She felt as if clouds had clogged her vision. These clouds weren't fluffy and serene ones like on a summer day but grey and foreboding. A hint of danger there. Where was she?
Parvati wondered if she was dead. She couldn't remember how she got here. Was it possible to die and not notice?
Suddenly she knew that she was running, like in a nightmare where the corridors look the same and seem to lead nowhere. Her world seemed mute but somewhere deep inside her she had a feeling that the world was in chaos. She knew something was very wrong. The world around her had been broken into a million pieces. She was terrified, her lungs were on fire, she became aware that she was crying and screaming but she couldn't hear the sounds. She was only certain of one thing: she needed to get to Lavender. She didn't know how they had gotten separated. She couldn't remember anything but she kept running down the bleak halls of St. Mungo's. Lavender could be dying without her by her side, Lavender would be alone, alone and dying.
She couldn't let her die. Lavender was the strongest person she knew. They were meant to be together, not even death could take that from them, Parvati demanded that he didn't. She felt a wave of nausea hit her as she imagined that creature on her Lavender. She doubled up, clinging to the wall - feeling broken. Her consciousness seemed to swing in and out of focus.
Once she had gasped a few breaths into her lungs she was off again. She ran down another corridor looking for Lavender. It felt like she had been running for hours. She felt like she had searched everywhere for the blonde. She stopped. The sound of the busy hospital seemed to come back into focus. It was a painful whiplash. She was hit with waves of sound that engulfed her. It was awful. The grief stricken sobs, the piercing screams and hoarse shouts. Parvati realised for the first time that these were not all coming from her. She was drowning in the pain of others now. They were safe here but their pain had only just begun.
She needed to stay focused but she could feel herself sinking to her knees. It was all too much. She was too tired. She was so very drained. Her body was failing her.
"Are you being seen yet?"
"Lavender."
She's the one thing she could manage to say. It was all she could think about it. The only thing that made sense. It had only been hours since they had been at Hogwarts. The bloody battle. A fight for their lives. St Mungos was overrun with people seeking treatment, help, recovery. It was too painful.
"Is that your name, dear?"
Then the world went black.
*
Her mouth felt dry.
It was so bright.
Her eyes fluttered open. She hadn't expected to see a mirror image looking back at her. It was an identical face looking down at her, etched with worry and sadness. She didn't remember her face looking quite like that. The face seemed a lot older than her eighteen years. It had been a while since she had looked into the mirror though. Something occurred to her. The face was slightly different. There was a small scar just below the eye. Parvati didn't have a scar. The vague wisp of memory danced across her consciousness. A high pitched wail and climbing frame.
Padma.
A warm smile graced Padma's face. Relief seemed to flood her features. She was smiling but there was something missing. It didn't feel quite like her sister. The war had changed her just like it had changed Pavati. They were all different now.
"I'm so glad you're awake!"
She had never been more pleased to see her twin sister.
Padma stroked hair away from Parvati's face as she handed her a glass of water. Padma's touch was appreciated. The gesture was small but the impact was meaningful. It showed a tender fondness but it seemed to beg the question how did we end up here?
Parvati was so pleased to see her sister alive and well. She was ashamed to admit that thoughts about her sister had been far from her mind since the Battle began. She hadn't any time to think about anything other than protecting a future for Lavender and herself. Padma was her other half throughout their childhood though. She had to admit that she felt a little distance since they started Hogwarts.
She had liked being in different houses. It was the first time that she had truly considered herself as a truly individual person. You never really got that option being a twin. She thought that part of the reason she had struggled getting to grips with her feelings for Lavender in the very beginning stemmed from that. They were supposed to be the same and suddenly they couldn't have been more different.
It turned out that differences were ok though. It took the sisters a while to gain back their bond. It wasn't the same as before but that's the issue with growing up. Things change but she would always love her sister like she could never love another person.
"How are you?"
"Alive."
"How is she?"
