Remus had been in love with Sirius for as long as he could remember. Maybe it had happened gradually, slipping in unnoticed like the chords of a melody, or maybe it had struck him suddenly, like a cymbal crashing through the silence. Either way, by the time he realized it, it was too late. He was head over heels for his best friend and roommate, Sirius, the lead guitarist of their band, Marauders.
It wasn’t supposed to be this complicated. Sirius was a force of nature—wild, untamable, and magnetic. Wherever he went, people followed. And Remus, quiet and introspective by nature, had always been content with that. Sirius led; Remus followed. It had been their dynamic since they’d met at university, and in the years that followed, the same energy bled into their music. Together with James Potter on bass and Peter Pettigrew on drums, they formed Marauders, a band that was starting to make a name for itself in London’s underground scene.
But Remus was in too deep. He couldn’t pretend anymore. Not after that night.
It had been a typical Thursday evening after rehearsal. They were lounging on their worn-out couch, some old record playing in the background. James and Peter had already left, leaving just the two of them. Sirius had been drinking, but then again, so had Remus. The buzz of alcohol in their system made everything a little looser, the air between them more charged than usual.
Sirius had leaned in. Close. Too close.
“I’ve always wondered,” Sirius had whispered, his breath warm against Remus’s skin. “What it’d be like to kiss you.”
Remus had frozen, his heart pounding erratically in his chest. He hadn’t dared to hope this was happening. “You—” he began, but Sirius cut him off by pressing their lips together.
It was electric. Sirius tasted like whiskey and danger, and Remus had never felt anything like it. He kissed back with everything he had, his hands tangling in Sirius’s long, dark hair, pulling him closer. They’d made out on that couch for what felt like hours, until Sirius had finally pulled away, breathless, eyes bright with something Remus couldn’t name.
For a moment, Remus had allowed himself to believe that maybe, just maybe, Sirius felt the same way. Maybe his best friend had seen him in the same light Remus saw Sirius. But the next morning, Sirius acted as if nothing had happened. He was back to his usual carefree self, making coffee in the kitchen, chatting away about band practice, and throwing Remus a casual wink over his shoulder.
Remus was crushed, but he kept quiet. Maybe it had just been the alcohol. Maybe Sirius hadn’t meant anything by it.
But then he found Sirius in the bathroom at one of their gigs, snogging some girl against the sink, her hands tangled in his hair in a way that was painfully familiar. The sight of it felt like a punch to the gut. His heart shattered, and he fled the scene, pretending he didn’t care, even though every part of him ached.
Remus had always been good at hiding his feelings, but this was too much. He poured all the pain, confusion, and betrayal into his music. That’s how Vampire came about.
The band had a concert coming up at one of their regular spots in Camden, and the crowd was larger than usual. The venue was packed, the air electric with excitement as the audience buzzed in anticipation. Remus should’ve felt exhilarated. This was what he lived for—the rush of performing, the adrenaline of being on stage. But tonight was different.
Sirius was at the barricade, right in front of the stage, leaning casually against the barrier like he always did when they weren’t playing together. His dark hair was messy, hanging just over his eyes, and his leather jacket clung to him like a second skin. His presence was impossible to ignore, and Remus found himself drawn to him, like always.
“Ready, Moony?” James asked, clapping him on the back. Remus nodded, trying to shake off the nerves. He wasn’t just nervous because of the crowd. No, it was because of the song.
The song he’d written for Sirius.
He hadn’t told anyone about it, not even James, though he was pretty sure James had caught on to the tension between him and Sirius over the last few weeks. They were supposed to debut it tonight, and Remus couldn’t think of a worse—or better—time.
As they took their places on stage, the familiar roar of the crowd greeted them, but Remus’s gaze was locked on Sirius, who was watching him with that casual, infuriatingly charming smile. It made Remus want to scream, to grab him by the collar and shake him until he understood. But instead, he picked up his guitar and adjusted the mic.
“Alright, everyone,” he said, his voice low and controlled. “We’ve got something new for you tonight.”
The crowd cheered, and Remus caught Sirius’s eyes once more. There was something like curiosity in his gaze now, a slight tilt to his head, as if he could sense that something was coming.
“We’re gonna play something a little… personal,” Remus continued, his heart hammering against his ribs. “This one’s called Vampire.”
The opening chords echoed through the venue, soft and slow, with a haunting undercurrent that mirrored the storm brewing inside Remus. His voice was steady, though his hands shook slightly as he strummed.
“I hate to give the satisfaction asking how you’re doing now,” he sang, the words ripping through him with each note. He couldn’t tear his eyes away from Sirius, who had stiffened slightly, his carefree expression fading as realization dawned.
Remus’s voice grew stronger as the song progressed, the emotions pouring out of him—anger, hurt, betrayal—all the things he’d bottled up since that night. The crowd was swaying to the music, unaware of the silent war happening between the lead singer and his best friend at the barricade. “I should’ve known it was strange. You only come out at night,” Remus continued, his eyes never leaving Sirius. He could see the confusion now, the way Sirius’s brow furrowed as if trying to piece it all together.
