"Hi, I'm Oliver Wood."
That was all it took and everything changed. It stirred something deep inside her that she didn't even realise was there. A chain reaction. The feeling was instant but it wasn't simple. It was anything but simple. She most definitely was not ready for that. Fate was never predictable. The world was vast but somehow her new beginning was around the next corner.
She met him at the Quidditch World Cup. His smile felt like being hit by lightning. It left her shocked. Reeling from that power she felt. She wasn't ready to feel anything but he set her soul alight from the very start. She felt her face turn up into a smile as she introduced herself.
They grew stronger together. They took the time to tear each other's walls down. That's the thing about trauma, it is a part of you always. Lavender had to rip herself apart and build herself up again. You can't start a life with someone if they don't know you. All of you. She had always felt there was an illusion of wholeness about her. She was a bit too broken to be whole. Somewhere along the line though the sense of illusion was gone. She didn't think about it anymore. She was just happy. They were happy.
She smoothed the silk of her dress. She had always liked silk. There was something about the fabric that held a certain affinity with her. She thought that it was perhaps the way that silk could be so delicate to rip or ruin that reminded her of herself. What she had been through. The past didn't need to be her enemy anymore.
"You look beautiful."
She smiled at the man behind her as he placed a hand on her shoulder.
"Aren't I supposed to say that to you?"
It was his wedding day after all.
Seamus and Michael might not seem a perfect fit from the outside but they made sense to Lavender. She had always known this day would come. She had much more faith in the pairing than either of them had. They made it here though. Nine years after those first sparks. They were getting married. Seamus was never much of a planner but Lavender had an eye for detail. She had planned most of the day herself. It did look rather wonderful. It was low key but romantic enough to fit the couple. She was rather proud of the effect.
"I've always looked good in suits."
He did.
"Are you going to be okay?"
"It's been five years," Lavender said as she turned to him with a smile "I've got this."
Five years since she left.
Year one was full of pain. A hole so deep that she never thought that she would never crawl her way out of it. Year two, she met Oliver. It was an unstable time. Would their romance die before it had begun? Their careers might drive them apart. She was trying to get her business off the ground and Quidditch was demanding. Then there were years three, four and five when they figured it out. They pushed through the hard times. Everything was worth it.
She had worked so hard to let the past go. A tiny part of her hadn't let Parvati go yet though. She still thought about her on occasion. It had been a long time since Lavender had needed Parvati though. Lavender would always remember what a bright spot she had been in a dark time. That's all that held them together anymore. The threads. Barely memories.
Lavender was okay with that. She didn't want to rake up feelings that she had put to bed. She didn't want to confront Parvati with the things that she had come to realise over the last five years.
*
She took a deep breath as she walked down the aisle. She tried to focus on the end of the aisle where Michael was waiting for Seamus. Seamus would be coming through those doors in a few moments, escorted by his mother. She linked arms with Dean as they paraded down the aisle together.
Lavender had tried not to look too much at the crowd. She tried to enjoy this moment but something about it was so very raw for her. This day wasn't hers but this brief moment was. She felt exposed. She had come to make peace with her physical scars. Faded but still vivid. Oliver caught her eye at that moment from his place in the crowd. He stood out a mile. His smile carried her forward.
She couldn't help but think that next time she could be at her own wedding. The thought was both terrifying and exhilarating. She had been thinking about it more lately. They hadn't talked about it yet apart from ‘one day' way. She knew a ring was nestled safely in his sock drawer though. The promise of the future, the promise of forever. It was sitting right there.
She couldn't help feel a bit scared though. She had always thought marriage was the vow to be happy forever. She wasn't sure that she could promise to be happy in herself for that long though. She was her own worst enemy sometimes. The idea of dragging Oliver down to her level, into the despair she felt in her head. The fear that creeped within her. It was too much to bear. It was too real. She was a warrior though. She told herself that in the dark days. There had been fewer and fewer over the years but she still needed those words in her arsenal. Some days she just needed to fight that bit harder. Today couldn't be one of those days though.
This was a wedding. Her best friend was getting married. He had found his truest happiness. He smiled that bit brighter. She wanted to feel that happiness in her soul. She beamed as she approached Michael at the end of the aisle.
Today was a happy day.
*
This night felt so totally alive. Lavender felt she could live in it. Oliver spun her around enthusiastically all over the dance floor. They loved dancing together. Oliver was a bit of dark horse but he always said that it was recommended by his trainer. Lavender believed Oliver just used that as an excuse because his dancing was an art form.
She hadn't been to any Hogwarts events, not personal nor memorial. She had been invited to many though. She had ignored christening and wedding invites from her previous classmates. She had chosen to stay away but she was having so much fun tonight. She was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that everything was going to be alright. She loved looking around at her former classmates and knowing that they had this moment. They figured out that life moves on and that it got so much better. Lavender knew Harry and Ginny had a little boy. She wondered if their moment had been just as wonderful as hers. Her moment was not so big as a child but it meant everything to her.
Her moment was knowing that a huge amount of people in this room were survivors, but they were joyful, happy survivors. She was one of them. She was a happy survivor as well. Any thoughts from early on had left her mind totally.
"Shall I get us some more champagne?" Oliver asked after a particularly lively song ended.
Yes, the answer was always yes. She remembered the first time that they shared champagne together. The night that they met. The night that Andorra became the World Champions. Lavender wasn't even quite sure where Andorra was but that had been a special night. It started something which had turned out to be everything.
"It's never a no to champagne but I'm going to get a little air outside, so meet me out there," she told him with a smile.
