Regulus
The wind outside howled as the whole house creaked. Regulus wrapped the blanket around him even tighter, fighting the shivers working their way in. He’d never been cold like this before. It hurt, almost as much as his throat. He was so hungry… so incredibly hungry…
She promised… she said she’d be here…
Walburga hadn’t been home in five days, far too long for a child his age to go without feeding, and their father refused to do anything but let them starve. Sirius was coping marginally better, curled up in his bed, trying to sleep his way through it. But Regulus was beyond that point. He was in too much pain. He was too cold. The only thing that could help him right now was sweet, silky blood dripping down his throat…
“I’m not going to waste my time encouraging your disgusting desires!”
Regulus shook the memory away as a new shiver came over him. He was sitting right by the front door, ready and waiting for his mother to walk inside and take him out to quench the horrible pain in his throat. It was evening. Surely, she would be here soon.
The humans walking around outside really weren’t helping. Their hearts pounding right in his ears… their scents wafting through the solid door… but he couldn’t bring himself to move away.
His insides hurt so much. His brain was so cloudy. I’m so hungry…
Every second passing meant the shadowed cracks dug deeper into his face. Aching and burning as his cold tears filled the chasms. He didn’t need to look in the mirror to see how badly his eyes were glowing.
“Get your vile face out of my presence! I don’t want to see you until those devil eyes are gone!”
His father had already told him.
Regulus whimpered as another wave of hunger cut through him. Wrapping his arms around his stomach as pain split him in half. His head getting fuzzy and body swerving out of his control. Slashing apart every sane piece of Regulus it could find, trying to break him down to nothing.
Please mama… please…
He didn’t want to hurt anymore. He needed to eat. Where was his mother? He wanted it to stop. He was so hungry it scared him. It felt like his mind was slipping out of his body. He didn’t feel real…
Regulus clapped his eyes shut and sobbed again. His cry screeching through the house as blood dripped down his face. He rubbed his eyes, smearing the blood everywhere.
“Mama,” he cried, curling into himself as his throat ached and insides burned. “Please… Mama…”
He needed her. He needed her to help him. He needed to eat. But she wasn’t here. She’d promised and broken her promise again. She said she be here, and she wasn’t. Why did she lie to-
Thump, thump, thump
Regulus’ head snapped up. Eyes burning a whole through the front door as the thumps grew louder and louder. A person was coming. A human person was walking toward their door.
Thump, thump, thump
Regulus gasped as the air was flooded with the human’s scent. His mind fading further and further into the lost depths of nothing, the closer and more potent the blood became. It was familiar. He knew this human. And… their blood… it was so good…
I shouldn’t… dad will be so mad…
But even as he thought that, he was slipping. The words muffled by the thump, thump, thump that was making his stomach twist and mouth water. All the blood walking toward him… All that delicious, warm blood…
KNOCK
All that was between him and his meal was a door and some skin…
KNOCK
The flesh would be torn away in a second…
KNOCK
And he’d be free of this pain…
Regulus blinked… and he was on his feet… blink… he abandoned his blanket on the floor… blink… he was at the door… blink… the door was open… blink… it was Mister Kreacher…
“Regulus!? What happened to your face? Where’d all that blood come from?”
Thump… His blood… Thump… I need to… Thump… I have to…
“Let’s get you cleaned up… come on… down to the kitchen…”
Regulus swallowed, licking his lips and opening his mouth to let his fangs descend. The front door clicked shut. Thump, thump, thump. Hot, pulsing veins hidden in flesh grabbed his hand.
“Can you tell me how that happened? Are you feeling dizzy? Did you hit your head?”
They made it exactly three steps… before Regulus pounced.
Mister Kreacher screamed very loudly. Regulus revelled in the fear. Drinking up every last drop of panic, horror and dread. The burn turning from a painful urge to an irresistible desire. The man was wriggling around beneath him, but Regulus had him pinned well.
Drinking and drinking and drinking. The blood filling his mouth and pouring down his throat. Filling his stomach and making him warm. Losing himself more than he was already lost. Greedily gulping down all the blood this sack of meat could offer.
Regulus was too lost in his meal to smell the silver or hear the extra heartbeat approach. Strong hands just gripped the back of Regulus’ neck… the big fingers wrapping painfully tight… nails digging into his skin… and ripped him from the body… high into the air…
“You… fucking… animal…”
---
James
“Hmmm,” James groaned, rolling over and throwing out his arm, expecting it to land on top of a cold body. But it didn’t. What?
James scrunched up his face and swept his hand across the mattress, looking for his husband, but his hand just fell over the edge of the bed. Odd… James reluctantly blinked his eyes open, just enough to find empty space where Regulus should have been.
