Mama's -Girl- Boy
“So what you're telling me is you don't have any childhood issues?” Yosano asks
Dazai looks up from his lap. “My childhood was fine” What was this feeling? It was like he was a bug being inspected under a microscope, like a body at a funeral. Dazai wishes it was his funeral, maybe death would get him out of this horrible therapy session.
“Dazai?” His name rings through his ears. Once. Twice. A third time. Until he finally responded with a hum.
“How about we start from your earliest memories?” Most early memories? Thinking back, they weren't all bad. He could get away with half truths, right?
“Nine.” He says, voice uneasy. Why's his voice like that? There's this tight feeling around his throat, but as he puts his hand there there's nothing, not even the noose he has oh so many scars from.
“Nine? You mean nine years old is your earliest memory? Don't you remember before that?” Dazai doesn't respond to the second part, instead he starts his story…
(Flashback)
Dazai's childhood wasn't good by any means, hell it wasn't even decent. His first memory was at school. There had been a shooting down the road at the bank, the school was close by and they went into a lock down. Dazai had been in the bathroom as it all started.
Dazai stumbles off the toilet in the girls bathroom and tries to pull his panties up. His daddy doesn't believe he is a boy so Dazai still has to wear the girls uniform.
He washes his hands, like a good boy, and scrambles into the hall. Since the school is in lock down the teachers aren't allowed to let him in any classroom. By the time the lockdown was over Dazai is a crying mess in the hall.
(Present day)
“I see… so your first memories were traumatic?” Yosano's voice rings in Dazai's head.
“...” Dazai avoids eye contact, what is this horrible feeling in his stomach, this twisting and churning of his intestines. “I… I should go… I…” Is he going to barf, is he going to just die? What is this feeling?
“Dazai, are you feeling alright?” Dazai doesn't quite hear her voice, doesn't quite know what's going on, and when did he end up in the bathroom? Dazai closes his eyes tightly…
(Flashback)
“Osamu” Dazai wipes his blurry eyes.
“W- what…?” He sniffles, tears? He's crying? No… that can't be right, boys don't cry, boys don't… but he's not a proper boy is he?
Dazai's teacher is kneeled beside him “I've called your father-” that was all Dazai cared to hear, his father, no, no, not his father, anything but that.
(Present day)
Dazai's pulling out his phone, Chuuya, Chuuya… he needs to call Chuuya. Dazai clicks the contact and on the first ring it picks up. “-ey ‘Samu, when you're done at work can you pick up some-” Dazai doesn't really hear anything else, well other than the ringing in his ears.
“Chu-” Dazai's voice cracked. He can't breathe, fuck-...
“Osa, hey- are you okay?” Fuck he can't do this- he can't… “in and out, ‘Samu, breathe with me, in and out.” Dazai listens to Chuuya's words, focuses intently, in and out…