Chapter 8
Harry woke up on a unfamiliar couch, to see the face of his childhood best friend inches from his, wearing a shit-eating grin
"AHHHHHHH" he yelled before rolling onto the ground
he glared at Anthony, while he tried to hold in a laugh of his own
"sorry mate, but I've got to head to work, figured I should wake you before I left" Harry nodded "feel free to hang out here, I'll be back around six and we can catch up on where you've been ya?" giving him look that said he wasn't going to get out of It so easy this time, last night had been a one off-
harry smiled, it might have looked more like a grimace "sounds great mate"
and then Harry was alone.
He thought about what he would do with his day, the stillness already making him uneasy. He knew where he had to go.
(YOU FREAK- your parents were worthless that's why they left you-)
harry shook his head, did his best to stay in the present.
As he walked up a street he had never been before he tried to figure out what he would say and then before he knew it he was at the door, he knocked before he could loose his nerve. he had come at a time he knew Dudley and Vernon would be at work, sometimes petunia would be kinder If her husband wasn't there, Harry remembered when he was really little, just before they got him his cot, when he was still sleeping in a empty drawer, he would wake up to petunia stroking his hair, or slipping sweets under his door. That stopped as soon as he knew he should cherish those moments.
when his aunt opened the door she looked shocked, he wondered if it was because he was here, or because he was alive.
"you're not welcome here" she snapped, looking around for neighbors, as if anyone would care enough to judge her. Harry shook his head, running a hand though his hair.
"come one petunia, they're not here-i checked. I just want one conversation and then you'll never have to see me again" she looked at him, not his eyes, never his eyes. before opening the door. Harry slipped in, the house was nice, basic, there were no photos, no sentimental items, it looked like a staged house. excatly what he expected.
they sat down in the living room, and Harry felt like he was ten years old and going to get scolded for sitting on the furniture, because freaks didn't get to sit on the couch.
"well out with it boy, say what you came here to say, tell me how horrible and Cruel I am, you don-"
"did you hate my mum as much as you hate me?" Harry didn't want to fight, he had fought enough in the last days.
she paused and looked at him, she looked confused for a moment
he pressed on "you must have, to hate me the way you do, to hate magic"
and for the first time in his life, he saw her mask fall "I didn't hate Lily,' she paused looking him over 'I didn't hate James either" Harry had never heard her mention his dad. petunia was staring at a point past his head, Harry knew that look-she was remembering something she hadn’t let herself in years he wore it every time someone brought up a cupboard under the stairs “I loved Lily more than anyone, to this day she’s the only person I’ve ever loved that much. And then she got a letter and suddenly she wasn’t just mine anymore” her face set in the familiar scowl “and then one year she brought home a boy, and oh how I wanted to hate him. And I did, for weeks he would come to family dinners- and I would hate him though all the gifts and flowers” she took a long breath “and then one night he came over when Lily was out, and asked if he could take me on a walk. He sat with me and told me that he had a brother-Sirius,' Harry flinched, petunia didn't notice, she never did 'and that he would hate anyone who tried to take him away, that he never wanted that for lily, that he loved her and he- he loved me.” She scoffed and looked at Harry for a moment “you really do look exactly like him, it used to scare me you know? you would be gone for the year, and everytime you came back you looked more like him, sometimes I think that's my penance. James ghost haunting me. and your eyes-god I felt like Lily was watching me, judging me for how I treated you.' it was the closet he would ever get to her admitting that her treatment of him was wrong. it was not enough. she sighed before continuing 'I knew he was telling the truth, he loved easily your father. Even for the people who didn’t deserve it.” for a moment she looked ashamed, maybe it was because he was now the age that she had seen his father last, her ghosts had finally caught up to her.
Harry didn’t know what to do with this, he knew his father was kind and generous but how could he have loved her, she was horrible and Harry couldn’t imagine her any other way, maybe Snape was right, and his father was a fool.
'there was a time I loved magic, after that walk James would come over often and sit with me and show me little charms and explain his world to me, my favorite was the one that could make butterfly's appear out of thin air-do you know it? she looked Harry, desperation on her face for the first time, and so Harry pulled out his wand, mumbled the spell and watched as his aunt looked at him through the butterfly's, knew she was seeing a man that had been dead for over fifteen years.
(Harry wondered if he would ever just be Harry Potter, not the boy who lives, the savior of the wizarding world, he was tired of being compared to ghosts, that everyone got more time with than him.)
petunia reached forward, and a butterfly landed on her extended finger. she reached up to caress it wings, and then she crushed it in her hand. the others flew out the open windows, scared of returning to nothingness.
