Happy Moments
October 1977
The wind won’t settle. He howls in the open corridors, rushes down the staircases and brings the wintery cold in with him. Regulus has never minded the cold. Sometimes he thinks that he has always been cold, that he’s never felt true warmth before. Pandora always whacks him over the head when she catches him having these thoughts. He sometimes hates her for being so observant. It’s become increasingly more difficult to be a cold, self-centred, brooding, miserable 15-year-old with this girl of beaming light jumping around him all day. She doesn’t like the cold. That’s why she stole not only Barty’s but also Evans scarves this morning at breakfast. Wounding them around her head so that only her eyes and nose are visible. Lunch has just finished and they are walking to the greenhouses. It’s the second year in a row that Ravenclaw and Slytherin share herbology and by now Regulus has become suspicious that Panda might has something to do with it.
They are just stepping out into the open, the cold October wind catching in their hair, when Pandora starts speaking “The varfs bill bry tomight”. Her words are swallowed by the barrier of thickly knit scarves. “Again”, Regulus just says routinely without looking up, he’s going through his potion notes while walking. He doesn’t need to look up- he's walked these halls and grounds so many nights, sleepless and tired. His body knows the way without any guidance from his eyes.
Pandora pries the scarves apart to form a little opening “The stars will cry tonight”. Regulus nods absentmindedly, “Good”. “No”, Pandora halts “not good”, she says, “it’s not fair, none of this is. They don’t deserve to hurt.” At that Regulus looks up. He’s used to her speaking in riddles and he’s also used to just accept what she tells him. She might sound like a lunatic sometimes, but truth be told, in the end, she knows more than all of them. In the past, when Panda was still mainly spending her time with her Ravenclaw friends, people would whisper and laugh about her. That has stopped. They are still unsure whether Panda herself truly knows why it stopped. But let's just say, they made sure of it. No one has any right to hurt her. So as Regulus looks up and sees Panda looking sad and cold it's like a punch to the stomach.
Her eyes are big and watery and so dark that they shine like lakes under winter moonlight. Her blond curls peak out from below the two Slytherin scarves and she has clawed her fingers into the end of the green fabric. Regulus counts 6 rings, including the big silver one with the moon stone that both she and Evan wear at all times. Regulus has never asked what the meaning behind the rings is, but Evan holds his when he gets anxious and Pandora twists hers when she gets overwhelmed and sad. Just as she starts to do now.
...
Pandora gets sad a lot these days- overwhelmed too. Her visions have become more insistent, Dorcas has told him a few weeks ago, she can’t pull away from them as easily anymore. Often times she now arrives at breakfast late, dark bags under her eyes and a sad drope to her shoulders. The worst thing, Panda said last week as they were bunking off history of magic in their dorm, is that she doesn’t know why she’s sad. And she hates that she’s sad. She doesn’t like to be sad. She wants to be happy and grateful and full of light and love. She hates feeling this way. Barty’s hands that were combing through her hair had still. He was propped up against his headboard, Pandoras head in his lap. Evan and Dorcas who were playing cards on the carpet had stilled as well. Regulus had looked up from his spot on the windowsill, his book now forgotten in his lap. “I’m sad too,” Barty had said, “but more angry usually. You know what I do when I get so overwhelmed by it?” Pandora looks up at him through her dark lashes, her eyelids are dusted with glitter, “you punch somebody?” Evan laughs from his spot on the floor, Barty tosses a pillow at his head. “Yeah, but that’s not what I mean. And I only punch people who deserve it“, he boasts, “no, but when I get so sad and angry out of nowhere and it’s just everywhere and I freeze, I try to add more happy moments into my life. No matter what they are.” Panda looks at him. When Pandora looks at a person it can become uncomfortable really easily. Because she doesn’t just look at your eyes and skin, Dorcas once said that it always feels as if Panda can look at one's soul, atones past, present and future. So to allow her to truly look, is a thing of trust and will. Barty has never made her look away. And he doesn't now either, he simply sits, waiting for her thoughts to settle and for her to see what she has to see. “Show me”, she finally says. Barty smirks and pounces, Pandora shrieks as he starts to dig his fingers into her sides.
What entrails is a pillow fight that lasts half an hour. And the pillows might be a mess, but in the end, they lay on the carpet, regulus who has been pulled into the fight at very last after Dorcas has claimed that the “heir of black is to prim and proper to have fun” has feathers on his dark hair. Pandora’s face now lacks the grey gleam of sadness and the sound of their laughter still echoes from the walls.
...
As he remembers this, he decides that Barty is right. He won’t tell him, Barty’s not someone that needs to be told these things. He will know anyway. Happy moments then. He feels Pandora’s eyes on him as he starts to puts his notes away and pulls out a glass jar with some dried chamomile flowers.
He transfers the flowers into a cloth bag but leaves a single one inside. Pandora watches him as he takes out his wand and mutters under his breath. The little flower opens up and starts to spit blue sparks until it lights up and, in her stead, a blue flame starts dancing in the jar. “Here, hold this”, Regulus says as he hands the now wonderfully warm jar to Pandora. She takes it with gleaming eyes and red cheeks.
In a way she’s now used to Regulus and honestly all of the others treating her gently. But sometimes she’s still surprised, because they don’t look like it from the outside, so every little act of kindness still makes her want to cry. For them to be so soft, when the have been hurt so badly. She doesn’t take this lightly. Because she has been treated cruel before. As every single one of them has. Their masks make sense, and their treatment of others makes sense. So, knowing this and still being taken in by them... they saw her, they wanted her and they made the effort to get to know her. And to this day the fact that they decided to lift their masks and move their shields even just a little bit, to make her feel welcome, still makes her want to burn the world for ever hurting them.
And it also makes her want to hug them for hours. But Regulus prefers to be able to do these “little” things without her making a big fuss, so she just stands there, with the little jar of warmth, feeling like her chest might burn from love and watches this boy, who’s truly more of a black cat than a boy finish rummaging in his back.
He finally produces a little crystal, no more than her little fingernail in size. It gleams in blue, magenta and rich violet as the autumn sun catches in it. Regulus lays it in the palm of his left hand and points his wand to it “divindo”, the stone cracks and chips into hundred smaller pieces. He waves his wand and the pieces gather in the air between them, forming a little cyclone that moves until it is just above the dancing flame. “glacius”, the stones freeze over but keep moving, little pieces of ice are now floating around them “integro”, the crystals absorb into the flame which starts to slowly change its colour between blue, magenta and violet. Little snowflakes and ice crystals are floating in the jar, slowly whirling around. Regulus takes the latch and closes the jar.
Pandora watches the impressive display of magic in her little portable heater. The heat seeps into her hands, up through her arms and instantly makes her heart feel more hopeful. “Thank you, Reg”, she whispers, still awestruck. He nods but doesn’t say anything other than “Let’s go or we’re going to be late”. Regulus grabs her elbow and starts walking again. He might be able to walk these grounds without so much as looking up, but Pandora, who will no doubt continue watching the little fire show until class starts, is more than likely to run into a tree or two on their way. Better safe than sorry.