Taking a seat at the edge of the astronomy tower, Remus let the bitter cold winter air fall into him. He was beginning to feel the washing effects of being in love with your best friend again. It stung remembering him and Sirius would never be. Because Remus isn’t the person anyone wants to be with. Not romantically at least. He’s awkward and shifty and has not once looked on the bright side of things.
Moments into his repeated monologue, Remus heard footsteps trailing towards him. He knew it was Sirius, as no one else would ever dare to go up the tower in the dead of winter.
Sirius silently took a seat next to Remus.
There was a mutual understanding lying in the air, sitting side by side with their legs crossed.
That was until Sirius, who had built it, destroyed it, “Remus?”
“Yeah?” He responded quickly, glancing over Sirius’ face and frowning when he found levels of discomfort he found. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing. I- well I appreciate you is all.” Sirius shrugged, bowing his head to stare at his lap rather than the stars.
“And you as well.” Remus spoke slowly trying to gauge what to say next. “Where’s this coming from?”
Sirius swallowed. “We’re going to leave Hogwarts one day. We won’t live together anymore. You’ll meet people and so will I, and it- it will never be the same as it is now.”
“ Oh Sirius.” Remus linked their pinkies resting on the floor as if heart broke. “Nothing will ever be the same. That's just how it goes.”
Shaking his head, Sirius turned away. “That’s not true. That’s only if we let it, and I don’t want to let us- the marauders- go.”
“What and flunk seventh year seven times?” Remus tried to joke, but the humor didn’t reach his eyes, and Sirius didn’t seem to care for Remus’ perusal horrible attempts at brightening the mood. “You can’t make it stay.”
“But I want it to stay.” The words came out tight and quickly.
Remus unlinked their pinkies, instead wrapping his hand around Sirius’ not small but delicate fingers. “I’ll stay.”
“Are you sure?” Sirius turned back towards him slowly and reluctantly.
Parting his lips, Remus forced himself to stare deeply into those vast gray blue eyes, even as it burned him. “Forever.”
Sirius stared unwaveringly with a look that sent chills down Remus’ spine. “I’ll never find someone like you. Not ever.”
“Don’t say that either.” Remus whispered, shaking his head. “You’ll meet so many people who love you, and surely you’ll find another boring friend who likes to read.”
“You are so much more than what you sell yourself as.” Sirius whispered back, inching forward.
A small smile took over Remus’ face. “Forgot about that. The chances of you meeting another werewolf are slim.”
“ No .” Sirius crowded even more in. “How can you not see how lovely you are?”
“Lovely?”
Suddenly shy, Sirius nodded.
And there it was. That tension that had been building up between them for months that reminded Remus every time that would never be. Sirius is casual and light and flirts with anything with a pulse, and most importantly: straight. It doesn’t mean anything. All it does is drive Remus crazy.
Despite his best internal reminders and catiounaries of not getting attached, he found himself inching closer as well. “I’ll never find someone like you either.. so beautiful… in every way.” His tone lowered and his voice turned into a whisper.
Sirius inhaled sharply. “Beautiful?”
“Yeah.” Remus crowded forward as well with heavy lidded eyes. He was feeling the moment in his pulse, and it was driving him insane. “Sexy too, but you already know that.”
Sirius' lips were parted now. “Se- sexy?”
“Sometimes I just want to press you against a wall.”
“Why haven’t you?” Sirius spoke so softly, any other person wouldn’t have been able to hear, but Remus was hanging onto every syllable.
Remus nudged his nose with Sirius’, watching the other’s gaze drop to his lips. “Was waiting.”
“For what?” Sirius’ breath hitting Remus’ lips.
“For you.” Remus breathed back.
“I’m here… so do something about it.” Sirius all but whined.
And Remus crashed his lips onto Sirius’. Lips on lips until Remus bit Sirius’ bottom lip, causing a moan, a sweet sweet moan, to release from him. Allowing Remus the access to press his tongue inside.
Remus gripped Sirius’ hair in his fist, and cradled his jaw with the other. Sirius’ hands were clinging to his sides, only the fabric stopping points of bleeding or bruising.
It was angelic, it was electricity.
Sirius Black was kissing him.
He was kissing Sirius Black.
After years of waiting.
Eventually Remus had to pull away, but oh my god, what he saw pulling away almost made it worth it. Sirius’ lips were bitten and raw. His cheeks flushed down to his neck. Those gray eyes almost fully black.
In a frenzy Remus leaned back in, Lowering his head to meet the long pale column of Sirius’ neck. Licking upwards, biting where he could. Kissing it better before sucking for dear life. Taking it while he could.
Above him, Sirius was gasping and mumbling incoherent thoughts. Encouraging to say the least. “Fuck- Moony! ”
Remus was out of his mind with lust listening. However, when he noticed the tightening in his pants he pulled back. Catching his breath and staring at the stone ground beneath them.
Because Remus shouldn’t have gotten carried away. Sirius was having his fun and-
Oh god- what if he expects a shag from this?
Remus would never be able to go back to being friends with him.
Oh my god, I’m going to lose Sirius from this.
“Sirius, I’m so sorry.”
“Wait what- why are you sorry?” Sirius reached out, carding his fingers through Remus’ floppy curls, pushing them out of his forehead.
“I can’t…” Remus whispered. “I can’t sleep with you.”
Sirius took in a shaky breath, but Remus didn’t stick around for what he had to say. Already across the tower, taking the steps two at a time, rushing away.
“Moony, come back!” Sirius called after him.
Remus steadied his breath, clutching onto the cobblestone walls.
He had just kissed Sirius Black.
–
Sirius had just kissed Remus.
Oh my god.
He’d kissed Remus.
He'd finally kissed Remus, and now he stood cold and shivering in the astronomy tower with a fucking boner. Alone because Remus had run off.
Okay... not how I thought that would go.
Sirius decided in that moment it couldn't that way and he broke into a sprint. He'd just touched salvation and Sirius was not fucking letting go now. He opened the map quickly and ran in Remus’ direction.
It took until the entrance of the Gryffindor tower to catch up with Remus' long, perfectly beautiful long legs. Promptly shoving him against the wall.
With a loud thud, Remus’ head hit the stone wall. “What do you think you’re doing running away from this, from me?” He pleaded.
“Sirius please.” Remus rolled his head against the wall, refusing to look at him. “I can’t give you what you want.”
“And how do you know what I want?” Sirius couldn’t help but let his voice get desperate. “Clearly you know nothing about me.”
Setting his eyes sternly, Remus tore his gaze away from avoidance and met Sirius’ eyes. “You want fun and flings, and boobs, and I have none of that to give you. I’m boring and sad fucking bitter most of the time. There’s nothing for you here.”
“But I don’t want any of that. I want you and your pessimistic bullshit and fucking death glares and books that I’d fall asleep reading the summary of. I let you kiss me for a reason.” It was Sirius’ turn to crowd forward, as he reached for the nape of Remus’ neck. Letting his fingers glide against the locks.. “...I like you.”
Remus clenched his eyes closed. “It’s hard to like me… and I couldn’t- I-”
Closing the distance, Sirius wrapped his arms around his neck, bringing Remus into the tightest hug he could manage.
“Sirius, I don’t do casual. At least, I wouldn’t be able to with you.” Remus breathed out shakingly into his neck. “...I like you too.”
“I don’t want anything casual that involves you Moony.” Sirius swore on his life. “I want this. All of it.”
Remus nodded, ruffling Sirius’ hair. “Me too.”