Chapter 7
The Marauders were laughing and chatting as they climbed the stairs to their dorms.
"You know I should be giving you three detention for that." Sirius smirked.
"Aw come on Moony, you'd never do that. Besides, it's not like you didn't enjoy it too." He rolled his eyes.
"Will it ever get out of Snape's robes?" James snickered.
"Nope!" Remus sighed and opened the curtains to his bed, intending to flop down on it, but froze. A letter laid on his pillow, name written neatly on top. Based on the assorted noises of surprise he could only assume the rest of the four had letters as well. He picked it up and sat on the bed, gently unfolding it.
His eyes scanned the page quickly, then reread it once more to make sure. When he finally looked up he saw the rest of the Marauders were already staring at him. Peter was unabashedly crying. He folded it quietly and set it back on the pillow.
"Get the map. Dinner just ended less than an hour ago. She can't have put these here more than 15 minutes ago." James nodded and frantically tore through his trunk and surfaced moments later with it in hand. Sirius pulled out his wand and tapped the top.
"I solemnly swear I'm up to no good." James unfolded it and the four huddled around searching for the right emblem. It was Peter who found her.
"There." He tapped the far corner, the top of the astronomy tower. Remus ran out of the dorms with the rest following at his heels.
- - -
When they pushed the door open the scene in front of them was something he never wanted to see again. Y/N was sitting along the ledge, robes blowing gently in the breeze. The scene might have been serene if he didn't know why she was up there. Sirius spoke first.
"You prat. You hypocrite." Y/N turned wiping a few tears away.
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be sorry, stop being sorry for everything and get down." Regulus stepped past Remus making him jump. "Sorry, I followed you guys up, thought you saw me." Remus just waved the apology away.
"Y/N, please get down. We can help, just get down."
"I don't need help!" She took a deep breath and unclenched her fists. "I don't need help. I help people, I don't need help." James shook his head.
"You do, you're sitting on the edge of a tower. You need help."
"No! I don't!" She turned back, staring out at the rapidly shrinking light on the horizon and her voice became rather dreamy and disconnected. "I help people, that's my thing." Peter sniffled.
"You don't just have to help people. You can be you." She just shook her head.
"That's what I do. Well, it's what I'm supposed to do. I'm clearly not doing a very good job." Remus made a small noise of protest but Regulus beat him to the punch.
"Really? You really think that? There are so many people here, not just the tower but the castle in general, that have you to thank, even just to be alive today. You've done a wonderful job at helping people. Let yourself be the one that needs help for once." She shook her head again.
"I don't need help. And how many people have I had to talk off this very ledge because I didn't help them sooner?" Y/N swayed slightly. "It's almost poetic I think. I spend so much time up here talking people down and preventing people from climbing up in the first place... only fitting it's where I end up. Up on the ledge." Sirius shook his head.
"It may be poetic but it doesn't make it the right choice. You are important Y/N L/N and there are so many people that would be absolutely devastated if you jumped tonight." A small smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.
"I said that." He nodded.
"You did, and it's just as true as it was when you said it." There was a long pause where Remus didn't even dare breathe. Then Y/N swung her legs back over the edge to safety and slipped down. They all ran over and Regulus and Sirius got there in time to catch her before she collapsed. They slowly lowered her to the ground where she brought her knees up to her chest and started sobbing. Remus knelt next to her.
"It's alright, we've got you now. You're going to be okay." He went to rest a comforting hand on her arm but when she flinched away he lowered his hand. Regulus knelt on the other side of her.
"Let's get you out of these robes alright?" She shook her head wordlessly silent sobs still shaking her rather small frame. "Y/N, I need you to take this off for me alright? I just need to check your arms." She tried to shake her head again but Regulus and Remus exchanged a look and despite her half voiced protests and weak struggle they slipped the robes off her shoulders. Peter made a faint whimpering noise from his position a few feet away next to James.
Still bleeding cuts covered her arms from shoulder to a few inches shy of her wrist. Under the blood Remus could see the pale white of older scars. Sirius was the first to speak.
"We need to get her to Madame Pomfrey." She looked up, alarmed and pleading.
"No, please, I can't go to her-" Remus pursed his lips.
"You don't get much choice right now." He helped her to her feet. "Someone help me." James stepped forward and scooped her up.
"I got her." Y/N squirmed.
"Put me down." They all ignored her and headed down the stairs, Regulus scooping up her discarded robes.
