Flashbacks waking me up
Remus stirred in his sleep at the feel of someone climbing into his bed. He smiled to himself as Sirius curled into him, tucking his head under Remus’ chin.
“Hey,” Remus murmured, “did you just get in?”
“Yeah,” Sirius replied quietly, “sorry to wake you.”
“I don’t mind.”
Remus pulled Sirius closer, breathing in the smell of him.
“So, who were you with this time?” Remus asked, not really wanting to know the answer.
“Amy,” Sirius whispered against his neck.
Amy. Remus knew her vaguely, a girl in their year. They shared some classes together and Remus could admit she was pretty. He swallowed down the hurt rising up in his throat, he didn’t have the right to be jealous. It’s not like he was dating Sirius, no matter how much he wanted to be.
Remus had spent years pining after him, and now he had him. Maybe not in the way Remus wanted, but he would take what he could get. He’d take anything Sirius was willing to give him.
“Are you two dating now?”
Sirius snorted, “God no. We’re just messing around.”
“Like we are?” Remus dared to ask.
Sirius pulled back, frowning at him, “what? No.”
Remus felt frustration building inside him, “okay. I’m tired, lets go to sleep.”
He went to turn over but Sirius put a hand on his shoulder to stop him.
“Moons, what’s wrong?”
Remus hesitated, telling Sirius what was wrong would mean spilling his guts about his true feelings, and he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t risk messing up what they have.
“Nothing, it’s nothing.”
“Do you think we’re just messing around?” Sirius whispered, clearly not letting this go.
“What are we doing then Sirius? Please enlighten me.”
“Well,” Sirius shifted uncomfortably, “I don’t know.”
Remus sighed, “goodnight Sirius.”
“Wait, wait,” Sirius pleaded, “I’m sorry. I’m just scared.”
“Scared of what?” Remus rolled back over to face him. Sirius’ eyes were bright in the darkness, and he looked so small that Remus wanted to bundle him up in his arms and never let him go.
“Me,” Sirius confessed, “I’m afraid of the way I feel, of what I want.”
Remus inhaled sharply, hope blooming in his chest, “what do you want?”
Sirius looked him dead in the eyes, “you. I want you.”
Remus kissed him, pulling Sirius close against his chest, feeling the way his heart was pounding. Sirius kissed him back, his lips soft against Remus’ own. Remus pulled away before things could get more heated, resting their foreheads together.
“It’s okay to be scared,” Remus murmured, “I am too.”
"Sometimes I can hear my mother's voice in my head," Sirius whispered, "telling me it's wrong." He sighed and buried his face into Remus' neck, "I hate that I left and she still has influence over me."
Remus ran his fingers through Sirius' hair, "I know. It's hard being different." He chuckled softly at the permanent ache in his spine, "I certainly know what it's like to not fit in. But we can be different together."
He felt Sirius smile against his skin, "yeah, we can do that."
He slowly looked up to meet Remus' eyes, "when did you know? That you were..." He trailed off, but Remus knew what he meant.
“I guess I’ve always known," Remus admitted, "but I suppressed it for so long. Although it’s kind of hard to ignore when you’re in love with a boy.”
Sirius’ breath hitched in his throat, and he stared at Remus with wide eyes.
“You are?”
Remus smiled at him through the darkness, “yeah. I love you.”
The fear of confessing those words evaporated when Sirius kissed him again, cradling Remus’ face in between his hands.
“I love you too,” he said as he pulled away. Remus couldn’t contain the grin that spread across his face. Sirius loved him. Him, Remus Lupin. God only knows what he did to deserve this.
“I want to be with you,” Remus whispered, “please let me.”
Sirius furrowed his brow, “like, dating? You want to date me?”
Remus covered his mouth to silence his laugh, “yes, you idiot.”
Sirius slowly smiled back, “okay then. I guess we’re dating.”
“Very romantic,” Remus said dryly. Sirius smirked at him.
“If we’re going to do this,” Remus continued, “I want you to be mine. No one else’s.”
Sirius grinned, “are you jealous Moony?”
Remus laughed softly, “of course I am. Who wouldn’t be?”
Sirius leaned forwards and kissed the tip of his nose, “you have no reason to be. It’s you Moons, it’s always been you.”
・❥・
Remus woke with a start, bringing a hand to his nose carefully. He could feel Sirius’ kiss lingering, despite the scene having happened years ago.
He buried his head into his pillow with a groan, why his subconscious insisted on torturing him with the past he did not know. Maybe it was something to do with him being in the same bed as the dream, with the man in question in the same room.
Remus sighed as he recalled the events from the day before. Him and Sirius were friends now, whatever that meant. They’d walked back to the dorm room together last night, and the awkwardness had lingered in the air. He hoped that it would get better, at least they weren’t actively hating each other anymore.
He could hear whispering in the room and stuck his head out of his curtains to see James and Sirius sitting on James’ bed, talking animatedly about something. They both stopped once they spotted him and Sirius shifted guiltily. What he was guilty about Remus didn’t know.
“What are you two doing?” He yawned, stretching his arms above his head.
“Just chatting,” James responded cheerfully, “waiting for you and Pete to wake up, lazy sods.”
Remus glared at him, “it’s only…” he glanced at the clock, “seven am. That’s early.”
“Not for me,” James grinned, “I leave for work at six thirty every day. Not all of us can be self-employed and wake up whenever we want you know.”
“Shut. Up.” Came a voice from the other side of the room, and they all sniggered.
“Come on, lets go downstairs before Pete murders us,” Sirius declared, heading towards the door. James and Remus exchanged a glance and James shrugged before following him. Remus considered going back to bed, but he was awake now so may as well get up. Besides, the dream had shaken him a little, and he didn’t think he could sleep if he tried.
Mary was curled up beside the fire with a book when they all got to the common room.
“Hey guys,” she said, putting the book down, “I wasn’t expecting to see anyone yet.”
“Sorry, are we disturbing your peace?” James teased, flopping down beside her.
“Yes, you are actually,” Mary retorted.
“You missed us really,” Sirius declared, making Mary laugh.
“No, I missed Remus, I see you two idiots all the time.”
Remus swallowed at the reminder that all of his friends live in London, and he’s the odd one out.
“Yes, well we all missed Moony,” James said, pointing a finger at him, “you’re not getting away with not visiting again.”
Remus chuckled, “Lily’s already threatened me don’t worry. I’ll come and visit soon.”
“Why don’t you just move back?” Mary asked, and Sirius’ head snapped up, “you’ve written your book now, what’s keeping you here?”
