Remus stepped out of Marlene’s dad's car and he could already hear the music from the party down the street. Everyone was in some sort of Halloween costume, getting drunk on the front lawn. He wished he wasn't being forced to go to his ex-best friend's party simply because there’s nothing better to do in their town in the middle of butt-fuck nowhere. He was even wishing he had different friends, because if Lily didn’t have a stupid crush on James Potter then I would've stayed home, watching scary movies.
But as he looked at Marlene, whispering excitedly to Lily about the “Hogwarts experience,” with her hair wild, wearing a red, hooded coat to match with his wolf ears, and Lily with her black wig and fake blood covered wedding dress, smiling around her vampire teeth, he came to terms with his situation. He loved his friends and he’d put up with anything to see them happy.
He stayed silent as they got closer to the big, white house. James’ house. He knew who would be there, because everyone would be there, and Sirius is someone. Nostalgia hit him suddenly, and Remus remembered Halloween four years ago, at this very house, running around with Sirius, James and Peter, all competing to see who could get the most candy, watching horror movies until they all were too scared to go to sleep. They stayed up all night laughing and trading candy. He remembers how Sirius had given him all his chocolate, ‘what do you want to trade?’ he remembered asking, ‘you can have them for free, I know they’re your favorite,’ Sirius had said, with a big, toothy smile. He wanted nothing more than to be that kid again.
The group made it to the front door, and Marlene grabbed Lily’s hand.
“Okay, Red, are you ready?”
“Yeth,” she said, her vampire teeth mixing up her words.
“Go get him!” Marlene shoved her towards the door, Lily laughed and went to open it.
Lily abandoned them on the front porch, looking for James.
“Do you think she has a shot with him?” Marlene asked, jokingly.
“Are you kidding? She’s exactly James’ type.” or she was when he was twelve. Remus remembered James’ childhood obsession with Kim Possible better than he would've liked, all things considered. Remus hadn’t talked toJames since the whole ‘thing’ with Sirius, there was a good chance his ‘type’ had changed since then.
11-year-old Remus would be appalled that Remus was no longer friends with James, the kindest person he ever knew. He missed James desperately, he missed the easy smiles and jokes. But he knew that if he went up to him now, there would be no such kindness.
“McKinnon!” a group of girls called as they walked in. Marlene’s soccer friends. She looked up at him, fear evident in her eyes. Remus understood the feeling, it had been only them for so long that leaving the other, even for a second, felt like betrayal.
“Go hang out with them, I’m going to go get a drink,” He said, trying to appear happier than he felt.
“I can go with you, you don’t have to be alone,” She said, knowing how he is at parties, alone in a corner and getting drunk. Remus noticed the way she was eyeing the group of girls, though. At some point over the years, they'd developed a borderline unhealthy attachment to each other. Maybe it's because they had no other friends, maybe it's the downside of being the only out queer kids at their school. But tonight, Remus decided to be mature. Just because he didn’t want to be here doesn’t mean that Marlene should have a bad time.
“It’s fine, I do have friends outside of you and Lily,”
“Oh yeah? Who?”
He paused, thinking of all the kids in their tiny school, “Peter.” He said finally. He wasn't even lying, Peter was so much fun at parties. He was fun pretty much anywhere, and Remus tried not to miss his easy-going nature too much.
“You’re going to go hang out with Peter?” she scoffed.
“Yup,” the group of girls kept calling out to Marlene, “I’ll catch up with you later.”
Remus knew she could be stubborn, but she obviously wanted to hang out with her friends. “Find me, Remus,” she said and reluctantly walked to her group.
Remus had been here before, countless times, and he found his way to the kitchen easily. He grabbed a beer from the cooler on the ground, drinking it as fast as he could. He would have to be more drunk than this if he had any hope of socializing tonight. He felt so out of place here, it was like he could feel every one of his nerve endings, every molecule of his body on edge, begging him to leave. He leaned against the counter, trying to forget the holidays of his childhood. Trying to repel memories of midnight snacks in this kitchen, of helping Effie make dinner. He resisted looking at his phone, knowing there would be no texts or calls, not from anyone that mattered, anyway.