Parvati didn't have to state who she was talking about. Padma would know. Parvati should have followed up on Padma's ‘alive' answer but she couldn't hold it in any longer. She needed news. A look spread across Padma's face was one that made Parvati's blood run cold. The look was not good. Padma's face had dread and sadness plastered across it. Something was very wrong. Parvati had always thought of Padma as the more reserved one. Her face was giving away Parvati's worst nightmare. She wished that Padma would speak. She needed to put her out of the eternal misery that the last few seconds had been.
Lavender was dead.
Dead.
Dead.
Dead.
"Her parents wouldn't let me see her but I know her injuries are life changing."
Relief was too small a word to describe how she felt. Her whole body relaxed. It wasn't until now that she noticed how every muscle in her body had tensed until she received news from Lavender. Parvati barely paid attention to the life changing injuries aspect because she was too happy that she was alive. They were strong enough to deal with any scars that they had as long as they were together.
"I need to see her!"
She jumped out of bed so fast that it made her head spin. She didn't care. She was already marching out of the door with purpose. Padma admired Parvati's passion but she didn't think it was going to be as easy as Parvati seemed to think. It was going to be a long road ahead.
*
He was not how she had imagined him to be. Lavender was so full of life, happy and warm so Parvati could only assume that Lavender's father would be the same. Parvati hated that it would be him that could have control if she saw Lavender or not. Their fate was to be put in the hands of someone who referred to her as Lavender's ‘friend' like it was a dirty word. Not every parent dressed in rainbow saris like hers.
You would think loving Lavender would have them bonded together but it didn't. His love seemed to come with conditions. Parvati truly believed that her love would never be like that. You couldn't put limits on true love. The fact that she loved his daughter more than anything was all the more reason for him to feel uncomfortable. Parvati saw that look in his blue eyes. Lavender had his eyes. Lavender's orbs were always filled with a type of fire that you couldn't buy. It was her thirst for adventure, knowledge and life that set her widely apart from her father's mundane ones.
"She doesn't want to see you."
It was funny the way a lie could crush her. Parvati knew this couldn't be true but a tiny part of her brain whispered to her that it might be. She didn't trust Lavender's father either though. He had never wanted them together but now he was Lavender's mouthpiece. She would not believe anything until she heard it from Lavender herself. She knew her Lavender.
"She's sleeping."
"It's family only."
"She's not ready to see you."
"I think it'd be a good idea if you left!"
He was gravely mistaken if he thought Parvati would just go away. She would go to Lavender's room day after day for as long as it took. She needed to be there for Lavender. She hadn't let Voldemort tear them apart then she wouldn't let Lavender's father do it. Their relationship had faced much bigger tests than this. He was quite clearly a man who was accustomed to getting his own way. This man had met his match in Parvati.
*
This hospital was somehow so vast yet so claustrophobic. Those rainbows that they had plastered all over the place as a symbol of hope felt like a false idol. The bright colours were supposed to inspire you that tomorrow will be better. The colours were only ever an idea though. The place was white. Cold and clean. She felt hopeless. Blank. She felt like she had trailed every inch of this hospital as the night swung around again and it brought the darkness back. She wanted to look outside. She needed to know that there was something beyond this place. A bigger part of her knew she needed to stay to look over Lavender.
She had no place to go. She wasn't ill enough to be here. It became clear that Parvati was just struggling with exhaustion and dehydration when she collapsed. They let her go. They needed the beds for others. She didn't really belong at the hospital. She was lucky that she didn't have to become a permanent feature here. She was free but had never felt more trapped. Even when they had been hiding in the Room of Requirement - at least then they had been together then. They were now apart and Parvati was just floating around aimlessly through the hospital. She would not leave without Lavender though.
It was the nurse from before she had collapsed. Parvati had found out her name was Gloria. It suited her. Parvati could see why she had chosen to be a nurse. There was something welcoming and homely about her. She was the type of person that the patients needed to brighten the long days while they were stuck here. There was just something about the way she walked. It always seemed to suggest that something good was just around the corner. A glowing kindness. The nurses were the hope that the patients needed, not the painted rainbows littering the halls.
