Rain cloud eyes
Harry
So I might've miscalculated time wise. I face the window of the taxi, staring at the traffic on the way to Kings Cross Station. It's depressing. Cars boxed in beside each other, honking at everyone even though we're at the centre of it, not the front. I cough, covering my mouth then resting my head on my fist. Pearl is sleeping peacefully despite the noise, which is abnormal considering she's usually a light sleeper, I'll have to ask Hermione if this is normal for cats. I check the time again on my muggle phone, most wizards think they're pretty useless but it comes in handy, it's 10:37. I sigh, apparently loud enough for the taxi driver, an older man maybe late forties with slightly silver hair, to chat to me,
"This traffic here is awful," He glances to me in the rear view mirror, his mud brown eyes passing over me then back to the car in front.
"Yeah, I'm going to very late," I murmur, if I had decided to be more organised I could've been there already, in the window I see my messy appearance, hair not done, sweaty face and frowning expression. I look like I want to be anywhere but this taxi. I think the taxi driver can see my frustration, as his gaze travels around the luggage in the backseat beside me,
"Going on a trip kiddo?" He asks, nodding to the suitcase.
"Oh, no," I say turning to him, "It's for...uh boarding school." Pearl is starting to wake up, she stretches in her carrier and lifts her head, then just falls asleep again. I stay still for a second while the taxi driver talks to me.
"Ah, nice which one? My mate's son-in-law went to one up in Derby," he scratches his balding head, staring out the wind shield, "Though my mate says he's very posh, talks like he's the part of the Royal Family, ya see"
I laugh awkwardly, "I go to one up in Scotland, it's very uncommon to hear about it down here though," Not a lie, but he seems satisfied to me. Soon the traffic picks up and with the help of what the taxi driver, Paul is what he told me to call him, calls his 'special' shortcuts, we're outside Kings Cross Station. I'm grabbing my suitcase and Pearl, when I give him his money.
"See ya round son, have a nice time up in your fancy school," He says giving me a pat on the back, I feel the corners of my lips perk up.
"Thanks Paul, have good one." He turns away with a grin and drives away. I jog into the station and see the clock. Shit, 10:58. I hurry to cross through to platform nine and three quarters, I get a few stares but that's better than missing the train I guess. I get through just in time but unfortunately the fame of the Boy Saviour comes back. I pull a hand over my face before smiling at all of the parents and children staring and pointing at me. My face is going to break one day I swear.
"That's Harry Potter!" One child points at me and what I'm to guess is his mother turns red, she shushes him before I pass them on my way to the platform. Of course I can't stop the stares, pointing, or the whispering and the worst part of it. Crazy fans. I shiver goes down my spine at the thought as I board the train. There was one time I was out in the Leaky Cauldron before I went to get my books for school, and as usual, I got people staring but it wasn't a bother until I got one woman, a bit of nutter. Oh who am I kidding? She full on tackled me and begged me to let her kiss me, let's just say I've been more bewildered in my life, it also got a feature in the daily prophet, not a surprise there with Rita. I begin to walk down the aisles and I might just find Ron and Hermione or if I'm lucky Ginny. Most of the compartments look full as I pass by them, then a young boy gets out of one, he looks about 12 and his jaw drops.
"You're Harry Potter," he whispers it in awe, and his dull blue eyes seem to sparkle a bit. I inwardly scream, here we go again.
"Uh, yeah what's up?" I ask this usually because you never know what the younger kids want, some autographs, photos, to talk to me and a few others just wacky kid stuff. I got one little girl who wanted to know what I thought about her collection of rocks. To be fair with her rock collection she's going places, at least that's what I told her. I smile at the thought of it, then I remember kid in front of me.
"Can I get an autograph, please?" He asks me, and just as I've said many times before, to the point it might become my trademark line.
"Sorry kid, I don't give out autographs," That's true, except for one person. Though he'll know never I gave it to him. Just like I'm back to Colin's grave, I didn't attend his funeral because that was his day, he didn't need me ruining it for him. So on a Thursday night a month after his passing during the war, I left a signed photo for him, well I left it in a bouquet of lilies. I gulp, before the kid opens his mouth to say something I butt in,
"Sorry mate but I've got to look for somebody, I'll catch you later though," I smile, and before he can say anything else I'm already continuing my adventure to find Hermione and Ron. I go through the rest of the aisle before I spot Hermione and Ron sitting down in a compartment, I quickly slide open the door and shut it behind me.
