A step further
“W-what?” Draco said. Completely speechless, if this was a joke it was definitely a cruel one.
Harry sighed and stepped closer. Draco wanted to move back, but he felt like his feet were stuck in the snow. He watched still as Harry walked towards him. They were less than a foot away now.
“I like you too, Draco.” Harry’s ears went pink. “I’ve been feeling this … for a very long time.”
Draco frowned, his eyes wide. “But- how? You- You just kissed Helena!”
“I didn’t- she kissed me! I never wanted that.” Harry hated the way Draco was looking at him, like it was impossible of Harry to return his feelings. He looked so hurt and confused.
Draco scoffed, his eyes watered. “Then why did you let her kiss you?”
Before Harry could answer Draco cut him off.
“Harry don’t play with me. If you don’t feel the same way it’s okay to say it— to reject me— but please don’t play with me. If this is a joke it has to end now.” A tear fell from his eye.
Harry reached out and wiped it away. His hand against Draco’s cheek felt… right. Like it was meant to be there, like Harry was meant to comfort Draco. Draco shivered, but he didn’t step back. All the blood in his body seemed to be in his cheeks, he flushed deeper.
“How-” Harry felt like crying a bit too, his voice trembling. “How can I prove you this is real?” He asked shyly.
Another tear left Draco’s eyes. “I—” He didn’t finish his sentence. Not knowing what to say. He was confused, he wanted to move away but for some reason he couldn’t.
None of them talked for a few seconds. Harry stared at Draco’s face, looking for something, some sign to take a step further. And that’s when he got it. For less than a second Draco’s gaze focused on his own lips, Harry felt his face on fire.
His hand was still on Draco’s cheek, he moved his thumb softly against it. Draco stared at him, eyes widening; he looked scared, but there was something more there … Harry realised it was desire. Draco wanted this as much as he wanted it.
So without thinking it twice, he closed the distance between them. His heart skipped a beat the moment he felt his own lips touch Draco’s. It was something that he had never felt before, there was nothing like this. His first kiss, and it was wonderful. He moved his own lips slowly against Draco’s, he was slightly disappointed when Draco’s lips weren’t moving at all, but then they did.
Draco closed his eyes and kissed Harry back. It was his first kiss too. He was terrified of ruining it, of being a terrible kisser, but right now, with Harry’s lips on his own his thoughts melted away. All he could think of was Harry.
Harry,
Harry,
Harry.
A wave of pleasure filled Harry’s body. He had thought that Draco’s hugs were the best feeling in the world. Oh how wrong he was. Of course Draco’s hugs were awesome, but there was nothing compared to this. For Harry nothing else mattered, all he could think about was Draco.
Draco,
Draco,
Draco.
His free hand reached for Draco’s waist, pulling him closer. He wanted to feel Draco, to be as close as possible. He melted in the kiss, it was so soft and yet so passionate. Like they both had waited this for so long.
Draco jumped at the feeling of Harry’s hand on his waist, he was enjoying this so much. He was craving for more, but then a thought popped in the back of his mind.
‘You’re going to hurt him if you keep doing this.’
‘You don’t deserve this.’
‘You are selfish.’
‘You are a failure.’
‘What would your father think of this?’
He placed his hand on Harry’s chest and pushed him away. Harry frowned at this sudden reaction. Draco wanted to kiss him again, to hug him, to allow himself to love Harry. Because now he knew that Harry loved him back. But it wasn’t enough, Harry deserved better.
“Draco?” Harry said.
Draco let out a sob. His heart wanted Harry so badly it ached. “I- I can’t do this, Harry. You d-deserve better.”
“What do you mean? I want you.” Harry stepped closer.
But this time Draco did step back. “I- I want you too.” He whispered.
“What’s stopping you then? We both want this, Draco.” Harry’s eyes watered.
“You don’t understand.” His voice broke. “It’s not that simple. I wish it was, but it isn’t. The family I come from, my responsibilities, I can’t disappoint my father… again.”