*
She hadn't expected the contrast between the twinkling lights and warm ecstasy in the marquee to chilled December night to be quite so startling but it was. She smiled to herself as she inhaled a lungful of fresh, crisp air. She noticed a figure standing a short distance from her. She hadn't noticed her at first which was crazy, because she was wearing a bright fuchsia dress. She looked so damn good in fuchsia. She always had.
Lavender hadn't been avoiding her but Parvati had seemed like a shadow until right now. Lavender hadn't really considered that they were in the same place after so long. Parvati was flesh and blood in front of her. The thought that she could just be standing in front of Lavender with all their history was wild. All those weeks that Lavender thought that she could handle this moment. She felt instantly breathless at the sight of her.
Maybe Parvati would always have an effect over her. Maybe they could never be truly over. The pull between them was unbreakable. Lavender always found something so romantic about fate but she was scared by the idea that fate could be so final. She didn't want fate to decide for her anymore. She didn't want to crumble under Parvati's stare. She had been choosing Oliver everyday since she met him. She had let him know every part of her. She wanted to choose him more than anything right now but the idea was suddenly more complicated.
She hadn't chosen Parvati at any time that mattered. She did in the beginning, she chose to love her and put her first. Their love seemed to have collapsed at any hardship after that though. Lavender hadn't fought for her like she did for Oliver. What did that mean?
"I always imagined this moment," Parvati began, "I thought that I would know what to say to you but you always left me speechless though."
"Hi."
It was a weak response. No words came to her though. It was five years ago that Parvati left. No words, no letters. An epic silence. The silence had eaten away at her before she found a way to stop the rot. Parvati hadn't reached out to her at any point. Lavender couldn't just sit here making small talk with someone who left and never looked back.
"You look so beautiful."
You don't just walk into someone's life after five years and tell them something like that. It wasn't not fair. Lavender couldn't just let this happen to her. This conversation couldn't go ahead. She didn't want to think about what might have been. She suffered for years after the War because she needed to torture herself with what could have been. She couldn't go back to change anything but she could stop herself being dragged into another mess. More darkness. This mess wouldn't bring justice or peace. It would haunt her. She deserved happiness.
Don't throw everything away to feel beautiful and needed in this mere moment.
"I don't think this conversation is a good idea," Lavender said. The temperature seemed to have suddenly dropped several degrees. She felt the chill sweep up her spine as she spoke again "I'm not putting myself through this again."
"What do you mean?"
"Your love was beautiful but it consumed me, I lost every piece of myself trying to love you back as much."
The words hung in the air. She had been thinking that for a long time. She never thought that she would tell Parvati though. Finding clarity about their relationship had been a long process. It wasn't easy admitting that Parvati's love and devotion was terrifying. It had been terrifying since the battle. The battle that changed everything. It changed Parvati more than Lavender ever realised. Lavender was blinded by her own pain at the time. Lavender kept rejecting love, she thought she was broken but something deep down was protecting her from it.
"You can't enter my life again and call me beautiful."
"All I ever did was protect you, love you."
"I thought you were my forever even when you left for Seville, every fibre of my being thought we would get back together."
"Don't play the victim, you're always playing the victim. I wanted you, I cared."
It hurt more than Lavender wanted to let on. She didn't want to have this conversation but the truth was so strong that Lavender needed it out of her body. She couldn't protect Parvati's feelings right now. She didn't have that in her anymore.
These words were always going to be hard. She felt a tear slide down her face. She didn't really know where it came from. The insecurities of the past most likely. The feeling that she was never good enough. Parvati had never truly understood her.
"We were unhealthy and dangerous and I think somewhere you knew that too."
It looked like all the fight in her just drained away from Parvati. Lavender needed to know she was right. The thoughts that danced around her head late night were valid. They aren't evil creations from her sleep deprived mind. Now Lavender knew that Parvati also felt what she felt. They had been bad for each other. No longer the perfect fit that they once were.
"You didn't try hard enough for us." Parvati said hardly.
"I did everything that I could for us but you kept pushing and pushing me, you wanted too much from me, you wanted every piece of me and you hated me when you couldn't have it!"
"I just wanted her back."
Her.
Some angelic version of Lavender that only lived in Parvati's head. The only space that person existed in. Lavender wondered if this was the first time that Parvati had even admitted it to herself. They had lost so much since the Battle. They had lost each other a long time ago but they kept trying to hold on to each other because it was all they knew. Their dream of Paris didn't hold them together. it was never going to work.
"He wants to marry me," Lavender continued, ignoring that she had just found out what she feared all along was the truth. It hurt but she had known it for a long time anyway. "I'm going to say yes."
Maybe that was too far.
Parvati had wanted to marry her once.
"So you and Prince Charming just get to ride off into the sunset then?"
Lavender knew that Parvati was angry. She was hurt but her tone suggested that Lavender didn't deserve the happiness that she had. The Parvati who loved her wouldn't begrudge her love in any form. She didn't know Parvati anymore. She had no idea about what had been going on in her life in the last five years. She didn't know this person anymore. It couldn't be more obvious that they were oceans apart. They'd drifted too far out. It was over.
"Seamus told me there is no time for champagne because you've scheduled something called a maid of honour dance for no-"
"Oh, I didn't realise you were out here with someone," Oliver said sheepishly looking between the two of us.
"Don't worry, we're finished here,"
She smiled sweetly at the man in front of her, slipped her hand in his and left the girl in fuschia behind. Parvati would always be a bright thread in the tapestry of Lavender's life, but the brightest was yet to come.