Everyone knew Remus Lupin didn’t do touching. It was only a few days into first year when James went to drape an arm across his shoulders and he panicked, punching James hard in the jaw. The event had been replicated in later that year when Peter had attempted to pat his shoulder and again in second year when Sirius had, unthinkingly, tried to hug him. He had, of course, apologized profusely each time but it got the message across clearly.
His friends respected his boundaries, Remus didn’t think they’d even accidentally brushed against him in two years. To be perfectly honest he didn’t know why he’d started pulling away, it happened around age 8, but it was like he had dug himself in a hole and he couldn’t get out. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to be touched, he actually really did, he just panicked every time someone tried to even get near to him.
“Moony.” He snapped out of his contemplative daze and saw that Sirius had plopped down on the bed across from him.
“Hi Pads.” Sirius frowned.
“Is everything alright? You were out of it, I had to say your name three times.” Remus shrugged slightly.
“Yeah, I’m fine. What’d you need?” Sirius's frown deepened.
“What’s going on Rem? You’ve been pulling away a lot recently.” He considered lying to him, telling him it was just the moon or he was just tired, but Sirius was the closest friend he’d ever had. When he looked into those silver eyes, so full of concern, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
“I… It’s hard to be around you guys.” Hurt immediately flashed across Sirius’s face and he realized how incredibly bad that sounded. “No, no not like that! It’s…” He sighed. “It’s hard to see you guys climbing all over each other and… and I can’t have that.”
“Moons, if you want us to start touching you we can.” A flash of panic made his breath catch.
“No!” Sirius frowned, confused, and he groaned miserably. “I mean… I can’t. I.. I want to. But I can’t. You know what happens when people try to touch me.” He buried his face in his hands. There was quiet for a moment before the bed next to him dipped. He tensed and looked up.
“Rem.” Sirius was facing him, less than two feet away, probably the closest anyone had dared get in at least a year. Remus took a shaky breath as he watched Sirius clearly debate something internally. “I’m going to try something but I need you to know that if you need me to stop I will, okay?” He nodded slightly.
Almost hesitantly, Sirius lifted a hand and brushed his thumb across Remus’s cheek. He let out a small, almost whimpering, noise and Sirius gently cupped his face. Relief spread over him and he leaned into the touch, eyes fluttering shut. It wasn’t like the previous times he had been touched, leaving an almost itchy, unclean feeling on his skin. This was warm and comforting and he just wanted more. Sirius traced his thumb across his cheekbone and he shivered slightly.
“Moony?” He forced his eyes open and hummed in response. “Can I give you a hug?” He only hesitated for a moment before nodding. Gently he was pulled into Sirius’s chest and the wonderful warmth spread through his chest. All of the sudden he was sobbing, full heartbroken sobs that shook his entire frame.
“Fuck, fuck, fuck. I’m so sorry.” Sirius tried to pull away in a panic but Remus latched onto him.
“No, don’t go!” Sirius carefully wrapped his arms around him again and Remus did his best to get as close as possible, squirming into his lap and laying his head on Sirius’s shoulder. His eyes fluttered closed and his breathing slowly evened out as Sirius traced patterns on his back. The warmth spreading through his body combined with Sirius’s breath on his neck and arms around him quickly lulled him to sleep.
- - -
Sirius didn’t know how long he sat there, Remus asleep in his lap, terrified even the slightest movement or noise would wake him and destroy the moment. He studied the other boy, determined to memorize every detail so even if this was some sort of freak mistake he’d have the memory. The sound of a door opening had his gaze snapping up. James and Peter both stood frozen in the doorway, jaws dropped.
“Mate, what happened?” James crept over as Peter closed the door silently. Sirius just shook his head slightly and whispered back.
“I don’t really know. He was really upset when I came up here earlier and when I got him to talk about it he said he… he said it was hard to watch us climb all over each other when he couldn’t do that.” Sirius brushed away a piece of hair that had fallen in Remus’s face and tucked it behind his ear. “And I don’t know what I was thinking but I just brushed his face and he… he just melted Prongs. I don’t think anyone has actually touched him for years. I asked him if I could hug him and he said yes but the moment I did he started crying. I… I tried to let go but he freaked out and latched on, climbed into my lap and went right to sleep.” He looked up to see that James and Peter had sat down across from them and were staring with unabashed awe.
“He’s… he’s just on your lap.” Peter blinked several times. “Remus Lupin is on your lap. And he’s asleep.” James nodded.
“And he’s being hugged.” He hesitated. “Do you think he’d let me do that?”
“I don’t know.” The three boys sat there for a long while, silent.
- - -
When Remus awoke he instantly became aware he was being held in someone’s lap, their arms around his waist. The panic that he expected to feel however didn’t come. Opening his eyes he saw Sirius next to him and met the silver eyes watching him. Seeing he was awake Sirius smiled gently.
“Hi.” Remus blushed slightly, memories of what happened before he fell asleep registering.