I guess its evening? That was quick…
Yawning and stretching, James got to his feet and stumbled over to the window. Eyes still half closed as he tangled his fingers around the cord and pulled it up. Then he noticed something strange. He was warm. The whole front of his body felt hot… like it did in the…
James’ eyes snapped.
Sun?
It was light outside. Like… middle of the day light outside…
What’s Reg doing up?
Frowning and very much awake now, James quickly closed the blinds and exited the bedroom.
“Reg?”
The only answer was his footsteps and the cracks and cracks in the walls.
Where is he?
It wasn’t like he could have gone far. But where had he gone? He checked the living room. The shower. The kitchen. The study. But he wasn’t in any of his usual spots. Not asleep on the lounge. No wallowing in the shower. Not cooking by the stove. Not writing at his desk. He was…
Not gone. Just missing.
He pushed back the ugly thought trying to rear its head. The one that said Regulus had gone outside. Because Regulus didn’t feel that way anymore. He was past that…
There was one more place he was banking on Regulus being, and he all but ran to the room. The spare room.
Come on…
He took a deep breath and prepared himself for the worst. He pushed the door open and…
“There you are…” he breathed; spotting Regulus slumped against a wall. Though… it wasn’t quite the relief he’d been hoping for. “Reg?”
He didn’t look all there; his eyes were vacant, and his expression was blank. His face was smeared with tears, his cheeks, neck and shirt all stained blood-red. He had his hands in his lap, fists balled up so tightly that blood was pouring out of his hands. His nails digging in faster than the flesh could heal.
James swallowed as his heart fell apart. Stomach dropping into the pit reserved for seeing Regulus like this.
Sweetheart…
James didn’t bother keeping a stoic expression but kept his breath calm. Inhaling deeply and exhaling calmly. Shuffling into the room and over to Regulus. Pressing his back against the wall and sliding down to the floor.
“I love you…” James said as he took Regulus’ hands in his, giving them a gentle squeeze. “I love you so much…”
“You shouldn’t…” Regulus whispered back, weakly letting his hands be taken. “You deserve better…”
“You are everything I want, need and deserve,” James said back, his hands now slick with Regulus’ cold blood. He pulled Regulus’ hands up to his chest, placing them over his heart. Right where it was beating. “That’s all for you.”
Regulus sniffled and shook his head.
“I can’t…” he choked. “I can’t be a parent James…”
Oh…
“I can’t be a dad… not a good one…”
Oh…
“I’m a monster and I… I could hurt a child too easily… I’ve hurt you… and s-so many people…”
Oh…
“I’m sorry… I’m s-sorry James…”
Oh…
James probably should have said something better. He definitely should have said something better.
“But you said you wanted a family with me…”
“I’m do…” Regulus gasped, breaking into heavy sobs. “But I can’t…”
“Oh…” was all James could manage to reply as his mind melted. His dreams of the future fading… His hopes hiding behind reality… His heart shattering to dust… He’d come to regret this reaction… but in that moment, all he could feel was grief…
This room… was going to be their child’s… they were going to paint it… cover the walls in family photos… build forts in here… watch the child take their first steps in here… and… and…
James closed his eyes before the tears fell… but that didn’t stop them rolling down his face… Regulus had always been nervous about them having a child but… but he’d always said he wanted it… that he was excited about having a family…
“Get a bit distracted, did you?” Regulus smirked as he strolled down the aisle, holding a pair of jeans.
James pursed his lips in a smile. “How could I not get distracted by this?” he said, holding up a teeny tiny pair of pyjamas to his chest. They were Christmas themed, with reindeers all over, and so small that they barely reached his belly button. They also perfectly matched the pyjamas he’d picked up for Regulus and himself last year.
Regulus just chuckled, shaking his head and tossing his Jeans in the basket James was holding and placing one hand on James’ cheek.
“I love you.”
I thought we were on the same page…
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” Regulus ranted through heavy sobs. “I’m so sorry James…”
James fell back against the wall; the breath being knocked out of his lungs the moment he contacted the plasterboards. His stomach churning as the life he’d always envisioned burned to ash. His head spinning as he tried to make sense of Regulus changing his mind.
Because it made no sense… Regulus had said yes… even as far back as their first few months together…
“Do you think you’ll want to have a family one day?” James asked as he wove his fingers through Regulus’ curls. Regulus laying sleepily on his chest.
Regulus hummed, nodding his head slightly, before tipping it back so James could see the dopey little smile on his face. “I do if it’s one with you…”
James grinned, leaning down to gently press their lips together.
