the hardest part of my fucking day.
it had been a few weeks since aria dropped the ‘mommy bomb’, and emily had soon felt it settle into her bones like it had always been there. at first, it had been an unpredictable mix—some days, emmy, some days, mommy, like aria was testing it out, figuring out how it felt in her mouth. but gradually, the balance had shifted, and now? now it was almost always mommy.
for emily? it didn’t matter when or how it came out. every single time, it felt like a piece of her heart slotting into place. when aria sleepily mumbled it at 2 a.m., calling softly from her crib—“mommy…p’ease?”—emily was up in an instant, scooping her into her arms and whispering reassurances into her curls. when she patted emily’s cheek first thing in the morning, pacifier still in her mouth, her voice muffled but certain—“mommy, up!”—emily would blink awake and grin, groggily reaching for her.
it had become normal. easy. and yet, she still felt a thrill of warmth every time.
and right now? right now, mommy was being used to request that emily bounce her in the ridiculously small baby bouncer she had somehow resurrected from the hall closet. emily was getting ready for work, standing at the bathroom mirror, brushing out her hair while aria lounged in said bouncer like a queen on her throne.
the thing was old—well-loved, faded from a year of washing. it was a deep navy blue, covered in tiny off-white polka dots that had once been a bit more vibrant, but were now slightly worn. the fabric seat sagged under aria’s weight, the frame slightly bent in a way that suggested this was not a six-month baby in a bouncer, but a two-year-old instead. yet, aria loved it. emily still couldn’t believe this had even become a thing.
a few nights ago, while searching for her coat in the closet, aria had spotted it shoved in the back, half-buried behind a storage bin.
“dat?” she had asked, pointing, her brows raised in curiosity.
emily had glanced back, barely paying it any mind. “that’s your old bouncer, bug.”
aria had frowned, eyes flicking between emily and the bouncer. “bounce?”
emily had sighed, already knowing where this was headed because one thing about aria? aria loved questions. she crouched down, resting a hand on the soft fabric as she explained, “yeah, when you were a baby, you loved this thing. i used to put you in here when you were fussy, and you’d bounce and bounce until you fell asleep.”
aria had absorbed every word, nodding as if she were taking serious notes. and then, with no hesitation—
“i hab.”
emily had blinked. “bug, you’re too big for it now.”
“i hab.”
emily had raised a brow. “i really don’t think you’ll fit.”
aria’s brows had pulled, her lower lip jutting out, eyes growing watery—oh no. that look. emily had sighed, knowing she had already lost this battle. “alright, alright,” she had muttered, reaching into the closet. “but if you break it, don’t say i didn’t warn you.”
and that was how the far too small baby bouncer had ended up back in their living room during blues clues time. back in the kitchen — when emily cooked and aria felt like she needed to keep watch. and in this current moment — the bathroom. aria had claimed it as her personal recliner.
she was currently sprawled out in it, bouncing herself lazily with her feet against the bathroom tile, a board book in her lap. she wasn’t reading so much as she was narrating—flipping through the pages with dramatic pauses, babbling in a mix of real words and gibberish like she was telling the most important story in the world. emily smirked, leaning in to swipe on some moisturizer, half-listening to the nonsensical masterpiece unfolding behind her.
“—an den da mou’taaan say ’no no nooo’ an da baybee say ‘no mou’tann, dis mine!’ an den da sun go ‘hiiiiii’ an dennnn—”
aria pauses, furrowing her brows when she realizes emily was a little too focused on her moisturizer and not on her award-winning story.
“mommy, wisten!”
emily turned, raising a brow at aria through the mirror. “oh, i’m listening, baby. this is riveting.”
aria beamed, clearly pleased with that, before flipping to another page and continuing, her little legs kicking slightly as she rocked the bouncer. emily shook her head fondly, focusing back on her reflection – then let out a grounding breath before she started the process. the moment she turned, aria’s head snapped up.