Remus shifted uncomfortably as he thought about the question. What was keeping him here? His parents? Although they were fine with Remus moving away the first time, so he doubted they’d protest. His writing? Maybe, or maybe it was just an excuse. Him and Sirius were okay now, so he couldn’t use that as an excuse anymore either.
He supposed that the only good reason for staying here would be if he took the job at Hogwarts, but he hadn’t told anyone about that yet.
“I don’t know,” Remus admitted eventually, “I guess this is my home now.”
“But we miss you,” Mary whined, “if you won’t come back at least promise that you’ll visit regularly?”
Remus laughed softly, “I promise.”
Mary and James fell into easy conversation, and Sirius watched the fire while Remus watched him. Sirius was staring into space thoughtfully, and Remus wished that he knew what he was thinking about.
Eventually he excused himself to go and get dressed before breakfast, waking Peter up before he took a shower.
“Stop complaining, you’ll be even grumpier if you don’t eat,” Remus pointed out, causing Peter to grunt at him. He laughed as he shut the bathroom door behind him. He glanced at himself in the mirror as he waited for the water to heat up, sighing at the way the back of his hair was sticking up.
Peter was gone by the time he emerged, but Sirius was sitting on the windowsill smoking. Remus glanced at him several times as he dried his hair, wondering why he wasn’t at breakfast with the others.
“Sirius?” He said eventually, getting the other man’s attention, “are you okay?”
Sirius nodded, “yeah, good,” he said, but Remus saw his lips twitch which was Sirius’ telltale sign that he was lying.
Remus walked over to stand next to him, leaning on the wall. He raised his eyebrows, watching as Sirius desperately tried to avoid his gaze.
“Come on, I know you. What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Sirius muttered, “I’m fine.”
Remus sighed, if Sirius didn’t want to talk then he wouldn’t. Remus couldn’t force him.
“Okay, lets go to breakfast then.”
Sirius shook his head, “I’m not hungry.”
“Alright then, move over.”
A bewildered look came across Sirius’ face but he shifted along the windowsill so Remus could sit next to him.
“Aren’t you hungry?”
Remus shrugged, “I’ll live.”
“Moony,” Sirius laughed, “I know what you’re like if you don’t eat.”
“I’m not that bad,” Remus protested.
“Yes, you are.” Sirius slid off the windowsill and began rummaging in one of his bags. He threw something at Remus, it was a cereal bar.
“There, now you won’t starve.”
Remus smiled, “thanks.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes as Remus ate and Sirius smoked, but for once it wasn’t uncomfortable.
“So,” Remus began after he swallowed his mouthful, “what’s new with you then?”
Sirius shot him an amused look, “what’s new with me?”
Remus shrugged, “I haven’t seen you in years, there must be something to share.”
Sirius chewed his lip thoughtfully, “I moved out of London.”
Remus gaped at him, “what?”
“About a couple of years ago. The commute to the gallery isn’t bad and I’m still close enough to the city to see everyone regularly.”
“That’s… surprising,” Remus admitted, “I thought you loved London?”
“I do,” Sirius shrugged, “but I can love it and not live there. I prefer where I am now, there’s plenty of space to make my art and it’s peaceful, great for Harry to run around.”
“Tell me about it.”
“Well, it’s just outside London,” Sirius said, propping his feet up on the windowsill, “it’s nice, very spacious. I like opening my curtains in the morning and seeing trees, I’d almost forgotten what they looked like.”
Remus snorted and Sirius smiled at him.
“It’s got great views,” he continued, “good for writing.”
Remus blinked in surprise, did he mean…?
Sirius continued like nothing happened, apparently not noticing that Remus had stopped breathing.
“So, are you working on anything right now?”
“Yeah, kind of,” Remus stuttered, “my manager is pressuring me for a sequel.”
Sirius raised an eyebrow, “interesting. Do you know how the story will go?”
Remus looked up, “not yet,” he said quietly. Sirus held his gaze and Remus felt beads of sweat forming at the nape of his neck.
“Well, I say they should work it out. It’s so obvious how much they care about each other yet you ended it without them being together. I didn’t expect that.”
Remus gaped at him, “I thought you said you didn’t read it?”
Sirius shrugged sheepishly, “I lied. I read it the same week it was published.”
Remus smiled gently, he couldn’t help the happiness that burst through him. Sirius must still care, or at least he did.
“What did you think?”
“It was brilliant,” Sirius sighed, “I really wanted to hate it if I’m being honest, but I couldn’t. You really are an amazing writer Moony.”
Remus ducked his head to hide the blush spreading across his cheeks.
“And to think you almost gave it up,” Sirius continued.
Remus studied him carefully, but there was no hint of malice behind Sirius’ words, “I suppose I’m glad I didn’t.”
Sirius took a long drag, swinging his feet. He chewed on the inside of his cheek like he was considering something.
“Do you regret it?” He finally said, not looking at Remus, “moving away?”
Remus traced his face with his eyes. He had it memorised, even now. The slope of his nose, the arch of his eyebrows and the sharpness of his cheekbones. He missed the way it would feel to run his finger across them.
“No,” he said, ignoring the sharp pain in his heart. Sirius didn’t say anything for a while, until his cigarette was nothing but ash.
“Well, your dream came true,” he said softly as he stood up, “I’m happy for you, really.”
Remus groaned internally, “Sirius wait, I didn’t mean it like that.”
“It’s fine,” Sirius said, “I know how you feel Remus, you made that clear years ago.”
No you don’t, Remus thought, too afraid to voice it out loud. If he didn’t know any better he’d think Sirius was hurt, but how could he be when he’d clearly moved on. Was it so bad that Remus was finally trying to do the same?
“I’m going to find James, I’ll see you later Moons.”
Remus continued sitting there for a while after Sirius left, going over their conversation in his head. He had been trying to preserve some of his pride by not letting Sirius know that Remus regretted leaving every day for the last five years, but now he felt like that was a mistake. Did he really have anything to lose by laying all his cards out on the table and confessing how he really felt, and would Sirius even still want him after all this time?
Remus thought that it would be worth it if he became a successful author, but he was wrong. Yes he was proud of his accomplishments, but what good were they if he didn’t have Sirius to share them with?
He leaned his head against the window and closed his eyes, allowing the pain to fester around his heart.
・❥・
“I don’t get it, why Scotland?” Sirius exclaimed, not quite yelling but talking louder than usual.
“I can’t do it here Sirius, I’ve told you that,” Remus sighed, “it’s impossible to focus in the middle of the city.”
Sirius’ expression looked so hurt that it caused Remus physical pain. His lip trembled slightly as he folded his arms.
