tell me about him.

Since that lesson, since the very start of the year in fact, Dean has found himself increasingly annoyed with the topic of romance. But of course, of course that’s all Harry wants to talk about. Dean usually wouldn’t mind, it’s none of his business who Harry likes, but he’s sick of having to hear Harry and Ron blab on about girls when he’d much rather be talking with Seamus! Why weren’t their friends good enough for them anymore?

He finally snaps one day during a particularly long rant.

“And oh Merlin, she’s so bloody pretty. I have such a big crush on her-” Harry ranted but was interrupted by a particularly snappy Dean.

“How do you even know you like her for real, though?!” He asks, frustrated.

Harry blinks once or twice in shock before answering. “Well, I- I dunno. I sorta just do. Wait, mate, have you never had a crush before?”

He couldn’t answer that for certain. He knew people said that a crush was like a friend but more. He supposed Seamus was sort of like that, but everyone always says “girl”. So it can’t be like that, obviously.

“No. I don’t think so.” He replied, almost uncertain.

Ron snorts in laughter, but Neville speaks up before he can say anything else. “That’s fine. I don’t like anyone. I mean, not like that. I haven’t before,” he pauses briefly and continues almost softly, “and I don’t think I will. Not my thing.”

The boys fall a bit quiet at that and Harry is the one to break that silence.

“That’s alright Neville. We didn’t expect you to.” he replies calmly.

Dean quickly decides to get back to his thing before it gets awkward again.

“I mean, yeah, that’s fine of course Neville none of us mind-” the words come out in a flurry, “-but I don’t think that’s what it is for me. I mean I can picture myself with someone. I just don’t think I’ve ever liked a girl.” He says a bit confused.

Unless celebrities counted, Dean was sure none of the girls in his life had ever counted as crushes. He thinks most are attractive, sure, but he’s never wanted to date them.

A voice that had been oddly quiet for someone so talkative speaks up.

“You ever liked a boy, then?” Seamus asked. It wasn’t like his usual voice, not judgemental or joking, or cheerful, or angry, or any of the extremely strong emotions Seamus seemed to display at all times. It was a bit more relaxed but also filled with tension.

The room fell silent.

“You can do that?!” Dean replied, genuinely stunned.

He thought crushes were a girl thing! It certainly sounded a bit girly, after all. And Harry’s only ever framed the question as girls. Boys can like boys? And that’s like… normal?

He’d heard about it before, he wasn't stupid. But it had always been talked about with that odd disease. He didn’t know much about it. He’d just assumed it was safer to stick to girls, and that’s why everyone did. Of course girls were attractive, but boys were too.

Seamus spoke up, a bit defensive now. “Well obviously. Boys can like girls and boys can like boys and girls can like girls and people can like no one.”

Dean quickly corrected himself. “No, no, I didn’t mean in a homophobi- oh, nevermind.” He groans, flopping onto his bed. “I don’t know anyway. As if I’d know what counts as a crush.”

Seamus goes back to whatever he was doing - it appeared to be reading, which is odd because Seamus doesn’t read. At all. Ever.

It’s Ron’s turn to talk now. “It’s like, you feel different about he- them. And you get red. And you want to impress them. And you want to kiss them and stuff.”

Dean’s not put much thought into it and it shows. Kissing? He barely knows how to do that. He speaks up, a bit embarrassed but still frustrated. “Okay but how do I know I want to kiss them?!”

“I don’t know. You just imagine it. Have a go.” Harry says with a shrug.

Dean doesn’t know who he’s supposed to picture this with. He doesn’t feel like he’s ever wanted to even get that close with many girls.

He supposes it can’t hurt to just picture someone he already knows.

The thought of him and the first person he could think of, Seamus, flood his mind.

For some reason he doesn’t mind it. Not at all.

“Oh. Well, okay, maybe I can see myself doing that then.” He concedes, a bit shocked at the revelations that were happening. It was okay for him to possibly be interested in boys, or no one at all, and it was also for some reason in his mind acceptable to kiss his best friend.

