The moon knows
Alicia tried to swallow past the lump inside her throat but it didn’t work. Seeing Remus Lupins worried eyes staring at her was too much for the teenager to handle. Something inside of her broke and she started sobbing. “I- I’m so- sorry” she managed to bring out in between sobs. “Hey, hey shh don’t worry please. You don’t have to be sorry about anything.” The professor whispered before he wrapped his arms around the child in front of him. His heart was breaking. How could Dumbledore let Lily's and James’ kid become so miserable? The child was shaking uncontrollably. Shallow breaths mixed with painful sobs were the only things echoing through the forest. Overwhelmed by the scene in front of him, Remus started to rock the Gryffindor back and forth. It took multiple minutes but at some point Alicia’s tears became less and the werewolf felt like he regained control over the situation. “Alicia, do you think you can explain what happened in class today?” the older man asked once he felt the teenagers chest rise at a normal rate. For a moment she thought about lying but she knew there was no escape, she had to tell her secret.
“I- I can’t im sorry…” the student whispered. If it hadn’t been for his werewolf senses Remus would’ve missed it. “It’s okay, take your time. Maybe you want to start by explaining today’s outfit?” He replied with a soft smile. The child nodded. “Never liked the skirts. They’re uncomfortable and annoying so I just thought why not try something new you know?” Lupin hummed understandingly. He had a feeling about where this was going but decided to take things slow, fearing Alicia might run away again. “I don’t think it was a good idea thought, believe McGonagall took some house points when she saw me but im not sure about it. It was stupid, im sorry.” the teenager apologised again. “Don’t be sorry, please. I’m sure if you explained your reasons to Professor McGonagall she would understand. She might not always seem like it but the well-being of her students matters to her more than some stupid dress code.” Squeezing the child’s shoulder, Lupin hoped that this would encourage them to open up a bit more. “But it’s pointless. I’ll never feel comfortable, not in this body!” Rage was now filling her eyes. Suddenly feeling trapped in his hold, Alicia got out of the embrace and started walking around in circles. Remus wanted to intervene in fear of her hurting herself but he kept his mouth shut, waiting for her to continue talking. “Everything about this body is wrong. The way it looks, the way it feels, the way it’s labelled. Everything is wrong. Nobody can change that. I’m just so sick of living like this. No one will ever believe im a boy, I’ll just be the freak-who-lived and eventually went so crazy he started telling everyone he was a boy!” What started as simply stating off problems soon turned into the teenager screaming his lungs out. He felt both relieved and sick to his stomach. The latter was winning this fight and he eventually dropped to the floor, tears streaming down his face again. Kneeling down next to him, Remus took ahold of his hands. “Thank you for telling me that. That was very brave you know?” Shocked by the positive reaction of his teacher, the boy couldn’t bring out more than a small smile. “Christopher. That’s my name you know? It’s based on the boy from Winnie the Pooh.” The werewolf couldn’t help but smile at that. “That’s a wonderful name, Christopher. I gifted that book to your mother while she was pregnant with you and she read it to you almost every night. Without hearing it you wouldn’t fall asleep.” Lupin felt like a proud father. There was hope for this child. The warmth that had spread inside of him was just another reminder of how much he loved this boy, despite not being able to raise him. “I knew there must have been some sort of connection!” Christopher laughed while whiling the last few tears from his cheeks. However, his smile quickly faded when he realised what he had just done. Someone knew his secret. Somebody could use it against him. Feeling the lump in his throat reappear he looked to the floor and mumbled: “But Professor? Could you keep this a secret, please? No one else knows and im not ready to loose everything I have. I can’t have anyone else know my secret. Please?” Being reminded of his first year at Hogwarts, Remus nodded. “Of course, your secret is safe with me. And Mr. Reid?” the older man asked while standing up. “Fifty points to Gryffindor for being brave enough to speak up about this.” With that the teacher started to make his way back towards the castle.