“So you’re really leaving me?”
“I’m not leaving you Sirius.” Remus felt frustration building inside him, “I asked you to come with me, you said no.”
“Because I can’t just up and leave!” Sirius cried out, “my whole life is here, my friends are here, what do I have in Scotland?”
“You’d have me,” Remus whispered.
“Yeah, well maybe that’s not enough.”
Remus clenched his eyes shut to prevent any tears from falling. He knew deep down that he wasn’t enough for Sirius, but it still hurt to hear.
“Fine,” he snapped, “you stay. We can make long distance work.”
Sirius shook his head, “no. I can’t be in a relationship with someone hours away Remus.”
“Why not? We can call every day and visit each other regularly, what’s the problem?”
“The problem,” Sirius said between his teeth, “is that I want you here, with me. Is it so wrong to want to carry on living with my boyfriend? It will feel like we’re going backwards!”
“It’s not like it’ll be forever,” Remus pleaded, “just until I’ve written the book.”
“And how long will that be?” Sirius retorted, “you’ve been working on that thing since school, yet I don’t see a book, do you?”
Remus glared at him, “that’s the whole point of this! I’m not getting anywhere with it, I need a fresh start, somewhere I can find inspiration.”
Sirius threw his hands up in the air, “fine, then go.”
Remus paused, “what?”
“You heard me, go!”
Sirius stormed into the other room, slamming the door behind him. Remus hesitated, wanting to go after him but not sure what he would say. They’d been having this same fight for weeks, neither of them willing to back down. Maybe he just needed to leave and they’d figure it out as they went along.
His bag was already packed, he just hadn’t been brave enough to put it in his car yet. The adrenaline from the fight carried him up the stairs to grab it, and he was still clenching his teeth in anger as he stomped back down.
Sirius was standing by the door as he reappeared, watching him like a cat stalking their prey.
“You’re actually going?”
“Didn’t you just tell me to?” Remus snapped.
Sirius’ nostrils flared, “if you walk out that door we’re done Remus. For good.”
Remus halted in his tracks, staring at him with wide eyes, “are you joking?”
“Nope,” Sirius popped the p, “I told you I won’t do long distance. It’s either me, or your book. Choose.”
Remus shook his head, “that’s not fair.”
“Maybe not,” Sirius exclaimed, “maybe I’m horribly selfish, but if you love me, you’ll stay.”
Remus was torn, how dare Sirius make him do this. It was an impossible choice.
“Of course I love you,” he whispered, “but I have to do this. I’ll regret it forever if I don’t.”
Tears appeared in Sirius’ eyes, a couple of them falling onto his cheeks. Remus stepped forwards to wipe them away but Sirius ducked his head.
“Don’t,” he choked out, “don’t make this any harder than it has to be.”
“We don’t have to break up,” Remus begged, “please. I can’t lose you.”
“You already have.”
Sirius turned away and walked off, taking Remus’ heart with him. He stood there for what felt like an eternity, before he picked up his bag and slipped out.
It was just a fight, right? Remus would call him later, they’d both apologise and they’d work it out, just like they always did. He told himself that the entire drive up to Scotland, and by the time he’d arrived he was confident that Sirius didn’t mean what he’d said.
Except Sirius never picked up when he called, and eventually Remus stopped trying.
・❥・
“This is a terrible idea,” Mary announced as her sweater got caught on a bramble again.
“Don’t be a downer,” James called back from where he was leading the group through the forest. Him and Sirius had come up with the idea to trek through it that afternoon, with a secret agenda that they kept from the girls.
As per usual, Remus was going along with their crazy plans, he had missed it a little. He wasn’t one for going out of his comfort zone but when he was with his friends he had no choice. It made him grow as a person or whatever.
He glanced around warily, the trees were so thick that barely any light came through, making them all struggle with their footing a little.
“You know it’s called the Forbidden Forest for a reason right?” Lily pointed out.
“When we were students,” Sirius grinned, “what are they gonna do now, expel us?”
“I wouldn’t put it past McGonagall,” Peter muttered, making Remus chuckle.
“Do you even know where we’re going?” Remus asked, stumbling again. Dorcas caught his arm to prevent him from falling and he shot her a grateful look. He seemed to be taking the physical in physical therapy a bit too literally.
“Nope,” James said cheerfully, “but that’s part of the fun!”
“If you get us lost I’ll kill you,” Remus said in a sing song voice.
“I have faith in Prongs,” Sirius declared.
“That makes one of us,” Peter mumbled from next to Remus, and they shared an amused glance.
“Isn’t this place meant to be dangerous?” Marlene said sceptically, “did it cross your minds that it’s banned for a reason?”
“This is Scotland,” Sirius replied, “it’s not dangerous.”
“What about wolves and stuff?”
“There are no wolves in Scotland,” Sirius laughed, “it’s fine, trust me.”
“You say that like you’ve done this before,” Mary mumbled.
“Maybe I have,” Sirius smirked, causing all the girls to stop and stare at him.
“What?” Lily put her hands on her hips.
Remus fought back a laugh, the four of them had gone into the forest a couple of times back at school, the Marauders never had much respect for the rules. However, they’d never gone as far as this so it was new to them all.
James shrugged, “we wanted to find Myrtle’s grave. Never did though.”
“Hang on, the student that died years ago?”
“That’s the one,” Remus muttered.
“How do you know it’s even here?” Mary asked.
"Apparently the grave was dug deep into the forest so the school could cover up her death," James replied, "and we did some research and found out that she did die here, but there's no grave or any kind of memorial! Don't you think that's weird?"
"Or maybe," Lily sighed, "she was buried where she lived? With family?"
James shook his head, “Gideon Prewett told us it was here. He said that he found it once so of course we had to do the same.”
Lily raised her eyebrows, “did you idiots ever stop and think that he was messing with you?”
James exchanged a glance with Sirius, pursing his lips, “nah, he wouldn’t lie to us. We’re gonna find it.”
Lily looked up at the sky in exasperation, “God help us all.”
“You can’t escape now babe,” James grinned, “you’ve married me.”
“Well, that’s what divorce is for,” Lily retorted, and Remus ducked his head to hide his smile as James looked at her like a lost puppy.
Lily eventually took pity on him and held his hand as they continued, while James beamed.
“So, this is what we’re really here for then?” Marlene said, “to find some girl’s grave?”
“Exactly,” Sirius smiled widely, “eight pairs of eyes are better than four.”
Lily spun around, “Remus! You took part in this too?”
Remus shrugged sheepishly, “sorry?”
Lily pointed at him playfully, “I thought you were better than that!”
