Decode
The truth is hiding in your eyes
And it's hanging on your tongue
Just boiling in my blood
But you think that I can't see
What kind of man that you are
If you're a man at all
Well, I will figure this one out
- "Decode" Paramore, 2008
James Potter was not in love with Lily Evans despite seemingly pining over her since his first year at Hogwarts. That is not to say that James wasn’t in love, he was. James was irrevocably in love with someone and he didn’t know what to do about it.
James sat down in the same spot he always did in the library, across from Regulus. He didn’t have any homework to do. To be honest, he was behind but it didn’t really matter. Instead, he was watching the younger student as he worked. James made it a personal goal to mess with Regulus at least twice a week, “Hey, Regulus.”
Regulus' cold eyes darted up to James, his heart skipping a beat, “What?” His voice was just as cold as his eyes and as always, it made James' heart lurch.
He shoved the feeling down and attempted to be nonchalant, “I wanted to ask you something, you mind a question?”
“I doubt I can stop you.”
James' lip quirked at the sardonic response, Regulus’s dry sarcasm was one of the many reasons why the younger boy could never escape James mind. “Fair enough,” he didn’t correct. Taking a moment to really look at Regulus, dark hair, grey eyes, pale skin– Merlin, he wanted to– he cut off his train of thought with his own voice, “Hypothetically, If someone was thinking of telling their crush that they liked them but were nervous, what would you say?”
Regulus brought his eyes to James, unimpressed and James tried to not get distracted by the expression as Regulus spoke, “Potter, did you hit your head or something? Why would you ask me that?”
James swallowed thickly, “Who else am I supposed to ask? Wormtail would run straight to Moony, or worse, Padfoot.”
The young Black momentarily tensed at the mention of his brother, his voice came out cool and collected, “I’m sure that they wouldn’t be surprised by your infatuation with Evans,”
James sighed, pushing his glasses up his nose. In a weary tone came out, “That’s the problem. Everyone thinks that I like her.”
“Don’t you?” He asked shortly.
The Gryffindors expression softened momentarily, his hazel eyes darting to Regulus. He had to look away at the intense gaze from the Slytherin, his heart racing in his chest. He took a moment to breathe, “I thought I did. I thought I really, really did. But... Not anymore. Not for a while.”
Regulus’ expression shifts, “So, you’re enraptured by someone my brother wouldn’t approve of?”
James forces a chuckle, “Well, you and I both know that your brother’s opinions are shit.”
“Shit taste in friends as well.” Regulus deadpanned.
James gasped dramatically, clasping his hand over his heart, “Oh, such harsh words from you Regulus! I thought we were friends!”
“You thought wrong.”
James smirked widely, Godric, Regulus’ snark did things to him. He wasn’t sure if he wanted to punch it out or snog it out of him. Once again James pushed those thoughts out of his head to give his best performance with faux indignance. “Well that’s just plain rude, Reggie. We sit together everyday! Chat sometimes! We’re practically best friends at this point!”
“Don’t call me that,” Regulus fired back predictably, rolling his eyes as he continued, “Besides, we do not sit together. I sit here and you spend an hour and half pretending to not be looking at me as you try and figure out a new way to get under my skin.”
James flushed slightly, a bit embarrassed by the blunt observation. He opened his mouth but found no good retort, and so he shut it again. He sat there for a moment before finding his voice, “I do not sit for an hour and a half looking at you.”
Regulus' mouth quirked up indistinctly, “My mistake, an hour,” he corrects.
The Gryffindor sputtered, his cheeks turning more crimson. He opened and closed his mouth several times, before his brain finally gave up. Regulus' mirth was apparent with how he looked at James, “I didn’t think you’d be so easily flustered.”
James opened and closed his mouth for about the fourth time, trying to think of something to say but nothing came to mind. He hated that Regulus did this to him. He usually had an answer to everything but the Slytherin rendered him speechless.