“mommy?”
emily hummed. “yeah, bug?”
aria blinked up at her, her board book clutched to her chest. “bounce p’ease?”
emily sighed dramatically, stepping over and planting her foot lightly against the base of the bouncer. “you know, you are way too big for this thing.”
aria didn’t respond—just blinked at her expectantly. emily smirked, shaking her head before pushing gently, giving the bouncer a rhythmic bounce. the toddler melted instantly, her body going boneless as if the magic of the bouncer had not worn off all these years.
emily chuckled softly, giving it a few more pushes before leaning down, and pressing a soft kiss to aria’s forehead.
“alright, bug, last bounce,” she murmured, giving one final push before straightening. “i gotta finish getting ready for work.”
aria hummed, before opening back her book and nodded. she pulled her feet up a bit more so she could curl up tight. it always made emily laugh a bit; seeing aria curl up in the tightest fetal position sometimes. like she still found some sense of comfort in it.
emily blended out a bit of concealer under her eyes, sighing as she took in her reflection. the exhaustion lingered beneath the surface, but at least she looked like she got a full night’s sleep. not that it mattered—aria waking her up at 3 am for cuddles was worth the dark circles any day. her morning routine had been adjusted significantly over the last few months—now, it consisted of getting ready while also keeping aria entertained, which was how she ended up with a tiny audience every morning. secretly, she loved it.
emily smirked at the sight of her in the reflection of the mirror, shaking her head as she put her mascara back in the bag she had just swiped on her lashes.
“you love that thing, huh?”
aria hummed, flipping a page in her now upside-down board book, one foot kicking softly.
“i wub my bounce.”
emily bit back a smile. “i remember when you were tiny, and i’d bounce you with my foot while reading case files.”
aria peeked up, brows furrowing. “mommy work wif me?”
emily nodded, leaning against the counter, arms crossed like they were just two girls having a conversation. “mhm. you used to sit in that thing for hours, and i’d sit on the couch, bouncing you while i read.”
aria pursed her lips, thinking. then, she looked down at the bouncer beneath her and gently kicked her foot, making it move slightly.
“bounce p’ease?”
emily huffed a laugh and gave it a small nudge with her foot. it barely moved, but still—aria beamed like it was the greatest thing in the world. even though she had just told aria not ten minutes ago, that that was the last bounce from her.
“t’ank ‘ou, mommy.”
emily exhaled through her nose, glancing back at herself in the mirror. the title still made her chest tighten in the best way. no matter how many times aria said it, it never got old. her phone vibrated against the counter, pulling her out of the thought.
she reached for it, eyes flicking over the notification.
jj: is there any way you can pick me up & we carpool? i have a flat.
emily’s stomach did a thing—that little flip that she was trying very hard to ignore every time jj’s name popped up. she shouldn’t be this happy over a text message. but she was. emily typed back, quickly.
emily: sure. i’ll pick you up. i have to drop aria off at daycare before we head in.
jj responded almost instantly.
jj: that’s perfect. :) see you soon.
emily stared at the words for longer than necessary, thumb hovering over the screen.
perfect. :)
she could feel herself smiling, shaking her head slightly as she finally typed back.
emily: i’ll be there at 7:45! :)
she locked her phone, setting it back down.
“mommy?”
emily turned toward aria, who was now watching her intently, book forgotten in her lap.
“yeah, bug?”
aria tilted her head, the way she always did when she was deep in thought. when she observed and noticed things, truly taking them in. processing. “‘ou happy?”
emily blinked. the question caught her off guard, but before she could even process it, she felt herself nodding.
“yeah, baby,” she murmured, smiling softly. “i’m happy.”
aria squinted at her, like she was trying to read her—because, let’s be honest, the kid was getting dangerously good at it. but then she hummed in contentment, apparently satisfied with the answer, and went back to her book. emily grinned a bit before grabbing the straightener, running it through her hair quickly, watching aria in the reflection.
