Sirius had James.
James had Sirius.
Remus had Peter.
Peter had Remus.
Mary had Lily.
Lily had Mary.
Marlene had no one.
Well not really, but it felt that way.
Obviously she had friends, in fact she thought she might be better friends with her friends than most of the others in the group.
She’s close with Sirius, that’s how she knows that he doesn’t like Peter. James doesn’t know that. She knows he doesn’t because no one does only her. But somehow James is still Sirius’ favourite friend.
She’s close with James, they’ve known each other their whole lives. They stayed over at each other’s houses for days at a time, and they played outside for hours and begged their parents for more time. James was hers. He always had been. Until he wasn’t, because now James was Sirius’. And that made sense because Sirius was James’.
She’s close with Peter, they’ve known each other for years, since they were 7 and Pete moved to Godrics Hollow. They made cupcakes together, they never tasted great but it was fun. They went to the woods and got covered in mud then had to get sprayed down with a hose before they were allowed back in their houses. She never thought she’d loose Peter because honestly he’s always been kind of pathetic. She loves him, really she does. But she was so sure he’d never leave that she let her guard down. Then she lost him. He went off and found someone who gives him the attention he deserves, and she can’t blame him for that. Peter deserves Remus.
She’s close to Remus, kind of, they’re not as close as she is with the others. She doesn’t think there’s any version of this universe where Remus would be her person, they just never clicked like that. They hung out together, but there was almost always someone else there. She was glad Remus was there though. He was there for Peter when she wasn’t. He was better than her. That’s why Peter chose Remus.
She’s close with Mary, they share a dorm, they like the same things. They do each other’s makeup and make jokes and take the same classes. They usually agree about everything. It’s safe. Comfortable. But that’s not what Mary wants. Mary wants Lily. They have things in common, they’re both muggle-born, they like the same music, the same books. But they have different opinions. They don’t always agree and they like that. They talk about things try and convince each other to change their opinion but ultimately fail. They find it fun. Marlene doesn’t get it, but at least they’re happy. Mary likes Marlene, she just likes Lily more.
She’s close with Lily, they don’t have much in common. They’re still close though, they can sit together for hours in complete silence and just appreciate that the other’s there. Its nice. But it’s not perfect. They both like to talk, just not about the same things. That’s why Lily works better with Mary. Mary and Lily like to talk about the same things. And they both listen. Marlene doesn’t listen. She tries she just can’t. Lily and Mary are perfect.
The only problem is, there’s no one left for Marlene. She’s not really sure if she let herself get pushed away or left behind or forgotten, or if she tried to find someone and wasn’t successful. It doesn’t matter though because it all ends the same.
With her alone, in the common room at 3:00 in the morning, tears down her face even though they have no reason for being there because she’s fine. Nothings wrong, her life’s great. She has loads of friends, a family that love her, and she’s in an environment where she’s encouraged to be herself and do what she wants to do. So why does she feel lost. Alone.
Part of her wishes someone would walk down the stairs and see her in this mess and help her fix it. Another part of her thinks she would die of embarrassment if that happened, if someone saw her and she had to explain that she felt completely helpless for absolutely no reason.
No one would come down though. They never did, and they never would, she knew that. Just like she knew that eventually she’d leave school and have to get a job and end up spending the rest of her life doing something she hates and then crying herself to sleep alone every night because there’s no one left for her.
Because Marlene’s lovely and amazing and gorgeous and brilliant. But there’s always someone better.