Chapter 2
Steve Rogers was enjoying his morning coffee in his office at the Avengers compound, savoring the quiet moment before the day's chaos began. The aroma of freshly brewed coffee filled the room, and he took a deep breath, feeling a rare sense of calm.
Suddenly, the door burst open, and Anastasia barged in, her jaw clenched and her face red with anger. Steve automatically knew it had something to do with Henry, Pietro, or Nikolai. Those three loved angering the redhead for reasons he didn't understand.
"You need to stop him!" Anastasia demanded, slamming her fists on the table.
Steve raised an eyebrow, setting his coffee cup down. "Who are we talking about here?"
"Henry! That bastard was bringing in cameras, and I asked him what they were for. He said they were for the Avengers calendars he was planning to sell to the public," Anastasia said, her voice dripping with frustration.
Steve nodded, sipping his coffee, already having approved of it at the last meeting.
"And the Avengers sex tapes," Anastasia finished.
Steve froze for a second, before the words registered, and he spewed his coffee across his office. "Thank you, Anastasia. I will deal with this," he said, quickly getting up and leaving the office.
"Wait, I'm not cleaning this mess up!" Anastasia called after him.
Steve stormed down the hallway. He needed to find Henry and put an end to this madness before it got out of hand. Reaching the lab, he threw open the door.
"Henry, we need to talk. Now," Steve demanded, his voice carrying a tone of authority that left no room for argument.
Henry looked up from his workbench, a mischievous grin spreading across his face. "Ah, Cap. What brings you to my humble abode?"
Steve took a deep breath, trying to keep his composure. "I just heard about your little project. Calendars? Fine. But Avengers sex tapes? What were you thinking?"
Henry's grin faltered slightly, but he tried to play it off. "Fine, it'll just be Arsenal sex tapes then."
Steve shook his head. "No, Henry."
Henry smirked. "Did I say Arsenal? I meant Henry Stark sex tapes."
Steve took a step closer, his voice firm. "No Avenger, Arsenal, or Henry Stark tapes. None of anyone affiliated with the Avengers. And if I find out there are any tapes, I will tell your mother, Pepper, and your father about this."
As Steve turned to leave, Henry called after him, "Hey, if you do tell them, Jason suggested it!"
Steve paused for a moment, wondering who the hell Jason was, before continuing on his way.
Steve did exactly what he said he would: he called Toni. Over the phone, Toni couldn't stop laughing. "Oh, this is classic!" she managed to say between fits of laughter. As the call continued, Toni glanced at Steve's quickly reddening face on the video screen, which only made her laugh harder. "Henry definitely is his mother's son," she added with a chuckle.
Steve hung up the phone in annoyance and immediately called Wayne Manor in Gotham. The call was answered by a young adult who introduced himself as Dick.
"Hi, Dick. I need to speak with Bruce about a situation involving Henry," Steve said, trying to remain composed.
Dick listened to the situation attentively, but Steve noticed his mouth twitching the whole time. Finally, Dick said, "Well, it worked for Kim Kardashian," before hanging up. Steve distinctly heard laughter in the background just before the call ended.
At the next Avengers meeting, Steve stood at the head of the table, addressing the team with his usual calm authority. "I need to inform everyone that there will be no tapes happening," he announced, to the visible relief of most of the members.
The room was filled with nods of approval and murmurs of agreement. Natasha, Anastasia, and William looked relieved. Wanda gave a small smile, relieved to avoid any unnecessary drama.
However, Pietro Maximoff looked visibly disappointed. He crossed his arms and sighed audibly. "Oh, come on! I thought the tapes would make me famous, like Kim Kardashian," he grumbled, clearly missing the point.
Sam Wilson, sitting beside him, shook his head in disbelief. "Pietro, you're already a worldwide known Avenger. Do you really need more fame?" he said, his voice filled with exasperation.
Pietro shrugged, still looking slightly dejected. "I just thought it would be fun," he muttered.
Henry sighed, a hint of resignation in his voice. "Fine," he said, before looking around the room. "By the way, the uniforms for the Avengers calendar have arrived. They were approved by myself, mom and dad."
Steve felt a sinking feeling in his gut. Uniforms approved by a playboy and playgirl? This couldn't be good.
Henry walked over to a nearby table and began pulling out the uniforms. The first one he unveiled was a skin-tight, barely-there bodysuit with strategic cutouts and flashy, unnecessary details.
Steve's bad feeling was immediately validated. "You've got to be kidding me," he muttered under his breath.
The reactions from the rest of the team were mixed. Natasha raised an eyebrow, clearly unimpressed. Nikolai stifled a laugh, trying to hide his amusement. Wanda rolled her eyes but grunted in agreement. Pietro's eyes widened in excitement.
"Are we supposed to fight crime or strut down a runway in these?" Sam Wilson quipped, shaking his head. "I'm not wearing those; my sister would never let me live it down."
William Barton crossed his arms, glaring at Henry. "Are you trying to get my mother to murder us?"
Pietro shrugged, a small grin on his face. "I kind of like them," he said, to which Wanda rolled her eyes again.
Steve slammed his head against the table, groaning in frustration. "Natasha, you're in charge of the Avengers Calendar uniforms," he said, his tone resigned. He couldn't help but notice the spark in her eyes, and a hint of fear formed in his mind.
Natasha's lips curled into a mischievous smile. "You got it, Cap," she said, her voice filled with determination. Steve knew she would handle it, but he also knew her well enough to be slightly worried about what she might come up with.
As the meeting concluded and everyone began to leave the room, Steve noticed Wanda swiping one of the former calendar uniforms. No one bothered to comment.
As Steve walked down the hallway, he briefly wondered if any of that Asgardian Ale was still around. He could really use a drink after the chaos of the meeting. Just as he was musing on this, he overheard Pietro asking Henry for the number of the person who made the uniforms.
"Henry, can you give me the number of the person who made those uniforms?" Pietro's voice was filled with excitement.
Yes, Steve could really use a drink.