“Draco… please…”
“No, Harry. You deserve better. I- I can’t.” He let out another sob and wiped away his tears. Draco walked past him. His stomach sank, now that he knows how kissing Harry feels like it was going to be even harder for him to get over it.
—————————————————
Harry went to the only person he knew he could talk to about this. Hermione. He ran with tears running through his cheeks.
“Hello Ha-” She froze when she saw Harry was crying. “What is it? What happened Harry?”
Harry sobbed and hugged her as tight as he could. She immediately threw her arms around him. She frowned.
“Is this about Draco?” She asked.
Harry sniffed while he nodded, his chin resting on her shoulder.
“Oh Harry… what happened between you two?”
Harry took a deep breath before talking. “I- I kissed him.” He confessed.
“And- and he didn’t like it?” She asked.
“He kissed m-me back.”
Hermione backed so she could see Harry’s face. She was furrowing, trying to understand what was the bad part about that.
“So… why are you crying then?”
He sniffed. “He said that I deserved better. Better than him… can you imagine? Why can’t he understand that he is who I want?”
Hermione opened her mouth and closed it again. Looking thoughtfully as she looked for the right thing to say. “Maybe he is just scared, Harry— I mean, I don’t know much about him— but I bet he’s just terrified about the fact of you two kissing. You said he returns your feelings?”
Harry nodded.
“Alright. I think… that maybe he knows his family won’t accept the fact of him being… gay… or the fact that he kissed you of all people. Lucius Malfoy doesn’t seem to be the type of person that would just let that slip. He’s scared of his father.”
Now it was Harry’s turn to frown. Even though she never talked to Draco she seemed to understand more of his situation. More than Harry did. He just wanted to be with Draco, but he never thought of the consequences this could bring. To both of them. If Lucius finds out about Draco… he would be in terrible danger.
“You’re right, just like always.”
Hermione flushed.
“He is scared. Not of us— of his family. But… but what should I do then? I think I’ve freaked him out.”
“Hmmm. Just… give him some space.”
Harry stared at her like she was going mad.
Hermione chuckled. “Don’t look at me like that, Harry. I’m just saying for today. He needs time to… think about everything that happened. After he clears his head then you can go talk to him. And try to be supportive, try to understand what’s going through his head.”
“But he pushes me away. Every single time. It’s like he doesn’t want anyone to help him or listen to him.”
“Maybe that’s just the way he’s been raised. He learned to push everyone away every time he’s afraid. Or he just doesn’t want anyone else to see him in a vulnerable position. Not that he doesn’t trust you… but because that’s like … his mechanism.”
Damn it. Nobody calls Hermione the brightest witch of their age for nothing. She is definitely brilliant.
“You’re brilliant, Hermione. Thank you.” He smiled softly.
“Any time, Harry. Just be patient. I’m sure you’ll figure out, whatever this is.” She chuckled.
He hugged her again. None of them speaking, just listening to each other’s breath. It was… comfortable.
“Now until Draco clears his mind… what would you like to do?” Hermione asked.
Harry shrugged. “I dunno. Aren’t you starving?”
Hermione laughed. “You are mental, Harry. Always hungry, you’re spending far too much time with Ron.”
Harry chuckled. “But seriously… are you hungry?”
She rolled her eyes and stood up. “C’mon. If we leave now hopefully we’ll still find some treacle tarts.”
Harry smiled. Treacle tarts… Now that could cheer him up.
—————————————
Draco was laying on the bed. He was too busy with his own thoughts that he didn’t even realise it was almost midnight. On the next morning he will meet his father at King’s Cross station. He felt sick just by thinking of it, he wasn’t ready to talk to his father, to go back to his room at the Manor, to be introduced to the GreenGrass family, to meet his future wife.
He started crying. Not caring if someone could hear him, he was too tired to mind that. Everything was just so … unfair. He wanted Harry, he craved for Harry. And Harry wanted him too. Why couldn’t he enjoy that? Why couldn’t he allow himself to be happy for once? He had always pleased his family… now screw them. Anger replaced the sadness. He had something that he actually wanted, he wasn’t going to waste his chance. He was going to be selfish this time.
