The clock on the wall ticked steadily, but for James, time felt like it was slipping through his fingers. As he sat in the Gryffindor common room, surrounded by the usual chaos of his friends, his thoughts drifted far away from the laughter and chatter. Graduation was only a couple of months away, and with it, the stark reality of adulthood loomed over him like a dark cloud.
Sirius sat across from him, animatedly recounting a recent prank involving a rogue Boggart that had terrified Filch. James watched him, entranced by the way his hair caught the light, the way his eyes sparkled with excitement. But as Sirius laughed, James felt a familiar knot of anxiety tightening in his chest.
He had been thinking about asking Sirius to move in with him after they graduated. It seemed so perfect: two best friends, living together, sharing everything. But the fear of rejection held him back. What if Sirius didn’t want that? What if he had other plans? The thought of losing the closeness they shared was unbearable.
“James! You still with us?” Remus Lupin’s voice cut through James’s reverie, pulling him back to the present.
“Yeah, yeah, just… thinking,” James replied, forcing a smile.
Sirius tilted his head, concern flickering in his gaze. “You’re doing that thing again where you look like you’re a million miles away. What’s on your mind?”
“Nothing important,” James said quickly, trying to brush it off. He didn’t want to burden Sirius with his insecurities, especially when he was so carefree and happy.
“Come on, mate. You can tell me,” Sirius urged, leaning forward.
James hesitated, the weight of his thoughts pressing down on him. He wanted to be honest, to share everything that was troubling him, but the words felt trapped in his throat. Instead, he deflected. “Just… thinking about what we’ll do after Hogwarts.”
Sirius’s expression softened. “Yeah, it’s a big change. But we’ll figure it out together, right?”
“Right,” James echoed, though doubt lingered in his mind.
As the days passed, James’s internal conflict grew. Every time he considered bringing up the idea of living together, his fear of rejection paralyzed him. He began to withdraw slightly, feeling the pressure of his own thoughts. He couldn’t shake the feeling that he might ruin everything if he admitted how he felt.
One night, after a long day of classes, James found himself pacing the empty corridors of Hogwarts. The stone walls felt like they were closing in on him, and he felt suffocated by his own uncertainty. He paused by a window, gazing out at the grounds where they had spent countless hours together.
“James?” Sirius’s voice broke through the silence, and James turned to see him standing a few feet away, concern etched on his face. “What are you doing out here?”
“Just needed some air,” James replied, forcing a casual tone. But his heart raced at the sight of Sirius. “What about you?”
“I was looking for you. You’ve been a bit distant lately, and I wanted to check in.” Sirius stepped closer, his expression earnest.
James felt his heart pound in his chest. “I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind.”
Sirius crossed his arms, skeptical. “You know you can talk to me, right? I hate seeing you like this.”
“I know,” James said, his voice cracking slightly. “It’s just… everything is changing, and I’m not sure how to handle it.”
“Change can be scary,” Sirius admitted, his gaze softening. “But we’re going to be okay. We’ve always been okay.”
James nodded, but the knot in his stomach tightened. “What if… what if we’re not?”
Sirius frowned, stepping even closer. “What do you mean?”
“I don’t want to lose you, Sirius,” James blurted, the words spilling out before he could stop himself. “After graduation, what if you want to do something different? What if you want to travel or… or get a place with someone else? I don’t want to just drift apart.”
Sirius’s eyes widened in surprise, and for a moment, silence hung between them. “James, I… I never thought you’d worry about that.”
“Why wouldn’t I?” James asked, frustration creeping into his voice. “You’re amazing. You could do anything you want, and I’m just scared I’ll be left behind.”
“James, you’re not going to be left behind. You’re my best friend. I’ve always wanted to be close to you, even after Hogwarts.” Sirius’s voice was firm, yet gentle.
“What do you mean?” James asked, feeling the heat of confusion rise.
Sirius took a deep breath, his vulnerability evident. “I want us to stay together. I want to live with you. I want to be more than just friends. I thought that was what you wanted, too.”
James felt his heart race, a mix of relief and shock washing over him. “You want to live with me?”
“Yes! I thought you were the one pulling away because you wanted space. I never wanted to pressure you, but I want to be with you, James.” Sirius stepped closer, their eyes locked.
“Really?” James asked, barely able to believe it.
“Really,” Sirius affirmed, his gaze steady. “I’ve wanted this for a long time. I thought you’d never see me as anything more than your best mate.”
In that moment, the weight of James’s fears began to lift. “I thought I’d ruin everything by asking,” he admitted, the truth spilling out. “I was so scared you wouldn’t feel the same way.”
Sirius’s expression softened further, a smile breaking through. “You could never ruin anything. I’ve been smitten with you for ages, you dork.”
James laughed, the sound mingling with relief and joy. “So, you’re really okay with moving in together?”
“Absolutely. I can’t imagine anyone else I’d rather share my life with,” Sirius said, stepping even closer, their breaths mingling in the chilly air.
The tension that had filled the space between them melted away, replaced by a sense of clarity and hope. James reached out, taking Sirius’s hands in his own. “Then let’s make it official. After graduation, it’s you and me.”
Sirius grinned, a light in his eyes that made James feel lighter than air. “You have no idea how happy that makes me.”
“I think I’m starting to,” James replied, relief flooding through him. “I’m really glad we talked about this.”
“Me too,” Sirius said softly, squeezing James’s hands. “We’ll face whatever comes next together.”
As they stood there, hands entwined, the weight of uncertainty began to fade into the night, leaving only the promise of a future filled with laughter, love, and the unbreakable bond they had forged. For the first time in a long time, James felt like everything was going to be alright.