"Hey guys, miss me much?" I say cheerfully, Hermione has her hair in a half up half down knot and Ron looks like his hair has been cut properly though that could be Hermione, she's gotten better at cutting hair lately.
"Oh yes, Mr Saviour I was just dying to see you," Ron drawls to me sarcastically, I think I can hear the eye roll in it.
I laugh, so does Hermione, "Don't even remind me, I just got stopped by first-year there," I sit across from them, they've become very lovely-dovey since they got officially got together, after whatever weird situation ship they had going on for years. Yes years, can you believe it? For being smart, well Hermione wise anyways, they took so long to get together. But sadly I'm the third wheel now, like when they hold hands and sitting there like, okay then guys just leave me out then.
"What did they want, just an autograph again?" Hermione asks me, as I shove my suitcase above the wide leather seat.
"Yep," I say popping the 'p', "What else do they want?" I plop onto the seat and put Pearl beside me, her and Crookhanks usually get on well enough so I let Pearl out of her carrier and let them wonder about together.
"Anyways I really don't where we'll be staying there," Ron starts, "Are we going to sleep in a storage room?"
"No, obviously not Ronald," Hermione tells him, "We'll probably take extra beds in the other dorms,"
"Do you think they would use the room of requirements for it?" I query, Hermione pauses at it. Then I remember what happened last time we were there, I tense. We all near died same for Malfoy and Goyle, unfortunately there was one loss but it was Crabbe so I still don't know how to feel about it. Ron as if he just remembered the scene begins to tell us his whole inner monologue of what happened.
"Y'know I still don't why we saved them wankers," He yaps, "Honestly mate I think leaving them would've been more beneficial, might've lifted a weight off all our shoulders." I think back to what I was thinking then, I still don't know why I did it. Maybe I didn't want anymore blood on my hands, maybe I didn't want to be killed by Narcissa, maybe I wanted his everlasting debt, the list goes on but I know why I did it. For the first time in my life I recognised myself in Malfoy. He didn't look like his usually cocky self, but was just another scared teenager. The panic and confusion in his eyes was the same I felt most of the time. It sounds stupid when I say it like that, of course he was scared, without me he wouldn't be here.
"I just wanted some leverage against them," I lie, "Would make this year more quiet, they won't bother us now." Ron believes this lie quickly, Hermione looks doubtful.
"Really Harry I thought you were above those antics," My gaze drifts to her unyielding one.
"I'm just doing it to make sure they don't cause any trouble," I mask my voice to one more collected, "You know how much it would their pride," I quickly sit up in my seat and chuckle a bit before I show them, I tug up my hood and try to mimic Malfoy's arrogant tone, "Pottah you swine, I would never be saved by you, you hardly fit the prince charming type." I see Hermione try to hold in her laugh but Ron just howls with it, I'm laughing too, and after a bit of hesitation Hermione finally joins in.
"Ah mate, that hits every time," Ron chokes out between laughs, "Seriously why does he talk so...posh?" He adds.
"Still very childish," I look to Hermione with narrowed eyes, she shrugs, "We're the oldest in the school and Harry's practically a celebrity here, we need to be careful," I roll my eyes, Ron does too, still Hermione presses, "We need to be careful this year, we've newts to do, as well as younger kids eyes on us and death eaters or their kids here," I didn't think about the last one, I mean if we're in a dorm with mixed houses then there might be a chance...
"Still Hermione I didn't sign up for a PR meeting, it's school, we keep our heads down then we should be fine," I reassure her, I give her a slight smile and she relaxes a bit.
"Yeah, and there's always McGonagall, she's one tough cookie so we'll be fine," Ron adds, "Plus I think too many people would be asking Harry to sign their arsehole for someone to get at him anyways," Hermione slaps his arm that's now around her shoulder, "Ow, we seriously need to get you checked out for anger issues," He says removing his arm, "This could be counted as abuse y'know, why do you always hit me so hard?"
"Because Ron if you had listened to anything I said in the last five minutes, I said about being role models, plus you're a prefect you need to speak more politely," Hermione lectures him, he needs to up his game because this is all of the time, or maybe Hermione just likes being bossy. Who knows?
"Anyways have either of you seen Ginny?" I ask desperately trying to steer us away from another lecture.
"Have you not seen her?" Ron asks, "She should have been a few compartments down from us," I try think back well yeah, if she was there, I definitely didn't see her. She must've been near where the first-year was, Merlin, I need better glasses.