He had to look for Harry. He launched himself out of bed and raised his hand to open the door. But when he was about to open it, someone else opened it too. Harry.
Harry was staring at him. Sadly, ready to apologise to him. And it broke Draco’s heart, he had never intended to hurt Harry. That was the last thing he wanted. Harry was his life. He deserved to be happy.
‘He deserves someone better than you.’ The voice in his mind said.
Shut up, he thought. Screw it. He wanted Harry, and he was going to have him. If Harry was willing to.
“Draco.” Harry nodded awkwardly. Standing still.
“Harry.”
Harry stared at his feet. “Sorry for… you know. Just… sorry.”
“Harry.”
Harry’s eyes met Draco’s. Harry frowned. What was going on with Draco? This was very odd, and extremely awkward. He was going to walk past Draco when he felt arms wrapping him.
Draco hugged him. As tight as he could. Not really caring about Harry’s reaction. He just wanted to touch him, he was seeking comfort, and Harry was the only one that could provide it to him.
Harry frowned at first, but any doubt he had melted away as he smelled the scent of Draco. Cinnamon and vanilla. He threw his arms around the boy, tightening the hug. Whatever was going through Draco’s head, he was there to listen to him. And no one could ever make him leave Draco’s side.
“Forgive me, Harry.” Draco whispered.
“There’s nothing to apologise, Draco.”
Draco sighed. “Yes, there is. The way I rejected you before… it was cruel.”
Harry closed his eyes. Thinking about Draco leaving him made him feel like crying again. He had a lump in his throat. “I—”
“I’m sorry. I never wanted to hurt you, Harry.” Draco let out a sob. “That is the last thing I want.”
Harry didn’t say anything. Draco feared it was too late.
“I’m going to miss you… you know? Tomorrow. I’m not ready for leaving you.” Draco said.
Harry had been so busy thinking about everything else that he had forgotten that the Christmas Holidays were tomorrow. Draco must have been terrified of returning to the Manor after everything that happened with his father.
“Hey…” Harry backed a little, he could still feel Draco’s breath on his own lips. “It’s going to be alright. And I’ll miss you too.” He gave the boy a sad smile.
Draco closed his eyes and leaned closer.
Harry had no time to think. Everything he knew was that Draco’s lips were on his own. His instinct took over him, one hand reaching Draco’s waist. Pulling him closer.
Draco’s own hand reached Harry’s cheek as their lips moved together. Harry melted at the touch. His free hand reached Draco’s white-blonde hair. And damn it, all the hair products that Draco used were totally worth it, his hair was so soft.
Harry’s grip tightened on Draco’s hair and Draco let out a soft moan. Harry felt like he was on fire, that sound was music to his ears. He wanted more. He thought the kiss couldn’t get any better until Draco’s tongue met his own. Harry reached heaven, there was nothing more magical than this feeling. He wanted to kiss Draco like this for the rest of his life.
Then, they both slowly pulled back, gasping for air. They stared at each other breathlessly. Harry had never seen Draco like this before. His cheeks pink, his lips swollen from kissing and his hair messy— even though Draco would probably kill him if he said that to him— so happy and gorgeous.
Harry spoke first. “I- I thought you…”
“I know.” Draco cut him off. “I know what I said. But screw them… I want this. I deserve to be happy for once.”
Harry’s eyes widened. “Does that mean?…”
“Yes, Harry. I. Want. You.” Draco grinned.
Harry couldn’t be happier. It was the best moment of his life. He could kiss Draco right now. Wait… he actually could. So he did. He threw himself to Draco again. Kissing him hard. Gods, Harry could never get tired of this.
After what felt like an eternity of kisses — not that Harry was unhappy about it — they both ended up breathless and pretty tired. They pulled back from each other, putting their pijamas on half-asleep.