"then one day him and Lily came to the house, they were paranoid. kept telling me that I needed to leave, that voldemort was hunting people like me, like lily. I refused of course, I had just had dudley, I couldn't leave, and I didn't want to leave without them, I told them if they came with me that we could all go.' she sneered her words now 'but they said they had to fight, and that they were going into hiding, because of you, because that maniac wanted you. so we fought, I begged, they begged. and then they were gone. she looked into the distance
( Tuny please you have to go you dont understand! theyll kill you, they'll- Lily's voice broke out into a sob
James spoke up next, pleading with his sister in law " petunia they wont stop if they think you know where we are, you don't know what these people are capable of-fuck I don't know what they're capable of! last week I saw the body of a man that had been skinned alive. you have to go'
it unnerved petunia to see him so serious, in all the years she knew James he never once didn't have a smile on his face.
'I can't just leave I have a family now, what kind of life would that be for my son? I won't raise him to run like a coward when things are hard!'
"God why aren't you listening-he wont have a life if you don't run!'
petunia cut herself off before she could finish her retort, the statement knocking the breath of of her she stepped away from the wizard and witch
' I knew I should'nt have let you freaks into my life! get out get out GET OUT I HATE YOU I HATE YOU BOTH
'tuny please-" ' GET OUT OR ILL KILL YOU MYSELF'
she caught the look of betrayal on her little sisters face, and the disappointment on her brother before they walked out the door'
she never saw them again
petunia glanced up, seeing those looks woven into one before her, it hurt more this time. "I hate magic and wizards because it took them from me, James and Lily both. You took them from me, if it wasn’t for you they never would have been targeted, so no I didn’t hate your mum as much as I hate you.” She finished with a sneer.
Oh
Harry didn’t know what to do with that. Didn’t know how to feel, he knew it was his fault that his parents were dead, that everyone was. But he didn’t choose it, he would die a thousand times if it meant they had got to live.
He looked her in the eyes and she looked back, he made sure his gaze was unwavering that she would finally be forced to see her sisters child not the freak from under the stairs. “They would be disguised by you. They would hate that you treated their child like an animal.” Petunia had the decency to flinch, good harry thought, he wanted her to hurt. “all the decently my father showed you, all the love, it was for nothing! It didn’t change you, it didn’t make you better. They didn’t die just for me tuny' another flinch. 'they died trying to stop Voldemort for killing muggles, from killing you! I hope it kills you that you're alive and their dead, because you don't deserve to be, you're cruel, and abusive and you made me think that I was nothing- i mean fuck- did you ever think about how they would have treated dudley if the roles had been reversed? did it ever cross your mind to love them more than you hated me? don't you think you fucking owed them that? he was out of breath now, he didn't want air, he wanted pain. with that he slammed a letter onto the table between them, one he had found in grimuald place. he wanted her to see it, to feel the burn of shame that she should have felt the first time and everytime after she laid a hand on him.
she slowly picked in up, scanned the contents of the letter her feature morphing from a sneer to horror
tuny,
hi sissy, I know you don't want to hear from me, but I doubt we will see each other again in this life, and I have to assure you hear the truth from me
today is October 20th, me and James have been locked up in this house close to a year now, and we know our luck will run out soon
they tell us that there's a spy, we don't know who, James thinks its remus-the sweet boy with the scars, I don't, he would never betray me.
but I have taken precautions, voldemort won't touch my son.
if something happens he will go to your care, I know this isn't what you want but you are the only person I trust with my sons life.
I know you will love him the way he deserves, give him the childhood that we always dreamed of, with dessert every night and maybe him and dudley can share a room, we loved that as children? at least I know I loved it.
I'm sorry that this has to be our goodbye, I wish we had more time, I wish I could explain it all to you, but the fates wait on no one
thank you for everything you've done for me, I wish I could repay you, perhaps giving you my son is close.
I love you tuny', more than anyone or anything, tell our boy he was so loved.
you little sister, always,
Lily Jolene Potter
petunia clutched the letter in her hands, her heart shattering with each line, she looked up into the eyes of her sister, on the face of her brother. and willed them to come back, willed herself to drop dead on the spot so she could beg for their forgivness, knows that this is the only one they would never except.
harry started back, there was nothing else to say, he had dealt the killing blow.
he stood up walking to the door, he glanced back one last time at the face of the woman that had raised him, the closest thing to a mother that he had for eleven years.
' you know they were betrayed by their friend, Peter- he sold their location to voldemort.' he summoned the butterfly's back, this time a haunting green and soft brown. 'between you and him though, they would hate you more. I hope that the guilt of what you did to them, of what you did to me, I hope that it fucking kills you.
and with that he walked out the door, knowing he would never come back.