My Honest Face
Rose had always prided herself on her work ethic. How she had fallen this far behind on sorting files, filling out reports and even organizing her latest research… she couldn’t explain.
The desk was a gift. A reward for having been accepted into the Auror program. Black Walnut, her parents had said, like the core of her wand. The best there is. And now the once pristine beautiful wooden finish had been dimmed down to nothing but coffee stains, hundred page reports and stray scratches (courtesy of her clumsy owl). And though she adored Marnie, she couldn’t help but wish she didn’t have to take cover for every attempted post delivery.
While she could certainly clean it up with a little bit of magic she liked to think that the damages served as a reminder of humble beginnings…or something like that.
Sighing, she pointedly ignored the vacant desk that sat adjacent to hers and instead glanced out the window. The curtain was pulled back. While the Ministry was deep underground they had managed to recreate the outside views to brighten up the otherwise dreary building. The sun had set hours ago which meant it was late, even by her standards.
With a quick charm the piles of folders shuffled into a cabinet on the other side of the room and with another, the cabinet bolted shut. Bag, coat and scarf in hand, she prepared to head out into the night. The paperwork would simply have to wait until tomorrow.
As Rose locked the door to her office, a low voice caught her by surprise.
You’re the last one here you know.
The portrait that had been empty for the entirety of her time in the Magical Law Enforcement Department was now home to two figures, standing shoulder to shoulder. They smiled down on her from within the large frame. Rose didn’t have to look at the plaque to know who they were.
She drew a faint smile. “That’s how it usually is.”
The faces are pale. The woman’s doe-like eyes and black-and-gray streaked pixie hair makes up for the hollowness and lack of color in her cheeks.
You must have someone waiting for you?
Now it’s her companion that speaks up. He’s of average height, but frail, she notes. Friendly eyes that crinkle in the corners. There is a curious look painted across his face.
Rose looked away sheepishly. That was it, wasn't it? Someone was waiting for her. She could only hide out at work for so long.
She slowly nodded her head in lieu of answering before turning her back on the portrait to push a button. It would be a few seconds until the lift arrived.
You know this place…
It was the woman’s voice again. Curious, Rose turns to meet her heavy gaze.
…there’s nothing quite like it.It can take you anywhere, it can give so much, but it’s not... everything. There’s more, you see.
With the last word her hand slowly raised to find the man’s and they glanced at each other with confirming expressions.
Rose was confused. More? What was more than magic? More than her commitment to defend life? Nothing, especially not when whatever fate awaited her outside these gray walls frightened her more than even a dementor.
The chiming of the corridor's Grandfather clock interrupted her stream of consciousness.
Midnight.
“I’ll be sure to remember that…”
As she stepped inside the lift, her hand momentarily paused in the doorway, holding it in place. “Goodnight Mr. and Mrs. Longbottom,” Rose said, before letting go. The eyes that stare back at her as the doors began to shut looked quite different from this far down the long hallway of the Ministry of Magic.
It was an early winter. Rose shivered as she stepped into the flat. With a quick shuffle, she dusted off the snow from her boots before turning her attention to her hands. As she inched off the gloves, finger by finger, a voice called out from the living room. She carefully made her way towards the voice, mind still focused on removing the rest of her outerwear.
Her mother had knitted her this scarf.
“It’s midnight”, Elliott called out from where he stood on their rug underneath the bright chandelier.
“I know,” Rose responded. She willed herself to look anywhere else but his eyes.
The trophies that lined the bookshelf.
The signed snitch framed in glass hung up next to a photo of them at the Yule Ball.
Multiple ‘Save the Dates’ and postcards from her old dorm-mates.
She felt dizzy.
“You said you’d tell me by now,” he drawled out.
“I know,” she said, guilt creeping up her spine.
“It’s been weeks.”
“I kn–”, before she can make out the last two letters, Elliott is suddenly there, clawing at her shoulders.
“Merlin's Sake Rose, can you at least look at me when you’re breaking my heart?” His voice is calmer than expected. In fact, he practically whispered it. Oh how she wished he was yelling. Screaming. Throwing a fit. Smashing plates. Anything, anything at all to help release the tension of this past month… but the truth was Elliott would never do those things.
Rose looked up at him. He had a face like those film stars from the old muggle movies her grandfather had shown her as a child. Classically handsome, that is. Smart too. Talented beyond words. Kind, of course. Most of all… he cared for her. Cared for her in a way she had never been cared for.
Cared for in a way she wasn’t entirely sure she deserved.
They had been together through it all, from the day he asked her to the dance during their 7th year all those years ago to her apprenticeship. She gazed into his eyes, pleading for something to knock her into her senses.
It was no use. Even after everything they went through all she could feel was… empty. No spark. No fluttering. She knew she loved him— loves him, but she couldn’t help but wonder… was this a forever kind of love? The white picket fence and have his children kind of love all those muggles talk about on the telly?
Perhaps she had known the difference between them all along.
The ugly truth:
Elliott would die for her because he loved her and Rose would die for him because it was her duty.
Rose should want to be with him. He was the ideal. Girls would kill for a chance with Elliott. She felt ashamed of herself for even thinking that, but it was true. Her family, and friends all expected them to be together. Just this past month Dom, her cousin, had gushed about how lucky she was to be with a man as beautiful as him. She wasn’t wrong— his face was structured almost too flawlessly. His hair was as dark as ever and so were his eyes. He was so much taller that her neck felt stiff trying to meet his gaze.