“Oh no,” Sirius chuckled, “Moons was just as bad as the rest of us, he was just better at hiding it.”
Remus laughed softly, “what can I say? You were a bad influence.”
Sirius grinned at him before turning back around, making butterflies flutter in Remus’ stomach. No matter how much time passed that smile still had the same effect on him. The annoying Sirius Black charm.
“It must be around here somewhere,” James muttered after they’d been walking for a few more minutes.
Sirius sighed dramatically, “I don’t know, it all looks the same!”
“It might be time to cut our losses,” Remus suggested before holding his hands up as James and Sirius turned on him.
“I refuse to leave here again without succeeding,” James declared and Sirius nodded in agreement.
“Well, you guys have fun with that,” Mary chimed in, “but I’m going back. You can think about me having a hot cup of tea in the common room while you’re traipsing aimlessly out here.”
“Giving up so soon MacDonald?” Sirius teased, “I expected more from you.”
“Then you thought wrong,” Mary said cheerfully, beginning to head back the way they came. Remus exchanged a look with Marlene and Dorcas before going after her. Soon James and Sirius were the only ones still staying put, frowns on both of their faces.
“Wait no!” Sirius cried after them, “you can’t all leave!”
“Watch us,” Marlene grinned, leading Dorcas through the undergrowth. Sirius ran after them, jogging backwards in front of them while still protesting.
“I refuse to let you go,” he declared. Remus smiled fondly.
Sirius opened his mouth to say something else but was cut off as he tripped, landing in a heap on the floor. Remus’ mouth fell open, that had to be one of the least graceful things he’d ever seen Sirius do.
“Are you alright?” He asked, covering his smile with a hand. Sirius grumbled but sat up fine, wiping dirt from his jacket. Once Remus saw he was okay he lost it, bending over double from laughter.
Sirius pouted as they all howled, folding his arms in annoyance.
“It’s not that funny,” he whined, making them all laugh harder.
Peter wiped tears from his eyes, “oh how I wish I had a camera right now.”
“Shut it Wormy,” Sirius muttered. He put a hand behind him to push himself up, but suddenly stilled.
“No way,” he gasped, spinning around. They all crowded around him and Remus frowned, seeing nothing but undergrowth. Sirius pushed the branches aside with his hands, revealing a large gravestone.
“Oh my God,” Lily breathed, “that’s a grave.”
“It’s the grave,” Sirius said in excitement, “look! Myrtle Warren!”
James was bouncing around and grinning like a small child. Remus shook his head, of course Sirius found it, in a very Sirius way.
“Okay great, can we go now?” Mary said dryly.
“Hang on, let us at least relish in this victory first,” James laughed. He pulled Sirius to his feet and slapped him on the back playfully.
“Come on, give me five,” Sirius beamed, holding his hands up. Remus rolled his eyes but high fived him, admitting to himself that he was pleased the rumour was true.
“I’m very happy for you guys,” Lily said, “but does dancing on someone’s grave not feel a little disrespectful?”
James and Sirius stilled for a few moments, before grinning at each other, “no, not really,” James replied, “sorry Myrtle.”
Lily shook her head but she was smiling.
"Now we know it's true, but we need to find out why it's out here," James announced.
Dorcas looked amused, "you lot never give up do you?"
"Nope, never," Sirius grinned.
Marlene winked at him, "well I wish you luck, do let us know what you find out."
Sirius saluted her. Once they’d calmed down they decided that they should probably go back, it was almost dinner and they were all starving after walking in circles for hours.
Luckily Lily had some common sense and was paying attention to where they were going, so she led them back out of the forest.
“I must admit it was worth it to see Sirius fall on his ass,” Marlene giggled.
“You can mock me all you want, but I found the grave,” Sirius replied cheerfully.
“And now we’ll never hear the end of it,” Marlene sighed.
Sirius slung an arm around her shoulders, “you know me too well McKinnon.”
Dinner had already started by the time they got back, and while they tried to sneak in quietly it was difficult when the school was nowhere near as full as it usually was.
“I think we’re busted,” Remus muttered as he glanced up to see McGonagall frowning at them.
“Can she still give us detention as adults?” Peter wondered aloud.
“Well, it wouldn’t be a true reminiscence of our school days without one,” James chuckled.
“Only you could get a detention at our reunion,” Lily sighed fondly. James kissed her forehead.
“Uh oh, incoming,” Sirius said quietly before looking up with a grin, “hello Minnie, lovely evening is it not?”
McGonagall narrowed her eyes at him, “that’s Minerva to you Mr Black. Where have you all been on this fine evening, hm?”
Remus coughed to cover his laugh as Sirius widened his eyes innocently.
“We just got so invested in catching up that we lost track of time.”
McGonagall folded her arms, “and the mud?”
Sirius frowned as he looked down at himself, where his jacket was covered in a layer of brown from his fall, “erm, I fell over earlier?”
“I never took you as a clumsy person Mr Black,” McGonagall said dryly.
“Ah, well clearly we need to spend more time together,” Sirius grinned, “how does tomorrow afternoon sounds?”
“It sounds,” McGonagall says slowly, “like I will be busy setting up for the ball tomorrow evening.”
Sirius tutted, “shame, another time then.”
McGonagall gave him an exasperated glance, but Remus knew she had a soft spot for Sirius.
“You’ll have to forgive me for being sceptical,” she continued, “but based on your extracurricular activities during your time here can I expect some sort of mischief to be happening?”
Sirius gasped dramatically, “Minnie! I can’t believe you’d doubt us like this.”
“Hm, I’ll be keeping an eye on all of you.”
“If that’s an excuse to stare at me then go ahead,” Sirius drawled, putting his hands behind his head. McGonagall gave him one last withering look before she made her way back to the teacher’s table.
They all lasted approximately ten seconds before bursting into laughter.
“I can’t believe she puts up with you,” Lily sniggered.
“How do any of us?” Remus pointed out, making Sirius stick his tongue out at him. Remus smiled into his potatoes.
“Seriously though,” Lily continued, “I know you guys are planning something, care to fill us in?”
James and Sirius shared a grin before James mimicked zipping his mouth shut. Lily turned to look at Remus who suddenly found his dinner extremely fascinating.
“I give up,” Lily sighed, “do what you want I guess.”
Sirius snapped his head up, “wait, what? Did I hear that correctly? Lily Evans just gave us permission to pull a prank?”
“That’s what I heard Pads,” James said slowly, looking at his wife like she’d grown a second head.
“You lot act as if I hate fun,” Lily complained.
“Sorry Mrs Prefect,” Sirius snorted.