“bug, someone else is gonna ride with us today.”
aria barely looked up from her book, nodding absently as she turned another page. “oh?”
emily smirked. “mhm. your jj is going to ride with us. her car has a boo-boo.”
that got aria’s attention. her eyes lit up, her little hands tightening around the edges of her book. “jayje ride wif us?”
emily chuckled. “yeah, bug. we’re gonna pick her up before school.”
aria gasped, gripping the edges of the bouncer like this was the best thing she had ever heard — unaware of how much tires cost and how annoying it is to take your car to the shop. she just thought it was grand because jj was riding with them today.
“jayje car hurt?”
emily bit back a smile. “yeah. but we’re gonna help her, right?”
aria nodded furiously, so serious about this now. “‘kay, i see my jayje.”
emily shook her head smiling as she reached down, gently brushing some hair from aria’s face before she scooped her up from the bouncer, pressing a quick kiss to her head.
“alright, bug, let’s get you dressed.”
she carried aria down the hall, her little body relaxed against her hip, head resting against her shoulder. it was the same routine every morning—one that emily had perfected down to the minute. she nudged open the door to aria’s room with her foot, stepping inside and gently setting her down on the plush, cream-colored rug in the middle of the room. sergio was already there, sprawled out nearby, blinking lazily like he was clocking in for his morning routine as well—being the designated keeper of the toddler.
emily smirked. “ready, bug?”
aria yawned, rubbing her eyes as she nodded. she didn’t protest as emily reached for the zipper on her bamboo footie pajamas, peeling the obscenely expensive fabric from her tiny frame. emily knew she spent too much money on these damn things, but aria practically lived in them. the softness, the way they didn’t irritate her skin—emily justified it every time. she slipped the pajamas off completely, tossing them into the hamper before grabbing a fresh diaper.
“alright, let’s get you changed, huh?”
aria wiggled slightly as emily laid her back on the rug, but before she could even think about trying to escape, sergio stretched out beside her, flopping onto his side as if to say ‘i got this, prentiss — but you owe me an extra treat today.’ of course, aria was immediately distracted – a happy little noise slipping from her as she gently patted the now purring cat.
emily huffed out a laugh.
“oh, thank you, sergio. i don’t know what i’d do without you.”
she leaned down, fastening the diaper before pressing a series of quick kisses to aria’s bare belly. aria squealed, like always, giggling as she instinctively curled up, hands grasping at emily’s arms. emily grinned against her skin, placing one last kiss before she straightened up, reaching for the lotion on the dresser. she made quick work of rubbing it into aria’s soft skin, making sure to cover the back of her hands, the little dimples still present on her knuckles — emily was not looking forward to the day she lost the little baby fat in the tiniest places.
then, she pulled out the uniform—the ridiculously tiny navy collared dress that still made her shake her head every time she saw it. a uniform. for a toddler. emily muttered under her breath as she unbuttoned the dress.
“still ridiculous. i mean, i get structure but come on—she’s two.”
aria watched her curiously, not nearly as concerned about the uniform as emily was. she had already adjusted to the routine, to the knee socks and mary janes that accompanied it. if anything, she liked it now. emily slipped the dress over aria’s head, helping her get her arms through before smoothing the fabric down.
“there we go.”
aria blinked, then looked down at herself, gently brushing her fingers over the navy material - almost mimicking what emily had just done. emily reached for the tiny, ruffled knee socks next, rolling them up onto aria’s legs while sergio remained firmly in place beside her, tail flicking lazily.
“you really do act like you’re helping, huh?” emily muttered toward the cat.
sergio blinked slowly. completely unbothered. aria, meanwhile, now wiggled her socked feet happily as emily slipped the small, black mary janes onto her feet, securing the little buckle straps.
“there. all set… let’s see what we can do with this hair of yours,” emily murmured, gently brushing through aria’s wispy, silky dark strands.
aria sat patiently, her little hands resting in her lap. emily worked quickly, smoothing her hair down before securing the front with a tiny navy bow clip—one that matched her uniform perfectly. she turned aria slightly, inspecting her work before nodding in approval.
