Chapter 2
“Regulus you’re finally here!” he didn’t even get to take a breath than Euphemia was already wrapping her arms around here, “Why didn’t you come to see us before uh? We missed you so much, I made some Salmorejo for you, I know you like it. MONTY COME DOWNSTAIR PLEASE” she still had this loud voice as before, she didn’t change much, she still had this olive skin and black long hair, and mostly she still looks so warm.
“Regulus, my boy you changed so much in those years, still look like an emo boy though.” Monty appeared at the end of wooden stairs of the old house. This house was very beautiful, made of wood it was warm and cozy, with spaces and a lot of vegetations, the stairs was made of tiles, everything was beautiful in this house, full of colorful painting, and just full of life in general. Effie loved plants, she loved to take of the garden who looked beautiful in the spring, and Monty loved painting her in the garden. They were truly a beautiful married couple. The only good relationship model he had, his parents weren’t exactly a model as a couple, or at all; they were stiff and cousins which is frankly disgusting, they didn’t love each other and didn’t talk to each other.
“You know you saw me on camera for the past few years, right? And I would love some Salmorejo Effie thanks.” Monty too looks exactly like before, he still has the same hair as James, those bloody wild hair.
“I want some Salmorejo too! I must feed myself before the party tonight, you know I can’t take alcohol without food in my system” Sirius made his fake sad face.
“You can’t take alcohol even if you eat before drinking” regulus grin at the grumpy face of Sirius, they all walked into the kitchen, and he saw it, this fucking photo, it been in this kitchen for 6 years, it was a simple one. A beautiful massive tree, the sun hitting on the three boys of the house, Sirius had his arm around James’ neck, and Regulus was in front of both, sitting on the soft grass of the garden, looking at the camera. What was truly catching his eyes every time was James, always James, but in this photo, it was his eyes, he was looking at Regulus with all the softness James could hold, which is a lot. He had this delicate smile, full of fondness. This picture was taken at the end of the summer before his last year at Hogwarts. He remembers the day; he went on a picnic with James while Sirius was gone with Remus. It was a good day, sunny and beautiful. If he needed to choose one day to live it again and again it probably would have been this one.
“I love this photo so much, you all look so happy here, especially James, it’s been a while since I didn’t saw him with this smile.”, Effie was talking softly at him, with a little sparkle in her eyes, she was the first one to noticed about him and James, she always had been aware but never said something.
“Blimey, taste this fucking made of heaven dishes Remus! I swear you’ll never want to leave this earth” Remus look at him with a chuffed look, like he was once again, falling in love with his bastard of a brother.
“You know I already ate this one a thousand time, right?”, the man didn’t even look aware of the world around him and the Salmorejo, a soft smile bloomed on Regulus lips. He couldn’t wait to live in London again, France was bloody incredible, but his family wasn’t out there.
“So, you said something about a party Sirius, tell me you didn’t invited people I don’t know…” Sirius looked up from his food at the mention of the party.
“No don’t. worry, it’s just a little thing, some food, alcohol, and I invited your friends obviously” He hoped that Barty’s mouth will stay shut, and Peter’s too. These two are the worst blokes to keep a secret. But he kinda trust peter, for five years he didn’t tell a soul about that so maybe it’s going to stay this way.
“Is James will come? We didn’t saw him for a while. He must be busy with his thesis.” Remus asked a question than been on Reg’ mind as well, Sirius sighed.
“Don’t even start with it, this bloody bastard can’t come tonight, he said something about a bloke to see or I don’t fucking know, it must be for his work, I didn’t have a sleepover with him for so long.” A bloke? Must be for work, but thank God he’s not coming, he’s not ready tonight, he’s too tired for this.
“My son works too much, he should live a little more” Monty looked concerned about James, but it’s just dad concern, reg was sure he was doing just fine. He always has been fine.
“Oh, come on my love, don’t be worried about him, he has enough fun, our son is enough outgoing as he is, no need to push him towards bars.”
“Don’t worry about that Effie, we keep him out of the bars.” Sirius said on a very serious ton, like he meant it, and Regulus couldn’t keep the mocking laugh.
“Sirius, darling, I love you but you’re worst on that subjects that the rest of ‘em.” Even Remus laughed at the hurt face of the Black brother.