Then, like the conjuring of his worst nightmare, Sirius walked in. Illuminated in the kitchen lights, looking as gorgeous as he ever had. Just the sight of him was enough to derail any hope of being 'normal' Remus had. He stood, wearing a tight, see-through white tank top. He bent down to get a beer for himself and Remus did his very best not to stare too blatantly. Once Sirius had his own drink in hand, he walked over to Remus, leaning on the counter next to him.
The proximity made Remus’ brain short-circuit. He wanted to cry, to kiss him, to laugh with him, to get in a fight. When he finally looked down, taking in the black eyeliner lining his gray-blue eyes, he decided on the ladder.
“Aw didn’t anyone tell you? You’re supposed to wear a costume,” He said, in the most condescending way he could.
Sirius’ nose scrunched up the way it always did when he was confused.
“I'm a vampire,” He said, and only then did Remus notice the red on his lips and chin. His lips, he stared for a moment, then remembered that this wasn’t his Sirius anymore, no, this was someone else. He took another sip of his drink.
At Remus’ silence, Sirius inched closer, and closer until he put his hands on Remus’ waist, gripping tightly and leaning up as if to kiss him.
“What are you doing?” he asked, pushing Sirius’ hands off him.
“What do you want me to be doing?” Sirius responded, eyebrows raised, grinning up at him coyly.
“Nothing!” Remus said, loudly, but not as firmly as he would like. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest, “I want you to leave me alone!”
“But I miss you,” Sirius whispered, Remus could barely hear it over the monster mash remix blasting from the other room, “don’t you miss me, Moony?”
He missed Sirius more than he could explain, more than was rational. How easy would it be to go back to the way things were? He would be quiet and patient, the only secret Sirius could ever keep. But a voice in his head that sounded suspiciously like Marlene told him otherwise. Anger was an old friend, and arguing with Sirius was second-nature. He reeled in his imagination.
“You can’t just walk in here and pretend nothing happened,” Remus was struck with the truth of his statement. Everything had happened. He had gotten everything he wanted, he had Sirius, but he dealt with a year of being treated like shit. A year of being told that being with him would be the most embarrassing thing to ever happen. At the time, he convinced himself that that’s what love was, making sacrifices. But ‘the fight’ changed everything. Once the rumor was spread, he swore to himself he wouldn’t do anything with Sirius ever again. He remembered going to school the day after 'the fight'. The glares and whispers that seem to follow him, even now.
He remembered the dread he felt at the realization that Sirius had told people. That he had told everyone about him.
But here, now, Sirius looked up at him, bright, wide eyes, earnest expression on his face. “I’m not pretending,” he said, “with everyone else it’s a performance, it’s self-defense, everywhere else I pretend, but not with you, never with you.”
What was stopping that from being true? Even on his best days, Remus hated himself, but there was something about the way Sirius looked at him now. Adoring, loving almost. It gave him the most insane power trip. The version of himself that Sirius saw, he was worthy of a quick snog in the kitchen. Sirius' Moony was absolutely deserving of a make-out session with an angel.
Remus could feel his resolve crumbling, “you used me, Sirius,” he said with no conviction, echoing what Marlene had told him so many times.
“If I used you, then you used me too,” he said, smashing Remus’ defenses, “Was I a game to you? Because I’ve always cared about you, Moony,” He said, then smiled self-deprecatingly, “God, how stupid do I look right now?” He asked, grabbing Remus’ hand again, stepping close in front of him.
Remus didn't think he could look stupid if he tried.
“Can you feel how fast my heart is beating?” the pace of Sirius’ heart matched his own. He looked down, coming forehead-to-forehead with the other boy. He could feel Sirius’ breath on his mouth, he could smell his shampoo. Remus felt the familiar pull on his heart.
The one time he tried to tell his mother about his feelings for Sirius, she dismissed it with a wave of her hand and a "you're too young for all of that". He probably was,
A loud holler from the living room brought Remus back to reality.
“Get off me, Sirius, you don’t want this,” He said, pushing Sirius off of him.
“How do you know what I want?” he defended.