“perfect.”
aria hummed in contentment, reaching up to gently pat her hair as if to make sure the bow was still there. emily chuckled, pressing a quick kiss to the top of her head.
“alright, bug. let’s get moving. we’ve got to pick up jj on the way.”
aria perked up immediately at that, eyes lighting up in excitement. emily just smiled, shaking her head as she grabbed aria’s backpack, watching the toddler scramble to get up in all her uncoordinated glory.
by the time emily had barely backed out of the driveway — aria started in with the questions. emily expected it. mornings were full of energy with aria—especially when she was excited about something. and seeing jj? that was big in aria’s world.
“mommy?” aria’s little voice piped up from the back seat.
“yes, bug?” emily glanced in the rearview mirror, already catching the way aria was kicking her little feet, as if she had so many thoughts and not enough time to say them all.
“why jayje car b’oke?”
emily smirked. “because she got a flat tire, baby.”
aria furrowed her brows. “fat tire?”
emily nodded, keeping her tone simple. “flat. f-l-a-t. flat. and yep, her tire lost all the air in it, so she can’t drive it right now.”
aria gasped like this was huge news. “da air fall out?”
emily bit back a laugh. “not exactly, but kind of.”
aria’s brows stayed pulled together, deep in thought. “oh.” a pause. then—another question. “why it do dat?”
emily exhaled a soft chuckle, shaking her head. “tires just do that sometimes, baby. sometimes they hit a nail or get old, and they lose air.”
aria gasped again, this time with dramatic toddler horror. “oh no. jayje’s car old?”
emily couldn’t help but grin. “no, bug, her car’s fine. she just needs a new tire.”
aria seemed to think really hard about that for a moment, her little fingers twisting into her dress. then, her face lit up, and she gasped again—like she just had the best idea in the world.
“jayje get my car!”
emily bit her lip to keep from laughing. “oh yeah?”
aria nodded fervently. “uh huh! my pink car!”
emily knew exactly what she was talking about—the plastic pink barbie convertible she had gotten aria a few weeks ago. it was for barbies of course, but she already tried to put sergio in it. next, it seemed jj was the next victim.
emily grinned, playing along. “you think jj should drive your car?”
aria nodded again, looking very serious about her offer.
emily hummed. “well, that’s very nice of you, bug, but i think jj might be a little too big for it.”
aria blinked, brows furrowing again, like she couldn’t quite process that. then, she changed tactics.
“sergy drive a car?”
emily fully laughed at that, shaking her head. “oh, i don’t think so, baby. sergio doesn’t have a license.”
aria huffed, as if this was deeply unfair. “but i no have a lis’nse…”
emily bit her lip. god, this kid.
“right,” she agreed, glancing at aria in the mirror again. “but you’re also two, and not a cat.”
aria blinked again. “oh.” another pause. then—“sergie get a lis’nse?”
emily snorted, shaking her head. “i don’t think the dmv hands those out to cats, bug.”
aria huffed again, clearly disappointed in this discovery. but before she could ask another question, emily turned onto jj’s street, spotting her waiting by the curb — and god, even now, was she the most beautiful creation emily swore she had ever seen. her voice was soft as she spoke out, a bit of longing behind it that emily prayed aria wouldn’t pick up on.
“there she is, bug.”
aria immediately perked up, her feet kicking against her seat. “jayje!”
emily smiled as she pulled up, unlocking the doors as jj approached.
“good morning,” jj greeted, opening the passenger door and sliding in. before she could even get buckled, aria clapped her hands together.
“jayje! mommy say no lis’nse for sergy. ‘tause.. dee..emm…beee. and i two.”
jj blinked, confused for a second before glancing at emily—who was now dying trying to hold in a laugh.
jj smirked. “oh, really? that seems so unfair.”
aria nodded emphatically, crossing her arms. “dat what i say.”
jj grinned, finally clicking her seatbelt. “well, you know what, bug? i think we should petition for sergio to get a license.”
emily groaned, already shaking her head as she pulled back onto the road.