***
His head stared spinning, he should get some water for a change, as he walked into the kitchen the music muffled away, he can still hear the soft song of the smith, can’t be more cliché than British people listening to the smith. Except for Remus who is Welsh and Lily who’s Irish, they’re not as cliché as the rest of them. As he poured a glass of fresh water, he saw Peter coming at him, he looked frankly drunk too.
“Reg! Didn’t saw you for so looong. Since like last summer at least so almost a year, bloody French traitor.” Peter pout as he put his arm on Regulus’ shoulder, pulling him closer, “You know James asked about you, yesterday”, of course he had to continue opening his mouth.
“I don’t want to know anything about him Pete, stop talking about him” Reg took a sip of the cup, then put his back on the fridge, looking at the ceiling like it was the most beautiful thing ever. Peter and his bloody talkative mouth couldn’t stop talking about sensitive subjects when he was drunk, hopefully he will never have to go at funerals.
“Yes, you do want to know, I bloody know you, dirty tosser. James asked if you gonna published the next book of the trilogy soon, an odd question to ask about your ex don’t you think?” Indeed, it was odd, but not really for James, he always has been interested about Reg’s work. “I didn’t know what to say, so I asked if he read your books, he said yes, he buy both but was waiting for the last one. But I guess it’s not surprising of James, did you know that his last partner liked dinosaurs so much that he learned all the bloody species for ‘em, he’s some crazy bloke.”
Regulus closed his eyes, his soft hair against the fridge. He didn’t intend too but his stomach dropped, he knew that sensation all too well, it was like his body new he wanted to scream out of horror, which is absurd. He knew James saw other people in 5 years, it will have been concerning if he didn’t. He just… wasn’t prepare for that, he doesn’t talk a lot about James to Peter, he knows that they’re best friends and he don’t want Pete to feel like he’s trapped between them, it’s like that with Remus and Dorcas too, she became friend with him during her first year of uni, they were in the same cursus and she was dating one of the best friend of James so it was pretty natural that they became close at some point. The only person he really talks about James with is Pandora, she just gets him somehow. He truly loved Evan and Barty, but he will never talk to them about his feelings, not that kind anyway. Pan was the first one to see him cry about their breakup, it was hard getting over it, and he remember perfectly how he understood that he needed her.
5 Years ago
Regulus was feeling the cold tiles under his shoeless feet, he could feel the late august air through the open window of his new flat, where is gonna live, alone, in a city he doesn’t know, with no one he knew.
The warmth of the salty water was running down his chin, he could feel it, and regulus wasn’t the type of person crying over this. But precisely this was too much, and Pandora was just drawing circles on his back, gently, she was always so gentle, a pure soul. He didn’t know how much time passed, but he knew that he just lost the only perfect thing that happened to him, he just lost his true soulmate. Fuck that, he didn’t even believe in soulmates or whatever before James Potter, and yet he’s there crying out the pain he’s holding because he feels like his world just collapsed. There’s a hole in his chest, no actually he’s wrong, it’s not a hole, a hole feels like nothing, no joy, no pain. Just nothing, this however feel atrocious, feel like he just died but not quite. He feels like he misses something and that he’ll never recover from this, from the absence of his eyes, his hands, his softness.
“It’s going to be okay Regulus; everything will be fine. I can feel it; you’re going to be okay one day.” He could vaguely see a smile on Pandora’s face trough the tears.
“So why I feel like I will not then?” He could hear his own voice, his throat was tight, he barely could let out that sentence. Everything was so painful, even seeing his own hands that used to hold James’ dark brown hair, his beautiful, beautiful hair. Fuck him for that, him and his bloody mind.
“You know it’s for the best Reg, I know it doesn’t feel like it, but it is, and you know that.” He truly knew, he knew that was the best thing to do, James would have never done it, they had to end it all. For them. “Look, every time you’ll feel like you want to talk about him you can call me, even if it’s every day for the next decade, if it takes 50 years then be it. I don’t care how much you talk about him, do it with me. Okay Reg?” She put her arms around him and now he can feel her heart against his, he like that. It’s comforting, after a while he finally says something.
“I hope it won’t take 50 years honestly” he felt pan’s shoulders shook a little and her soft giggle filled the empty room.
“Me neither that would be very sad for you.” He starts laughing, the first time in a week. “You’re gonna have a fantastic life in Paris, you’re gonna make a lot of pictures of everything, you will visit every museum of France, you could even go to the south the weekend, to see a real beach better that the Paris one, and you’re gonna be out every bloody thursday, drink way too much and you’ll be happy, okay?” As the blonde girl said her last sentence, she broke the hug to take Regulus cheeks in her hands and whipped of the tears with her thumbs.