Both of them laying in their beds with a smile on their faces. Harry kept thinking of what had just happened. Draco kissed him. They kissed each other. His 11 year old self would’ve punched him in the mouth just for saying it. But his 13 year old self was glad it happened. Even though he had never experienced something so hot before, he felt cold. The weather was freezing, not even the blankets could help him this time. He had an idea.
“Draco? Are you asleep?” He asked.
Harry heard the sounds of Draco’s sheets as he moved. “I’m awake. What is it Harry?”
Harry flushed. This was going to be embarrassing. “Er- would you… like to… sleep with me?”
Draco’s cheeks went pink. “Er- what?”
Harry regretted he had asked. “Sorry… it’s just that I’m cold- so I thought— never mind. This was stupid-”
“Harry.”
“Yeah?”
“Of course I would like to sleep with you. It’s freezing in here.” Draco shrugged.
Harry’s mouth fell open. He had expected a joke, or something else. But Draco hadn’t hesitated about his answer.
Draco stood up and walked towards Harry’s bed. He tucked himself under the blanket. It smelled like Harry. Merlin, it was so cosy. He was giving Harry his back.
“Is it okay if I…” Harry gestured his arm and Draco’s body.
Draco snorted. “Does Harry Potter want to cuddle with me?” He teased.
“Shove off.” He rolled his eyes.
“Just kidding! I would love to, Harry.”
Harry’s face lighted up. “Really?” He flushed.
“Of course.”
Harry moved closer to Draco. Wrapping his left arm around Draco’s waist, pulling him into a tight embrace. He rested his chin on Draco’s shoulder. Their legs intertwined. His nose brushed Draco’s skin and a bit of his hair. He inhaled it, loving how Draco smelled so good.
“Look at us. Draco Malfoy loves being my little pillow.” Harry teased.
He saw how Draco’s neck turned pink. “Hey! I am not a little pillow!”
“You sure?” He tightened his grip on Draco’s body. Pulling them closer.
Draco rolled his eyes. “Maybe a little.”
Harry smirked and pressed his lips against Draco’s temple. Giving him a soft caring kiss.
Draco closed his eyes. Letting himself relax into this. The feeling of being around Harry was extraordinary. Harry was sort of his source of comfort and joy.
“I promise I won’t tell anyone.” Harry said.
Draco chuckled. “Goodnight, Harry.”
Harry’s chin rested again on Draco’s shoulder. “G’night Draco. Sleep well.”
Draco was asleep first. Harry looked at his face. He looked so peaceful like that, his eyes closed and his cheeks slightly pink. He wondered what had he done to deserve him. His heart has happy here. Draco just felt so right for him.
He gave Draco a little kiss on his cheek before he fell asleep too. And that’s how they spent their night. Together. Cuddling.
———————————————
Harry woke up with a warm body next to his. He smiled immediately, remembering what had happened yesterday. He yawned and stretched on the sheets, he carefully planted a kiss on the back of Draco’s neck, inhaling the scent of him and his delicious shampoo.
Draco started moving slowly, adjusting himself in Harry’s embrace. They were now face to face. Harry smiled as Draco tried to open his sleepy eyes.
“Did you know that staring at someone who’s sleeping is creepy?” Draco said.
Harry groaned. “But I like watching you sleep. You look cute.”
Draco opened his eyes. “Me? Cute? Oh please.”
“You are! You really are.”
“Idiot.”
“But I’m your idiot.” Harry cringed when those word left his mouth. Why did he say that?
Draco snorted. “True.” He reached for Harry’s hand, intertwining their fingers together. “How did you sleep?”
“It was the best sleep of my life.”
Draco rolled his eyes. “I’m serious.”
“So am I.”
Draco flushed. “Alright.”
“How did you sleep?” Harry asked.
“It was nice.”
“Just nice?”
“Yep. Really nice actually.”
Harry rolled his eyes and kissed him. Draco kissed him back but pushed him away after some few seconds.