“I’m not a prefect anymore,” Lily pointed out, “therefore, it’s not my problem.”
James grabbed her face and kissed her several times, causing Lily to squeal.
“I love you so much,” he declared. Remus watched them fondly.
“Stop it,” Lily laughed, pushing James away but laying her head on his shoulder.
The rest of dinner passed uneventfully, and as they were all chattering loudly on their way back to the common room Remus slipped away. There was someone he wanted to visit while he was here but hadn’t had the opportunity to yet.
The corridors were peaceful as he made his way across the school, only passing a couple of people on his way. He ended up zoning out and walked there on autopilot, having done it enough times before.
The hospital wing was empty when he arrived and Remus fought off the disappointment that maybe she wouldn’t be here. It was the school holidays after all, but he had held onto hope anyway.
Just as he was about to leave a door opened and a tall, slender woman walked out. Remus smiled immediately, she’d aged a bit but other than that she was the same.
“Remus?” She gasped.
“Hey Poppy.”
Poppy strode over and enveloped him into a hug, which Remus sank into happily.
“It’s so good to see you,” she murmured.
“You too,” Remus replied, his voice slightly muffled by her shoulder. Poppy Pomfrey wasn’t just the school nurse to him, she was his friend. His condition meant that he’d spent a lot of time here over the years and they’d both grown very fond of each other by the time he left.
Remus could remember several days that he was forced to spend in the hospital wing, bored and restless while his friends were in class. Poppy would sit with him when she wasn’t busy and they’d play cards, she’d read to him, or they would just sit and talk.
James and Sirius used to mock him about being second best to the school nurse, but Remus didn’t care. Poppy was probably the kindest person he had ever known.
“Come, sit,” she practically dragged him over to the chairs by the window, “tell me what you’ve been up to the past few years.”
“Oh, not much,” Remus chuckled as he was shoved into a seat.
Poppy tutted, “I don’t want to hear it. Ten years is a long time Remus, fill me in.”
Remus did, spilling all the events of his life to her. He found that once he started talking he couldn’t stop, but luckily for him Poppy was a very good listener.
He inevitably ended up on the subject of Sirius, he felt a bit like he was losing his mind after the past couple of days. He had a sense of deja vu, as he had confessed his feelings for Sirius to Poppy all those years ago as well.
“You poor lamb,” Poppy said gently, “it’s still him? After all this time?”
Remus sighed, “I think it always will be.”
“Then you need to tell him,” she murmured.
“I can’t,” Remus choked out, “we’ve just agreed to be friends again, what if he doesn’t feel the same and I lose him all over again?”
“Would that be worse than how you’re feeling right now?”
Remus considered this. Yes it would be horrific if Sirius rejected him and Remus may well never recover, but the not knowing is killing him. After all, they didn’t break up because they fell out of love, and there had been a couple of times where Remus had dared to hope that Sirius still felt something for him, but it could also be him reading too much into it.
Sirius was a difficult person to read. He flirted with everyone, even McGonagall for God’s sake, so how was Remus supposed to know how he was really feeling?
“I don’t know,” he muttered, “I really don’t know.”
“I’ve always encouraged you to take risks Remus,” Poppy continued, “and the same goes now. You can’t not do something just because you’re afraid, that’s no way to live. You’ll end up regretting it, trust me.”
Remus studied her carefully, getting the feeling that she was talking from experience. He realised then that Poppy had never mentioned marriage or children and wondered if she never told her person that she loved them.
“Is that what happened to you?” He asked carefully.
Poppy nodded, “yes. I wish I could go back and tell my past self to stop being so scared and put myself out there. The worst that can happen is rejection, and time will heal that pain. Sadly, time cannot heal regret.”
“It’s not too late,” Remus pointed out, causing her to laugh.
“It probably is.”
Remus shook his head, “unless they’re married, or dead, I say go for it.”
Poppy stared at him in disbelief, “they are neither of those things,” she said slowly.
“Okay, how about this,” Remus sat up straight, “I’ll tell Sirius how I feel if you tell your person how you feel.”
Poppy chuckled, “are you bargaining with me Remus Lupin?”
“Indeed I am Poppy Pomfrey.”
She nodded slowly, a smile spreading across her face, “alright, you’ve got yourself a deal.”
Remus held out his hand and she shook it, determination on both of their faces. If all went well, soon they’d both get what they wanted.
He chatted with her for a little while longer, agreeing to come and see her again before he left. He walked back to Gryffindor tower slowly, the realisation of what he agreed to finally hitting him. He was going to confess to Sirius. The thought utterly terrified him, but he’d made a promise. There was no going back now.
He smiled at the sight of Sirius, James and Peter sat by the fire as he walked into the common room. They hadn’t noticed him yet so he stood by the doorway and watched while Sirius threw his head back at something James said, laughing loudly. God how Remus loved him.
He would tell him, but not tonight. He needed to figure out what he was going to say.
“Moony!” James exclaimed as he spotted him, waving his hands wildly.
“Where did you sneak off to?” Sirius asked as Remus settled onto the floor.
“I went to see Poppy,” Remus murmured in response.
“Ah, how is she?”
“Good,” Remus nodded, “still the same.”
“I can’t believe you abandoned us for her, again,” James flopped back onto the floor, a hand on his chest.
Remus shoved him, “get over yourself.”
“Yeah, face it Prongs, we’ll always be second best,” Sirius teased, smiling at Remus over James’ head.
Remus shook his head fondly, “what are you guys doing?”
James sat up straight, “we’re prank planning!”
“We have an idea,” Sirius said enthusiastically.
“Alright,” Remus leaned back and put his hands behind his head, “lets hear it.”
“Well, when we graduated we put up that giant banner at the front of the school, remember?” Peter asked.
Remus snorted, “I’m not that old Pete, yes I remember.”
Peter grumbled slightly but continued, “well the aim was that they couldn’t take it down so we wouldn’t be forgotten.”
Remus grimaced at the memory of almost falling to his death by getting it up there in the first place.
Sirius cackled, “Reg told me that it was there for another two years as no one bothered to go up there and remove it.”
“Exactly, for two years no one could forget us,” James piped in, “it’s difficult to when there’s a giant sign saying ‘the Marauders were here’ at the entrance to the school. But the point is, that only lasted two years. We want it to go on for longer this time.”
“Okay,” Remus said slowly, “how exactly are you planning on doing that?”
James grinned, “with Pete’s camera, a printer, and a day spent running around the castle.”
Remus was beginning to catch on. He smiled slowly, if they could pull this off it would be brilliant.
“What do we need to do?”
Peter pulled his camera out from behind him, “we start by taking the photo.”
