Chapter 16
Regulus threw an arm over his face as he listened to Barty and Evan argue next to him. He was laying in his bed, trying to find the motivation to study, or do anything at all. He was unbearably tired, and the loud voices coming from right beyond his curtain were not helping the headache he felt beginning to form at the back of his mind.
Regulus hated himself and the world, and he was tired of waiting, impatiently and somewhat desperately, for James to write him. He refused to be the first to write. He’d already thrown away too much of his pride.
The ridiculous thing was that it had only been three or so hours. But still. Regulus was tired of waiting. He wanted and he wanted and he wanted and would these two fucking idiots please shut up?
“Okay, but you’re wrong, Rosier,” Barty exclaimed, “So fucking wrong! Since when does that even make sense? Have you lost your–”
“Merlin, can you two shut up for one fucking minute?” Regulus said, digging his palms into his eyes and sighing.
Evan peeked his head around the curtain, grinning sheepishly, “Sorry, Reg.”
“It’s Regulus, Rosier. Get your head away from me, your breath stinks, and I don’t want to look at anyone’s face right now, especially not yours.”
“How you wound me, Mr. Black!” Evan said, a dramatic hand on his chest.
“Fuck off.”
Barty’s head appeared behind Evan’s, green eyes bright with mischief. “Oh, don’t be grumpy little Regulus! We’re fantastic.”
“If you both don’t leave right now, I will curse your ears off,” Regulus said, pulling out his wand. Evan and Barty just grinned, the prats.
“Oh, come off it, Regulus. I could beat you in a duel in my sleep.” Barty smirked.
Regulus scowled, “Five. Four. Three. Two…”
Evan laughed, pulling Barty away and closing the curtain, “Someone’s in a right fit, hmm, Crouch? Testy.”
“Why’d you pull me away, Evan? I wanted to see if he would really do it. Besides, I'm itching for a fight.” Came Barty’s reply.
“Oh are you now? I couldn’t tell.” Evan deadpanned, “Go bully a first year, Barty, isn’t that what you usually do?”
Regulus sighed again, throwing open the curtain. “Silencio,” He muttered, pointing his wand lazily at the two Slytherins.
Evan laughed soundlessly as Barty began to shout, though what he was saying couldn’t be heard. “Don’t be so over dramatic. It’ll wear off in a few hours, and silence suits you.” Regulus said tiredly.
He stood then, grabbing a quill and the journal before striding towards the door. Barty was still trying to talk, while Evan was simply laughing without sound, watching as the other boy grabbed at Regulus’s robes.
“Let go. I warned you, Barty, so stop acting like such a baby. A few hours without talking won’t kill you.” He closed the door swiftly, leaving his roommates behind on the other side.
Regulus went to the astronomy tower. That’s where he always went when he didn’t have anywhere else to go. He was sure some of the teachers must have noticed by now, and he’d even seen McGonagall in the halls a few times, but none of them stopped him. Whether it was his family name’s influence, or the fact that they knew he needed somewhere to sit, Regulus wasn’t sure.
It was empty as usual when he got there, and Regulus let out a sigh. He was tired. He didn’t know why.
It was late evening, and the sun’s dying rays were just visible behind the Scottish hillside. Regulus loved this time of night, everything a bit hazy under the fading light, stars beginning to peek out from behind the night sky. He used to spend long hours with his brother, watching the sunset from the attic window. They’d stopped, after a while. Walburga had caught them, and the punishments that came were enough to remind them not to do it again.
Regulus felt inexplicably weighed down. Perhaps it was because he felt a warmth to the air that hadn’t been there a few days ago. The seasons were changing, and summer was approaching much too fast for his liking.
Regulus briefly wondered about James, if he would think of him at all over the summer, before pushing the thought away. Useless to think about things that neither could be nor would be.
And though he reminded himself this, Regulus couldn’t help glancing down at the journal in his hands. He sighed again, unable to keep his fingers from flipping it open. He expected blank pages, a sight familiar after countless times opening and closing the cover, waiting for James to write. But they weren’t blank. They were filled with words. James’s words.
Dear Regulus,
I’m not a very good writer, as my mother reminds me each time I write to her, but I hope that you’ll appreciate these words despite that.
I wanted to thank you again for this journal, and for caring. Really, Reg, I’m so grateful for it.
I hope you’ll forgive me for not joining you at the tower tonight. I don’t think I’m quite ready yet. Tell the stars hello for me. Can you see Regulus (the star, not you, though I’m sure you figured that out)? Give him a wave for me. Do it, Reg, I know you won’t want to, but for me.
Regulus grinned up at the sky for a moment. James had written him. He gave a half hearted wave, feeling self-conscious, at the stars. Leo stared down at him, and Regulus huffed out a small laugh. Leave it to James Potter to make a fool out of him. He turned back to the letter, a smile still lingering on his face.
Did you do it? Good. Don’t laugh at me, I miss the stars.
There was something crossed out, but Regulus couldn’t decipher it.
I’m not sure when you’ll be reading this, or how exactly this journal works, but how was your day? I hope it was good.
I think you’ll appreciate this, I went to the kitchens today. Remus doesn’t like crowds much right now, and if we’re being honest, neither do I, so we’ve begun eating some of our meals there. I’d ask you to join if I didn’t know how much you hated my noisy annoying Gryffindor lot as you call them. I’ll invite you anyway, since it’s just Peter, Remus and me.
No Sirius? Interesting. Regulus scanned the paragraph again, but no, just Remus and Peter and James. What had happened?
I miss your books. You haven’t given me one in a while. What will I do in the summer without your muggle literature to keep me company? You’ll have to loan me a few for the break. If you want to, you don’t have to of course. I know how attached you are to your books.
Do you like chocolate? I love chocolate. Remus loves it most though.
There’s still so much I don’t know about you. How do I not know if you like chocolate or not? I desperately need to know now.
And music! What kind do you like? If you say classical, I swear I will find you and murder you. The correct answer, and the only correct answer, is Bowie. Or ABBA. I have to admit, I’m an avid ABBA fan. It’s muggle music, if you didn’t know. Remus introduced me. Maybe someday I’ll play you some of my records. They’re great.
Okay, Peter is begging me to go play chess, so I better go. I don’t understand how this works. I hope you get it, because right now it just feels like I’m just writing to myself. I’ll wait like a damsel in distress for your response, dearest Regulus. That reminds me that I forgot to tell you that I recently acquired a book of muggle fairy tales that my mom sent me. We’ll have to discuss them more later. Bye,
James
Ps. Write back!
And so Regulus did.