Parvati thought that she should have gone home with Padma. Padma had begged her to return to see their parents. She couldn't do it though. She wanted to but her purpose here was stronger. It had been four days that she had been here. The nurse who had been the one to help her had taken pity on her. She offered her cups of tea and let her sleep in the nurses' staff room. She seemed like her guardian angel. Someone was looking out for her. Parvati thought Gloria just wanted to see a happy ending for once. Mr and Mrs Brown had been with Lavender pretty much since she had arrived. Parvati had got the impression that Lavender wasn't awake a lot at the moment.
"Mr Brown has gone home for a few hours and I'm due for a cup of tea," she said. Parvati saw her wink. "Just thought you should know."
Parvati's breath got caught in her chest. This was her chance. She knew Gloria must be taking a big risk for her. Lavender would just be beyond those doors. Gloria turned her back to leave. She couldn't wait any longer. She pushed on the door to the private room.
*
Her eyes flicked around the room. It was much like the others. Plain and boring. She saw a bunch of roses in a vase. They must have been brought by Lavender's parents. She had been angry at them but a sudden rush of gratitude filled her. She felt better knowing that Lavender was sharing her space with something so beautiful. The petals looked fresh and crisp. They were an array of different colours which brought warmth to the bland chamber.
The drama of the deep red, the cheery nature of the yellow and the subtle romance in the tones of pink was a joyful combination. There was something about roses that always reminded Parvati of Lavender. Perhaps because they were bold but so delicate too. There was a juxtaposition in them that was so true of Lavender's character. It felt fitting that they had pride of place on her bedside table.
Lavender's face seemed to miss that natural glow that she had about her. She looked so pale. Her complexion seemed void of all the things that made it human. The fact that Lavender was sleeping almost made Parvati feel like she shouldn't be there. Lavender needed all of her strength for the fight for any type of normality ahead. She couldn't help herself wondering what lay underneath the white bandages which covered her all of her neck and lower face. She had a realisation that she wasn't sure what to say to Lavender.
She'd spent the last few days so angry at her father that words seemed to have failed her. At least she could see Lavender. She could just sit here. Be there for Lavender until it was all taken away from her again. She reached out for Lavender's hand. Her skin was as soft as she remembered. She willed Lavender to get better, to fight.
"What is she doing here?!"
He had a face like thunder. It seemed like Mr Brown had returned slightly earlier than Gloria had expected it seemed. He wasn't happy.
Lavender's eyes fluttered open.
Just like her sister's face, It didn't feel right. Lavender's eyes seem to have lost their sparkle. She couldn't place the look in her eyes. It was just emptiness. Parvati didn't know what to expect from Lavender but it hadn't been this. Parvati wanted to hug and kiss her, to promise her that everything would be ok now that she was here. She didn't think that was going to be enough anymore. Lavender moved her hand out of her grip. Parvati felt awash with loneliness at the moment. She pushed it down. She had to bury that feeling right now otherwise she wouldn't be able to go on.
"I deserve to be here," she persisted with gritted teeth.
She would attack. She would fight this man until her dying breath if that's what it took.
"I'm not strong enough to hear you fight," Lavender said. Her voice sounded hoarse. Her effort to talk looked painful. She was looking at neither of them. Just staring at the wall. "You both stay or you both go. Your choice."
He moved first. He sat in the seat nearest the door.
It was the beginning of an uneasy truce.
Parvati broke down as she took a seat.
She had been focused on Lavender that she hadn't truly let herself remember all the horrors that she had seen. It was finally time to grieve and accept the true magnitude of what she has been through. Lavender had always said that she was a pretty crier but this didn't feel pretty. There was nothing romantic about the sobs that shook her whole body. Lavender didn't move to comfort her. She was already sleeping. It was not the reunion that she had in mind. It was nothing like she imagined.
Lavender's father looked like he wanted to say something to her. Maybe he wanted to comfort her to make amends but he didn't. He just sat there by Lavender's side. He wanted her gone but Lavender hadn't let him. That was something. However small. It was something. Something is all she had.
It was freeing to break down. Lavender had been her safe place. She was truly able to crumble after being strong for too long.
She was here with Lavender. Finally.
That was enough for today.