“Who’d you picture?” Ron asks with a grin, and Harry promptly hits him. “Ow!”

“Sorry Dean, you don’t have to answer that.” Harry interjects quickly.

“Right. Well.” Dean wants to get off this topic of conversation as soon as possible. “Seamus, wanna play football?” He inquires.

Seamus seems relieved to be able to put down the book, his ears red, and he also scoffs. “Dean, you know I don’t play. Merlin, I don’t even know how to.”

Dean sighs. “Fine then. Wizard’s Chess?” he compromises. Seamus nods quickly, and Dean rolls his eyes. “Okay, but one day I’m teaching you football.”

And so the boys played their game of Wizard’s Chess, Seamus’ ears faded from their crimson colour, and Dean found his face feeling a bit warm.

— ⭒⭑🟊⭑⭒ —

The next day, a drizzly Monday - winter was definitely coming and it was coming strong - Dean, Seamus, and Neville trudged down the hill to the greenhouses for Herbology, armed with wands, books, and their school jumpers.

Well, actually, Seamus didn’t have his jumper. Dean found it impossible to forget this, partly because Neville had been complaining about how silly it was of Seamus not to wear it considering the cold. It was also partly because of the usual adjustments to his uniform like having his top button undone and his sleeves rolled up, all things that would be hidden under his jumper, had not been reversed and therefore Dean could see a bit of the boy’s collarbone and his forearms.

But that’s besides the point.

Neville seemed to be complaining - which is odd, since Neville never complains.

“I don’t get why they have to keep talking about crushes! I mean, it’s very inconsiderate considering we definitely don’t want to hear them go on and on about bloody girls all day and all night and- oh Merlin it’s just so frustrating!” He says, high pitched and frustratedly.

Dean gives an understanding frown, but Seamus actually speaks up.

“I don’t even think girls go on about their crushes as much as them.” He scoffs.

Neville replies. “You aren’t wrong, really! It’s all they talk about.”

Dean then decides to talk. “I doubt they even like those girls. How do they know?!”

Neville shrugs but Seamus replies almost instantly. “There’s signs. Your face gets all hot around them, sometimes it’s harder to breathe when you’re near them, you might find them just a tad more interesting than everyone else… all that stuff.”

It hits Dean like a freight train. Okay, maybe thinking your best friend's accent is amazing and thinking his hair is nice and thinking his freckles are adorable and thinking his temper is just the sweetest thing on this side of hell is NOT a typical bro thing.

"I have a crush on Seamus Finnigan", he realises.

“I have to go.” He announces suddenly, and makes a beeline for the Defense Against The Dark Arts classroom. Right back up the hill.

— ⭒⭑🟊⭑⭒ —

Dean opens the door to the classroom with his hands on his knees, panting to catch his breath. He was athletic, but no exercise would ever compare to that hill in his mind.

“Professor Lupin? I-I really, really, really need to talk to you, it’s urgent-” He stammers.

Lupin puts a hand out to silence him with a small knowing smile. “Calm down, Mr Thomas. Come, sit - would you like some tea? And it seems a biscuits occasion judging by the urgency.”

While Lupin starts to make Dean his tea and prepare some biscuits, Dean sits down, his head spinning. What is happening?! Why is this happening?

Everything starts to click into place. Is that why he kept getting so annoyed with Harry for talking about girls? Is that why he’s always felt a little short of breath when he’s with Seamus? Is that why–

His thoughts are interrupted by a cup of tea being placed just in front of him. He mutters out a quick “thank you”.

Professor Lupin gives Dean a sort of knowing smile and suddenly Dean finds himself wondering why he decided to talk to a professor about this.

Since that first lesson, Dean and Lupin meet up once or twice a week and have tea. They talk about whatever comes to mind. Dean finds it great, because Lupin has never once mentioned a girl in their chats and he’s actually a great professor.

But just because they're close doesn’t mean coming to him about this was a good idea.

“So, are you here to talk about Seamus?” Professor Lupin asks.

Dean could have fainted on the spot.

