Chapter 3
You hadn't slept a wink. Still staring out the window with Hermione against your chest. She had fistfuls of your shirt and you couldn't bring yourself to put her down, far too anxious of what would happen to her. Your mind wandered to the worst but just because you were terrified didn't mean the world stopped turning.
Eventually, Hemione woke up and gave her soft fussy gurgles. You stood up and tried to stay quiet. Lily had laid in the bed last night, and must have fallen asleep with Harry. They were both sleeping soundly, so you didn't want to disturb them.
If last night had happened any other time, at any other place, with anyone else, you would have kicked them out. Send them straight back to the woods. It was cruel, but you weren't going to keep around people you didn't trust. However, they had Harry and your friends have done dumber things in the past. They seemed like truly good people, that was rare nowadays, and company of your own age wasn't entirely awful.
Everyone was going through this for the first time. You did know one thing, however, Sirius was not to be trusted to have Hermione’s best interest at heart.
You went about your routine, making your way to the kitchen, feeding her with what little milk you could find. You don't know much about babies, again, you used to find them extremely annoying, but you knew that when Mrs. Granger first had Hermione, she could hardly lift her limbs.
Her husband had asked you to scavenge any nuts you could find, specifically almonds or cashews, he said it wasn't ideal but if he could use it with his water supply he could make a suitable replacement until his wife was better. It was crazy to think they were gone. Did they even think that it was a possibility? That you would be looking after their baby girl?
It was life or death in the moment, but they had made a point to involve you from day one. You hadn't been entirely close, but even if they were just a few years older than you, you looked up to them. So much resolve, tenacity, and with a bond you saw in the movies. It's crazy to think you had been traveling with them for two years, and suddenly, they were gone.
Thinking about it now, Mr. Granger made a point of teaching you what he knew, Mrs. Granger had made sure you were the first person Hermione was comfortable being held by at such a young age. For nine months you had to hear the nervous but excited soon to be dad rattle on facts about newborns that you now used day to day. Barty used to joke you were ready for your own, you could still remember the absolutely horrified look Regulus had when the thought of you as a mother came across his mind. Evan’s laughter rang in your ears as you elbowed Barty in the side for the sly comment.
Maybe they did have a feeling. They were always smarter than you.
You were snapped out of your thoughts when you heard Hermione give another gurgle, quickly you set the milk down and began to rub her back. You were distracted, again.
Using as little formula as you could with the abomination of handmade nut milk was the most sustainable option. Just three more months and it would be time to worry about getting your hands on mashed food. The stress of it all wasn't necessarily bad, you found yourself waking up every morning with someone to be awake for.
Cooing at her as you swayed around to keep her calm. You had to admit, she was a cute little thing. Even if it wasn't what you wanted, even if you lost the people dearest to you, you wouldn't go back. The idea that any other outcome would have resulted in those monsters getting their hands on her terrified you more than anything.
Those bandits, the so-called “Death Eaters” like some pathetic indie rock band name, were ruthless. They first started appearing about a year ago, they had even attempted to recruit your group.
Some religious ramblings about the worthy and the righteous, always fell on deaf ears for you. Even then, they seemed particularly insane. Speaking of the rapture and innocence leaving the community around you. That the most dignified should step up and show why they were worthy to be on earth.
That was when, of course, you had just met the group.
You weren't as skilled as you were now, but you had been alone for months when this all started. Trial and error had your best interest at heart, until skill slowly took over. When you met them, you were not the most.. easy person.
As in you stabbed, who you later learned to be Barty, right threw the hand. To your absolute horror he called you hot for it. The damn psycho. You missed him.
Evan wasn't far behind in thinking you were just the best thing since sliced bread. Maybe it was the change in faces around their boring camp, but you quickly went from some stranger they hunted with, to someone who would pop up at their camp. Eventually, you never left. You made friends with the people there, and being a part of a group made you feel safe since the first time it all happened.
Maybe that was another reason why you were so determined to keep these people around. You wanted nothing more than to be witnessed.
You were once again rudely snapped from your thoughts at the feeling of being watched. You hated that feeling. You turned to look at the doorway from the hall to the kitchen and locked eyes with that Remus boy. He looked to be sweating, but trying to hide how much pain he was clearly in. He seemed startled to see you, slowly smiling and you nodded to him, turning to look out the window.
He joined you in silence, using two chairs to prop his ankle up above his heart.
Eventually, he spoke up.
“How did you sleep?”
“I didn't. Couldn't.” You mused and after a moment of silence you turned to see him again. His eyes were closed but he didn't seem to be dozing. “... did you sleep?”
“Couldn't.” He responded and you nodded. “The pain or your friend?”
“Both.” He mumbled and slowly opened his eyes. “He.. we'd known him since we were 11.”
He seemed so solemn. It didn't even cross your mind they may have known each other from back before the change. You walked over and took a seat beside him, and he continued. “He was always a bit of an anxious kid, maybe he did some things I need to think twice about but.. I never would of figured him to..”
“Yeah.” You whispered. “No one wants to think of a friend that way.”
You rolled your tongue. It was hard to hold a conversation, truly. You had been alone for a month, before that you spent two years of your life with people you mostly listened to.
“So,” Remus began. “If you don't mind me asking, where were you when this all started?”
The question grew worn and weary with each new encounter, gradually losing its significance. It was more common than normal formalities at this point.
It held a certain importance, though, as it let many saps share their story with another person. It was a way to ensure that, even in your absence, at least one person would know your story. That you weren't lost in this world like the thousands of others who were gone. So, when the inevitable end came, whether in the tearing grip of zombies or other perils that watched you in the tree line, someone would carry your memory until it became their turn.