“please do not put ideas in her head,” she muttered, but jj and aria were already giggling like co-conspirators in the seat beside and behind her. emily exhaled, shaking her head. the blonde leaned forward a moment later, reached into her bag that was now in the floorboard and pulled out a small ziplock filled with banana slices, her voice light as she offered them out behind her to aria.
“oh, and these are for you… now, aria, i didn’t have time to ask you, so i hope this is okay.”
emily’s brow lifted slightly as she glanced at jj, amusement flickering in her eyes. she knew how particular aria was about her bananas. it was a very specific science—there was a fine line between a banana being acceptable and being deemed unworthy by toddler standards. for a moment, she held her breath, waiting to see if this would be one of those make-or-break moments. but aria? aria beamed.
“‘nana!” she gasped, reaching for the bag, her tiny fingers wrapping around it as she looked up at jj with a look that could only be described as pure adoration.
jj laughed softly. “phew. i was a little worried you might be a ‘whole banana only’ kind of girl today..”
aria shook her head, popping a slice into her mouth and humming contentedly. and emily? she just watched, the best she could while driving. her chest ached—but in the best way, because jj thought of aria. she remembered aria’s quirks, her preferences—she anticipated them. and not just in a casual way. not in a way where someone throws out an ‘oh yeah, kids like bananas’, but in a way that showed she really thought about it. emily swallowed, gripping the steering wheel a little tighter, pushing away the rush of emotions threatening to flood her. instead, she cleared her throat and smiled slightly.
“well, you’ve made a tiny best friend for life,” she teased.
jj shrugged, biting back a grin as she reached for her coffee. “i’m okay with that.”
for a few moments, they drove in quiet contentment. aria was fully occupied with her banana slices, chewing happily, swinging her little feet in her seat. the car was filled with the soft hum of the radio, the occasional tapping of jj’s nails against her travel mug.
for the first time in a while, emily felt completely whole.
“so…” jj finally broke the silence, her voice soft, almost hesitant. “how’s everything going? i mean, since…”
she trailed off, but emily knew. since mommy.
emily exhaled, drumming her fingers lightly against the wheel. “it’s good,” she said honestly. “she’s… choosing it now, more and more. but i didn’t push it. i won’t push it.”
jj nodded, her gaze flickering to the backseat, watching as aria happily munched on another slice.
“your doing good em,” she said gently. “she’s already yours, no matter what.”
emily’s grip tightened slightly—just slightly, against the wheel. she knew jj meant it in the legal sense, sure. but god, sometimes it felt like jj saw right through her. that was almost too much to sit with. so emily cleared her throat again, forcing herself to smirk, again, deflecting like always.
“so, are you gonna make this a habit? bringing snack offerings to my child?”
jj smirked, sipping her coffee. “i am her favorite, so…”
emily rolled her eyes. “right. how could i forget?”
jj just grinned, tilting her head. “you sound a little jealous, prentiss.”
emily scoffed. “of a toddler?”
jj raised a brow. “you tell me.”
emily just huffed, shaking her head as she turned onto the road leading toward daycare.
jj chuckled, shifting in her seat. “relax, mommy. she loves you best.”
emily flinched. jj felt it. and suddenly, there was something unspoken in the air. jj’s smirk softened—just slightly. emily opened her mouth, then closed it. she just kept driving — trying to not focus on the flush of her cheeks, and trying not to focus on the worst part of her morning, every morning.
emily had been bracing herself for this moment since she woke up, and even more now the second she pulled into the daycare parking lot. she knew. she knew the second she glanced in the rearview mirror and saw aria’s fingers curled tight around the straps of her car seat, her little mouth set in a deep frown. the way her big, brown eyes were already starting to glisten with unshed tears.
and god, did it make emily’s heart ache. drop-offs were always hard.
some mornings, aria would trot inside, hesitant but resigned, giving emily one last clingy hug before accepting her fate for the day with just a few tears. but some mornings? some mornings were like this. the kind that made emily feel like the worst person alive for leaving.
she sighed, shifting the car into park, already dreading what she knew was coming.