“You made it pretty clear, Pads,” he said sardonically, the other boy just stared at him with bight, wide eyes. Just the same as when they were kids. Remus wanted him to be different, be someone else entirely, because his Padfoot wouldn’t treat him the way Sirius had this year.
“Call me Pads again,” Sirius said, breathlessly, ignoring Remus.
He rolled his eyes, getting over whatever spell was put on him.
“Oh come on, you don’t want to spend your time at the party talking to some obsessive pervert,” Remus said angrily, grabbing his beer and turning to step out of the kitchen.
Sirius grabbed his arm, stopping him in his tracks, “you don’t believe I actually think that, right?”
Remus tried to shrug his hand off, “well, you said it, so…”
“You know me better than that,”
He scoffed, “No, I don’t! You’re a whole different person now, I hardly even recognize you! I don’t know you!”
But Sirius just grabbed his hand tenderly and that was it.
An explosion of desire and gratitude flowed through him. He could have anyone he wanted but he’s here with me, a thought he’d had a hundred times over.
“Then get to know me,” Sirius said flirtatiously, dragging him back into the kitchen.
Remus knew where this was going, Sirius hopped up onto the counter, legs dangling. He wrapped his arms around Remus’ neck, pulling him closer.
“I should go find Marlene,” He said, stumbling to think of excuses.
Sirius raised an eyebrow, disdain painted across his perfect features, “choosing her over me?” he scoffed, as if the idea was absolutely ridiculous, “Are you kidding?”
He felt offended, hearing Sirius talk about his best friend that way. He pulled back as much as he could with Sirius’ arms around his neck.
“Oh wow, you’re not kidding,” He said, sounding hurt, “fine, just leave me. Again.”
Remus let out an unamused laugh, “you broke up with me,”
Sirius giggled, “that’s crazy, why would I do that?” He pulled Remus all the way in, “you’re so hot,” he muttered flirtatiously into his ear. He began to kiss down Remus’ neck.
“Damn, you’re fine,” Remus whispered, placing his hands on Sirius’ hips.
After sucking a hickey on his neck, Sirius came up to kiss him.
It’s fine, he thought desperately, leaning in to meet him halfway.
Remus’ heart soared. It was better than he remembered, passionate and hot. They were both trying to pull each other closer. Every part of his body Sirius touched felt on fire. He tasted like beer and something sweet, Remus was lost in it. He slid his hands up the side of Sirius’ body under his shirt, his skin was soft and warm, he couldn’t get enough. Sirius tangled his hands in Remus curls, pulling the soft hair.
They quickly lost track of time. Anyone could’ve walked into the kitchen, or even walked past it, and seen them. But this was James Potters’ Halloween party, and nobody gave a shit who kissed who.
Nobody but Remus.
He cared so much about Sirius, it made him sick. He had so many questions, how are things with your parents? How’s Reggie? Why are you dating Mary? Would you please, please come to the spring fling with me? Do you love me?
“Remus!” he heard a shaky voice yell.
Lily? He wondered, still lost in Sirius.
“Remus!” a furious voice screamed, somewhat distantly.
Marlene.
Remus pulled away quickly.
“What happened?” Sirius asked, looking dazed and disheveled.
“It’s uh,” he began, but got quickly distracted by Sirius, just the way he looked. The way he looked while looking at Remus, utterly gorgeous and happy, so happy.
“It’s my friends, I gotta go.” He said hearing the sobs getting closer.
“Now?” Sirius asked, jutting his bottom lip out.
Remus nodded shortly, stepping away from Sirius, who hopped down to follow him.
“I really want you to stay,” he said, biting his lip, leaning against the doorway of the kitchen, “please stay with me,”
All Remus could focus on was Lily’s loud sobs, he knew Sirius could hear them too.
“God, your selfish,” Remus sighed exasperatedly, “go find another one of your fans,”
“I want you,” he sounded desperate, which only fueled Remus’ anger.
He leaned in, backing Sirius further into the wall. “It sucks when you don’t get what you want, huh” he whispered in his ear. As quickly as he was there, he was gone, running off to find Marlene and Lily.