Chapter 3
“I’m going to my Mum and Dad’s early,” James declared the moment Regulus arrived home from work. “I need to sort some things out before Sirius’ party.”
Reggie froze in the hallway.
This felt like a moment of truth. Should he confront James or let it go? Three years ago he would have let James leave without a discussion, but Reggie was an adult now. He could handle difficult conversations. Right?
“What do you need to sort out?”
James ran a hand through his loose curls–a mannerism he only did when he was stressed.
“I…”
James seemed to be searching for answers in Regulus’ eyes.
“...I haven’t been totally honest with you.”
Regulus closed his eyes and took a breath. This was it. James was going to confess that living together was too far a step, and he needed to escape to his parents’ house for reprieve. Regulus’ core told him to shut down, close James out–anything to protect himself from this hurt.
James continued.
“There’s been something on my mind lately, and it’s been taking over my thoughts, and I need to talk to my parents about it. I’m so sorry Reg, it’s just, it’s just–it’s really important, but I sort of feel like I’m going insane, and I’m scared of doing anything that would upset you–”
“Upset me?”
“The circumstance, sort of, um, involves you.”
Regulus was at his breaking point. Regulus spent years with his guard up, shielding himself from any possible offense, expecting the worst of people. Reggie never let anyone see him cry. Seeing a smile was a rarity. James had been the exception. These past two years, Reggie allowed himself to cry and laugh to the fullest extent with James. It felt like one big trap because here, now, in their hallway, Reggie was starting to cry even though he needed his old defensive mechanism back. How dare James tear his walls down only to storm the castle.
“No, no, no, baby, please don’t cry,” James jolted forward and wrapped his arms around Regulus’ shoulders.
Regulus shrugged him off and wiped his tears away quickly.
“I don’t understand,” Regulus tried to choose his words carefully, “what is happening with us.”
“You’ve done nothing wrong–”
“I’m sorry if I’ve been too overbearing with wanting to spend time together since moving in. I can look for a flat nearby–”
“OH MY GOD REG!”
“What?” Reggie was sure this was the worst he’d ever felt in his whole life.
“You thought I didn’t like how much time we’ve been spending together?”
The anger hit Reggie all at once.
“What the fuck was I supposed to think?! You’ve been acting so weird! You planned my own brother’s party without telling me, your mind was in fucking lalaland after we had a perfect night together, and you’re saying this cryptic bullshit that sounds like an excuse for not wanting to talk to me about moving out or breaking up!”
James looked like he’d seen a basilisk.
“How could you think I wanted to break up with you? I love you more than anything in the world.”
“Well, you’ve done a shitty job of showing it recently.”
James reached for Reggie’s hands.
“Can we go to the couch and I’ll tell you what’s been going on?”
__________________________________
James helped Regulus remove his jacket and backpack and hang them on the hallway hooks. Regulus could see James’ body physically shaking with… fear? Nerves? The sight wasn’t exactly placating Regulus' own anxiety.
James led Reggie to the couch. James’ hands were clammier than Regulus had ever felt them.
“I’m sorry I made you feel worried about our relationship.”
“Can’t you see where I’m coming from? How out of character you’ve been? And the timing of it happening right after I moved in…”
“No, it makes sense.”
James looked like he could barely breathe.
“What has been occupying my thoughts has actually been the opposite of feeling insecure about our relationship.”
Regulus rolled his eyes.
“That’s too many double negatives for me to parse through. Just tell me. Please.”
James dug into his pocket and pulled out the silver ring.
“What’s that?”
“A family ring that my mum gave me.”
Regulus stared blankly.
“I’ve been acting crazy because I want to–”
His voice cracked. Now James was the one crying.
“–It’s an engagement ring. Since I’ve had it, all I can think about is how much I want to marry you–uufff!!!”
Reggie tackled James flat out on the couch.
“James Feamont Fucking Potter are you fucking serious right now?!”
They were both manically laughing or crying or both.
When James could finally catch his breath, he held Reggie’s face in his hands.
