Chapter 1
An annoyingly bright light was the first thing Hermione noticed when she woke up.
Hmm, I thought I closed those curtains before Ron came to bed last night.
Bracing herself to be blinded, she looked to her right and saw the window on Ron’s side of the bed not only had the curtains thrown open, but had been pushed open a bit. The window was cracked enough to let in the cool breeze of a September morning in Yorkshire, and the early chorus of the birds she loved looking at from her back porch. But all she could think about was the lack of warmth that she normally woke to on a lazy Saturday morning.
Sitting up in bed and wrapping the blankets around her shoulders, Hermione called out, “Ron? Ron, are you still home?”. There was no answer from the living room, and nothing but silence filled the rest of her cottage. The tank top and shorts she had stripped to, after waking up sweating in the middle of the night, no longer seemed to be adequate with the cool breeze blowing in, and the cold sheets she found herself next to.
Hermione looked over at the alarm clock sat on the night table next to her bed, saw it read 6:47 a.m, and with a frustrated sigh dragged her hands down her face. She was exhausted, but was not willing to chance the possibility of the nightmare that haunted her last night to have a reprise, so instead of going back to sleep, she settled on the prospect of a warm cup of tea. Hermione reached to the foot of the bed where her dad’s university sweatshirt was squished between the wooden footboard and her fluffy comforter. It was one her favorite sweatshirts to fall asleep in, and she always wore it before bed hoping the memory of her parents would be enough to chase away the nightmares, but it never was. So every night she would rip it off in the heat of her terrors, and every morning, lovingly put it back on for a reminder of the hug that felt as if it was so far out of reach.
Sufficiently warm, Hermione padded out of her bed and down the short hallway to her living room. Even though she didn’t expect to see him there, the confirmation that Ron had left in the middle of the night sent a pang of hurt through Hermione. Crossing the room to the island, she noticed a note sitting next to a dirty teacup,
Had to run, emergency with a case
-R
Hermione could not help the fear that squeezed her heart, not when she so often saw her boyfriend and friends dying while she slept. She quickly conjured her patronus, the squeeze loosening a bit at the sight of the familiar otter, and sent it to Ron asking if he was okay.
She tried to distract herself with making a cup of earl gray, putting Ron’s empty cup in the sink while her kettle heated up. By the time she had the cup in her hands, basking in the warmth, she heard a tapping on her big bay window next to her reading nook. She walked over relieved to see Pigwidgeon, Ron’s personal owl, sitting on the ledge. Snuggling into her comfy cushions and throwing the blanket over her lap, she swung open the large window inviting Pig to take the treats she kept there. Carefully undoing the ribbon hastily tied to his leg, Hermione freed the letter that simply read,
Everything’s fine
-R
She let out a breath of relief, glad to hear he was safe. Since Pig was the owl to deliver the letter, she assumed that he was in his office, so she flipped the note over and wrote back,
I’m glad to hear everything is ok,
I’ll see you when you come back home
Love,
Mione
She strapped the letter to Pig and sent him on his way with a pat and an extra treat. Digging in the pillows, she found the book she attempted reading last night to distract her from her latest set of nightmares. She put her bookmark aside and continued with the Great Gatsby finding herself lost in the story yet again, waiting for Ron’s response. By the time she flipped over the last page, there was still not another visit from Pig.
—
By noon, Hermione thought she could go insane if she remained in her house for one more second. She snapped her current book closed and threw her hands down onto the couch. After rereading the same page over and over again, she was itching to do something with her hands and felt her magic scratching at her fingertips, begging to be used. She silently accio’d her wand to her waiting hand, sending cleaning spells around the cottage once she felt the snap on her palm. Sidestepping a cleaning broom, she walked into the kitchen. Hermione leaned against the countertop twirling her wand between her fingers thinking about how she should spend her day.
I could finish grading the essay I assigned last week… But the thought of reading a combined 30 inches of parchment from her first years immediately shut that thought down.
I am running out of Pepper Up, I could take advantage of my empty classroom and restock my stores. Yes, that would be a perfect use of today.