It just seemed to hit you, everyone in that camp. Regulus, Barty, Evans, the Grangers. Their stories were now all that was left of them. Right.
You hoped to be so lucky to tell Hermione of the heroes her parents were. The lives they saved, including yours and her own.
“It's a.. long story.” You sighed and he nodded.
“Is there anything else to do?” Remus offered and you purse your lips.
“Actually,” You looked out the window and bit your cheek. The sun was rising slowly, you didn't need to be anywhere just yet. “Short version.”
Remus leaned back against his chair and nodded before you took a deep breath.
“My dad, he worked for the military. He used to take me on these hunting trips with his coworkers. These two idiots and a pretty cool veteran.”
“Is that how you shot down that buck?”
“Learned from the best.” You nodded, smiling down at Hermione as you ran your hand soothingly down her back. “My dad and I got into this big fight.” You whispered, smile fading. “I took a hike early to get away from them all. They were being.. men.”
“Men?” Remus smirked.
“Men.” You cheeked. Remus was easy to be playful with. “On my walk, there was this guy. He looked unconscious. It was.. it was a bit jarring. Then when I called for help he got up. He was eating meat of some kind.”
You shuttered as you remembered so clearly the crazed and red faced man looking at you. Like you were his next meal. “And then my dads friend, Mr. Prewett came out of nowhere. He jumped in front of me and this guys just- well.. you can assume what happened. I went back to camp and I told my dad. He panicked and called the sheriff office.” You waved your free hand. “Useless. Eventually, there was this mass panic and people chasing each other. My dad packed up the car and told me to drive. To go home and wait for him and his friends there. He just.. never came back.”
Remus nodded along thoughtfully.
“What of you five?” You asked in kind. He fiddled with his nail.
“We had just been sent home from boarding school. We were on a train home and suddenly it just stopped.” Refused recounted the horrified screams and the mass panic. Remembering locking their compartment and drawing the curtains. The sounds of tearing and horrified screams etched into his memory.
You winced a bit. “A train?”
“Right? I mean, who starts these things off on a train?”
Okay, that made you laugh. The cheeky bugger. “How did you make it out?”
“Lily broke a window.”
“That.. makes sense. She seems like she has a thing or two going for her upstairs.”
“Something the other two lack.”
Okay, he was definitely charming too. A sense of humor could go a long way. A comfortable silence settled over you, before you saw how late it was getting. You began to stand and Remus winced as he shifted to look at you.
“Where are you headed?”
“The spring further down the forest line. It's fresh water and I have an embarrassing purifier.”
“You're taking her?”
“...” You usually did take littler Hermione with you, you hated to be so far from the house without her. You knew it would be easier, however, to leave her behind.
“I-”
“I'll watch her.” Remus offered gently.
Your eyes locked onto his hazels. You searched them with a determined tightness in your chest. Remus had never done anything to make you think he might hurt her. Something about the boy reminded you of safety in its purest form.
But you weren't going to just trust your gut. Not again.
“I'll set her down in the livingroom. If she cries-”
“I'll be here. I promise.”
You slowly nodded and gave him a brief pained smile. His eyes were soft and so was his curled lips. Showing you a gentleness you only saw after you met the group. It frustrated you to no end, to not understand why your heart was clenching so painful and desperate in your chest at just a look.
You turned sharply and walked into the livingroom, past the sleeping figures to hide her away in the corner as you always did. You made a point to not look at Sirius nor James.
James seemed distraught, holding his curly strands of hair in between his fingers. Eyes bloodshot.
Seems no one slept.
“I am going out, down to the stream. It's a walk, so I'll be back by the time the sun goes down.” You informed them, it felt odd to have someone to report to again.
Walking past them, James suddenly stood up on his feet before he stumbled a bit. “Alone? You're going alone?”
Sirius came to grab his wrist and help him stay up.
You looked back at them with a quizzing look. “Yes. We need water. I figured the idea would make you happy.”
James shook his head. “No- no- water, it's- it's great.” He mumbled and stared at you. His eyes were low and filled with concern. You should have walked away, but he looked like a wounded puppy.
“Is that.. okay, James?” You whispered back. It was hard to stay too stern with him.
“It is just.. just alone?” He pushed and you slowly crossed your arms.
“I have survived plenty long without-”
“I-I'll go with you! We can be quicker too, I'm pretty strong I-”
“James.” You cut in on his words sharply and his eyebrows pinched together with a sad look. “... yes?”
Merlin, you see why Lily was so taken with him. If the current situation was anything else-
“I will be fine alone.” You insisted before Sirius cleared his throat.
“You?” You glared at Sirius, this time, unlike yesterday, he didn't shy away. “I'll go with you.”
“No.”
“Can't really stop me, can you?” Sirius mused and picked up James's gun. You glared at him harder and he sighed, handing it back to James.
“No weapons.” He comprised.
“And you travel ahead of me.” You huffed, the black haired boy slowly smirked. “Darling, I don't have a clue where we're going.”
You rolled your eyes. “Just bloody- follow me then.”
Before he could make another comment you walked to the door and began to leave. James seemed to visually relax, and Sirius hurried after you.
“Don't slow me down.” You warned him, stepping onto the porch. The outside was calm and serene, but there was this sinking feeling in your chest that only grew worse as you tried to catch something in the tree line.
It felt like you were being watched. You hated that feeling.
Your thoughts were suddenly cut out of your mind when you heard Sirius.
“Wouldn't dream of it.”