“Oh Merlin, is it that obvious? Does everyone know? How do you know? I didn’t even know until two minutes ago, bloody hell!” The words rush out of his mouth.

Lupin shakes his head, and gently replies, “No, no, no one else knows I’m sure. Your friends aren’t that observant, don’t worry.” He pauses. “And as for how I know… let’s just say I’m observant, eh?”

Dean’s mind is rushing with thoughts. “Sir, what do I do? I’m so confused, I- I sorta like girls but then again I really think I like Seamus. Like, proper.”

Lupin shakes his head with that same smile. “You’re allowed to like both, Dean. And as for what to do….”, he shakes his head and closes his eyes, “I don’t really know. But I used to know two boys like that. Like you, I mean. In love with their best friend.”

Dean’s gaze snapped up from the floor. “Wait, really?”

Lupin’s face morphed to an almost bittersweet smile. “Yes. Used to. They were… Well, they were perfect for each other. They had their individual flaws, but… they made each other better.”

Dean raises his eyebrows, hoping Lupin would get the message that he wanted to know more.

Lupin sighs. “I- Look, Mr Thomas, I don’t know if it’s really my place to tell you their whole love story…”

Dean looks back down. “Oh. Y-yeah, alright. See ya, then…”

Lupin must have noticed his disappointment because he interrupts. “I mean, I suppose it can’t hurt to just tell you a bit about them.”

Dean nods eagerly. “Yes please, sir.”

The professor sighed before speaking, his tone bittersweet.

“Back when I was your age, there was… there were two boys. Well, four actually, but this story’s about two of them. One had… grey eyes and long black curly hair… he tried desperately to be more like a muggle. He hated his family. And then there was… another boy. A boy who- he was a werewolf. And dyslexic. And imperfect in every way possible. He had scars and bags under his eyes and was too tall for his weight and yet…. Well, the black haired boy still loved him. The boy who came only from riches and family prestige fell in love with the poor boy. Merlin knows how that happened.”

Dean listened intently to the professor’s description. He sounded sad, but also… relieved. Like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

Dean shifted a bit in his seat. “And- and so no one thought it was weird? That two guys were… y’know?”

“No. No, most people were in their own same-sex relationships. It… no one minded, at least none of m– their friends.”

Dean nods. Part of him suspected that the professor was making things up to make Dean feel better, but he could tell that the professor was relieved telling this story. So he asked more.

“So… I mean, what else?” He asked.

The professor sighs. “I mean, it was a different time, Dean. But… they were happy. At least, as far as I know, the werewolf was. The boy - the black haired one - he helped the werewolf. Showed off some of his own scars, made the other boy feel more… normal, I suppose.”

Dean nods, taking a sip of the tea that had been placed in front of him moments ago. It was already getting cold but Dean still wanted to, needed to, hear more.

“I think that’s enough on that subject for today.” The professor says, his small frown quickly replaced with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.

Dean nods quickly. He had already sort of been invading the professor’s privacy and he didn’t want to make it worse.

“Yeah. So, um… how do you feel about the recent Azkaban escape?” The boy asked, hoping to change the subject.

A flash of something - regret, guilt, sorrow, maybe even anger - lit up in the professor’s eyes. He set down his cup with a bit too much force and cleared his throat.

“You should get going to your next lesson, Mr Thomas. Merlin forbid you get detention.” He says, his voice slightly strained.

Dean nods. “Yes, of course, sorry sir.” He gets up and quickly snatches his stuff from the ground, racing out to Herbology.

— ⭒⭑🟊⭑⭒ —

He slides into his seat, between Seamus and Harry. He mutters a quick “sorry I’m late, miss” to the professor before opening up his textbook and grabbing a spare piece of parchment.

“Mate, why were you so late? You just ran away from Neville and I.” Seamus asks, a bit frustrated.

“Look, I’m sorry, okay? Besides, it was only fifteen minutes, I’m sure you were fine.” He rolls his eyes. He could feel the familiar shortness of breath and he didn’t think it was from running up and down that hill this time.

Seamus just mumbles something under his breath that Dean couldn’t quite make out, but Dean was too busy thinking to care.

