Hallucination

It all started 6 monts after the Potters's death. Right after Severus haf a panic attack and collapsed in his room.When Severus is about to lose his sanity. When Severus drank too much one night.
Lily. His only love Lily. She died because of him. A little child was left without parents because of him. Lily died because of him. He was very confused. It was hard to tell which emotion was taking over him. His only wish was go to Lily. But he wouldn't. He couldn't go. He promised to protect her son. Dumbledore said 'Dark lord will come back and We'll have to protect the child when he comes'. Dumbledore... His eyes parkled with anger when he thought of the man. 'Fuck Dumbledore' he said as he slammed his glass on the table. 'You couldn't protect, you couldn't protect them, and because of you I cant die either'. Tears were flowing fast from his eyes. His already blurry vision became even more blurred. He closed his eyes tightly trying to stop her sobs. He felt a pain in his hand between his tears. When he opened his eyes he saw the shattered glass. He noticed blood flowing from many parts of his hand on to the table. The pain. A cold wind blew inside through the open window. As every cut on his hand came into contact with the cold air, he shivered, feeling the pain in every cell. He got cold. The pain. He thought he was sober for a moment. He was in his house. He had drank. He drank too much. He forgot the window open. And he broke a glass and cut his hand. He blinked slowly. He took a handkerchief out of his pockey and wrapped it around his hand. He stood up. It was like he forgot everything for a moment. He would to the bathroom to bandage his hand. He would collect the broken glass and he would sleep. Another wind blew. Yes, he shoud have closed the window too. He got cold. The cold made the cuts on his hand even more painful. The pain. He looked at his hand. The white handkerchief was turning red. Suddenly everything appeared in his mind again. Lily died...Little Potter...Dumbledore...The pain...Lily died... He looked at his hand again. He thought about the pain of the cuts. Lily was dead. While Severus couldn't bear the pain of his cut hand, Lily endured the pain of death.Tears appeared in his eyes. A drop of tear moves from his wet cheek to his chin. Lily suffered death pain. He collopsef on the chair. He put the bottle to his lips. His tears mixed with his raven black hair. He wanted to not have gone through all this. He wanted this all to be a bad nightmore.
He opened his eyes and raised his head. He slept on the table with his forehead on his left arm. The blood flowing from his right hand formed a small lake on the ground and his palm was stickly from clotted blood. The door was knocking. His vision was still blurry. He stood up. Took a deep breath. He headed towards the door. Took another breath. It seemed like his breath wasn't enough for his chest. He could feel his heartbeat speeding up. He pressed his bloody hand to his chest while taking quick and deep breaths. The door was knocking. He extented his left hand towards the door. His vision wad blurry. His chest felt very tight as he fumbled for the door handle. His breathing become faster. His brain felt like it was going to explode from pain in his head. His bloody hand was still on his chest. He stumbled as he grabbed the door handle and turn it. He opened his eyes if they were coming out of their sockets. It feel like his heart was about to burst out. He made a short 'aah' sound between his deep breaths. His head was spinning a lot. As he fell on the hard ground he noticed the silhouette in front of the door. A as he hit his head on the ground he heart the man say 'Severus'. The whole house seemed to be spinning. He was spending all his energy on breathing. He couldn't organize his breath. His energy was running out. He felt his body go numb. 'Dumbledore' he whispered slowly as is eyes closed. He lost consciousness.

...

He was sitting at the foot of a high hill, watching the lake below. The sky was clear and sunny. The fish in the water were visible due to the clarity of the water. Then he noticed her. Lily. She was looking at him with expressionless eyes from the shore of the lake. His heart started beating fast. As he quickly stood up and he whispered; 'Lily'. The sky started to darken. The ground he stepped on seemed to move under his feet. At that moment, lightning struck. Lily was walking away. He started running screaming wildly; 'Lily! Lily stop!'. Lily was not moving already. İt was the ground on the ground that moved. Lily was quickly moving away from him. No matter how hard he ran, he couldn't catch up.The rain started with a noise and started to wet him. His tears mixed with his sobs. He was shouting wildly; 'Lily! Don't go!'. Lily kept walking away. 'I'm sorry Lily..! Because of me!' He was crying; 'Pleasee! Lily!'

Suddenly open his eyes; 'Lily!'. He was out of breath. He blinked a few times. It was a dream. He was drenched in sweat. He calmed down. While he was trying to breathe, he saw the pure white sheets. How did he get to Hogwarts? He pressed his right hand to his face. His hand was bandaged.When he looked around again, he noticed the man sitting next to his bed. He took a brief look. 'Nightmares again?' said Dumbledore as he summoned a glass of water and handed it to him. He sat up slowly.He winced in pain when he put weight on his right hand. 'I'm fine, no problem,' he said, taking the glass from the man's hand. 'What happened, how?' he said in a faint whisper. the man heard. 'Panic attack' replied Dumbledore, 'and almost alcohol coma' said in a threatening voice. Severus rubbed his head. What happened during the night began to invade his memory. 'Aah' he said while leaning his head on the pillow.He was trying not to make eye contact with the man. Dumbledore stuck his head out. He said 'Severus' in deep voice. 'I have to remind you that you are a professor now, you shouldn't drink so much' he paused. He hesitated for a moment and then spoke; 'You have to overcome something now'.Snape bowed his head.A tear rolled down his cheek involuntarily.He wiped his tears with his hand. edited his statement. 'Thank you sir, I'm fine,' he said.
The man looked at him with pity. Severus turned his head and looked at the clock, as if trying to change the subject; 'I have to go to class' he said as him pull the sheets off. 'No' said Dumbledore, 'Your classes are canceled today, go home and rest, see you tomorrow'. The man stood up as he finished his sentence. 'But-' he tried to deny it. Dumbledore had already left the hospital wing.He sighed and leaned his head back on the pillow. His head was throbbing with pain. He stared blankly at the ceiling.He got his emotions under control again. In fact, he didn't lose control most of the time.He would have long nightmares, wake up with a headache, be unhappy and sad, but he would not lose control. But he had been drinking too much lately. He sat up in bed. should have recovered. He should have recovered and he shouldn't have lost control again. especially when he is around someone.

He returned to Spinners End towards evening. He came in. İt was cold. He left the window open. He closed the window and lit the fireplace. changed his clothes. He made a coffee. He should have used potions for his headache but he was tired. He collapsed on the couch. He took a sip of his coffee and leaned his head back.He closed his eyes to the crackling of the burning fire. enjoyed the silence for a few minutes. When he opened his eyes to take another sip of his coffee, his gaze fell on the figure in the corner. He stood up and took a few steps. He whispered 'lumos' with his wand, which he held tightly. He lost his breath when he saw the woman. His eyes opened in shock. He said slowly; 'Lily...'. 'Severus,' the woman replied as she approached. He was shoced. He was so shocked. 'Lily... How? You-' he said in a low voice. 'I came to you, Severus' the woman said in a soft voice. 'Lily, are you for real?' said Snape. He was still in shock. 'For you, yes' the woman said as she wrapped her arms around Snape's neck. 'But not so much for others...'

The night was pitch black. The sky was calm. The street was quiet except for the occasional owl hooting and fluttering their wings. The street was empty. A shadow was reflected on the street from the faint light of the house on the corner. Holding his staff tightly in his injured hand and wrapping his arms around himself a man...As hot tears fall from your pale eyes onto your sunken cheeks he was sobbing quietly.