Harry, his twin Gary, their nineteen friends had been talking for months. They debated on whether or not to be sorted all into the same house when they went to Hogwarts. Finally, after much talking with the adults, they said they’d leave it up to the hat. The parents were relieved; little did they know that the Mutineers had a plan. They were going to ask the hat a favor, and if they pulled it off they would all be together. They had talked to their gang of friends, and most agreed it was a great prank.
They all stood in the Great Hall huddled together, trying not to giggle. It was quite different than the normal scared first years and some of the professors were confused, but most just brushed it off as someone told them about the Hat.
While the Hat sang his song, Harry and Gary were talking in their minds.
“Harry, keep an eye on Dumbledore. He’s going to blow his top when we do this,” Gary projected, eyeing the man in question. Laughter was filtering through their connection and both were hard-pressed not to double over right now.
“I know, Gary, but I’m actually going to watch Snape,” Harry returned, not looking at his twin. His eyes were glued to the greasy-haired git that caused so many disagreements between his parents, just because he was friends with his mum and enemies with his dad. They weren’t great arguments, but enough to cause his dad to sleep on the couch once or twice.
“Why?”
“Look at him, he believes what Mum said about me being in Slytherin. He looks like he swallowed a lemon,” the older twin shared, keeping his eyes on the dour man and a smile firmly on his face. Oh, yeah, he was going to love to make this man sweat.
Snape looked in his direction and sneered; however, when he saw that smile, he frowned. He remembered that look well. It was the same smug look James Potter got right before he embarrassed you.
“When I call your name, place the hat on your head and it will sort you. Abbott, Hannah!” the Transfiguration Professor called, looking at the long piece of parchment in her hand.
The first Mutineer went into Hufflepuff. It was her that talked to the hat. Just as planned.
“Bones, Susan,” McGonagall said loudly.
Susan gave the boys a wink. Even though she was already sure what House she would be in, she liked the plan, and so she ran to the stool and jammed on the hat.
“Hufflepuff!” the cloth item called a moment later.
It was a happy Susan that went and sat by her friend. They smiled at each other and turned back to the front.
Lavender Brown was the first Gryffindor and she was completely pleased with that as she ran to the gold and red table. None of this was unexpected, what came as a surprise was the next person.
“Boot, Terry,” the Deputy Head Mistress called.
Terry winked at the Potter twins and walked sedately up to the stool and proudly put on the hat. This was a vital part of the plan; it would be he that would convince the hat to go along with it. There was some scrunching of his face and quirking of his eyebrows, but after five minutes the Hat called out “Hufflepuff!”
That caused McGonagall to snatch the Hat off the boy’s head. “What are you doing, Allister?” she snapped, knowing that this child should go into either Slytherin or Ravenclaw. She had taught the boy’s parents and had had dinner at their house a few times, since his father was a Master in Transfigurations. She knew just how intelligent the child was and he was not overly loyal to anyone but that group of kids he went to non-magical school with.
“Well, I was sorting the students,” the Hat said snidely, his cloth lips morphing into a sneer that put Snape’s to shame. “However, you seemed to have stopped me.” He was snarking with the best of them.
“Behave,” the Professor said, not really having anything but her gut feeling to stop the sorting. She then looked at the list and called, “Brocklehurst, Mandy!”
Mandy was suppressing her giggles at the antics of the teacher. She walked up to the stool and placed the Hat on her head.
The charmed item chuckled and said, “If you’re sure, better be… Hufflepuff!”
Mandy sniggered all the way to the yellow and black table. Susan and Hannah both clapped her on the back when she took a seat next to Susan.
“Allister,” the Transfiguration teacher warned in a stern voice. “That is four into Hufflepuff. Are you sure you are doing your job correctly?” she snarled.
“Of course I am doing my job correctly, you old biddy,” Allister snapped, making the Professor lean more towards the fact that the Hat was charmed. “I am sorting them where they belong. Now you do your job and call the next name.”
She just knew there was a prank afoot. “Oh, that does it,” she said, giving the Hat a shake. “Headmaster, will you examine Allister?” she turned towards the Head Table.
“Of course, my dear,” the old man said and brought out his wand and waved it over the enchanted artifact. “It appears that there is nothing wrong with him. Allister, please refrain from insulting the teachers,” he said kindly, with a bit of a chuckle.
“Sure,” the item deadpanned.
“Let him continue, Minerva,” Albus stated as he returned to his seat.
McGonagall gave the hat a shake and said, “Behave, or I will turn you into a bonnet.”
“Oh, just get on with it, Minnie.”