Dean has a crush, which would have been fine, except it’s a boy, and his best friend at that. He couldn’t care less about the lesson.

He thinks back to Lupin’s story. About the dark haired boy and the young werewolf. He can’t help but be sceptical, however… The professor seemed so nostalgic when he spoke about it. Maybe it was the truth.

He is snapped back into reality when Neville answers a question. “It’s Gillyweed, miss. It helps you breathe underwater, but it tastes terrible, I mean the texture’s all wrong, miss, but it’s a good substitute for when–”

“Yes, Neville, very good.” Professor Sprout interrupts. That’s probably for the best, Dean thinks. When Neville starts on plants he does not stop.

Seamus nudges Dean again.

“Seriously, mate, what is going on? You look bloody ill.” He asks in a low whisper.

“I’m fine, Sea, seriously.” he whispers back, a bit too quickly.

Harry joins in. “Why are we whispering?”

“Dean’s being weird.” Seamus replies.

“No I am not, Sea!” He whispers defensively, his ears tinted a light shade of red.

“Oh my god, you’re blushing!” Harry whispers with a teasing smile. “D’you finally find a girl, eh?”

Seamus looks back at his notes after that comment. Dean glares at Harry. God, now look what you’ve done, Dean thinks. “No, I did not finally ‘find a girl’.”

“Oh. That’s alright, mate. You’ll find a girl eventually.” Harry replies, and Neville nudges him. Harry clears his throat. “Er, or not. Whatever.”

Dean clears his throat awkwardly too. “Right. Okay.”

Ron pipes up from his seat next to Harry, Neville being on his other side. “Then what were you doing, mate? I had to listen to Seamus moan about how you sprinted away, frankly it was-”

“Shut up.” Seamus said through gritted teeth.

“I was talking to Lupin, that's all.” Dean interrupts, trying to make sure Seamus doesn’t blow something up in Ron’s face.

“Right. Why?” Ron asks with a grin, clearly not believing Dean.

“I had questions about the homework.” Dean lies. He can feel Seamus’ annoyance radiating off of him.

“Sure you did.” Ron teases.

“Ron, don’t-” Harry starts, before Seamus interrupts.

“Lay off him, lads. If he doesn’t want to tell you, then he doesn’t want to tell you. It’s none of your bloody business.” Seamus said with barely constrained anger.

“Alright, alright, Merlin’s sake. I’ll stop.” Ron says, but gives Dean a wink before looking back at his work.

— ⭒⭑🟊⭑⭒ —

Later on in the dorms, Dean cannot possibly focus. On top of the many many many realisations he’s had today, he now has to sleep in the same room as Seamus. He’s been doing it for three years but it feels different now.

All the other boys are asleep. Except Seamus. Dean can hear him breathing.

He hears soft footsteps and before he knows it, Seamus is sitting on the edge of Dean’s bed. He casts a Muffliato charm. For a boy so angry all the time, he is surprisingly short.

Dean is surprised, but he sits up and stretches his legs out, trying to appear as normal as possible. “Sea. What’s up?”

“So are you gonna tell me why you were late to Herbology?” He asks, flopping down next to Dean so he was lying down now.

“I was talking to Lupin. Seriously.” Dean replies. Seamus rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, but what were you actually talking to him about?” Seamus asks as though it was obvious what he meant. Dean sighs frustratedly. He can’t tell the truth. He could play the ‘no dad’ card, but he feels bad about it. At least, he feels bad using it on Seamus.

God, having a crush has made me stupid, he thinks.

“Just… personal stuff.” Seamus looks at him expectantly. Dean groans. “Look, I can’t tell you. My…” he sighs, “...Mum doesn’t want me to say. It’s family stuff.”

“Oh. Alright then.” Seamus says, and instantly Dean feels bad for lying but it’s too late to go back.

Silence.

“Wanna play Exploding Snap?”

Dean laughs and hits his best friend in the face with a pillow. “Absolutely not.”

Maybe things wouldn’t be so different.

For now.