And then the bridge came—the part of the song that cut the deepest, the part that Remus had written in the dead of night after seeing Sirius with that girl, feeling like he’d been gutted.
“You said it was true love, but wouldn't that be hard? You can't love anyone, 'cause that would mean you had a heart. I tried to help you out, now I know that I can't, 'cause how you think's the kind of thing I'll never understaaaand,” Remus sang, the words dripping with venom. His voice was raw now, shaking with the force of everything he’d been holding back. The bridge was a direct hit, and he watched as Sirius’s face shifted from confusion to shock, his eyes widening as if he finally understood what Remus was saying.
Remus’s fingers pressed harder into the strings as the song built to its climax, his voice breaking slightly. His entire body was shaking, but he kept going. He couldn’t stop now.
As the last chords rang out, the venue exploded into applause, but Remus barely heard it. His chest was heaving, his heart racing, and all he could see was Sirius standing there, wide-eyed and speechless, his hands gripping the barricade like it was the only thing keeping him grounded.
Remus set down his guitar, his mind a whirlwind of emotions. He’d done it. He’d laid everything bare, and now Sirius knew. There was no going back.
Backstage after the show, Remus was a mess of nerves. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, but the gnawing silence that followed the performance was unbearable. He’d poured his heart into that song, and now he had no idea what Sirius would do with it.
He was halfway through untangling himself from his guitar strap when he heard the door to the green room creak open. He didn’t need to turn around to know who it was.
“Remus,” came Sirius’s voice—low, tentative, like he wasn’t sure what to say. It was the first time Remus had heard him sound uncertain.
Remus’s hands stilled on the guitar, but he didn’t turn around. “What do you want, Sirius?” His voice was sharper than he intended, but he couldn’t help it. The wound was still too fresh.
“I—” Sirius hesitated, and Remus could hear him stepping closer. “That song. Was it… was it about me?”
Remus let out a bitter laugh, shaking his head. “Took you long enough to figure it out.”
There was a beat of silence, and then Sirius was in front of him, forcing Remus to meet his gaze. His eyes were wide, frantic even, and there was something raw in them that Remus hadn’t seen before.
“I didn’t know,” Sirius said, his voice barely above a whisper. “I didn’t know you felt like that. I didn’t—God, Remus, I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
Remus clenched his fists, trying to keep the tears from welling up. He couldn’t break down now. Not in front of Sirius. “Well, you did,” he said, his voice trembling. “You hurt me, Sirius. You kissed me, and then you pretended like it didn’t mean anything. And then I saw you with her.”
Sirius flinched, guilt flashing across his face. “I didn’t know what I was doing,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “I was scared. I thought it was just… I thought you wouldn’t want that. I thought you didn’t feel the same, and I panicked. I—I didn’t think.”
Remus finally turned to face him fully, his heart pounding in his chest. “You didn’t think,” he repeated, bitterness lacing his words. “That’s all you ever do, Sirius. You don’t think. You just act like nothing matters, like people’s feelings don’t matter.”
Sirius opened his mouth to speak, but Remus cut him off, his frustration boiling over. “You kissed me, Sirius. I thought—” His voice broke, and he had to take a breath to steady himself. “I thought it meant something.”
“It did mean something,” Sirius blurted out, stepping closer, his hands shaking at his sides. “You have to believe me, Remus. It wasn’t just a drunken mistake. It wasn’t nothing.”
“Then why did you act like it was?” Remus demanded, his voice louder now, years of frustration and heartbreak spilling out all at once. “Why did you pretend like it didn’t happen? And then… with her.” He could barely say the words, the memory still so raw. “I saw you with her, Sirius. Right after. Like it didn’t mean anything to you.”
Sirius’s face crumpled, his voice shaking with guilt and regret. “I know. I know I fucked up. I was scared. I’ve never felt like this before, Remus. Not about anyone. And it terrified me.”
Remus blinked, caught off guard by Sirius’s admission. He’d never seen Sirius look so vulnerable, so raw. The Sirius he knew was always confident, always in control, but now he looked lost—like he was trying to find his way through something he didn’t understand.
“You were scared?” Remus asked, his voice softer now, though the pain was still there. “What do you think I’ve been feeling, Sirius? You’re my best friend. I’ve been in love with you for years, and I didn’t know what to do with it. But I didn’t run away from it.”
Sirius’s breath hitched at Remus’s words, and for a moment, the room felt impossibly still. “You… you’re in love with me?”
Remus let out a shaky breath, feeling like the ground had been pulled out from under him. It wasn’t supposed to come out like that, but there it was. He couldn’t take it back now.
“Yeah,” he whispered. “I am.”
Sirius stared at him, his eyes wide, his face a mixture of shock and something Remus couldn’t quite place. “Remus, I—” He took a deep breath, his voice trembling. “I’m in love with you, too.”
For a moment, Remus didn’t know what to say. He’d wanted to hear those words for so long, but now that they were out in the open, he wasn’t sure what to do with them.