The next few minutes were chaos as they all tried to crowd into the frame while Peter set up the timer, but eventually they got it. James, Remus and Peter were squeezed onto the sofa with their arms around each other’s shoulders while Sirius lay across their laps. They were all grinning at the camera, and Remus could admit that it was a good photo.
“Late night trip to the library lads?” James suggested.
“Surely we’ll get caught,” Peter said sceptically, “I remember there being a passage but I can’t remember exactly where.”
“Wait there,” Remus declared before taking the stairs to the dorm two at a time. He’d briefly forgotten about the map but was glad he brought it now.
The others gave him puzzled looks as he rushed back into the common room, waving the map triumphantly.
“Moony,” Sirius gasped, “is that what I think it is?”
Remus grinned, “yep.”
“No way!” James cried out, “I can’t believe you still have that thing.”
“Of course I do, we didn’t spend years making it for nothing,” Remus pointed out as they all crowded around the folded paper.
“Okay… here. The passage to the library is behind the tapestry on the fourth floor.”
“Great!” James jumped up, “lets go.”
Remus was exhausted, but the adrenaline kept him going as he followed his friends out the door. Nothing this exciting had happened to him in a while, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t enjoying himself.
“Ow!” Peter grunted from in front of him.
“Sorry Wormy,” Sirius muttered, “I can’t see shit.”
In their haste to get out none of them remembered a torch and were having to feel their way through the passage. If Remus squinted he could just make out the back of Sirius’ head.
“I think we’re getting close,” James called back from where he was leading the way, map in hand.
“Oh thank God,” Peter muttered and Remus made a noise of agreement. They were shuffling so close to each other that he could smell Sirius’ aftershave, and it was doing funny things to his heart.
They finally got to the end and slipped out right beside the library entrance. James poked his head around the door warily then waved them all through.
“I think we’re good boys.”
“Lets not turn too many lights on just in case,” Remus suggested, not really wanting to get caught. It wouldn’t be a very good prank if they got found out before they even began.
“Okay,” Peter mumbled as he pressed a few buttons on the printer, “how many do we need?”
“As many as we can,” Sirius said cheerfully, sitting on a desk nearby.
Peter connected his camera with a cable he brought and the printer roared into life. Remus winced at the volume, but there was no one around so it should be fine.
He settled against the wall to wait, his eyes beginning to close from weariness. He jumped at a clicking sound right in front of his face and opened his eyes to see Sirius snapping his fingers.
“No sleeping yet Moony, we’ve got pictures to make.”
Remus sighed but followed him over to a desk where James was sitting with a pile of paper and scissors.
“It’s going to be a long night,” he yawned, and Remus wished he had coffee right now. He blinked his eyes a few times before picking up a pair of scissors.
It was a bit tedious cutting out circle after circle, but they ended up with a system that worked well, Remus and James cutting out the photos while Sirius and Peter wrote ‘The Marauders were here’ on each one.
Sirius hummed to himself as he worked and Remus smiled as he recognised the song.
“Ooh, you make me live,” James sang quietly and Sirius’ eyes lit up.
“Whatever this world can give to me,” Sirius responded. Remus chuckled at the joy on both of their faces, nodding his head along.
“It’s you, you’re all I see,” they belted out while gripping each other’s shoulders.
“Ooh, you make me live now honey,” Peter joined in, and they all turned to Remus expectantly.
He sighed, he wasn’t much of a singer if he was being honest, but then neither was James so screw it.
“Ooh, you make me live,” he rasped out.
Sirius threw his hands out, “all together now!”
“Oh, you’re the best friend that I ever had, I’ve been with you such a long time.”
James threw his head back, “you’re my sunshine!”
Remus laughed, catching Sirius’ eye from across the table.
“And I want you to know that my feelings are true, I really love you.”
Neither of them looked away, maintaining the eye contact while they sang the line. Remus meant every word. Sirius ducked his head, but not before Remus saw his cheeks colour slightly. His breath hitched in his throat, unable to look away.
“Oh, you’re my best friend,” they all laughed, James leaning forwards to slap them all on the shoulders.
“I love you guys.”
Sirius nudged him fondly, “I love you too Prongs.”
James’ expression turned more serious as he stared at them all, “promise me that no matter what happens, it will always be the four of us. Best friends always.”
“How old are we, five?” Remus laughed.
“Stop, I’m serious,” James chuckled.
“Actually,” Sirius grinned, making them all groan.
“Pads, that joke got old fifteen years ago,” Remus pointed out.
“Nah, it’s timeless,” Sirius chuckled before he turned to James, “but yes Prongs, always.”
Remus and Peter nodded in agreement.
“We’ve made it this far,” Peter pointed out, “not many people stay friends for this long after school.”
“Not us though,” Sirius murmured, “Marauders are for life.”
“Brothers,” James nodded solemnly.
Sirius snorted, “God, I hope not.”
“You and Pete are like brothers to me, but not Moony,” Sirius clarified when James’ expression fell, “can’t very well fuck your brother can you?”
Remus choked on air. James clapped him on the back while he spluttered.
“I mean, with your family history it wouldn’t be all that surprising,” he teased once he’d recovered, trying to save face a little.
Sirius stuck his finger up at him and Remus grinned, trying to hide the way his heart was racing. Did Sirius mean in the past, or..? Remus didn’t dare to hope otherwise.
They continued cutting out the photos until Remus’ fingers began cramping, then they called it a night. They’d made decent progress and could finish the rest tomorrow.
“We can stick some of them around the school on our way back?” James suggested as they cleaned up.
“I have one place I want to go first,” Sirius smirked, “that won’t be accessible tomorrow.”
“Oh great, where?” Remus sighed.
Sirius waggled his eyebrows at him, “McGonagall’s office.”
Remus shook his head, “have fun with that.”
“Oh no, you’re coming with me.”
“Why me?” Remus protested, secretly pleased that Sirius wanted him to come along.
Sirius shrugged, “you’re the tallest. You can reach the higher shelves.”
“And here I thought you wanted to spend time with me,” Remus grumbled.
Sirius shot him a grin, “and that.”
Once they’d removed any evidence of them being there Remus and Sirius went one way while James and Peter went in the other direction. Remus tried to keep his steps light, it was unlikely that anyone would be out at this time but you never knew.
Sirius tried the door when they arrived, sighing when it didn’t open.
“Locked,” he muttered, fiddling around in his hair, “good thing I came prepared,” he declared as he held up a hairpin.
“Is this really worth it?” Remus asked as he waited.
“Definitely. Imagine her face when her office is filled with photos of us,” Sirius chuckled, “she’ll never escape me.”
