We Are the Dead

Regulus Black, at 12:57 pm on Monday, received a text.

Unknown Number

Hi Reg, thus is sirius friend james (glasses, ditched ur stydy grojp) something came up w remis, siriis said tel u he coukdnt make it

Because of fucking course when Regulus decided to get out of his comfort zone and give his undead brother a chance, he was stood up. And his brother's annoying, overly-involved friend was the one to tell Regulus, amidst several grammatical and spelling errors.

Regulus hated himself for being disappointed. He'd known, really, that this would happen. It always did when the brother reaching out was only doing it because of guilt.

Regulus told himself he was only annoyed because he'd planned the day's schedule around the meeting, and now everything was thrown off.

And Reg was alone at a boba cafe, which was just depressing.

Don't call me 'Reg.' You're my brother's friend, not mine. Speaking of, tell brother dearest I say thanks for all the notice. -RAB

Regulus would never usually add his initials at the end of a text, that was the type of shit his parents did. But it helped him show James just how deeply they weren't friends.

He got a reply in less than a minute.

Wrll sry i csnt dpell fkng Reggaeulouis wo habinf a stroke

It took Regulus a while to even understand what James was trying to say. He had no time to formulate any response, barring 'why don't you drink a nice glass of shut-the-fuck-up and tonic?' before his phone lit up yet again.

James Fucking Annoying (Sirius's Friend, f.k.a. TDH)

nd theirs no reson to b so meam sirius diesnt ow u shit and hes rly grat anf ur gonba lose hum

Regulus stared at his phone for a long while, interpreting and then just processing. Who the fuck did this James kid think he was?

Forgive me for not being in a particularly kind mood while standing alone in a hot pink room waiting for tea that I am going to drink alone because I got stood up by my own brother with no warning.

The message was left on 'sent.'

And Barty was getting his nails done so he couldn't get Reg.

And übers and lyfts made him feel dirty.

And he really hated walking across the highway, but would have to if he wanted to get back to his dorm.

And his tea was taking forever to make because the shop was completely full.

And people were everywhere, making him feel trapped on all sides.

God damn it, Sirius.

The door dinged, announcing the arrival of yet another person, yet another obstacle crowding Regulus, an obstacle intent on squeezing him until he created a fucking black hole like any star pressed too tight. 

He considered leaving without his tea. He'd paid already, and he'd left a large enough tip that the workers couldn't be too annoyed at him for disappearing.

He had just decided to leave, highway and tea be damned, when a throat was cleared behind him.

"Quite a busy place, isn't it, Regulus?"

He turned to see the offending speaker, but he already had a guess as to who it was. His guess was right.

"What the fuck are you doing here, James?"

The man in front of him gave a bright smiling, seeming oblivious that Regulus was wishing all types of harm upon him. Or maybe just not caring.

"Accompanying you back home, silly. Duh."

Regulus pivoted and headed towards the door. No fucking way. "No you're not. 'Duh.'"

"Yes, I-"

The worker's voice cut James off. "James and Rell- uh... Ray-gloose? Teas are ready."

Ray-gloose? Really?

Before Regulus had finished processing the atrocious pronunciation of his name, James was at his side. With two drinks.

"What the fuck, James?"

"I know a guy here, venmoed him and he added it to your order. Didn't want you leaving before I got here." He had the audacity to look pleased with himself. 

"Leave me alone. I don't need to be 'accompanied' back to my dorm. And I would rather avoid the... quality time... with you."

"Well, too bad. You don't have a car and I'm not letting you walk across the highway during a rush hour."

And oh, Regulus had had it. He'd had it with the pity, and he'd certainly had it with the condescension.

"You're right, you aren't 'letting' me do anything. It's none of your business. And besides, you don't even fucking like me. Don't pretend you wouldn't throw a fucking party if I got run over, it'd certainly make your life less bothersome."

Finally, James let his put-on smile drop. Regulus felt a small thrill of satisfaction at the man's frustrated look. "For fuck's sake, Reg, give me a break. I don't know why you're so bent on hating me, but I'm not letting my best friend's little brother get hit on the highway. So just get in my truck."

"I told you. I'm not 'Reg' to you. And I'm certainly not getting in your... truck." Regulus said the last word with as much distaste as he could muster, which wasn't hard at that particular moment.

"Well then we've got an uncomfortable walk in front of us," James answered, seeming annoyed. "Regulus."

"No. No way in hell. Leave me alone."

"You can't stop me. I'm faster, and I'm not letting you go alone."

Oh.

Oh, fuck.

He was right.

Regulus had been in situations like this one before, he knew how to make it as painless as possible.

Make himself agreeable.

