Remus had loved Sirius since their third year at Hogwarts. They had been a couple for half a year now, and it still felt like a dream from which he might awaken at any moment. He was with the boy he had been in love with for so long, and none of their friends had any objections. James, in fact, was their biggest supporter and had practically pushed Sirius to finally confess his feelings to Remus.
Remus would never have confessed on his own. He could never have brought himself to tell Sirius how much he loved gazing into his eyes or running his hands through his dark curls. He had settled for stolen moments, for hands that lingered just a little too long and glances that lasted a moment too much.
But he didn’t have to rely on those moments anymore. Sirius loved him—he had said so and sealed it with a kiss.
Six months had passed since then, and their relationship was going well. It was comfortable. At least, that’s what Remus thought. He hadn’t had any experience with relationships before Sirius and wasn’t sure how they were supposed to work. He knew how it was for his friends and what they told him, but did it need to be the same for them? They didn’t have to fit the mold, right? Because they weren’t like the others. They still talked like friends, and Remus still found it difficult to express how deeply he felt for Sirius.
But Remus was happy, and he thought Sirius was too. They didn’t need to have a relationship like everyone else’s as long as they were both content, didn’t they?
Remus sat on his bed in their dormitory, intending to read, but his thoughts kept drifting back to Sirius. His heart warmed whenever he thought of the young Black. But questions followed: Was their relationship enough? Was Sirius happy? Could he even truly love someone like Remus?
Anxiety gripped him as these doubts piled up. No, he really wasn’t a good boyfriend. He never took the initiative and struggled to put his feelings into words. He wasn’t especially funny or interesting, and he was a werewolf—a monster, really.
He wasn’t attractive, either. His body was covered in scars from years of full moons.
Sirius Black was none of those things. He was confident, handsome, funny, and always knew what to say.
What did Remus have to offer? Nothing.
Tears pricked at the corners of Remus’s eyes.
“Is the book so bad that it’s making you cry?”
Remus flinched. He hadn’t heard Sirius come in. The black-haired boy climbed onto the bed, and Remus stiffened immediately. He felt caught in his thoughts, and Sirius’s closeness felt simultaneously comforting and forbidden.
He didn’t deserve this. He didn’t deserve Sirius.
More tears spilled down his face, and the sick feeling in his stomach worsened.
Sirius seemed to notice something was seriously wrong, something that had nothing to do with the book.
“Hey, Moony, what’s wrong?”
Remus’s breathing sped up. Why was Sirius asking? Why did he care?
He couldn’t breathe. What was happening? He was just making things worse. Sirius would see him for what he truly was—a freak—and he would leave.
He felt a hand on his back and heard a voice telling him to breathe.
Why?
“Why? Go away from me! I’m stupid, ugly, and a complete mess!”
He didn’t want Sirius to leave, but he had to. Sirius shouldn’t have to deal with someone like him.
Sirius’s heart clenched painfully at Remus’s words. How could he think that?
Sirius was determined to prove him wrong, but first, Remus needed to stop hyperventilating so he could listen.
“Remus, please, you need to breathe. For me, please.”
“Go! Please!” Remus begged, his voice breaking.
“Moony, I’m not leaving. Never. You won’t get rid of me. Please, calm down, love. Breathe with me.”
Sirius exaggerated his own breathing so that Remus could match him, and slowly, it worked. The werewolf’s breathing evened out, and the frantic edge faded.
“Hey, sweetheart, there you are.”
A few more tears escaped down Remus’s cheeks.
“Can you look at me, please, Remus?”
Remus shook his head.
Sirius couldn’t accept that. He gently placed a hand on Remus’s cheek and turned his face so their eyes met.
“Moony, I don’t always know what’s going on in your head, but I need you to know that you are an incredible person. Actually, you’re one of the best people I’ve ever known, and I don’t want you to ever think those things about yourself.”
“But I’m a terrible boyfriend. I get everything wrong and… I’m covered in scars and I...”
“No, you’re the best boyfriend anyone could wish for. And those scars? They make you who you are, and you’re beautiful because of them. I didn’t fall in love with you because of how experienced you were at relationships. I fell in love with you—flaws, insecurities, and all. And if I have to, I’ll keep telling you for the rest of our lives just how amazing and lovable you are, and how lucky I am to call you my boyfriend.”
Remus didn’t know how much he could believe, but for now, he allowed himself to live in the illusion that Sirius Black truly loved him. He leaned into Sirius and let himself be embraced.
“I know you don’t believe me now, but I’ll keep saying it until the end of our days if I have to.”
Sirius pressed a kiss to the top of Remus’s head and tightened his arms around him.
He would always take care of his Moony.