“Corner, Michael!” also went into Hufflepuff.
“Now, now, Allister, quit playing games and sort the students correctly,” came the kindly voice of the headmaster.
“I am correct in my placements, and will do what I think is best. I don’t tell you how to do your job, even though most of you are doing them wrong, so you just leave me to mine,” the Hat said with great confidence, while the student body snickered at the reprimand.
That caused the staff to look affronted, which made the whole school laugh at the expressions on their faces. The only one happy was Professor Sprout. She was absolutely giddy over this turn of events.
“Now this one I know goes to Slytherin,” McGonagall said primly. “Davis, Tracey!”
Tracey was holding her belly she was laughing so hard. The Hat barely touched her head when it yelled “Hufflepuff!”
“Oh, this is getting ridiculous,” Minerva snarled as she snatched the Hat back. She lifted it to eye level and threatened it again, “Do your job right or I’m going to turn you into a pincushion.”
“I am doing my job, and I’m tired of repeating myself.”
“This better not be a prank, Allister,” she said as she placed him back on his stool.
“Have you ever known me to do such before?” he questioned mockingly.
“Dunbar, Fay!” McGonagall said smugly knowing this young girl was going in her House, which is why she dropped the parchment when the Hat yelled, “Hufflepuff!”
The Mutineers all clapped through their laughter. They weren’t even halfway done yet and the school was in chaos.
The Deputy Headmistress picked up the parchment and called the next person, who went into Ravenclaw. A few more children were called, and they went into other Houses, until… “Godfrey, Ellie!”
She skipped up and gently placed the hat on her head.
“Hufflepuff!”
“Well, it has been a few, so I guess I will let that one slide,” Minerva mumbled, going down the list. On and on it went with the Mutineers all going into to Hufflepuff, but they were spread out, so she couldn’t complain. The table had to be expanded for each new child. There were over twenty kids sorted into the House and they were finally getting to the bottom of the list.
“Patil, Padma!”
“Hufflepuff!”
“Allister,” the woman growled, knowing that this bookworm should have been in Ravenclaw.
“Just keep going,” the Hat grumbled.
“Patil, Parvati,” she said slowly.
“Hufflepuff!”
“Perks, Sally-Anne,” she sighed, knowing this shy child would also go to the House of Loyalty.
“Gryffindor!” the Hat yelled, making her once more drop her parchment.
The frightened first year asked the charmed hat if he was sure. “Yes, young one, you would do well in the House of the Brave,” he told her. “Just remember, to make friends elsewhere,” he advised, making his cloth wrinkle up into a wink.
Picking up her list, McGonagall smiled. She knew for a fact that this next one would be in her house. “Potter, Gary,” she called proudly.
“Make them sweat,” Harry projected to his brother.
“I can do that,” Gary sent back. He sat and had quite the conversation with the Hat over which Quidditch team was going to win this year until they decided that they had been talking long enough.
Ten minutes later the Hat shocked the Hall by calling out, “Hufflepuff!”
“Now you wait just a damn minute, Allister, I know for a bloody fact that that boy should be in my House!” yelled McGonagall as she stomped her foot and raised her voice to be heard over the children and teachers all protesting.
“Are you saying that my House isn’t good enough for the Boy-Who-Lived?” Pomona asked with a bit of a snarl.
“No, of course not, my dear,” the headmaster interrupted, trying to head off a cat fight. “It is just that Lily and James were both in Gryffindor, and it only stands to reason that the Potter twins would also go there.”
“Oh, hush, Albus, you didn’t protest anyone else’s placement. You have no say,” Sprout said with a dismissive wave of her hand, still glaring at McGonagall.
“Stop this at once,” the Hat stated, raising his voice to be heard. “My placements are final as you all know. Finish the sorting.”
McGonagall huffed as she called out the older twin’s name. “Potter, Harry.” She didn’t much care where he went, though it would be nice to have a Potter in her House.
Harry went to the seat and unlike his brother, he only sat for a moment when the Hat called out, “Hufflepuff!”
A few more names were called out and sorted some correctly others into Hufflepuff, until Ronald Weasley was called. He stomped up to the Hat and demanded to be put in Gryffindor.
“No,” the Hat said, “you will go into Hufflepuff with your friends.”
“They are no friends of mine,” the redhead snapped, knowing he was throwing away six years of friendship, but he wasn’t going to spend seven years in the House of Duffers. “This was all supposed to be a stupid prank, but you said the sorting was final. I want to go to Gryffindor.” He stomped his foot in a childish manner.
“Oh, traitor are you, well I know where you belong… Gryffindor,” the cloth artifact yelled, not even touching his head.