Play along, don't fight anything until he had no other choice.

Be likable.

Above all, be calm. 

Even knowing this, Regulus's voice shook slightly, though he doubted anybody but himself or Pandora would ever be able to notice. "Fine. Thank you, James. Where is your truck?"

James seemed a little surprised by the sudden attitude change, but he accepted it after a second. "Over here," he directed, leading Regulus to an old but well-kept truck. It was, to Regulus's disgust, an atrocious canary yellow.

James unlocked it and pulled open the passenger-side door, gesturing at the seat for Regulus. He climbed in, careful not to let James out of his sight, even as the other man walked around the truck and climbed into the driver's seat.

He turned the car on.

Put the drinks in the cup holders.

Pulled out of the parking lot, got on the road.

Regulus tracked each movement. Watching in silence for the wrong movement, an odd word, that would mean 'danger.'

And it came, eventually.

James stomped on the brakes with no warning, halting the truck in the middle of a - luckily deserted - road. Regulus tried to open his door. It was locked. He was stuck. And James was speaking.

"I- fuck- I- I wasn't trying to force you to do anything, Regulus. I didn't mean to- I'm not gonna do anything."

Regulus's voice was far weaker than he would've wished, but at least it came out. "I never said you were."

The door was still locked.

"I didn't- shit. I seem like such a creep. Obviously. I made it sound like I was going to-" he buried his face in his hands, and Regulus was surprised to find that he looked almost small. Vulnerable. His voice came out choked. "I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I won't- you can get out if you want. Obviously you can. I wouldn't stop you, I'd have to be insane and a- sorry. I'm sorry."

Regulus was completely frozen in his seat. He knew that voice. It was his voice.

It was his voice when Sirius took a punishment for him, not telling their mother what really happened.

It was his voice when he dropped a glass, in a panic attack, and Pandora started cleaning it up, and the sharp edge cut her.

It was guilt, and it was fear. It was complete panic.

"James, it's okay. Breathe. It's okay."

James didn't breathe. He didn't look up.

Regulus couldn't let him stay that way. He'd have liked to say that he did it without thinking, but that wasn't true. He was analyzing everything around him, but he still took James's hands from his face. He still spoke in the voice he hardly ever used, the gentle voice reserved for scared children or hurt friends, the voice that said everything would be okay. The voice he developed from copying Sirius.

"Breathe. Come on. In for four, hold for four, out for four, hold for four, repeat."

He demonstrated. 

James didn't follow.

"Picture it as a square. A breath or hold for each side."

He continued to demonstrate. Square after square after square after square. After a while, James was copying him, if a bit shakily. His breathing was trapezoidal at best, but it was enough.

They sat there like that for a while, until James dropped Regulus's hands and looked up, staring through the windshield as if he could disappear through it if he concentrated hard enough.

"You okay? Drink your boba, you'll feel better."

James did so, still staring straight ahead, not turning to Regulus.

Regulus was fine with that. He started drinking his own tea, too, pulling his legs into his chest, wanting desperately to make himself smaller, wanting to give James the privacy he doubtlessly wanted.

It was silent for quite a while, until James eventually turned to Regulus with a weary smile, his face tear-stained. "Well that was unexpected."

Regulus felt a startled laugh leave him. He had expected one of many responses, ranging from anger to awkwardness, but that was not one of the options he had considered.

James's smile grew slightly. "Thank you. For- you know. And sorry."

Regulus almost sighed. He heard Sirius's voice in his head, and it seemed right. "Hush. Don't be sorry. You're okay, yeah? That's what matters."

James nodded slowly, and they relapsed into silence. Regulus let it draw on, wanting to let James break it in his own time. Eventually, he did.

"I don't dislike you. I was worried for Sirius. But he said you'd changed, that you weren't what he thought, that you were secretly a good person. You just hid it."

"Yeah, well. I wouldn't read too far into that." Regulus ignored the flicker of joy in his stomach at Sirius thinking he was good, defending him to the new brother.

James sat for a second. "Well, I would. I doubted him, but I think you're good, too. You just don't like to show it. You're more comfortable seeming like a jerk, but you're not. Not really."

"For fuck's sake. I was only showing basic human decency just now, if you think that makes me a good person you must be as fucked up as Sirius and me."

James shrugged. "Only a good person would consider it 'basic human decency.' So."

Regulus shook his head. He was tired. Tired of arguing with James, tired of very much not arguing with James, just tired. "Believe what you want," he muttered, "but I don't suppose it really matters."

James grinned, his first real smile since the boba shop. "Sirius wasn't kidding that you're stubborn, was he?"

Regulus scowled. "Just take me to my dorm, James."

He did.