"No, sure I told you a first-year was asking me for an autograph," I explain to them, I feel a little bad for not seeing her though, "I'll see her whenever we get to Hogwarts anyways," They can read me like a book apparently since Ron gives me a cheerful grin and Hermione offers some assurance.
"I mean it's not like you both haven't written to each other," I stare to my trainers, they're a pair I've had forever, so they look a little beaten but overall decent quality, Ron picks up on it though.
"Mate please tell me you've at least replied to her letters," He sighs, "no wonder she kept asking me if you were alive, you completely ghosted her." He looks a little red now, not a tomato red but a pinky-red.
"Harry, how could you that?" Hermione asks in disbelief. Yes I admit I was a shitty boyfriend for it but I wasn't in the best headspace and I tell them both so. Hermione just shakes her head at me, "Do you not know how she would be feeling? She probably thinks you broke up with her and she just lost her brother!" She adds hotly, my heart and face drop. Godric's heart, that is not what I meant to do.
"I..I didn't mean to," I stutter, "I just needed time to process," I add quietly, I know I should've been better but I just couldn't, I'm a curse anyways, she shouldn't need to worry about me. My face has went a sickly white. I can't breathe. The room closes in on me as the voices continue, they tell me how I've failed everyone, it was me, not anyone else. They tell me how my parents should have just left me to die that night. I keep trying to breathe, my shallow breaths aren't enough.
Die you stupid fool for no one wants you. They all know it was you, it has always been your fault. Can't help yourself to all our sacrifices can you? No, you sick man, just want all the fame and riches? I'm sure that's what you've been after, or do just want everyone else to suffer. Kill yourself now and it'll all be better. That's when you'll have earned your title as the "boy saviour"
I close my eyes and let the tears of my regrets soak me through.
I'm being shook awake.
The train compartment has been restored to it's normal size. I blink as I look for my glasses, patting around the seat I was laying on. Someone puts them into my hand, which I accept gratefully, and shove them onto my face. In the compartment there is now two new people, Ginny and an older woman. The older woman looks to be similar in age to Madame Pomfrey, then she sits beside me.
"Hello dear, it just seems you had a tiny panic attack but you should be fine if you get a little more sleep," Never mind it is Madame Pomfrey, "If you're having trouble sleeping just pop into my office and I'll give something for that," She reminds me of what happened before I fell asleep, Merlin's ballsack. I need to be stronger than this, imagine if Ginny was watching. Worse what if Malfoy hears about this? I sit up and drag my hand from top to bottom of my face. I'll never be able to leave my dorm without being tormented about it. Well this day keeps getting better and better doesn't it.
Hermione clears her throat, "The train will be stopping soon, you should get changed," She says avoiding my gaze. Whatever it doesn't mean anything, I grab my suitcase and jog to the bathroom. I lock myself in mirror in this cramped room. What am I doing. Hermione, Ron and Ginny probably don't want to talk to me after this, I mean I had a panic attack over me being a shitty boyfriend. I'm so pathetic. I shrug off my casual clothes and dress in my school robes quickly then I glance in the mirror again. The scar stretches across the right side of my face, from my forehead to my bottom lip. They're right when they say it looks like lightning, it is a wild streak roaming wherever it wants, I smile faintly. I turn to grab my suitcase then I try to walk slowly to the compartment when I bump into someone. Just how great can my day go?
"Sorr-" Then I look up into his lifeless eyes, grey as rainclouds waiting to wreak havoc, "Oh, never mind then Malfoy." He just eyes me indifferently, usually he would just sneer. So I just brush past him and scoot over to my compartment. Then as I’m about to go in I hear something.
"I don’t get why he thinks he can just do that," The voice belongs to Ginny as she speaks about someone irritably, I hear mumbles of agreement.
"We aren’t even close I don't get why he thinks he can just do that," Ron adds bitterly, "For him it’s always me, me, me he needs to get a grip we've all moved on," I can’t hear anything else from inside as I just stand there. I know I wasn't the best boyfriend ever and I've just passed out for like an hour but I didn't expect this. Sadly they're right, I don't-
I feel a gaze on me, drilling into my skull, Merlin of all times right now? I peek down the sides of the aisle and what do you know Draco Malfoy is watching me like a hawk. I stalk up to him and grab the front of his Slytherin robes.