“honey…” she started, turning in her seat to face aria.
the second aria heard her voice, her grip on the car seat straps tightened. her bottom lip wobbled. jj turned in her seat too, and the second she caught sight of aria’s expression, she felt something deep in her chest crack open. jj knew about these mornings. emily had told her about them before—how sometimes, it took an hour to drop aria off, how some days, emily ended up running late to work because she had to sit in the daycare lobby, whispering reassurances and rocking aria through her sobs.
she had heard about it. but seeing it? that was something else entirely.
emily unbuckled herself and got out – making her way to aria’s door. as she started unbuckling the toddler, and gently untangling her vice grip from the straps – jj barely had time to process the heartbreak of it all before aria sniffled, her tiny voice coming out thick and wobbly.
“j-jayje go ‘nside too?”
emily opened her mouth to respond, but before she could even breathe out a single word—jj had already unbuckled her seatbelt and was rolling out of the suv, her door shutting behind her like there wasn’t even a question about what she was about to do.
“i’ll go in with you too,” jj said simply, voice firm with absolutely no hesitation.
emily just stared at her. something in her chest tightened as jj reached into the backseat, pulling aria’s tiny backpack into her arms like it was second nature, swinging it over her shoulder like she belonged in this moment.
like this was normal. like this was their life. and emily… let herself sit in that.
emily nodded, aria clinging to her like a koala, as they walked into the building. her little body curled so tightly against hers that emily swore she could feel her heartbeat against her own.
jj took in the scene as they entered—the brightly colored lobby, the scent of crayons and baby wipes in the air when they got to aria’s classroom. the sounds of tiny voices, of parents kissing their little ones goodbye, of a few kids already sniffling as their parents slowly pried themselves away. there was something about being in here..that felt right. she didn’t quite understand it. a pull. like even though drop offs were hard, as she was learning in real time — each parent carried some special type of love to give to their child in these moments. a love she had such an urge to give.
aria’s grip tightened around emily’s blazer as she moved to the front desk to sign her in, jj standing beside her, holding aria’s little backpack like it was a mission-critical item – still taking everything in. though her observation faltered when she noticed emily bending down.
emily tried to gently lower aria to the ground, but the second she attempted to let go, aria latched on tighter, her tiny hands fisting her shirt — those soft, shaky whimpers breaking every single piece of her heart.
emily’s voice was soothing when she spoke—so soft that jj felt safe just listening to it.
it was like something sacred.
“bug, you’re gonna have so much fun today,” emily murmured, rubbing slow circles against aria’s back. “miss melanie is waiting for you… and i bet tessa already has the house game set up for you.”
that usually got some excitement out of her. not today. today, aria sniffled, her little fingers curling tighter in emily’s blazer, her voice barely above a whisper.
“…seben.”
emily closed her eyes. seven hugs. that was aria’s rule she magically came up with one day, and it has stuck ever sense — even though aria usually got way more than seven hugs by the end of it.
emily gave her the first hug, swaying gently.
the second.“i love you so much, bug.”
the third.pressing a kiss to her forehead.
the fourth.another squeeze.
the fifth. a soft hum.
the sixth. a slow rock back and forth.
the seventh. emily held her just a little longer, breathing her in, willing herself not to cry when she finally whispered, “okay, baby. i have to go.”
as emily pulled away, her heart lurching at the tears trickling down her baby’s soft skin already — she noticed aria turning towards jj, and lifting her arms. emily’s heart stopped. jj felt like she had been punched in the chest.
