It was difficult. Difficult for Malfoy's wife, Astoria Greengrass, to understand her husband's withdrawal–the lifeless look in his eyes, the loss of appetite–every May, around the anniversary of the Battle of Hogwarts 3 years ago.
Typically, he was the loving and devoted husband she adored: bringing her favorite flowers after long days of work, listening patiently to her rambles, and reciprocating her affection.
But during May, he became a completely different person, haunted by the day he ended up losing you.
–
Astoria vividly remembered the first time she had met him, as a young girl visiting the Malfoy estate with her family. Coming from a pure-blood family, she often attended these meetings though they were extremely boring.
That day, her mother was awfully anxious, reminding her, "Darling, remember to speak nicely and become friends with their son, Draco," whilst nervously adjusting her black gloves.
Her father, far more relaxed, greeted the Malfoys like old friends, immediately sparking a discussion of the Ministry's troubles as her mother was swept away by Narcissa to discuss recent pure-blood marriages.
Feeling out of place, Astoria stood awkwardly by her sister as the manor's grand doors closed behind them. The Malfoy manor being too cold and empty, much to her disliking. It was the complete opposite at her home which was fully encompassed in warmth and comfort.
"Astoria, I'll be a moment," Daphne, her older sister, suddenly said, nudging her forward, "Find something to do. I'll be there later when mother calls for dinner".
Astoria nodded slowly and began to wander aimlessly through the manor, just passing through the living room before a sharp voice stopped her.
"Greengrass, what are you doing just wandering about."
Astoria turned to see platinum blonde hair, a boy older than her, staring at her blankly with piercing gray eyes–an air of entitlement surrounding him. Her heart raced as she stood frozen, being drawn into the intensity of his gaze and his alluring confidence as he leaned against the doorframe, a flutter of excitement igniting in her chest.
Then, it immediately dawned on her who he was.
Draco Malfoy, the boy her mother encouraged her to be friendly with.
She watched his expression contort into a mixture of curiosity and annoyance, hinting at the layer of arrogance that she had heard so much about from others. But in that instant, time stood still, and the feeling as though a spark had been ignited made Astoria realize this was more than a passing attraction–something profound.
The beginning of her journey to falling in love with Draco Malfoy.
–
When Astoria became a 1st Year at Hogwarts, Draco was in his 3rd year and Daphne was in her second. Having not seen the older boy for a while due to school at Hogwarts, she was excited to see him again in hopes that they would kindle a strong friendship and possibly something more.
But her hopes were short-lived when she learned of you, and your relation with Draco.
You were a Slytherin, like him in your 3rd year, but unlike many in your house, you were more kind-hearted and well-liked by many of the students. Never once did you trample on others or comment negatively about other students.
Yet, at the same time, you were just like the other Slytherins. You were prideful, loyal, and cunning when you needed to be.
So to many, it was a surprise knowing that you were one of Draco Malfoy's closest friends. Though the two of you weren't especially close during your first year, over time your bond deepened and the two of you developed an unspoken understanding of each other.
You knew each other so well to the point where words became unnecessary, communicating effortlessly through shared glances and gestures. This unspoken language was enough to convey everything the other was feeling.
So, every day to Astoria, watching the closeness between you and Draco was unbearable and incredibly difficult. But, she never stopped trying to achieve that same level of closeness with him: inviting him to study sessions, engaging in Slytherin's Quidditch Practices and cheering loudly for him during games to receive a smug smile from him whenever he noticed her in the stands.
However, she quickly began to realize that all of this was futile. Why would anything she do matter when he had you?
You, who never needed to ask him to participate in activities. You, whom he had invited to the Yule Ball and asked to accompany him on every Hogsmeade trip–always remembering to buy you your favorite candy from HoneyDukes. You, who he was always side by side with, chatting and laughing so carefreely.
You, who brought out a different side to that arrogant, prideful boy–wiping away the familiar sneering and haughty look from his oh-so-handsome face.
Astoria was jealous of you. Extremely jealous. It was so painful for her to watch from the sidelines, feeling no matter how much she liked Draco, you would always come first.
There were times she often wondered if there would ever be room in his heart for someone other than you. Would she be overshadowed by your connection? Would he still think of you when spending time with her?
She'd figure that out soon enough. Even when she would find herself in rare moments with Draco, talking about their similarities, she could see him peeking over her shoulder in the library to stare at your figure as you laughed with friends from Ravenclaw and Gryffindor.
It was then that she knew, you would always be the center of his attention.
–
During the final moments of the Battle of Hogwarts, Astoria frantically looked around for Draco and Daphne.
Despite knowing he was on the Dark Lord's side, she still loved him dearly, harboring the same emotions she felt ever since she was a little girl.
But as she turned the corner, she saw Draco kneeling over you, as if the two of you were in your own little bubble. His body trembled violently as he cradled you so gently, grasping at your figure with such a tightness as if he never wanted to let you go.
All the chaos of the battlefield began to fade out as Astoria watched Draco whisper soft words to you–words she couldn't hear but feel in her bones and soul–as you looked up at him hopelessly with a sad smile on your face.
Tears streamed endlessly down Draco's face as your lungs tightened and your eyes began to close; Astoria slowly saw Draco reveal a vulnerability he rarely ever showed–so different from his typical cold demeanor.
She watched silently, remaining unnoticed, as tears brimmed in her eyes watching the melancholy scene unfold in front of her. Oh, how she wished it was her he was crying over.
Draco hadn't taken notice of her until he lifted your body carefully in his arms, facing Astoria with a raw look in his eyes clearly filled with love and heartbreak.
Astoria's heart ached.
This was something she'd never seen before. Something she knew only belonged to you.
–
Since then, Astoria had always known: she was simply a placeholder of you.
Still, she had hopes of being capable of taking your position.
She chose to pursue Draco, somehow becoming his "girlfriend" a year after the Battle of Hogwarts, and his "wife" two years after.
But deep down, they both knew that titles like "wife" and "girlfriend" carried little meaning in the shadow of his true love for you.
But Astoria wanted to be selfish. She chose to put her desires first.
So despite knowing that if you were still alive, Draco would leap into your arms, abandoning the life Astoria and he had built just to be with you again, She didn't care.
So, every May, Astoria chose to be reminded of your significance to Draco.
She chose to hopelessly cling onto an opportunity that would never come–the chance to be Draco Malfoy's true love, one that would forever belong to you.