“And I will study a lot of books, I could even try to find an old french version of L’étranger”
“You have to stop with the obsession on Camus.” He let out a small laugh, and he see her smile trough his tears.
--
The first three years he talks to pandora about him at least once a week, she never said or did anything to make him feel like she was annoyed by that. She was his biggest support truly.
“Reg’, we should join the others, they’re gonna think we’re shagging at this point.” Regulus laughed out loud to that, this bloke was properly stupid.
“You wish. You’re not my type Pete.” Peter put his hands on regulus’ shoulders and push him toward the sitting room.
“Whatever you’re saying mate, I know you want me” Regulus turn his head just in time to see peter wiggling his eyebrows at him, he laughed again and finally sit between Marlene and Barty. Stupid idea.
“You know DAMN well she was the best character of the season; the rest of the geezers were nothing compared to Sansa.” Marlene was actively in a debate about something Regulus probably didn’t know with Barty.
“Did you watch the same show as me? You’re bloody stupid if you think that, Tyrion was just there!” The stupid wanker was now shouting like he was debating for his life.
“Regulus mate! For how long you’re staying this time?” Evan was saving Regulus there; he made a note in his mind to thank him later.
“I don’t know yet but for a bit longer than usual, maybe some weeks. I’ll see if my writing is better here, I had a lack of inspiration for a couple of months.” Regulus took his drink in hand and drink a bit of it, the tequila felt good.
“What’s you’re working on right now Reg? I didn’t had time to read your latest book, my flower shop takes all my time, sure look, I can’t do anything about it sadly.” He doesn’t talk much with lily, she’s Pandora’s girlfriend so he likes her, he does know some stuff about her, like that she owned a flower shop with her best friend Mary, a funny woman, in a good way.
“It’s still the same books as before, I tried to write the third book right now, I think that it will be the last one, but I’m not sure about the closure.”
“Are you gonna give some interviews while you’re in London?” Sirius asked with a smile that scream: you’re famous now, to be fair he is kind of famous in the literature world. He doesn’t exactly love that, sometimes people recognize him in the street, mostly in England, he doesn’t really fancy that, being interview and all is not his cup of tea, but he like being rich, and living freely.
“Say the bloke who is a famous painter now” Sirius take cushion and throw it at regulus’ face.
“Do NOT break anything.” Maman Remus was being mad again, with his eyebrows frown.
“I won’t moony I promise, just relax and enjoy the drink.” And just like that Sirius was lovey dovey again, what a wanker.
“REG! We need your expertise”, this wasn’t good, Barty wasn’t in a debate with Marlene anymore, he was with Evan, both sitting on the floor, back resting on the bottom of the sofa.
“What now.” Barty was looking at him with this sparkle in his eyes, which couldn’t be good, Evan face just looked bored like always.
“Which one of us are the best kisser?”
“How could you even know that, Reggie? You are a fucking prude” Of course Sirius followed the conversation, and at this sentence Barty let out a big laugh, and pandora wo was sitting quietly on a chair giggle too.
“Sirius do you actually think I’m a prude?”
“Well, yes”
“Reg a prude? That’s bloody hilarious, this bloke made out with almost the whole room” Dorcas was now the one speaking with her pierced eyebrow lift.
“WHAT? Wait, who?”
“This is so embarrassing on so many levels, I’ll answer that because of the alcohol. Well Barty and Evan, multiple times at a few parties, pandora once to see if I was truly gay, peter when I was drunk-”
“We both know you wanted that” of course Pete had to wink at him.
“So, my brother is a whore”
“First of all, fuck you, and second of all you are too, you kissed your friends a hundred times before being with Rem’, you kissed James full tongue in front of me!”
“Oh, I remember that, bloody amazing kiss, to be fair James is a great kisser, still as not as good as you babe” He turned his head at Remus while he said that, Remus had a septic look on his face but still grab Sirius waist with his hand and kiss his cheek, it was true tho, James was a hell out of a kisser.
“Wait, why did I never kiss Potter before?”
“Barty, don’t you dare.” Regulus mumbled at Barty’s direction.
