharply, and walked back to his office.

Evan, Barty and Remus were his best friends, and for the first time in his life Regulus felt what it was like to be hurt from keeping a secret. Remus knew almost all of the plan, Barty and Evan thought they knew all of the plan. There was a part Regulus had kept secret from all of them. Regulus Black was going to kill James Potter.