Hermione flitted around her home grabbing her research on increasing the efficacy of the potion and shoving them in her bag. She was hopping her way to the Floo trying to get her last shoe on when her stomach let out an undeniable grumble for food.
Quick sandwich, then I’ll be on my way… perhaps I’ll make an extra for Ron, he left in such a hurry this morning I doubt he packed a lunch. He always gets so caught up in his work.
Hermione let her thoughts wander as she packed up two sandwiches, bagged up some carrots from her garden, and snuck a bag of the crisps Ron loved. She wrapped them up in a bag and made her way to the Floo. Taking a handful of the powder she announced for the Ministry of Magic.
Stepping out of the fireplace, she narrowly missed a paper plane whizzing by on its way to the correct department. She followed the plane to the elevators and smiled as she watched it nudge the button for the third level. One of her favorite bits about being part of the wizarding world is the simple magic like this. Something to remind her about the happy little parts of her life now. She gathered the thoughts out of her head and pressed the button for the second level. Soon after the doors closed, a feminine voice rang out, “Level Two: Department of Magical Law Enforcement”. Hermione stepped out taking a last look at the paper plane.
Hermione walked past the familiar secretary. She was sure she knew her name at some point but it evaded her now, so she just waved as she passed by. It was always so busy in the Auror office. Always so many paper planes looping around your head, someone was always running about, and the gold that seemed to be woven through every aspect of the office always made her feel like the sun was reflected directly in her eyes. She always felt like she left visiting with a headache. She walked past the cubicles of the excited and bright faced newer Aurors in the middle of the office, and down the hallway to where Ron’s office was located. As one of the detectives, he was granted his office much faster than most other Aurors, and she was sure his status as one of the ‘Golden Trio’ ensured as much.
She came to a stop in front of the door embossed with his name in gold, along with detective written in loopy font just below it. She knocked gingerly to hear a gruff voice huff, “Come in”.
She peeked her head inside the door and said with a smile, “Just me, no scary Robards”.
Hermione was shocked to see Ron let out a sigh of exasperation? Maybe? “What do you want Mione?”. She opened her mouth, then closed it, unsure of what to say now that this visit no longer felt like a good idea.
Walking into the room Hermione meekly said, “I was just bringing you lunch. I figured you left so quickly this morning, you probably didn’t have time to pack lunch”. Ron took his reading glasses off, something she used to think made him look so handsome and sophisticated, but now the motion left her with a knot in her stomach. She watched as Ron dragged his hands down his face.
“I don’t have time for this right now Hermione, I’m very busy with this case”. He was not even looking up at her, just kept his eyes on his paperwork.
“I’m sorry I just figured this would help get through your day”.
“Unless you happen to know the sick animal that keeps stealing children out of their beds Hermione,” he finally looked up at her, “then I think the most helpful thing you could do right now is leave”.
Hermione’s stomach dropped, “Let me see, maybe I could help you out with the case”. She opened her mouth again to continue but was abruptly cut off.
“No Hermione, you don’t understand, I just need you to fucking leave”, he started raising his voice. “I don’t want your help with this case, you’re the reason I can’t fucking solve it! I am so exhausted every day, I can’t even think about what’s going on with the case. You keep me up all night and you don’t even care!”.
Hermione was at a loss for words. She didn’t think Ron noticed when she woke up in the middle of the night. After the first few times waking up screaming, she placed a silencio on herself before going to sleep so she wouldn’t disturb him. When she would wake up, she would normally try to busy herself with something in the living room until she felt ready to try sleeping again. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to disturb you, I just can’t sleep sometimes with the nightmares-”.
“Oh the bloody nightmares,” he rolled his eyes and continued louder than before, “I’m TIRED of hearing about your STUPID NIGHTMARES, I’m tired of waking up every night because of YOU. I WAS IN THE WAR TOO HERMIONE, it wasn’t just YOU. You don’t hear about my nightmares, I can deal with my shit. Obviously you can’t”. The air drained out of her lungs.
Hermione wasn’t sure when they started but she was sure there were tears running down her face. “I’m sorry, I can try another Dreamless Sleep, or a Calming Drought-” her voice cracked knowing the amount of uncomfort she experienced, and hours she lost to getting sick after taking those potions.
