Graveyard
Narcissa written him the ancient address of the Potter and Regulus was staring at the paper during twenty minutes.
After telling him about the war, Regulus ask her about her life. He had to hear some joy, so she talked about her marriage with Lucius who wasn’t a good husband with the years but then, when she talked about her son, Draco, her eyes were full of love. The boy was complicated and arrogant, Regulus couldn’t blame him, it was difficult to be a truly good person when your family was known by their ideas of blood supremacy. The only exception was Pandora but-
Regulus read the address again, Narcissa warned him because the house wasn’t fixed since the day the Dark Lord went, it was still…exploded. He took a deep breath and without using his wand, he apparated in frond of the house.
His heart wasn’t prepared to such a mess. Half of the house was simply gone, the windows were completely broken, the front door was in piece, bricks were all round the floor and a sad silence was wrapping the house, as if it wasn’t clear enough that something terrible happened here.
James lived here.
With Lily.
And their son.
At least he was happy after him.
Regulus always knew their relationship wasn’t supposed to last, but James didn’t agree with that. He was convinced that they could be together it they wanted to, the biggest problem to him was to tell the news to Sirius. But it was more complicated than that, Regulus couldn’t tell his parents he likes boys, they would torture him for that and he definitely couldn’t tell them he was madly in love with James Potter, the boy they hated the most.
When Regulus leaved to destroy the locket and don’t comeback, James surely hated him for that, but at least, he found a family. He found a love that doesn’t need to be hide.
He couldn’t look more at the house; it was too hurtful. He could live with the fact that James found love after him because James truly deserved to be happy, but he couldn’t stop thinking about him get killed. He doesn’t want to imagine the Dark Lord killing his lover, but it was what the vision of the house suggested; only pain, death and sadness.
Narcissa told him to look at the graveyard near the house, Regulus knows what he’s gonna find in it and he wasn’t sure he was prepare for that. He walks a little and stand in front of it; it was a little cemetery with old graves who doesn’t seem to be clean up often. He wanted to leave and never come back, he wanted to forget the view of the cemetery because thinking of it, make James’s death real. But, after that Regulus plan to trained himself with his news powers so, he never gonna come back here, he’s never going to see James’s grave again.
So, he enters the cemetery and search James’s grave. The neighborhood was calm and quiet, the night was surrounding him when he weaves through the graves. Then, he saw it.
It was a big grave with two names on it; James Potter and Lily Potter. Regulus hold his breath; James was there, buried six feet under, in a coffin. They were so close to each other, but one of them was shattered and the other was dead.
“Hello James.”
Regulus feel stupid, he was talking to a fucking rock, but he couldn’t stop, he needs to talk to James after all these years.
“I’m sure you hated me when they announce my presumed death. I wasn’t supposed to be dead and I never wanted to go this long.”
The silence drills his heart.
“Cissy told me that you married Evans and you two had a son. Even if it doesn’t look like I’m happy for you, I am. You both deserved to be happy. I know I look pitiful but you know, I just learn that I’m supposed to be dead for the last eighteen years and that everyone dies, it’s too much to learn in one day.”
James’s name on the rock was painful to look at, but Regulus forced himself do to it. It’s the last thing James leave on this world, he has to remember every part, every outline on the rock. He tried to remember James’s scent but it was too long since the last time he was in his arm and this realization was truly painful. He’s gonna forget his voice, his scent, his laugh.
“Sorry Evans but I have to say it.” Regulus take a deep breath. “James, I love you. I never told you because I was and idiot and I was afraid that if I tell you this, it would be real. Of course, what we had was real, but I was afraid of so much things, even if I tried to not show it. I was afraid about my parent’s reaction, Sirius reaction, I was afraid that one day you would be tired to be with a man who is incapable of sleeping a night without screaming because of a nightmare. I was afraid that you would leave me for someone better for you and I thought that if I didn’t tell you how much I love you, our potential breakup wouldn’t be difficult. You never forced me to confess to you, because you were so fucking kind and thoughtful.”
Regulus doesn’t want to cry but he couldn’t stop tears falling upon his eyes. He was a fucking idiot to never said this thing directly to James, when he was alive. Now, James was dead and they never gonna meet again.
“I’m sorry.”
And Regulus sits here during and hour. Tears stop falling and the cold air doesn’t bother him, in fact he doesn’t feel the cold. Maybe it was a consequence of the powers of the Road or maybe it was because he knew it was the last time, he’s gonna see James. He just simply couldn’t leave; he has to do something but he doesn’t know what.
He takes his wand and carve a deer, a hind and a fawn under James and Lilys’s names. He looks at the family, what the Potter supposed to be if the world wasn’t messed up.
James was dead. Regulus never gonna hear him said something stupid to make him smile, he would never see his beautiful eyes again. He would never tell James to shut up when he flirted obscenely with him, he would never feel the sensation of James hand in his, he would never feel how much he loved him while he’s kissing him.
Regulus hopes James was in a good place, with his friends and Lily. He was certain that when Regulus gonna die, he wouldn’t end up in a good place. If James was here, he probably says “never say never” and Regulus probably respond that he was a stupid boy.
But James wasn’t here.
Because he died.
Eighteen years ago.