“Reggie–” James started but cut himself off at Regulus’ glare. James swallowed, Regulus had a look in his eye that challenged him to try it. And, honestly, James didn’t want to spend who knows how much time dealing with whatever hex the Slytherin was preparing in his mind. James raised his arms, surrendering, “Alright, alright. I won’t call you Reggie anymore. Jeez, you’re scary sometimes, Black.”
“It comes with the name,” Regulus spoke dryly, looking back down at his book. “Your only exposure just happens to lie with the failure of the family.”
James huffed at that, the urge to defend his friend rising within him. He knew from experience that changing the mind of someone from the Black family didn’t end well but he still found his mouth moving, “He’s a good guy.”
“He’s a blood traitor, as are you. It’s revolting”
James felt the sting of the words, he pushed past the sharp word, “And you’re a prick.”
Regulus raised his brow, and he didn’t even have to say anything even James knew how weak a response it was. “Clever,” Regulus taunted.
The conversation stalled quickly after that, as it always did. The rare small moments of banter between the two always seemed to make his day brighter. They both went separately to their friend groups and time kept ticking.
James wasn’t sure how it happened, tension had been building between the Black brothers ever since Sirius had run away to the Potters months ago. James was on his way to class when he saw the two brother’s screaming at eachother, James pace slowed beside Remus who was already watching the scene across the hall. James gave Sirius a brief, concerned look before focusing his attention on Regulus.
“You’re sick,” the younger Black spat with venom, “You deserved every bit of what you got from mother.”
Sirius’ face contorted into a mix of pain and rage, James had never heard Regulus say such malicious things. James looked over the pale expression on his best friend's face, trying to determine how he was taking his brother’s harsh words.
“Do not talk to me again, I am perfectly happy where I am.” Regulus continued, “I am not a traitor like you, and I never will be.”
James could feel the pain radiating from Sirius. Despite knowing Sirius would never admit that Regulus’ words got to him, James knew that Sirius wanted his brother. James couldn’t help but step forward a bit needing to defend his friend, ‘And where exactly does your loyalty lie, Regulus?”
Regulus’ eyes narrowed at him, “My family. Sirius gave up being a part of that.” Regulus began trying to escape the confrontation, legs taking him down the hallway,
James clenched his fists, anger overtaking him. He couldn’t understand how Regulus could just dismiss his own brother like that. He took a step towards the Slytherin, following him down the hallway, “You’re a spineless, bigoted fool, Reggie.” He said intentionally to piss him off.
He tilts his head up, challenging, a sneer visible on his face, “You’re the bug under my shoe. It’s best if you remember that.” He pauses his walk to look James in the face.
James just scowled at Regulus, his heart aching. He didn’t want this, he didn't want to fight with the Slytherin. He tried to focus on the pain he called Sirius as he retorted, “I feel sorry for you. You’re so lost in this legacy bullshit that you can’t even see the people who really care about you.”
He laughed, cold, “I don’t give a shit about you Potter.”
James felt his blood boil, Regulus was acting like a cold, heartless person. Nothing like the light banter they would sometimes partake in the library, “Don’t act like an arse Regulus. You care about me, and about Sirius. You just don’t want to admit it. That’s why you’re acting like this. Because you’re terrified of–”
Regulus cut him off with a seething, “You’re nothing.”
The Gryffindor laughed bitterly, he didn’t even know why he was trying to talk to Regulus anymore. But he wanted to make him see, he wanted to shake him until it erased his cold facade, “I’m something. I know I’m something– You can’t just pretend like I mean nothing to you. You wouldn’t have tolerated me for so long if this- this thing was one sided–” James voice got quieter as he went on, aware of prying eyes.
“Silencio” Regulus waved his wand almost on impulse, he was visibly taken aback by James words. James opened his mouth, but no sound escaped. He placed a couple fingers over his own lips, he wanted to argue, to yell at the younger boy. His eyes were set ablaze as Regulus spoke, “Watch your tongue, filth,” He snarled, “You ever talk to me I’ll hex you till you’re bedridden for a week.”
James was left frozen as Regulus stormed off.