The film wasn’t that scary. Not really. But the first time they’d watched a horror film together, he’d jumped and grabbed Remus’ hand, but he’d immediately felt safer and now he was addicted to the feeling
As Halloween approached, Sirius suggested horror films every chance he got. Movie night with everyone? Original Scream Trilogy. Sunday night? The Shining. Friday at 3 am when neither of them could sleep? Insidious, obviously.
So now it was just a thing they did. It had started with him grabbing Remus’ hand and progressed to just holding hands the whole way through the film, to Remus’ arm slung around his shoulders so he could press himself into Remus’ side if he got scared, to being curled against Remus for the whole film.
The main issue with this was that Sirius would get so focused on Remus’ body, aligned with his own, that he’d zone out of the film, only to be startled by a jump scare and suddenly find himself half in Remus’ lap. That felt too intimate. He wasn’t sure how it was more intimate than the rest of it, but it seemed to be where the line was for Remus. He’d always move Sirius back beneath his arm, face pressed into his shoulder.
Remus seemed distracted while they were watching some 2000s atrocity called Cherry Falls. Sirius could hear his heart pounding in his chest and his breathing was… weird. He was scared, Sirius realised. But not of the film. He pressed a hand to Remus’ chest. The moon was the following night, but he’d never seen Remus like this before on the day before the moon.
“What’s wrong?” He whispered. Remus shook his head. “Moony?”
“It’s nothing. I’m fine.” He said. “Just… watch the film. You’re missing it.”
Sirius picked up the remote and paused it. “Hey, what’s going on?”
Remus looked at him. There was something in his eyes that Sirius couldn’t quite place. “Maybe we should stop watching horror films.”
“Why? Are you having nightmares?”
“No. I’m… I just think we should stop, ok?” Remus said flatly.
“No, not ok. Moons, what’re you on about? Are they too much? Are you scared?” Sirius pulled away from him, to look at him properly.
“Not of the films.” He muttered.
“Then what?” Remus looked haunted and Sirius was genuinely worried now.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Stop pushing.” Remus said firmly, moving away from him on the sofa. “Can we just watch this and be done?”
Sirius was even more worried now, but suspected he wouldn’t get anything from Remus if he carried on. So he just nodded and resumed the film, maintaining the distance between them. The next time he jumped, he reached for Remus’ hand instinctively before pulling his hand back like he’d been burned. He heard Remus inhale sharply and chose to ignore it.
A locker burst open in the film, the killer leapt out, but this time it was Remus who reached out for Sirius’ hand. He turned to face Sirius, his face trying to express what he was unable to verbalise. Sirius waited, not pausing the film. Silence would only make it harder for Remus to express whatever was troubling him.
“I’m scared.” He said eventually, voice shaking. “I’m scared that the next time you crawl into my lap, I won’t be able to let you go.”
Sirius stared at him, he couldn’t possibly mean—, “And if I didn’t want you to let me go?”
“Well, that would make things a lot less scary, I suppose.” He said, a smile pulling at his lips.