“she wants you to give her seven hugs too,” emily murmured, her voice softer than ever.
jj didn’t even hesitate. she kneeled down beside emily, and opened her arms for aria — the toddler falling into them like she had known the woman her whole life. jj wrapped her arms around her, holding her just as tightly, whispering just as gently.
the first.a slow rock side to side.
the second.a little hum, a soft kiss to her forehead.
the third.“you’re gonna be so brave, sweet girl.”
the fourth. soft small circles on her back.
the fifth.a few gentle pats.
the sixth. a soft ‘shhhhh’ as she rocked her back and forth.
the seventh. “okay sweet girl..”
jj pulled back and wiped at the little tears on aria’s cheeks, offering a smile, even as her own burned. by the time melanie came over, emily sighed, forcing a small smile. it was time, and aria knew it too. as melanie took her, she crumbled.
the first big sob came from her. utter heartbreak.
“m-mommy—!”
it hit like a freight train. emily physically felt it. and this morning? jj felt it too. jj handed the tiny backpack over to melanie, but her eyes stayed locked on aria, even as she clung to her teacher with one hand, still reaching with her other. emily leaned in, and kissed her cheek one last time.
“i love you, baby. i’ll see you so soon.”
jj followed naturally.
“we’ll see you soon, sweet girl. have so much fun today, okay?”
the words didn’t stop the tears, but emily knew—they mattered. jj knew too. as they stepped outside, they could still hear aria’s cries from the hallway, calling not just for emily— but for jj too.
“m-my j-jayje–! mommy!” over, and over, and over.
the click of their heels against the tile was the only sound between them as they walked toward the exit. neither of them spoke. because what was there to say? neither could speak if they even wanted to right now. all they could do, was think.
emily had done this so many times before. she had walked down this same hallway every single morning after drop-off, carrying the weight of leaving behind her daughter’s tears, letting them settle somewhere deep inside her chest where they wouldn’t drown her completely.
but this? this was different. this wasn’t just aria sobbing for her. this was aria sobbing for her and jj. emily’s hands twitched at her sides, aching for something to do, something to hold. she thought about reaching for her bag strap, for her phone, for jj, but her fingers curled into fists instead. she didn’t know how to process what had just happened.
the way aria had looked at jj. the way her tiny, tear-streaked hands had reached for her. the way she had buried her face in jj’s shoulder just as much as she had in emily’s.
the seven hugs.
emily had barely been able to hold herself together through that. jj had hugged her like it was instinct. like she knew how to comfort aria just as much as emily did. like she was supposed to be there. and aria? aria had accepted it like it was the most natural thing in the world.
emily could barely breathe thinking about it.
jj, on the other hand, was trying to survive the feeling in her chest because aria had sobbed for her. not just sniffled. not just fussed. not just whined.
she had sobbed.
her tiny hands had clung to jj’s shirt, her face crumpling in a way that shattered every last piece of her heart. jj had heard the stories. she’d listened to emily talk about how hard drop-offs were. how sometimes she had to sit in the car for five minutes afterward, just breathing. but seeing it? feeling it? jj had no idea how emily did this every day.
because jj felt like she was going to be sick. she had never been the type to hesitate in the face of heartbreak. she had faced grieving families. stared straight into the eyes of killers. she had delivered the worst news a person could ever hear.
but nothing—nothing—could have prepared her for the feeling of walking away from aria while she cried for her. the feeling of aria needing her. the way it had felt to be part of something she wasn’t even sure she was allowed to be part of.
she wanted to reach for emily. to hold her hand. to do something. she almost did. but then the door chimed as they walked through it, and she looked down—her fingers were inches from emily’s before she shoved them into her pockets. she followed her to the suv, feeling hollowed out and too full all at once.
they climbed in, the car settling into silence around them. emily turned the key in the ignition, the air conditioning blasting against her face. she closed her eyes for a second, trying to let it cool the burning in her chest, dry the tears she refused to let fall.
jj exhaled sharply beside her.
“i was going to ask you how you did this every morning without sobbing,” she finally said.
emily let out a humorless laugh, shaking her head as she gripped the steering wheel like it was the only thing keeping her grounded.
“the hardest part of my fucking day,” she admitted, voice raw.
jj swallowed hard, and nodded.
she could see that now. she could feel that now.