What the actual fu-
"A family is a risky venture, because the greater the love, the greater the loss... That's the trade-off. But I'll take it all."
The story always starts from the beginning . . .right? Well, this one is more special. This one starts from a different place. This one starts from the middle. This one starts from a death. A painful one. The death of Regulus Black.
It all went as planned. The water overcame him as his breath left him, void left in the place he once saw warmth, as he watched the light of the cave slowly surrender to the coldness of death that embraced him.
He closed his eyes, his heart at peace knowing he finally did something right. He finally saved his brother. He felt the scratches on him pull him down and it all went cold. . .until he heard it. That beautiful, warm sound that made everything in him melt. The sound he knew all too well. James' laugh. His beautiful, carefree laugh. The coldness disappeared in the face of such a pure sounds.
How? Why? Why was he hearing that sweet melody? Where was the coldness?
He would die countless times, only to hear that sound warm his bare soul once more.
Who was the cruel being which made him hear that euphonic sonority? Why was he made to suffer in such a way of being forced to bear that sound knowing he never deserved to hear it?
His eyes opened as he gasped for air, the gas filing his empty lungs as his eyes snapped open. Where was his sun? Where was he?
His eyes searched the location he rested in, dread pooling in his stomach as he recognized his school dorm. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, NO!
How was this possible?! His hands trembled as he pulled himself upright from his bed. He searched for an answer as he looked around, but all he saw were his friends, his family, sleeping soundly in their own mattresses.
His heart sounded loudly in his ears as he watched them rest. They looked all younger, still in fifth year, before the war, before the marks, before it all went to shit . They don't know how he tried to push them away, to make sure they wouldn't grieve. . .
No. No! Why would he be back? How? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? WHY?
He ran to the mirror, starring at his reflection with a distant look.
He was eighteen fifteen. He was a deatheater just a student. He wasn't a monster yet. He wasn't but a memory for now. He was a child again. Why? How? Who could have done that? Why him? Why again? Why wasn't he dead?
"Reg?" Barty groaned sleepily. "Is it already morning again?" he grumbled, running a hand through his hair as he sat up, making no effort to get out of bed just yet.
"Shhhh." Evan muttured, turning away from the light as he tried to go back to sleep.
Regulus stared emptily at them.
"The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life.”
He cleared his throat and straightened his back. "Right. Good morning, you uncultured swines. When will you ever learn proper manners?"
Bart grinned lazily. "Why would we? It's just so fun to annoy you when we don't have them."
Evan snickered and finally accepted he couldn't sleep anymore as he slowly got up. "I call dibs on sleeping the first class."
Barty groaned. "Damn it! I forgot to call it again." There wasn't really any heat behind it, but he couldn't just show he didn't mind letting Evan sleep. Evan would never live it down if he knew, after all.
Regulus shook his head and just started getting ready, ignoring the lack of silence his head contained. you couldn't really blame him, after all. Waking up three years in the past after you were supposed to die wasn't really something anyone would expect.
He ignored the sting in his eyes, the slight shake in his limbs, the way his heart pounded in his ears.
What was he made for?
He didn't really know how to feel, but he had to try and remember how he did feel back then, to fit into the mask created for himself. . . oh. . . he forgot how to be happy by 18, but, doesn't that bring the question of 'was he ever happy to begin with'?
It was easy to get ready and banter with his friends. Not much of that has changed over the years after all.
It was when they were walking to the Great Hall when Regulus heard them that he realized he forgot one important detail . . . He still was in Hogwarts, in fifth year. . .his brother was still in school. The marauders were still in sixth year. His brother, the one he killed himself for, was walking with his friends right in front of him.
His brother was right there! So close yet so far apart it hurt to even think about. So fucking painful when it was in front of him.
Please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please, please don't notice-
He looked up just in time to meet Sirius' gaze. Fuck. That's exactly what he was : extremely and utterly fucked.