Remus POV - Part 1
It was a cool Friday evening, Sirius was out on his stupid motorbike. Remus didn’t know why he liked that death trap so much, it was dangerous and there would be grave consequences if a muggle were to see him.
Nevertheless, he didn’t complain about it. Sirius enjoyed it and if it meant he was happy and got on Remus’ nerves less, it was fine by him. Remus of course would never go anywhere near that thing, even if his life depended on it.
Peter had been sceptical about it at first too, although in the meantime he made it the main part of conversation when he spoke to Sirius. Remus thought he secretly was hoping that Sirius would offer him a ride on it, but he never did.
James however… Well, James of course was fond of the Motorbike right from the start. He even helped Sirius with all the extra spells to make it fly and turn invisible. The two of them went out on it often, for hours at a time. Sirius would come home late those days, waking Remus as he slipped into their flat, his big boots banging on the floor. Sirius would appear in their bedroom only a few minutes later and slide into bed next to Remus. He would ask if Remus was still awake, to which Remus would answer “I am now” before Sirius would tell him all about the things he had done with James. He had always sounded so pleased, and Remus listened and commented and held Sirius in his arms.
That was then, however. Now, ever since James and Lily had to go into hiding, Sirius would go out alone. When he got home at night, he would wordlessly slip into the flat and only occasionally would he come to sleep with Remus. Remus would wake up in the morning, alone in a bed that was made for two and sigh. Sirius often slept on the sofa in the living room. “I didn’t want to bother you” he would say.
Tomorrow was Halloween. Everyone knew it was James' favourite time of the year. Although they couldn’t all be together like they used to, James had sent them all baskets filled with sweets and costumes for them all to wear with a note. Remus’ read:
My dearest Moony,
I know it must be agonising to spend the best time of the year without your favourite person (me), but I assure you, as soon as this is over and Lily, Harry and I can come out of hiding, we will throw the best party you’ve ever been to.
I’m sorry we haven’t written for a while, Dumbledore has told us we should limit our owls to the bare minimum to not expose our hiding place. I doubt it would make much difference, but you know, better safe than sorry, am I right?
Thank you so much for Harry’s birthday presents, he absolutely loves them and has been playing with them nonstop. Lily really appreciates you sending him something safe too, unlike Sirius. Harry loves his broom though, I’m telling you right now he’s going to go pro when he’s older. Best on his team, I bet. He takes just after his dad. Can you believe he’s already 15 months old? He’ll be walking before we know it. I wish he could see you all, he keeps babbling something that could resemble “Uncle Moony and Padfoot”, but we can’t be entirely sure. We miss you all, and can’t wait to see you soon. Maybe Dumbledore will let us see you for Christmas. I can’t wait for this to be over.
Hope you are okay and the fulls aren’t treating you too badly. I miss all the adventures we went on when we were at school. Bet you're not having anywhere near as much fun as we did back then.
I hope Sirius isn’t bugging you too much. Does he still go out on his bike as much? Merlin, it’s such a bummer we won’t be able to do anything for his birthday this year. Can’t believe I’m missing it! I really hate being stuck in here. I love Lily, but I do miss being able to go out with you lot. Have you heard anything from Mary? I do hope she’s okay after Marlene… you know. Lily’s doing a little better, of course, she still misses her a lot though. I bet Harry would have loved her. I need to change the subject before I start tearing up.
We’ve carved pumpkins for the front door!! I do hope we get a lot of kids coming around, maybe it won’t feel so lonely then.
I hope it’s not much longer until we can get out of here.
Love and miss you,
Yours truly,
Prongs
Remus had reread the letter multiple times before stuffing it in his sock drawer for safekeeping. He hadn’t heard from Mary since Marlene’s funeral. Of course, he had sent her tons of owls but none of them had been answered. He missed her. He missed Lily. And James and Harry and Peter and Dorcas and Sirius. He felt so darn lonely all the time now.
He saw less and less of his friends. Less and less of his own boyfriend. They were all falling apart. Sirius was never home, and they barely spoke when he was. It was as though they were tiptoeing around each other, scared to do or say the wrong things.
They didn’t fuck, didn’t kiss, barely even touched anymore. Sirius had been acting strange ever since Dumbledore had told them there was a spy and that Voldemort was after James. Almost as though he was the spy. Would it really be that big of a shock if he were though? With his family and… No. Sirius wouldn’t. Would he?
Remus had thought that before. Back at school. He trusted Sirius. But Sirius had broken that trust. Surely he wouldn’t break it again. Right? Right??
Remus downed the remainder of his beer and tossed the empty bottle on the floor by the sofa. Then he got up and went to bed.
He heard Sirius come home and secretly hoped he would come and join him in the bed. But he didn’t. Of course, he didn’t. Remus rolled over and tried to go to sleep. He would try to visit Mary tomorrow. She could probably do with the company and Remus could too. Maybe they could go out and get drunk together. Maybe they could do it in the costumes James had sent them. He would be dead pleased if he knew.
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Sirius was gone by the time Remus got up. Probably on some sort of mission for the order. Or maybe he was with a new guy. Or a girl. Or maybe he was out on his bike. Whatever it was, Remus didn’t know and he didn’t care. Wouldn’t let himself care. He got ready and set out to Mary’s. He probably should have gone to see her weeks ago, but he hadn’t.
Mary looked a mess when she answered the door to her parents' house. “Remus? What are you doing here?” she said.
“‘m here to see you. How are you?” Remus asked. Mary shrugged as she stepped aside to let him in.
“You didn’t answer any of my letters,” he states.
Mary shrugged again. “Didn’t know what to say.”
Remus hummed and followed her through the house to the kitchen, “Fair.”
“Tea?” she offered.
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Remus didn’t get home till late that night. He half expected Sirius to be asleep on the sofa, but he wasn’t. Remus shrugged it off. He was probably scaring kids out on the street as Padfoot. Or himself. Remus couldn’t get himself to care.
He went to the kitchen and pulled out a new bottle of Brandy that Sirius had probably bought earlier from the cupboard. He poured himself a glass and downed it. Then another. And another. Then he opened a new bottle. And he drank and drank and drank.
And Sirius didn’t come home. Good. Remus didn’t want to see his face anyway. Didn’t know what he would do if he did. Would he slap him? Kiss him? Shout? They would probably fight. That’s all they seemed to do nowadays. They either didn’t talk or they shouted and screamed at each other until the neighbours came to complain about the noise.
Remus missed Sirius. The way he used to look at him, so full of love and admiration. Now his gaze was so full of distrust. Sirius would complain about Remus going on missions during the full moon and Remus would tell him he was being nosy. Remus would complain about Sirius always being gone, and Sirius would tell him to mind his own business. Remus would tell Sirius about the werewolf pack in a heartbeat, but Dumbledore and Moody had made him promise not to tell anyone. So he didn't.
All of those stupid missions Dumbledore kept sending them on were tearing them apart and both of them had stopped trying to pick up the pieces. The love they once had for each other had been replaced with a sense of caution. They didn’t trust each other anymore. So, Remus would drink and Sirius would go out on his bike.
As much as Remus tried to convince himself Sirius wasn’t the spy, Sirius was giving him reasons to believe he was. All the secrecy, the absence. The glares.
Remus eventually fell asleep, bottle in hand. And Sirius didn’t come home.