It's stupid. Really. The way her heart always knows when Karina's near before her eyes do. Like muscle memory, or an ache.
She's in the practice room, lights dimmed low, pretending she's just stretching - but her headphones aren't even playing music anymore.
The door creaks open behind her, someone steps lightly inside. A water bottle gets placed on the speaker.
"You left your sweatshirt in my car," Karina's voice fills the room like she isn't afraid to take up space. Naturally loud in a way Winter's wasn't.
Winter turned, the corner of her mouth pulling into something half-cheeky, half-nervous. "That was on purpose," she said it so quietly. She didn't really mean to be quiet, it's just how she was.
They were different that way.
Karina smirks back, not saying anything. The silence stretches like gum between teeth.
Their gazes linger on each other long enough for Winter to watch Karina's smirk slip from her face. She would be lying if she said it wasn't a little scary.
"You've been avoiding me," she said, straight faced, almost accusatory.
"I haven't."
Karina shrugged her shoulders, seeing right through Winter. "You are right now."
'How?"
Karina stepped further into the practice room. "Look at me."
When Winter hesitated to make eye contact, Karina laughed. "There you are," she says, voice lower now. Not teasing but not smiling.
Winter hates how it makes her stomach flip. She puts her head back down, and Karina has the audacity to pat her. "Why does it matter if I look at the ground or not?"
"I don't think you'd run if you were looking at me," Karina replied easily.
Winter's brows furrowed, did that make sense? Maybe it did to Karina, but not to her.
Winter looked up finally, like it hurt her to do it. Her eyes didn't settle on Karina's, they flinched past them - to her cheek, her shoulder, anywhere else really.
Karina let her, didn't push.
"It's easier to leave when you don't see what you're leaving," Karina said slower, like she was reiterating what she had meant. It pissed Winter off a little that Karina knew her so well.
"I wasn't trying to leave," Winter mumbled.
Karina tilted her head, this time catching eye contact. "Then why haven't you called me back?"
Winter blinked, slow and guilty. She hated that question, hated any question directed towards her, really. She didn't have an answer.
"I thought you'd be mad."
Karina didn't respond. Her silence didn't feel cold, though, it just felt like she could clearly see through her bullshit.
Winter let out a breath through her nose. "Or worse, you wouldn't care."
Karina's expression cracked, just slightly. Her eyebrows lifted like that answer hurt more than it should have.
"If I didn't care, I would have just thrown your sweatshirt away."
Winter's attention was drawn back to the sweatshirt in Karina's hands. It was hers. Her time with Karina was real.
Winter swallowed. The lump in her throat felt jagged, like it had claws. "It... it was just one night," she said, looking down. "I didn't think it would mean anything to you."
Karina blinked slowly. "You don't know me."
The silence that followed felt cruel. Winter suddenly wanted to break it, rewind time, say something else. The damage was already humming between them like an old bruise.
Karina's voice was quieter this time, "I waited for your name to light up on my phone." She let out a huff of breath, "I really thought you'd call."
Winter flinched like she'd been slapped. "I was scared," the words came out before she could stop them. Raw, like skin rubbed too thin. "I didn't think you'd want that."
Karina laughed, short and itchy, like she hated her for saying that.
"You're you," Winter continued, "You don't need someone like me clinging around, pretending it meant more than it did."
Karina stepped closer then, not all the way, but enough. "You didn't pretend," she said softly. "You just ran before you had to find out it was real."
Winter looked off to the side, "Yep. That's me, running. Look, Karina..." she tried to make her voice firmer, like she really meant what she was about to say. "You're bored, or maybe you like the idea of me, but-"
Karina scoffed, "I don't have an idea of you, and I'm not bored. Stop pushing me away, if you don't want me, say it right now."
Winter didn't say anything at all, Karina cutting her off broke her confidence in half. She wouldn't have said anything anyways, she did want Karina.
Karina stepped in again, close enough that Winter could smell the mint on her breath. "You don't get to pretend I don't matter just because you're scared," she said. "I was scared too, but I still showed up."
Winter's eyes started to sting. She hated crying in front of anyone, but her body always betrayed her. All the fight she had was leaking out of her eyes.
"I don't want to be a mistake," Karina said, so gently it would have been embarrassing to overhear.
Winter blinked hard, but a tear still slipped down her cheek. She didn't bother wiping it away. "You're not," she said, voice barely there. "I think... I just didn't want you to realize that I was."
Karina didn't answer - not in words. She just reached out, slow and careful, and hooked her pinky finger through Winter's. Not a kiss, not yet. Just a promise she wasn't letting go.
Winter's gaze dropped to their hands - just their pinkies. They were barely touching but her heart was hammering like it was more than that. She looked up slowly, searching Karina's face.
"Is it okay if I..." she started, but trailed off, losing her confidence again in Karina's eyes.
Karina nodded, just once, stiffly. "Yeah, it's okay."
So, Winter leaned in. Not all at once. Like she was expecting Karina to pull away, to change her mind, to disappear. Karina didn't move, but she tightened her pinky around Winter's.
Winter's hand landed against the fabric of her own sweatshirt in Karina's arms and then their lips finally brushed. It didn't feel romantic, or sparky. It did feel real, like Winter and Karina in the dim practice room. Like Winter left her sweatshirt in her first ever hook up's car because she was too perfect to lose. Like Winter just survived herself to get to this point. It felt like she was finally allowed to breath, it felt good.
Karina didn't say anything at first. She just rested her forehead against Winter's, breath warm between them. "You didn't ruin it," she whispered. "Whatever you're afraid of- you didn't."
Winter let her eyes flutter shut. She wasn't ready to believe it completely, but maybe she could try.