The door clicked open and Sirius stood up triumphantly. Remus had been in here a few times before, usually when they got into trouble after a prank. It hadn’t changed much, stacks of papers piled neatly on the desk surrounded by shelves full of books and various other items.
“Okay, just go around putting them in places where she might not find them for a while,” Sirius instructed, passing him a pile of photos. Remus got to work, stretching up to slip them in between books on the shelves. Sirius took the desk and put one in each drawer.
It didn’t take them long and Sirius finished by placing one right in the middle of the desk, where it would be spotted the moment McGonagall entered.
“You do realise she’s going to see that before we leave and know we were in here,” Remus pointed out.
Sirius smirked, “I know.”
He slowly spun around, taking in the room, “this is going to be so great,” he said quietly, “she’ll never be able to forget us.”
“I don’t think she would have anyway,” Remus laughed, “we took years off the poor woman’s life.”
Sirius snorted, “definitely gave her a few new frown lines.”
Remus covered his mouth to muffle his laughter.
“Come on, lets get out of here.”
Sirius spent a couple of minutes relocking the door before they headed back the way they came.
He continued chattering about McGonagall while Remus listened fondly, meaning that he almost didn’t hear the footsteps from further down the corridor. He quickly grabbed Sirius and manoeuvred him around a corner, putting a hand over his mouth.
Sirius looked up at him with wide eyes, trembling slightly under Remus’ body. Remus didn’t have time to appreciate how he had Sirius pinned up against a wall as he peered around the corner to see Filch, the schools’ caretaker.
He held his breath as Filch paused, staring down the corridor sceptically. He narrowed his eyes but continued on and Remus let out a sigh of relief.
“That was close,” he muttered, removing the hand over Sirius’ mouth.
“Filch?” Sirius whispered and Remus nodded.
“Whew, I definitely don’t miss the run ins with him.”
Remus chuckled, “me neither.”
Although the moment had passed Remus still didn’t move away, making Sirius give him a questionable look.
“Moony? You can get off me now.”
“I know,” Remus replied, “maybe I don’t want to.”
His heart was hammering in his throat, but Sirius was right there and he might not get another opportunity like this for a while.
“What do you mean?” Sirius breathed.
Remus shrugged, their faces only inches apart.
Sirius laughed but there was no humour in it, “don’t do that. It isn’t fair.”
Remus furrowed his brow in confusion, do what?
“You can’t tell me you just want to be friends then do something like that,” Sirius continued.
“I thought you didn’t care?”
Something flashed behind Sirius’ eyes, then he was dragging Remus closer if that was even possible.
“You’re really messing with my head,” he murmured.
Remus choked out a laugh, “me? God you have no idea the effect you have on me do you?”
Their lips brushed and it sent jolts of electricity down Remus’ spine. No one else had ever made him feel this way, like he might die from a simple touch.
“I thought we agreed that hooking up was a bad idea?” Sirius’ gaze was firmly planted on his lips and Remus was aching to close the last bit of distance between them.
“Yeah well, I take it back.”
Sirius grinned that Sirius Black grin and Remus just about melted right then and there. He thought that they’d have to come and scoop the remains of his body off the floor when Sirius captured his lips in a kiss.
Remus surged forwards and felt Sirius’ head hit the wall behind him. Sirius ran his fingers down Remus’ spine, making him shiver violently, and his mind was spinning as Sirius suddenly pulled away.
“Wait, wait. What does this mean?” He whispered.
Remus blinked at him slowly, “what?”
“Last time I said it meant nothing, but I lied,” Sirius continued, “this means something to me Moons, and I can’t do this if you don’t feel the same. I won’t put myself through that.”
“I want you,” Remus whined, trying to kiss him again. It was impossible to formulate thoughts when Sirius was staring up at him with messed up hair and damp lips.
Sirius gently pushed him away, “I’m not joking. I need to know how you feel. Please?”
Remus sighed as he leaned back to look at him properly. Sirius’ gaze was flickering all around Remus’ face, something desperate and longing behind his eyes. It hit Remus then, that Sirius wanted him. Properly wanted him, just like Remus had been dreaming of.
He steadied himself against the wall as he let it sink in, feeling like his knees might buckle from the pure joy coursing through him. He laughed softly to himself, he had everything he wanted right here, and just needed a moment to appreciate it.
“Moons?” Sirius’ voice was small and it snapped Remus out of his daze. He never wanted Sirius to ever doubt his feelings again. He gently pushed a loose strand of hair behind Sirius’ ear, cupping his face in his palm.
“This means everything to me,” he said in a low voice, watching as pure delight spread across Sirius’ face.
“Sirius,” he breathed, trying to put into words just how much he loved the man in front of him.
Sirius brought a finger to his lips, “shh. Stop talking and kiss me.”
Remus didn’t need to be told twice.
・❥・
Remus woke up to something hitting him on the head, and he scowled as he pushed himself to sitting. He was met with the sight of Sirius grinning above him, a pillow in his hand.
“Wake up Moons, we have a prank to set up!”
“Get off,” Remus muttered, shoving him away. Sirius cackled as he retreated. Remus sat up and rubbed his eyes sleepily, seeing James and Peter were already up as well.
Remus smiled to himself as he was hit with the events of the night before. It had taken him and Sirius a little while to get back to Gryffindor tower, stopping every couple of minutes to press each other up against various walls and other pieces of furniture. Sirius had climbed into Remus’ bed when they finally reached their room and they’d spent the night curled into each other, sharing soft kisses in the dark.
Remus hadn’t felt this happy in a long time. He couldn’t wait to tell Poppy that she was right.
“We need to finish cutting out the rest of the photos then put them all around the school,” James mumbled around a pair of scissors he had in his mouth.
Remus rolled his eyes fondly, “you’re going to cut your mouth if you’re not careful.”
James grinned, “but then Lily will kiss it better.”
Remus gave him an exasperated look, “idiot.” He sat down next to James and got to work, the sooner they got this done the sooner they could enjoy their last day at Hogwarts.
Peter muttered something about going to the kitchens to get food and Remus nodded in approval as his stomach growled.
James stretched his arms above his head before standing up and heading into the bathroom. Remus looked up in surprise as Sirius sat himself in Remus’ lap, arms lazily looped around his neck.
“Well hello,” Remus smiled.
“I’m here for my good morning kiss,” Sirius announced, making Remus snort. He made no move and Sirius pouted.
“Kiss me please?”