“Why, are you jealous?” Barty had his absolutely infuriating smirk on his face, scanning his face to see what Regulus was thinking. To be fair Barty was a smart bloke, he was kinda a genius, he could had entered Harvard if he wanted to, but is true talent was with emotion, he was really good at feel other feelings, he could say when he was going too far, otherwise their friendship couldn’t have last so much time with how pushy he was.
“Shut the fuck up, will you.”
“Alright mate. By the way, guess what EVAN here told me?” Regulus gave him a confuse look. “That he will never date me even if I was the last bloke on this earth, am I this repulsive Ev’?” Barty had this amused look, so he wasn’t angry at Evan, but he knew that he was still hurt by that, Evan just rolled his eyes at that. The two of them start fighting – again – about what Evan truly said, and he locked his eyes with Dorcas, who shook her head in disappointment, he walked toward her, not wanting to be in the middle of the – not so – lovers’ argument.
“I’m so tired of them, please we have to do something about them” Dorcas said, “Marlene agrees with me on that.” Marlene looks tired of them, she was watching their fight from where they stood, sipping her drink.
“I’m tired too, but they have to do that themselves, we can’t force them to realize, they’re bloody stupid for that.” Regulus responds with a sigh.
“That’s fair, but I hope they will not be stupid for much longer now, it’s been 10 years, it’s so long, they need to at least shag.”
***
The sun was bright in the sky, which was new for London, it’s the kind of day were the whole sky is blue, no cloud in the horizon, a perfect day for a coffee with Pandora and Dorcas, Barty and Evan couldn’t come because they were going at the theater today, which was, as always, a date but not really at the same time, they both see it as a date but don’t say it’s a date because they just didn’t fathom the other feelings. He was walking through a park, smoking his cigarette, sunglasses and headphones on, minding his own business. He was walking slowly for once, he just wanted to enjoy his day. He suddenly felt a tap on his shoulder, turning around to see who was breaking his peace, he took the sunglasses off, and saw a beautiful man, literally just beautiful. He was taller than Regulus, way taller, black long hair, amazing bones structure, and very muscular.
“Hey” The man voice was perfect too, regulus took a headphone out of his ear, he lifts an eyebrow to question the break of his peace. “I just saw you and thought you were beautiful, can I ask for your number or Instagram?” Bloody hell, thanks god this man was gay.
“Why not.” Once again Regulus was cold without wanting to. He gave his phone to the man to give him his Instagram.
“What’s your name?”
“Regulus.” The bloke hand the phone back to Regulus, after adding him.
“You’re a quiet one, aren’t you? That’s okay I’m quiet too.” He then smiles, a very pretty smile. “My name is Alex. Nice too meet you Regulus, you have a great name by the way, I have to go but I would text you.” Alex walks away waving Regulus goodbye. Regulus knew that he was pretty but not to that point, HE was something else.
He put his sunglasses back on his noise and keep walking, this time faster because he was running late.
The bell ring when he entered the small Café, a delicious smell of fresh coffee and sweet bakery wrapped around the air. It was small, only three table were on the inside. Pandora and Dorcas were already sat at one of them. They waved at him, and he sat finally in the fresh air of the air conditioning.
“I already made a design about butterflies, but I really love butterflies’ earrings” pandora stopped talking to say hi to Regulus and took a sip of her usual lavender tea.
“Hey, you’re late, it’s a first for you I believe” Dorcas had a smile on for God know what reason.
“Stop exaggerating, it’s a bloke on the way here who ask for my number that made me late.”
“A bloke? What kind, did you give him your number?” Pandora was now the one being noisy.
“He was tall, handsome, long black hair. So yes, I did give him my Instagram.”
“Oh, bloody hell, that’s so you’re type” Pandora knew him.
“Are you gonna talk to him or just shag him?” And Dorcas too. Reg roll his eyes at this.
“You make me sound like a whore right now.”
“I’m not slutshamming you, you can fuck whoever you want, you know I’m not the one to judge. But it’s just you didn’t have a relationship since the last one like 2years ago.”
“Yes, but I wasn’t ready, 2 years ago I was not at my best emotionally speaking. I did a therapy during the last 2years.”
“Thank God for that” Dorcas mumbled that, but he still heard and hit her arm in compensation, while Pandora let out a soft giggle.
“I don’t know if I’m gonna speak to him, we’ll see.”
“Are you sure you’re ready? We didn’t talk about him for so long. You’re not in love anymore?” Pandora was concerned for him, he could see that on her face, she was the sweetest truly.