Ron let out a ‘whoop’ and ran to the red and gold table, not caring that his twin brothers or his now ex-friends were glaring at him, some with their mouths hanging open in shock.
“Wait, what? Why did you say a traitor belongs in my House?” the Head of Gryffindor asked completely aghast. There was no way that was correct. Gryffindor was for the brave and head-strong.
“Well, that’s where the last few traitors came from,” the Hat said innocently and then proceeded to whistle.
“Mr. Weasley, what did you mean by this was supposed to be a prank?” the headmaster asked, looking over his glasses at the boy, who was shifting nervously at everyone looking at him.
“Harry and Gary came up with the plan that all Mutineers would be sorted into Hufflepuff. They said it would be a great prank. I thought that we’d be resorted when the joke was over, but the hat said it was final.” He shrugged his shoulders and looked around, quailing under the attention.
“What is a Mutineer?” Albus asked, getting snickers from the Hufflepuff table.
“Well, it’s a group of kids…” he started, until his mouth disappeared.
Sally was hovering over the boy with his lips in her hand. Her pigtails were standing straight out and her cute little dress was blowing in the wind that was surrounding her. Her adorable little face was flat and blank. The candles above her flared for a minute, and then calmed. She was mad and the only ones to see her were the Potter twins.
“Shite, she’s pissed,” Gary thought to his brother as he watched the embodiment of Death contemplate on what to do with the redheaded weasel.
“What can we do? We can’t yell to her, no one sees her. Maybe she’s just trying to scare him,” Harry thought back, not wanting Sally to hurt the boy.
Sally seemed to sag, like she heard their thinking, and shook her head sadly. She threw her hands in the air and then disappeared, reappearing not far from the boys.
As suddenly as they disappeared his lips were back. Everyone sighed in relief, until Ron’s eyes rolled up into his head and he hit the floor. His brothers and Madam Pomfrey rushed to his side. They all let out a sigh of relief when she woke him up with a quick wave of her wand.
The adorable little deity floated to the Potter twins and reassured them, “He is fine, he’ll just have selective amnesia, whereas I selected what he will and will not remember. Don’t worry I didn’t wipe everything, just the secrets you shared with him. He’ll remember all his lessons, magical and non, and all the stuff from the Manor. Just not any of the talks you guys shared. It’s a good thing you didn’t tell him much damaging information. So there was very little to take out,” she said as she sat between the boys.
“Too bad you didn’t get him before he said our names. Now we’re going to have to deal with the headmaster,” Gary whined as the man in question turned his piercing gaze to them.
“Don’t worry, he can’t do anything. We didn’t control the Hat, just asked it politely to keep us together,” Harry said, patting his brother on the shoulder.
While the Head Table still sat fighting with the Hat and each other, the kids were gossiping, a few were getting up from their tables and coming to Hufflepuff’s and clapping the first years on the back for the job well done. It was a great prank and all the teachers were befuddled. All but Snape, who looked like he dodged a lethal spell. Poor Blaise Zabini was standing in the middle unsure as to what to do.
“For all of your information!” the Hat bellowed at the top of its nonexistent lungs, making the Great Hall fall quiet. “Gotcha,” he said smugly with a lifting of his brim, causing Ron to pale.
He just lost all his friends, but a few. ‘Maybe if I ask, they’ll forgive me,’ he thought frantically, knowing that if they stayed in Hufflepuff they should be easily swayed or intimidated. It was the House of Rejects, after all.
“Whatever do you mean?” the headmaster inquired to the relic, hopeful that Gary would now be sorted into the correct House.
“For those that want, they can be resorted. However, they are fiercely loyal, so they may remain where they are,” the enchanted item stated, knowing that many would stay. Those like Seamus Finnigan would resort, but the Potter twins were staying where they were.
The Great Hall was in chaos, with laughter and cheer over a well-played joke, which was the whole point. No one was hurt, well maybe Sprout’s feelings, but she would be okay when many stayed here. Plus, the Mutineers that wanted to, got to stick together.
“Well, we lost a few people,” Susan said, looking towards the Gryffindor table and the kids getting up to be resorted. She noted that they were staying seated.
“Still, it was funny,” the dark-haired twins said together with a wink and smug look, observing all the laughing children. The Weasley twins were the loudest, now that they knew Ron was alright. “Yeah, well worth it,” they stated, giving each other a high-five, while Sally looked self-satisfied.
Hphphp
It was just a quick one-shot. My muse was on a walkabout when I wrote it. I don’t feel like expanding it right now. I might come back and do something with it later.