- - -
When they finally reached the hospital wing Y/N had stopped struggling and gone limp in James's arms, only semiconscious. She flinched slightly at the sound of the door banging open and stirred when James set her down on a bed but between her permanent exhaustion, emotional toll, and blood loss she didn't move much more than that.
Madame Pomfrey came running out of the backroom.
"What in the bloody blazes is going on?" Remus gestured to Y/N.
"Sorry Pomfrey, I kinda needed help." Pomfery started for a moment before shaking her head sadly.
"I should have figured it'd be her in a bed one day. Out of my way." She strode over to the bed pulling her wand out. They backed away and watched as Madame Pomfrey worked. Peter had sat in a chair and was crying quietly and James stood next to him looking dazed. Remus stood with an arm around Sirius who was conversing quietly with Regulus in French. “Can someone set up the curtains? There’s a chance someone could walk in and I don’t think she’d like people seeing her like this.” Only moments after Remus and James pulled them into place the doors swung open and a bored looking Ravenclaw prefect walked in, followed by a first year who was in hysterics.
“Can someone get her a calming drought? She’s inconsolable. Exams I think.” Regulus shook his head and quickly walked over, putting a gentle hand on her shoulder.
“Hey, Emy right?” The girl nodded. He gestured for the prefect to leave who bolted the moment he was relieved of duty. “It’s alright, you got a paper didn’t you?” She nodded and Remus came over as well.
“It’s alright, she’s going to be okay. We got them too and we found her.” The relief that washed over her was palpable.
“Really? She’s okay?” Remus nodded and Regulus rubbed her back comfortingly.
“She’s alright, in bed over there. That was pretty scary wasn’t it?” She took a couple shaky deep breaths.
“Yeah.”
“Do you want me to get you a calming drought and walk you back to your common room? You can get some sleep and come back in the morning if you’d like.” She nodded.
“That’d… that’d be nice.” Madame Pomfrey bustled out right as Regulus was leaving with Emy.
“She’ll be alright. She’s asleep right now. I’d say you can come back in the morning but I’ve long since given up on kicking the three of you out of the infirmary and Remus goes where the rest of you go.” They nodded and she continued. “So make yourself at home. Only one of two people in the curtain at a time though, when she wakes up we don’t want to overwhelm her.” They nodded again and she disappeared into the back room. Remus glanced around.
“I can watch her first, everyone else okay?” They nodded and Remus slipped through the curtains
- - -
Y/N awoke sometime in the very early morning. Glancing around she saw Regulus watching her from a chair near the foot of the bed.
“How are you feeling?” She took a moment to form her signature teasing smirk.
“These beds really aren’t all that bad. Haven’t a clue why so many people complain about them.” Regulus seemed utterly unimpressed.
“Evasion isn’t going to work this time Y/N.” She sighed
“Worth a shot. Honestly I feel… okay? I’m assuming Pomfrey put me on something.” He nodded and she continued. “Just kinda drained.” Suddenly her eyes widened. “Fuck, Emy.” She tried to sit up but Regulus was instantly standing and holding her down with a gentle hand on her shoulder.
“It’s alright. She came in earlier, I got her calmed down and she’s asleep in her dorm.” Nodding slightly she relaxed.
“Thanks.” He dragged the chair closer, settling in it again.
“Least I could do.” They sat in silence for a while before Regulus spoke again. “The four of them are asleep out there. Any other letters we should be aware of?” She shook her head.
“There’s one in my bed, apology to the staff but that’s hardly relevant now.” She hesitated. “Well I suppose I should still apologize but the specifics that are in the letter are irrelevant now.” There was more silence.
“It’ll get better.” She smiled tightly.
“That’s my line.”
“Well once you take care of yourself again you can have it back. Until then it’s mine. And Remus’s apparently.” She groaned.
“Oh you’re never going to get over that are you?” He shook his head, offense clear.
“You’ve talked with him, what? Twice? We’ve been talking every night for months but nooo, the werewolf with a thing for bad boys gets the job.”
“You have no people skills! We’ve been over this!” He wrinkled his nose and brought his voice up in pitch, mocking her.
“‘You have no people skills.’ I’m Y/N and I have wonderful people skills and I’m the Slytherin golden child and I’m passing all my classes and I-.” She rolled her eyes, a grin tugging at the corners of her mouth.
“Shut up.”