“Ew! No kissing until you brush your teeth. Your morning breath is awful.” Draco said, making a face like he was going to puke.
Harry’s cheeks turned scarlet. “It is not awful!” He cried.
“It is, Harry. You could kill someone with that breath. Disgusting.”
“Oh, is that so?”
“Absolutely. Who are you picking as your first victim then?” Draco teased.
Harry smirked. Draco’s eyes went wide. “Wait. No. Don’t you dare Harry Potter—”
Harry crashed their lips together, so hard their teeth hurt.
“Ouch!”
“Ow!” Harry and Draco said at the same time.
Draco pushed him. “You idiot! Don’t do that again. It hurt!”
Harry chuckled. “Sorry! I was just teasing you.”
“Well, you got it. And you also probably broke a tooth, so congratulations! You won a doble prize! Ha. Ha.”
“Come here! Forgive me.” Harry hugged Draco.
It seemed like Draco was trying to push him away at the beginning, but he wrapped his arms around Harry. His chin resting on Harry’s shoulder.
“Your hair is a rats nest.” Draco said.
“What?” Harry backed and touched his hair. “No, it isn’t.”
Draco chuckled. “Whatever you say.”
“Do you really think it looks like a rats nest?” Harry asked sadly.
Draco placed his hand on Harry’s cheek. “But it fits you nice. You look surprisingly handsome.”
Harry grinned and leaned in to kiss Draco on the lips, instead, Draco pressed his finger against Harry’s lips.
“What did I say about kissing in the morning? Not until you brush your teeth.”
Harry groaned. “Fine.”
Draco grinned.
“What time is it?” Harry asked.
“Er- I dunno. Let me check.” Draco reached for Harry’s watch. His eyes almost popped out of his head when he saw it was 10:30am. They had thirty minutes to go to King’s Cross.
“HARRY! HURRY UP!”
Harry stood up. “What?”
“We only have thirty minutes to go to King’s Cross”
“What!”
“Harry come on! We need to leave. Now.”
“Ok, ok. I’m going.”
Harry put on his jeans, a blue sweater and his converse. Draco wore his black suit.
They arrived to King’s Cross five minutes before the train left. They were two lucky fellas.
“Finally! I thought we wouldn’t make it.” Harry said breathlessly.
Draco closed his eyes trying to catch his breath. “Yeah… same. Thank Merlin we did. If I would’ve missed the train my parents would’ve murdered me.”
Harry nodded. “Hermione would’ve murdered me.”
They heard a voice announcing the train’s departure. All the students hugging and saying goodbye to each other.
“Well, I guess this is it.” Draco said awkwardly.
Harry’s sadness returned. He didn’t want to leave Draco. The Manor wasn’t safe for him, not with Lucius around. “Yeah… Goodbye.”
Draco nodded. “Goodbye then.”
None of them moved. Until Harry did. He wrapped his arms around Draco, hugging him so tight he couldn’t breathe properly.
“I’ll miss you.” Harry sniffed.
“I’ll miss you more.”
Harry closed his eyes, letting himself inhale the scent of Draco. He wanted to kiss him right there, in front of everyone, but that probably wouldn’t be a very wise idea. It was only going to be two weeks apart from him. He could make it.
“Write to me if you need something. Please.” Harry said.
“I will. Don’t worry, everything will be fine.”
Harry tightened the hug. “You sure?”
Draco backed a little. “Yes. Now go, your friends might be wondering where are you.”
“I wish I could be with you.” Harry said, ignoring Draco.
“Me too. But we can’t. Now go, we really need to leave.” Draco grabbed his trunk and took some steps back.
“Take care! Please write to me.” Harry said desperately. Draco hadn’t left yet and he already missed him.
“Of course I will. Every day.” Draco grinned and walked towards the train. Leaving Harry alone.
Harry watched as Draco’s white-blonde hair disappeared in the crowd. There was nothing else he could do, he just hoped Draco would be safe.
He grabbed his own trunk and looked for Hermione and Ron in the big crowd.