It took another 15 minutes until the teenager felt safe enough to relax his shoulders and unclench his jaw. He couldn’t believe what had just happened. His day that had started out so horribly took a wonderful turn. Christopher couldn’t believe his luck. It might not change his situation at Hogwarts but knowing that he had someone who supported him was worth more than anything. Not only was Remus Lupin on his side but the dungeon bat himself didn’t mind his new outfit. Maybe thins weren’t as bad as they had seemed at first.
The boys relive didn’t last all too long as the stinging of his arm came back into focus. It had been a miracle that his DADA teacher hadn’t noticed it and the Gryffindor was praying to Merlin that it would stay that way. It was only then that he noticed his wand lying next to his bag. Lupin had brought it back. Picking it up, Reid pulled up his sleeve and conjured a bandage. The wounds were already looking rather bad but he couldn’t be bothered with cleaning them up. He might have an ally now but that wouldn’t change the fact that he was still feeling miserable overall. Gathering his belongings the boy started to make his way back into the castle. It was almost 2.30pm now and he had missed his afternoon classes. Rolling his eyes at his own stupidity he decided to make his way into the library. He had to catch up on his classes even though it was only the first week of the term.
Sitting down at a table at the back of the library, Christopher pulled out his parchment and quill. Suddenly remembering his conversation with Snape, he started rummaging through his backpack. When his hand grasped the letter he had shoved in, he pulled it out. Instantly recognising the handwriting on it, he excitedly ripped it open.
Dear Al,
I hope your first week back at Hogwarts is going great! Or at least I hope that the greasy dungeon bat is treating you okay. (If not, tell him im coming back to Hogwarts as a teacher, that might scare him enough to leave you alone…)
Anyway, Auror training is harder than ever. I don't think I’ve ever been this exhausted before, not even during my NEWTs. My parents are not too happy about it either, especially because I’m needing more food than ever. But hey, if they don’t like it I can still move out! (Don’t tell my mom about that though, she’ll freak out again).
Mom also wants to know if you have any plans for Christmas? She missed you over the summer break. I hope the Dursleys treated you okay-ish. If not, remember- I’m an Auror now. No, really. If you need anything let me know. Even if it’s just a good shampoo for our beloved potions professor.
Love,
Tonks.
P.S.: don’t forget to reply to this letter again!
Christopher sighed. As much as he loved Tonks, he couldn’t risk loosing her because of his secret. He wanted to tell her so badly but he knew it wouldn’t be worth it. Not if it meant loosing her. Picking up his quill he started writing his letter.
Dear Tonks,
Yes, im doing well. And no, the greasy dungeon bat hasn’t killed me yet. Let’s hope it stays like that.
We have a new DADA professor and he seems to be really nice. Apparently he went to school with my parents. Maybe you want to ask your mom about him? His name is Remus Lupin.
Auror training sounds rough. Maybe try filling your meals with protein? Petunia kept talking about how Dudley has to eat more of it in order to grow muscles. If you ask me though, he’s further away from growing muscles than Snape is from having non-greasy hair.
Tell your parents I said hi- and tell your mom that I don’t have any plans yet. She can ask again in November. Maybe you all want to come around on a hogsmead weekend? I might not have a permission slip but the invisibility cloak has been useful in the past…
Love,
A.R.
Folding the parchment, the boy put it away into his bag. He’d have to visit Hedwig later. Pulling out his books and the waffles he packed in the morning, he started on today’s homework. A four foot long essay on the Wide Eye Potion and its use. A rather easy task, considering Snapes usual amount of homework. Christopher didn’t get far with writing it, as he felt somebody’s presence behind him. Putting his quill down, he turned his head around. Angry green eyes were staring at him. McGonagall.
“Mrs. Reid! First you break the dress code, then you skip class, run away from and disrespect your head of house and now you’re breaking Hogwarts rules again by eating in the library?” Her Scottish accent was more prominent than ever. “I’ll see you in detention every night for the rest of the week, starting today at 7. If I catch you misbehaving once more you will find yourself in the headmasters office before you can say Hogwarts!” With that, the elderly woman strode off.
Great, Christopher thought. Not only was he behind on his work but now he also had to spend his evenings being watch by his angry teacher. Life couldn’t get any better, could it?