“Oh what, so I can listen to you throwing up every night?” he scoffed, “No thanks Hermione, I’m done”.
Her heart squeezed painfully in her chest, “Wait, what do you mean? You’re not going to sleep over anymore?”. She knew she never slept well to begin with, but knowing she was waking up to Ron, safe and next to her, always gave her a sense of peace when he often starred so often in her nightmares. She wasn’t sure if she could handle waking up alone.
Ron shook his head, “No Hermione, I’m done with you. I can’t take being with you anymore”.
Hermione’s voice shook, “Ron please, I’ll change something, whatever you need to do, I’ll fix it, I’ll-”, she was frantic.
“There’s nothing left for you to fix Mione”. Ron’s anger had leveled out and gave way to something sadder.
Hermione let the tears fall freely, a sob choking out when Ron looked back up to meet her eyes. “Please Ron, I love you”. Ron gave her a look that told her everything she needed to know. He wasn’t interested in trying to fix their issues. She took in a shaky breath and threw the bag with both their lunches onto his couch next to the door.
“Mione, I’m sorry”.
She turned before taking a breath to steady herself, “Don’t call me that anymore, please” she reached for the door knob, “I’ll stay at my apartment for the next few days, please go get your stuff before the end of the week”.
“Hermione-”. She stepped out of the door and slammed it shut behind her before he could finish. She took a few seconds to let her tears fall, and confirm that Ron wasn’t going to follow her. When she didn’t hear any movement, she closed her eyes and let a sob escape, momentarily mourning everything that they had.
She wiped her tears off her face and took a deep breath before walking down the hallway. Luck was not on her side when two steps later she walked into her red-haired friend.
“Hermione, are you okay? What’s wrong?”. Hermione couldn’t even look up at Ginny for fear of new tears falling. “Was it Ronald? I swear I’ll go talk some sense into that stupid git”.
As if her silence confirmed it, she clenched her fists and walked in the direction Hermione had just come from. “RONALD”, Ginny yelled, “GET OUT HERE AND APOLOGIZE TO HERMIONE RIGHT THIS SECOND”.
Hermione had no interest in waiting for his reaction, and ran to the elevators when Ginny’s back was turned. Right past the secretary who, Hermione swore, called out her name. For once today, she got lucky as the doors opened right as she stepped into the elevator hallway. She got in, and viciously hit the door close button until they followed her command. She screwed her eyes shut and felt the stupid tears falling again and her shoulders shaking.
This day can’t get any worse.
Then, she heard someone clear their throat, “Sorry, you just forgot to hit a floor, which floor are you going to?”. She knew that voice, Hermione knew who must be standing next to her on the elevator seeing her breakdown in the way that she was. Wordlessly, she leaned forward and hit the button for the first floor, very grateful about the speed of the elevators. In no time, she was stepping out of the open doors. When she realized she was the only one to step out of the elevator, she turned around and let her eyes travel from pointy dragonhide shoes, to a pointy face sporting the smirk that was so often on his face. She locked eyes with the silver ones across from her.
“Aren’t you getting out?” She was confused about his lack of movement.
“I was trying to get off at two, until a witch in distress came into my elevator and needed to go somewhere else” he said with a joking lift to his voice.
Hermione felt her cheeks warm with embarrassment, momentarily forgetting about the devastating situation that led to her elevator appearance. “I’m sorry, I hope I didn’t make you late for a meeting or something”.
She watched him smirk again as he hit a button, “Not to worry Granger, it was my meeting anyway. I don’t mind letting Weasley sweat in his chair waiting. Hope your day gets better”, he finished right as the doors closed and the elevator shot up to the second floor. She left her brief interaction embarrassed about the way he’d seen her. But her embarrassment soon gave way to the heartbreak and sadness she had been feeling before, following her visit with Ron. Though he proved to be a good momentary distraction, Draco could only do so much for the sadness flooding her bones about the thought of the loneliness that would meet her at home.
I will be okay, she thought, though she doesn't really know how much she believed in that right now.