“Then why did you—” he started, but Sirius cut him off, stepping closer, his eyes pleading.
“Because I’m an idiot,” Sirius said, his voice hoarse. “I didn’t know how to handle it. I thought you’d never want me like that, so I tried to push it away. I thought if I ignored it, it’d go away. But it didn’t. It just got worse.”
Remus stared at him, his heart pounding in his chest. “Sirius…”
Sirius took another step closer, until there was barely any space between them. “I was scared, but I’m not scared anymore. I can’t be. Not after tonight. You—you laid it all out there for me, and I know I don’t deserve it. I don’t deserve you.”
Remus’s chest ached at Sirius’s words, the raw honesty in them cutting through his defenses. He wanted to stay angry, to hold onto the hurt Sirius had caused, but seeing him like this—so open, so vulnerable—made it hard.
“Do you mean it?” Remus asked quietly, his voice barely above a whisper. “Do you actually love me?”
Sirius reached out, his hand trembling as he gently cupped Remus’s cheek. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”
Remus closed his eyes, leaning into Sirius’s touch, his heart aching with the weight of everything they’d been through. He wanted to believe him. He wanted to let go of the hurt and just fall into the moment, but there was still a part of him that was scared.
“What about before?” Remus asked, his voice small. “With her? How do I know you won’t—”
“I won’t,” Sirius interrupted, his voice firm, though his eyes were still soft. “That was a mistake. A stupid, thoughtless mistake. I was trying to distract myself from how I felt about you, but it didn’t work. It just made everything worse.”
Remus opened his eyes, searching Sirius’s face for any hint of insincerity, but all he saw was regret—and something else, something deeper.
“I love you, Remus,” Sirius said, his voice steady, though there was a tremble in it that Remus had never heard before. “I’ve been in love with you for so long, and I was too much of a coward to admit it. But I’m not running anymore. Not from this. Not from us.”
Remus felt a lump in his throat, his emotions swirling inside him like a storm. He wanted to believe Sirius, wanted to trust him, but the pain of the past still lingered, a scar that hadn’t fully healed.
But as he looked into Sirius’s eyes, he saw the truth there—the raw, unfiltered emotion that Sirius had been too scared to show before. And for the first time, Remus felt like maybe, just maybe, they could make this work.
“I’m still mad at you,” Remus said, though his voice was softer now, the anger ebbing away.
Sirius gave a small, sad smile. “I know. And I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, if you’ll let me.”
Remus let out a shaky breath, feeling the last of his defenses crumbling. He reached up, covering Sirius’s hand with his own, his heart pounding in his chest. “I want to believe you.”
Sirius leaned in closer, his forehead resting against Remus’s, his voice barely a whisper. “Then let me show you.”
For a moment, they just stood there, the world outside fading into the background as they held onto each other. Remus’s heart was still bruised, still aching, but in that moment, with Sirius so close, he felt something else, too. Hope.
Sirius pulled back slightly, his breath warm against Remus’s lips. “Can I kiss you?”
Remus hesitated for only a moment before nodding, his heart leaping in his chest as Sirius’s lips pressed against his. The kiss was slow, careful, nothing like the desperate, messy kiss they’d shared before. This one was different—softer, full of all the things they hadn’t said, all the things they were too scared to admit.
When they finally pulled apart, both of them breathless, Sirius rested his forehead against Remus’s again, a small, tentative smile tugging at his lips. “We’ll figure this out. I promise.”
Remus closed his eyes, letting himself believe it—just for a moment. He didn’t know what would happen next, or how they’d navigate the mess of their feelings, but for the first time in a long time, he felt like they had a chance.
And that was enough.
The next morning, Remus woke up to the familiar sound of Sirius’s guitar strumming softly from the living room. For a moment, he lay there, blinking at the ceiling, wondering if last night had been a dream. But when he rolled over, he saw Sirius sitting on the edge of his bed, guitar in hand, playing the melody of their new song—Vampire—with a small, thoughtful smile on his face.
Sirius looked up, catching Remus’s eye, and the smile widened. “Morning.”
“Morning,” Remus mumbled, sitting up and rubbing the sleep from his eyes. His chest still felt tight with the weight of everything they’d talked about the night before, but there was something lighter there now, too.
Sirius set the guitar aside and stood, walking over to the bed and sitting down next to Remus. He hesitated for a moment before reaching out, his hand resting on Remus’s knee. “Are we… okay?”
Remus looked at him, at the uncertainty in his eyes, and felt his heart soften. “Yeah,” he said quietly, offering Sirius a small smile. “We’re okay.”
Sirius let out a relieved breath, his shoulders relaxing as he leaned in, pressing a soft kiss to Remus’s forehead. “Good. Because I’m not going anywhere.”
Remus smiled, leaning into the touch, his heart feeling a little lighter. Maybe they didn’t have it all figured out yet. Maybe they had a lot of work to do. But for the first time in a long time, Remus felt like they were on the right path.
And that was more than enough.