James forced his eyes open, eyes darting around the tear blurred room.
“I think I love it,” James grinned as he walked inside the second bedroom this place had. It was an office right now, but James could already picture it as theirs. The baby’s cot by the window, stars hanging down from a mobile above. The soft lemon yellow they could paint the currently dull grey walls. Teddy bears, building blocks and plush balls all over the floor.
“Me too,” Regulus beamed, pointing up at the bright white light bulb in the middle of the ceiling.
“We could replace that with those dimmable star lights I showed you.”
James nodded and turned to look down at his beautiful Regulus. His cheeks were a little pink and the sweet smile he was wearing was definitely contagious. James’ cheeks warmed too, and he twirled Regulus around, enveloping him in a tight hug.
“I love you,” he hummed, breathing in that fresh Regulus Arcturus Black scent he adored.
Regulus didn’t hesitate in hugging him back, nuzzling his face into James’ chest.
“I love you too.”
James swallowed, blinking rapidly as tears continued to drip down his cheeks. He turned his head to the side. Regulus was already staring up at him. Eyes soaked with red. Face smeared with blood. Heartbreak all over his features. No doubt a mirror to James’ own expression.
“What changed…?” he croaked, squeezing Regulus’ hands.
Regulus’ face fell as more blood began welling up in his eyes, before he broke eye contact and looked at James’ chest instead.
“What sort of father could I ever be…” he whispered with a tremble.
James opened his mouth to retort, but Regulus spoke faster.
“I’m a vampire…” he cried. “I can’t go out in the sunlight…” Regulus gasped, squeezing James’ hands back. “We’d either be cursing the kid to a life in the dark, or I just won’t be a part of their life.”
Oh…
“I drink your blood to survive…” Regulus choked. “What if they see that happening and I scare them? What if they get hurt and their blood makes my face cracks up… that would be terrifying for a child… Or what if I get too hungry… and I…”
Oh…
“I’m always so afraid that you’ll hate me for all this one day…” Regulus wheezed. “But at least you’re an adult with a choice…”
Oh…
“How could I force all this onto an innocent child? How could I… could we… I can’t… I’m not…”
Oh…
James’ heart clenched as Regulus broke down further and further. Sobbing and shaking. Apologising over and over.
Oh sweetheart…
James dipped his head, so they were crying eye to crying eye. Tugging Regulus’ hands up to his chest.
“I’m s-sorry… I’m s-so so-rry…”
James shook his head gently, not letting their eye contact break. Not even to blink.
“It’s not your fault…” he whispered, squeezing Regulus’ cold, bloody hands in his warm ones. “It’s alright…”
“It’s n-not alright,” Regulus cut back. “You’re s-so excited to be a d-dad… and I’m r-ruining it…”
James shook his head again, more forcefully this time. Letting one hand slide up Regulus’ arm and cupping his cheek. Rubbing his thumb across his bloody cheekbone.
“I want to be a dad with you…” he muttered, resisting the urge to cry with Regulus. “I want a family with you… I love you…none of those things are your fault… we can figure it out…”
“B-But I-”
“Don’t do that,” James breathed and slid his hand around Regulus’ neck, pulling him into an embrace. Regulus fell into it, sobbing into him. “Don’t blame yourself for something you can’t control.”
“I-I just… I should’ve realised…”
“We both could’ve realised,” James whispered, rubbing circles into his back. “Stop being mean to my wonderful husband.”
Regulus huffed a half-chuckle half-sob.
“S-Stop acting like you aren’t u-upset…”
James sighed. Of course, he was upset… of course this was breaking his heart… up until this moment he had never once considered this possibility… and he was shattered over this revelation… but he meant what he was saying… this was not Regulus’ fault…
James’ throat stung and more tears fell.
“Reg… I’m devastated…” James choked, holding Regulus as he sobbed again. “But that… that doesn’t make me love you any less…”
“I’ve m-murdered people J-James… you should h-hate me…”
James shook his head.
“Your mother failed you a few times as a youngchild… you stopped a man threatening you and Sirius’ lives at nine… you protected yourself from a man trying to hurt you at twelve… and you saved a girl being assaulted at sixteen…”
“E-Every human I’m around is at r-risk…”
“What if our child isn’t human? What if we raise a child like you? A vampire?”
Regulus stilled.
“No.”
“No?”
Regulus shook his head.
“What if the child h-hurts y-you…? I w-woke up from a dream… of when I… I killed our c-cleaner… M-Mister K-Kreacher...”
Oh Reg…
James just pulled Regulus into him tighter.
“I love you… don’t ever doubt that… ever…”