XXX.XXX.XXX YES I’M MAKING THE DATELINE DIRTY
THIS IS NOT THEIR FIRST RODEO. HOWEVER, HAEWON FUCKED IT UP AND ONLY SULLYOON REMEMBERS. SHE DOESN’T TRUST HAEWON, NEITHER DO I BECAUSE THIS STORY FILM FUCKING SUCKS. BY THE WAY, THIS IS IN NO WAY REFLECTED BY THE PLOT.
I STILL SHIP THEM THOUGH.
Haewon popped into existence in the driver’s seat of a car. Bae was next to her. Haewon’s terrible driving almost killed them both, restarting the loop. Luckily Haewon only made Bae motion sick.
Sullyoon sat in the office, reminiscing on all the previous times Haewon fucked up and restarted the loop. It was like that horrible fan mod of Doki Doki Literature Club, the one that just wouldn’t fucking end. She wiped a tear from her cheek, then looked up and realized someone at JYP had randomly inserted a reference to the film Dark Water for no apparent reason. Well, there was a reason, but this six minute short film was too short to develop that narrative idea properly. Anyway, the gang was all here, and Kyujin melodramatically got up and retrieved her Master Plan, some prop leftover from Battlestar Galactica or some shit. She was so proud of herself that she dripped blood from an unknown location and fondled a screw for subtextual reasons.
So Kyujin goes to her lab or something to work on her Master Plan but she only succeeds in getting real fucked up, no idea what drugs she is on. Sullyoon in a tiny distant window tries to stop her but Kyujin is like, nah, bish, I know what I’m doing. Kyujin gets trapped in an endless cycle of drug abuse and life failure, all because she foolishly tried to pull an all-nighter, literally feels like she is drowning in a fucking aquarium, and scarily fondles some pliers like that is a solution to her problem. Sullyoon finally breaks through to her (because she’s such a tall glass of water—va-va-voom) and tells her to lighten up, Kyujin is grateful but unfortunately Sullyoon chooses not to take advantage of a hot eighteen-year-old stoned out of her mind and does not wrap her incredible lush legs around Kyujin’s face.
Haewon is at a party, and goddamn what a terrible party it is. All these grungy/faux-chic posers are there with no sense of style, and Haewon’s hair is too long, but Sullyoon is there, too! Haewon watches Sullyoon dazzle some posers with a fucking pen light, then she sees Haewon, waves, and prances over. She waves her hands up close, and Haewon sees that she has succumbed to some vapid fad wherein you write stuff on your hands (but of course we the audience don’t get to see the writing clearly because fuck that). Haewon lets some douche write on her hand, Sullyoon gives her sparkly star stickers to wear, and she and Sullyoon hang out and give off some vague lesbian vibes just to tease the audience, then they dance in the living room very badly and Haewon makes eye contact with us because that’s not weird at all.
Suddenly Haewon hallucinates because the stickers were contaminated, Sullyoon does some sign language and Haewon wakes up on top of a spill of gunpowder shaped like angel wings, then she’s back at the party and Sullyoon is slipping out. Haewon follows her through the Piperooms somehow and they end up under a red light in an alleyway behind wherever the fuck hell the party was at.
Jiwoo wakes up like she’s in TheGiver, wiping the bathroom mirror restores color to the world. She freshens up and gets a text on her phone telling her not to worry. This of course makes her worry, and she flashes back to some scene in which she has horrible bangs, worse than Lily’s. She eats at a convenience store, then leaves to pick up a package that she is not supposed to open. She does so anyway, and inside is a runner’s up Darwin Award from the IRA. Meaning it could have been a bomb, silly Jiwoo.
Lily and Bae are hanging out under the red lights behind the party place. Their eyes glow freakily for a second, but the creep factor is undermined by them treating an airport runway as a fashion runway. Bae’s swinging around of handheld lights causes another airplane crash somewhere in America. Then they refresh themselves both with a cup of water.
Back down on the tarmac, the sun has risen and the gang’s all here. In the near distance the black smoke monster from Lost is massing itself for an attack, god, what an awful show. Jiwoo smiles at someone, and the story ends. No, really! Well, there is a part 2 posted, but’s it’s an even more pretentious dance video, so I don’t consider it canon.