“Hi.” Sirius studied his face for several moments before brushing his hair back out of his face. Remus leaned into the touch and Sirius smiled.
“You feeling better?” He nodded slightly. “Do you want to get up? James and Peter left to steal dinner from the kitchen, they should be back in a minute.”
“Is it… is it okay if I stay?” Sirius nodded.
“Of course Moons.” Gratefully he set his head back on Sirius’s shoulder. He heard soft swearing outside the door and then it slowly opened and Peter poked his head in. Once he realized Remus was awake he pushed the door open the rest of the way and stepped aside so James could walk through carrying an overflowing tray of food.
“Hia Moony!” James grinned as he brought the tray over and sat down on the bed across from them. “How ya doing?” Remus smiled.
“I’m good, how was chasing Lily around?” James sighed.
“Some day she’ll give into my charm.” Remus shook his head and laughed.
“Sure she will, buddy.” Unlike James who had the tact to act normal Peter had sat down and was openly staring as James passed out food. Much to his chagrin Remus did have to get off Sirius’s lap but only barely. He shivered slightly at the sudden cold after being so warm in his embrace but took the food gratefully. Sirius and James picked up conversation from there letting Remus eat his food in silence, pressed up against Sirius’s side.
“Moony, back me up.” He glanced up at Sirius, suddenly realizing he hadn’t heard a word they had been saying.
“Uh…” Peter rolled his eyes.
“Don’t back him up. You don’t want to know.” Remus settled his head on Sirius’s shoulder.
“M’kay.” They continued chatting but the glances he was getting were driving him nuts. After a few more minutes he finally couldn’t stand it. “Oh go on, ask then.” James immediately jumped on the opportunity and spit out several rapid fire questions.
“What happened? Are you okay with being touched now? Can I give you a hug? Is it just a Sirius thing?” Peter smacked his arm, chiding jokingly.
“Merlin, let him answer the first one before you move on.” Sirius glanced over at him, wrapping an arm around his waist as a silent support. Remus hesitated for several moments.
“I… don't know. To any of those questions.” James nodded several times.
“Okay. Okay.”
“I… I think right now it's just a Sirius thing. I can try and get better with it. I'd love a hug from you but right now I don't know.” James and Peter both nodded in understanding.
“Okay. You don't have to push yourself on our account. I just wanted to know.” Remus nuzzled into Sirius’s shoulder and missed the smug look he shot the other two, along with their responding eye rolls.
- - -
Walking into the great hall hand in hand with Sirius the next morning was a surreal experience. He wasn't sure he had let go of Sirius for more than 10 minutes the previous night and they had fallen asleep tangled up in Sirius’s bed. It was addicting and he suddenly understood why the other boys were always touching.
As they sat in their usual spot he could tell that several people were watching them. Sirius squeezed his hand under the table and grinned. Remus smiled back and pressed into his side for a moment before helping himself to breakfast.
They chatted through breakfast, pausing momentarily so James could do his daily confession of love and rejection with Lily. As he was laughing he glanced up at the head table and saw Mogonagle watching them. When they made eye contact she raised her eyebrows slightly and he ducked his head, returning to his food, cheeks slightly red.
- - -
“Mr. Lupin, could you stay behind for a few moments?” Remus nodded and waited for the rest of the students to leave the Transfiguration classroom, including Sirius who had reluctantly let go of his hand to leave with James and Peter.
“Mr. Lupin, you've been acting rather unusual this morning.” Remus nodded and quickly apologized.
“I know, I'm sorry. Sirius will sit at his own desk next class.” She shook her head.
“I have no issue with the two of you sitting together. I am however concerned. Such open affection is unlike you. I hesitate to assume something is wrong when you're in such high spirits. Have you consumed anything that could have been tainted?” Remus's eyes widened.
“No, no I haven't. I promise everything's fine.” She pursed her lips but nodded.
“You may go.”
- - -
It had been three days since that first touch with Sirius and they had become inseparable. If they weren't on each other's laps or cuddling they were holding hands. The entirety of Gryffindor house seemed to be in a state of shock. They hadn't gotten questioned yet but every time they passed half the school seemed to stare unabashedly.
They were gathered in a circle in the dorms, playing exploding snap when Remus glanced over at James and made a decision. He let go of Sirius's hand, who gave him a curious look that he waved off, and scooted next to James. As their knees brushed slightly he looked up, surprised. Unsure what to do he chewed his lip and held his arms up. James's jaw dropped and just before he was about to scoot away, embarrassed, he seemed to snap out of his shock and pulled him into a tight hug.
James hugs were different then Sirius hugs he realized. Where Sirius made him warm and sleepy, James hugs felt safe, almost overwhelmingly so. He stayed there for a few moments before pulling away. James was grinning with such joy he almost felt bad scooting back over to Sirius and hiding his face in his shoulder but James didn't seem upset.
“I have been graced with a Remus hug today is a glorious day!”