Both of them were on the verge of crying.
“Do you ever think that maybe… maybe we rushed—,” she regretted the words as soon as they escaped her lips.
“RUSHED!?” There’s that yelling she thought she had wanted. “We’ve been together for YEARS! How is any of this rushed? Was there no endgame in mind? Did you ever even think any of this was REAL?”
He wasn’t like this, at least not around her. She could see the pent up frustration set off like a fuze and it was all her fault.
“Elliott, I didn’t mean that, I just think—”
“What do you think, huh Rose?” His hands dropped to his sides. “You know what today is? It’s the 19th. It’s our 5th.”
She blinked slowly, realizing that if you count the time they first started talking it was practically six.
Like Hogwarts all over again.
“Last night,” she slipped out.
“What?”
Rose shook her head. “It’s 1:06 in the morning. Our anniversary was last night and oh for Merlin’s Sake Elliott I’m so-s-so-sssorry.” The last word was practically whispered; her voice heavy with tears hot and ready to pour. She bit her lip to hold back the sobs that desperately ached to be let out.
She was terrible for forgetting and she was terrible for not giving him an answer and most of all, she was terrible for not talking about this a year and a half ago, when she had first started to question their relationship after they had agreed to move in together.
It was little things. Rose suddenly didn’t find his kisses as comforting anymore. The conversations felt more superficial. She floated aimlessly at every holiday party with him as her plus one.
When Dom and the other cousins would swiftly pull her aside, whispering excitedly and droning on about baby names, dresses and maids of honor after the proposal she couldn’t help but feel like they were talking about another Rose. Not her, Rose. A much more agreeable Rose, far away from here.
Everyone in her family married pretty young, even her parents. She supposed surviving a war does that to people, the wanting to make every day with the person they love count, that is. The men in her family would pretend not to notice, but would happily (albeit awkwardly) pat Elliott’s back as he beamed at the idea of the spotlight pinpointed on their lovelife. How could she admit the truth to herself? That she looked forward to work more and less at the thought of coming home to her boyfriend.
Elliott was busy himself but he always made time. As Quidditch Captain of the legendary Falmouth Falcons his days were equally as long and as exhausting. Regardless, he’d be there to owl off a lunch or portkey to the office to cheer her up. She had especially needed it the day the news of her disastrous Auror Mission from the previous month leaked and made its way to the front page of The Daily Prophet.
She hated herself for not loving him the way he deserved. Now here they were, standing in utter silence, unable to look at one another. She shook her head; tears finally making their way down her face.
“I don’t think we should be... together.”
His pupils doubled in size as her words registered. “If you don’t want to marry me that’s fine, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to pressure you, I just wanted to… Gods, I can’t believe this. Here I was thinking you didn’t want to be a bride yet, but this? Rose, don't you love me?”
Rose shut her eyes. She couldn’t look at him like this. His stupidly perfect self. Elliott’s hands made their way to her face. They’re warm and he was so close. “Please, Rose. Five years? Did it mean anything?”
This was it. The moment that would break the life they had so meticulously curated for themselves. The high school sweethearts, gone. The picture perfect couple, gone.
Elliott Wood and Rose Granger-Weasley, gone.
Her eyes flew open. She grabbed his elbow with one hand, gently stroking his face with the other. Her thumb carefully brushed the hair out of his eyes.
“Oh Elliott. It did. It meant something. It meant a lot of things…just not everything.” She couldn’t hold back now. “We weren’t living. We were just existing. Tolerating each other at best. I think I always knew but you were so wonderful to me that I couldn't see it for what it was. And believe me, you are wonderful. You deserve someone like you, the one who wants the gown and the flowers and the tons of babies. The one that wants it all... with you. You’re so good to me. I will always love you, but just think to yourself, don’t tell me you haven’t felt the same way. I know you must have. Were we ever really… happy? Genuinely?”
Elliott stared intently into her eyes, his own puffy and red. “Gen-uine-ly,” he sounded out every syllable as if it was his first time hearing a foreign language.
“Look”, he began, regaining his composure. “Maybe we weren’t perfect, but I can’t imagine giving up on this. WE can’t give up on this.”
She leaned up on the tips of her toes to plant a soft kiss on his cheek. His face was wet and salty. Rose used to joke that Elliott cried the way kids did; big fat tears that rolled off the bridge of his nose in perfectly symmetrical sized drops.
His gaze narrowed, arms crossed snug against his chest. “Unless… you already have,” Elliott finally said.
Was she being selfish? Was it wrong for her to want the best for both of them?
No, she couldn’t take it back now. It would be too cruel. She shook her head and swiftly pulled out her wand. Instantly, Elliott stepped a foot back, as if in fear she was going to hex him. The thought saddened her.
Rose muttered some incantation. Within seconds her personal belongings from all around the house came floating into her tiny work bag. Soon the pouch was unnoticeably full with a pair of clothes and whatever else she’d need for a couple nights. The rest of her stuff was packed into suitcases and boxes tucked neatly against the back wall of their dining room.
Elliott eyed the noticeably emptier looking flat. After what seemed like hours, yet could only have been minutes, he broke the silence. “Where will you go?”
“I have a place, I’ll be back for my bigger stuff soon. I’ll come when you’re at practice so you don’t have to… you know.”
“You may not believe in us but I always will,” He said firmly, looking away. The worst part is she knows he’s being honest.
And with that Rose walked out of more than just her apartment and into the dead of night.