“I can’t be in love with someone I don’t even know. That single thought depressed me for a long time, but it’s just the truth.”
“You can’t be in love with James Potter who’s in London and is 25 years old, but you still can be in love with the James of Hogwarts, the 18 years old James.”
“I care for that James, deeply, but I can’t hold to the past forever. I went through all the emotions I could that get over this, anger, sadness, melancholy, nostalgia. I tried to kiss a bunch of men, to date some, and I finally get over it. It took me 5 years and I learned a lot, I know to express my feelings now, only to my friends but it’s already something. Sometimes I still resent and despise him, but I know and it was not a one sided type of situation, we both fucked everything up, I just had to made my peace with it.” Pandora smile at that, a genuine smile of proudness, how he grows since he was 19 years old.
“Good afternoon sir, what can I get you?” The waitress broke their conversation for the better, it still hurt to talk about it.
“I’m gonna take a black coffee with a slice of pistachio cake please, thank you very much.”
After that Pandora talked about her business who was doing pretty well, she had a jewelry store, doing everything herself, and she was amazing, all of her creation was amazing. And Dorcas talked about the kids who were the funnier in her class this year, she was a nursery school teacher, and kids adored her, she was amazing with them. It was a good day, with good peoples, he intends to keep it that way for the next few weeks.
***
The white smoke was escaping the delicate lips of the black-haired boy, a frown between his brows, his eyes lingering on the black sky. There were no stars in London, at least in the Normandie countryside he could see every constellation, he could even counted stars if he wanted to. There was too much pollution here. He could here from the balcony the drunk people shouting, British couldn’t hold alcohol for their life, even with all training they’re doing daily. He texted his friends to say how it was doing in London so far. He didn’t have a lot of friends in his uni, is not good at socializing but he made some, but mostly he made one close friend, Juba. She was kinda eccentric, a tall gothic girl, who loved too much Trotsky, it was her hyper fixation, so obviously she was communist herself and she bring him on way too much protest, he kinda loved that actually, of course he was not very comfortable, especially the french protest, always too much people, very aggressive cops, but he trusted he enough to follow her around. Juba was a very good friend to him, very caring.
He smoked the end of his cig, so he took another one out of his pack and light it.
“Already another one?” He turned his head to see the kind face of Remus popping out of the frame of the door. “Can I come with you?”
“Of course, Rem’, it’s your flat you know, you want a fag?” He hands the pack at Remus who took one and light it too.
“Yeah, but you live here too now, for some time I mean.”
“Where is Sirius?”
“Is in his studio, he had to work on a painting for the inauguration, it’s only a week away, so he had a lot of details to work on.” Regulus hummed in approbation.
“He’s stressing out, isn’t he?”
“Of course he is, you know him, and he didn’t saw prongs for so long that he’s stressed about that too.” Regulus turned his head to the sky and took a drag on his cigarette and inhale deeply. “Sorry I didn’t mean to mention him…”
“It’s okay mate, he’s you’re bestfriend and my brother’s bestfriend, of course he has to be mention sometimes, we’re not gonna name him you-know-who, and it’s been 5 years.” He was curious about why Sirius was stressed about seeing James but didn’t ask anything. For a while they just smoked in silence, then Remus broke it.
“How you’re doing these days? I didn’t saw you for some months.” Regulus had a small smile, it’s true he’s been away for home for a long time, he missed his friends, and London.
“I’ve been good you know, but I had a lack of inspiration as you know, so I just re-watched all my favorites’ films and tv shows on repeat for two months now.”
“Let me guess, Star Wars and Lord of the ring again?” Remus knew him well. “You’ve been obsessed with those movies for so long, do you still have this awful mug with, I can’t remember, wasn’t it Chewbacca face on it?”
“No, it was R2D2 actually, yeah, I still have it, I drink my coffee every morning with it. Still an ugly mug, but it was a gift.” Regulus said, his eyes lingering on the moon, “But you’re right, I rewatch those, and I even read Royal Assassin again”
“All of the books?”
“Yep, I missed it. I really tried everything to have the inspiration back, moving out, reading, watching every Netflix shows, even the bad ones, and I even listen to all Fleetwood Mac albums in a night, the unrealized songs too. I don’t know why I can’t finish the bloody ending of the book. The editors are getting impatient too.”
“Maybe it’s a psychologic thing.” Remus responded.
“Yeah maybe, I hope it’s not gonna stay like that forever.”