“Since you asked so nicely,” Remus teased, leaning forwards to kiss him gently. Sirius seemed to have other ideas, tugging at Remus’ hair to pull his head back and deepen the kiss. Remus gasped as Sirius shifted in his lap, giving Sirius the opportunity to slip his tongue in Remus’ mouth.
“Sirius,” Remus laughed into his open mouth, “James is right there.”
“And?” Sirius murmured in response.
“We haven’t told him yet!”
“This is a great way for him to find out,” Sirius said in between kisses, “no explanation required.”
“You’re a menace,” Remus groaned, but allowing Sirius to do whatever he wanted. Sirius could do anything to Remus for the rest of time.
“You two had better be working, oh my fucking God!”
There was a crashing sound as James walked into the door from where he was hiding behind his hands.
“My eyes!”
Sirius threw his head back and cackled, “oh come on Prongs, this is tame compared to what you’ve walked in on in the past.”
“I was more prepared back then!” James protested, “since when are you two even back together?”
Remus smiled softly, “it’s a recent development.”
“I’m happy for you both but can we please keep it PG?” James said as he sat back down, “it’s seven in the morning!”
“Do I have to remind you of the time I came over to yours before work and saw you and Lily-“
Sirius was cut off by James throwing a hand over his mouth.
“Okay! We don’t need to start telling people that story Sirius.”
Remus leaned forwards, resting his elbows on his knees, “no, no, do tell,”
Sirius grinned, “well, I went into the kitchen-“
“Stop!” James howled, flopping onto the floor, “carry on making out or whatever, just stop talking.”
Sirius shrugged, “alright.”
Remus choked as Sirius immediately stuck his tongue in his mouth. He let out a noise of protest as Remus carefully shoved him off, chuckling as Sirius landed in a heap on the floor.
“Okay, rude,” he grumbled, “he’s sick of me already Prongs.”
James reached out an arm from where he was lying on the floor to hit Remus’ leg rather pathetically, “bad Moony.”
“Very bad Moony,” Sirius pouted. Remus held out an arm and Sirius happily tucked himself into his side, all grumpiness forgotten.
“How did this even happen?” James asked, “tell me everything.”
“Remus threw me against a wall and had his way with me,” Sirius announced causing both James and Remus to groan.
“That is not what happened,” Remus said.
Sirius shrugged, “close enough.”
“So you two talked? Worked out your issues?”
Remus exchanged a glance with Sirius, “erm, sure?”
James sat up, “you haven’t?”
“We’ve got time,” Remus mumbled.
James sighed, “you broke up for very real reasons, they haven’t just gone away.”
“Yes, we know,” Sirius folded his arms, “and we will talk, but can you just let us be happy right now?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t want to upset either of you but I also don’t want either of you to get hurt!”
Sirius scoffed, “yeah, whatever.”
He stood up and walked out, slamming the door behind him. Remus winced, turning to James who had a very apologetic look on his face.
“Moony, I’m sorry.”
Remus sighed, “it’s okay, everything you said was true. I guess neither of us wanted to admit it.”
“You can work it out,” James reassured him, “I know you can.”
“I’m gonna go talk to him,” Remus replied and James nodded.
“Go, Pete and I can finish these.”
“You’re the best Prongs,” Remus called back as he ran after Sirius. He wasn’t in the common room but Remus didn’t have to work hard to figure out where he could have gone.
There was only one place in school where Sirius liked to go if he was upset, and the other night proved that nothing had changed.
He practically ran up the steps to the astronomy tower, despite his lungs burning. He prayed that Sirius would be there, and thankfully he was curled up in the corner when Remus burst in.
He looked up hopefully as Remus approached, “you came after me.”
“Of course I did,” Remus murmured as he pulled him into his chest.
“I’m sorry for running off,” Sirius’ voice was slightly muffled from where he had his face pressed into Remus’ sweater, “I guess James’ words just made me panic a little.”
Remus ran his fingers through his hair, “it’s okay.”
They stayed like that for a little while but Remus couldn’t fully relax, not before they had the dreaded conversation. He groaned internally as he pulled away from Sirius, but he couldn’t lie to him any longer.
“What’s wrong?” Sirius asked breathlessly.
“We do need to talk,” Remus sighed.
“About what?” Sirius protested, “we want to be with each other, what is there to talk about?”
“I need to tell you something,” Remus muttered, taking a deep breath as Sirius raised one perfect eyebrow, “McGonagall offered me a job, here at Hogwarts.”
Sirius stared at him blankly, the happiness gone from his face in an instant.
“What?”
“They have an opening, and she wants me to fill it.”
Sirius scoffed, “and you’re telling me this now?”
“I’m not sure if I’m going to take it yet,” Remus pleaded, wanting Sirius to go back to looking at him like he hung the moon.
“But you are though,” Sirius said flatly, “you wouldn’t be telling me if you weren’t going to accept.”
Remus shook his head, “no, no I’m telling you so we can talk about it.”
“What’s the point?”
Remus felt his heart break a little all over again, “what do you mean?”
Sirius dropped his head into his hands, “we’re in exactly the same place we were five years ago. You here and me there. It didn’t work then, why would now be any different?”
“You didn’t even try back then!” Remus exclaimed, “you gave up before we even gave it a chance!”
“Because I love you too much to do it from a distance!” Sirius burst out, making Remus’ heart skip a beat. He felt so conflicted right now, Sirius claimed to love him but he wasn’t willing to even try.
“Or maybe you don’t love me enough,” he mumbled.
Sirius’ eyes glinted, “you have no idea how I feel.”
“I don’t get where this is coming from,” Remus said in exasperation, “I never said I was moving back to London.”
“Well, I’m sorry for assuming that now you’ve done what you came here to do, you might want to be with me!”
“I do want to be with you!”
Sirius glared up at him with tears in his eyes, “how much? Less than how much you want this job? You’ve never even wanted to be a teacher!”
“People can change,” Remus mumbled.
Sirius scoffed, “apparently not.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“I’m not doing this again Remus,” Sirius said quietly, “I can’t. You can either have me, or not. It’s your choice.”
“You do realise you’re giving me the same ultimatum you did before?” Remus choked out, “how is it any fairer this time?”
“I never said it was fair! It’s just how it is.”
Remus clenched his eyes shut.
“I don’t understand why you’d even want this,” Sirius continued.
Remus looked down at the floor, “I don’t know what I want.”
“Then let me know when you’ve made up your mind,” Sirius muttered, “the ball’s in your court.”
He stood up and walked away without looking back, leaving Remus reeling. He only realised once Sirius was gone that he never told him he loved him back.
He pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes, groaning slightly. It had been less than 24 hours and Remus had already managed to fuck everything up.