Chapter 2
Regulus slipped through the deserted hallways towards the dorms, well aware that he was far past curfew and hoping he wouldn't get caught. There was an over exaggerated cough from a small alcove that led into a classroom and he froze. No such luck it seemed.
"Student out of bed. Tsk, tsk. Perhaps I should give you detention." Y/N stepped out of the shadows and gave him a sad sort of smile.
"Oh lay off it. I was heading back." She studied him for a moment.
"Turn out your pockets." He froze.
"What?" She nodded to his robes.
"Turn out your pockets."
"No." She raised an eyebrow.
"No?" He crossed his arms stubbornly, head high.
"You can't make me." She tilted her head slightly conceding the point.
"That's true. But I could bring you to a professor or head of house and they could. I think you'd much prefer if I didn't do that." He glared.
"Why do you want me to turn out my pockets?"
"Why are you so intent on not turning them out?" She countered smoothly. He stood there for several moments before slowly reaching into his pockets producing his wand and a small foldable knife. Y/N kept her face expressionless and voice even as she stepped to the side. "Come in here for a moment please." Head down he shuffled into the dark classroom. She followed him in and with a quick flick of her wand lit the torch sconces scattered across the room. Another flick and two chairs moved to the center of the room facing each other.
"Take a seat." Not knowing what else to do he sat. She took the other seat and watched him, concern showing through her mask of calm. When she spoke it was quiet and gentle. "Can you give me the knife please Regulus?" She held out her hand, palm up and after a moment he placed it in her hand. After studying it Y/N slipped it into her pocket.
"I think you know what I'm going to ask." Regulus nodded. "But I'm going to ask anyway. Have you been hurting yourself?" He hesitated before nodding a tear slipping down his cheek before he could stop it. He hurriedly scrubbed it away.
"Can you show me please?" He shook his head. "Listen, I'm not going to judge you, I just want to help. Can you show me?" He hesitated, Y/N's voice was surprisingly soothing and he found himself pulling his sleeves up, showing a crosswork of older scars and newer cuts.
She scooted her chair closer and gently grabbed one of his wrists, sliding his sleeve up all the way and fully assessing the extent of his injuries. She reached for her wand and felt him flinch and stiffen slightly.
"Hey, it's alright, I'm not going to hurt you, I just want to heal these. Is that okay?" He nodded, embarrassment turning his cheeks a faint shade of pink.
"Sorry..." She glanced up before beginning to cast healing spells on his wounds.
"There's nothing to be sorry for. You don't need to apologize." He shook his head.
"Made you deal with this. You should be sleeping." She hummed in acknowledgement but didn't look up from her work.
"You should too. And I'm not 'dealing with this.' Right now you're in pain and I'm helping you because no one deserves to feel this way. Not because you're some task I need to mark off before I go to bed." She switched arms and he glanced down noticing the cuts were now just thin white lines.
"I do." She glanced up as she pushed his sleeve up.
"You do what?" He stayed quiet. "You do what?" She asked again more insistently.
"Deserve it." She shook her head sadly and turned her attention back to healing his other arm.
"No you don't. No one, and I mean no one, deserves to feel this way. Nothing anyone could say, or do, or be," she stressed the last word slightly "makes them deserve to feel this way. Anyone who says otherwise..." She shook her head. "They're wrong. Dead wrong." She let go of his wrist and slipped her wand into a pocket. A tear slid down his cheek but he couldn't even find it in himself to wipe it away.
"What if... what if those people are really important?" She reached over and gently wiped the tear away.
"It doesn't mean they're right. If Dumbledore stood up there tomorrow morning and told everyone that the sky is neon orange it doesn't make it true. You can look at the sky and see that. It's the same way with people. They can say whatever they want about you but in the end you're the one that decides what's true or not. You're the one that has to decide that you're worth every moment I sit here with you. I can sit here and tell you that all night long but if you don't decide that it's true then it doesn't matter. Make sense?" He nodded.
"Y-yeah it makes sense."
"So, you need to decide. Do you really, truly believe that you are so utterly worthless that you deserve to want to hurt yourself, or do you have worth as a human being, as someone who is incredibly smart and talented?" He hesitated.
"I... I guess... maybe I'm not entirely worthless." Y/N raised an eyebrow.
"You guess?" He sighed.
"I'm not entirely worthless." She nodded.
"That's a start. Can you give me one reason why you're 'not entirely worthless?'" She waited patiently as he searched for something.
"I can be used as a bad example?" A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth.
"I can work with that. Do you want to know what I'd use you as a bad example for?" She didn't wait for him to answer before continuing. "I'd use you as a bad example of self love. Because you're so talented and amazing and in the time that it took you to think of one half reason I was able to think of nearly a hundred. You have a great heart. You're really intelligent. You have natural Quidditch talent. You can make friends with even the most unfriendly people when you really want to. You're a great brother, I see you watching Sirius and making sure he's alright don't try and argue with me. You care about everyone. You-"
"Stop, please stop, I get it." He furiously tried to wipe away the tears streaking down his cheeks. "You see good in everyone, I get it."
"No you don't get it. I'm not seeing good in everyone. I'm not doing anything. It's you that's doing it all. It's you that's amazing. Say it. Say that you're amazing." He glared through teary eyes. "Say it." She glared right back. He sighed and grumbled.
"I'm amazing."
"Say it like you actually mean it." He rolled his eyes but annunciated it loudly.
"I'm amazing." She grinned.
"Yes you are. You're amazing. And why are you amazing?" He gave her a blank look. "Oh come on I just listed like 7 reasons."
"6. You only listed 6."
"No, I listed 7."
"No." He started counting on his fingers. "I have a great heart, I'm intelligent, I have natural Quidditch talent, I can make friends, I'm a great brother, and I care about everyone. 6." He glanced up and saw that Y/N was smirking.
"You are those things, great job." He gaped.
"You little-" He hesitated. "I think I feel better." She nodded.
"They're called affirmations. They do that."
"Oh."
"I have 2 things I want you to do. Number 1, I want you to find something to help you cope instead of cutting. You could read a book you like, pick up a new hobby, just something you enjoy doing when you feel low. Can you do that?" He nodded. "Number 2, I want you to spend some time and write down as many things you can think of that you like about yourself. Things that you think give you worth. Then every morning I want you to stand in front of a mirror and read them to yourself. It'll be hard. You won't want to do it. Do it anyway. Can you do that too?"
"That sounds stupid."
"That's not what I asked. Can you do it?" He hesitated.
"I guess." She nodded satisfied.
"Good. I'll check on you when I can. If you need something, find me. I don't care when it is, I don't care what you need. You find me. Got it?"
"But-"
"You find me. Got it?" He nodded, resigned.
"Got it." She stood.
"Now let's get you to bed. It's late and you have classes tomorrow." He stood and followed her out and to the Slytherin dorm. He was in bed before he realized she never gave him back his knife.