“You’re my best friend, my lover, my partner in all things–nothing makes me happier than the thought of building a life with you. I want to make a formal promise to you. And calling you my “boyfriend” doesn’t feel like a big enough word. But I understand that your view of marriage or even our relationship may be different than mine. I guess I really just want to know if you’d ever consider getting married? To me, that is.”
Regulus caressed his thumb over James’ cheek then leaned to give him a firm kiss.
“I can’t believe you put me through all that agony because you were thinking about proposing.”
“I’m sorry, baby. It was out of love, I swear.”
Reggie chuckled softly. Reggie could feel himself, his true, better self coming back. Not the paranoid, anxious Regulus that had overtaken him the past twenty-four hours.
“I want to be with you forever too. But this would be a big step when we haven’t even talked about how we are feeling about the adjustment to living together.”
“How are you feeling about the adjustment of living together?”
Regulus felt his face get hot. Hotter than it already was anyway.
“Is the stoic Regulus Black blushing?!”
“Shut up, Potter, you’re so annoying,” Reggie moaned.
“I thought we were having a serious conversation about marriage and the adjustment of living together.”
Regulus hid his face, letting out a giddy laugh.
Regulus spoke.
“The adjustment of living together, for me, has been smooth. Well, besides the last day, but splitting chores and sharing space has been easy and overall it’s been better than I imagined it.”
James tucked a wave of Regulus’ black locks behind his ear.
“I feel the same. I like being domestic with you and knowing you’ll always be there when I wake up and when I go to bed.”
“I also like how much sex we’ve been having.”
“You horndog!” James barked. “That’s why you were blushing!”
Regulus shut him up with a kiss.
“So we’ve established we’ve adjusted well to living together and you love having sex with me. Do you want to tell more about your thoughts on marriage now?” James asked.
Regulus took a minute to gather his thoughts. He took a deep breath. He knew it was important to be 100% honest with James. He owed it to James, and he owed it to himself.
“My main exposure to marriage for 17 years was my parents’ loveless partnership. I’ve sort of blocked the concept out.”
James was quiet.
“Say something.”
“I don’t know what to say. I wish that your parents could have been more like mine. Marriage shouldn’t be a business transaction.”
“Business transaction” was a euphemism, Regulus thought. His parents were colder to one another than business partners would be. Walburga verbally abused Orion on a daily basis.
“I want to be with you. Our relationship–it’s a serious adult relationship to me, and I agree that “boyfriend” doesn’t feel like a strong enough word. I think I need some time to work on my conceptions around marriage in therapy because when you propose to me I want to only feel happiness and excitement, not any leftover ill feelings from my childhood.”
“When I propose to you? So you see it happening at some point?”
Regulus threw another signature eye roll.
“Yes, future Mr. Potter-Black.”
It was James’ turn to launch Regulus onto the other side of the couch in excitement.
“Woooooweeeee!”
“You’re ridiculous!” Reggie gasped out in laughter from under James’ thick, muscular frame.
“Potter-Black, huh?” James was beaming.
“Or just Potter? But I kind of want our kids to avenge the Black name, you know?”
“Please don’t get me started on kids. My heart can’t handle it.”
Regulus reached for a kiss and then pulled back.
“Wait.”
“What?”
“What did your proposal crisis have to do with Sirius’ birthday party?”
James started laughing.
“Remus made it up on the spot because we couldn’t tell Sirius we were talking about the ring.”
“You told Remus about the ring?”
“Yeah, I was freaking out!”
“I feel like Sirius is still not over the whole my-best-friend-is-dating-my-little-brother thing.”
“That’s why I couldn’t tell him on a whim that I want to make you my husband. So, now we’re hosting a birthday dinner.”
“Wow.”
“Can we resume kissing now?” James asked as he pulled on the waistband of Reggie’s black jeans.
“Yes, future Mr. Potter-Black.”
“I love you,” James whispered.
“I love you forever,” Regulus whispered back.