“Take this.”
It was snowing and Lily’s heart was caving in upon itself in her chest, origami tissue paper folding, and folding, and folding until it was something small and shrivelled in her chest.
“I can’t, James.” Her breath clouded the cold air between them. It did nothing to hide the hurt in his eyes.
“Lily-”
“James.”
She took a step back. She did not want to look at him, at the way the corner of his lips is turned down, at the silvery brightness lining his eyes. She could not bring herself to look away.
James held out the beautifully wrapped box in mitt covered hands. “It’s not-”
Lily’s eyebrows crinkled. “It’s not what.” Her question was flat, cold like the snow beyond them.
“It’s not what you think it is.” James’ eyes were achingly earnest behind his glasses. She would have almost believed him if it wasn’t for Severus, what she had heard, what James had looked like, yesterday, with his wand out and her name in his mouth like he owned it.
“What do I think it is?” Lily crossed her arms over her chest. It had snowed last night, coating the hills with frosting, perfect for those who were spending Christmas at the castle. It was freezing, because it was Scotland. She was so ready to leave in the morning and go home for Christmas - she missed her cat and warmth, and the lack of idiotic wizards.
“I don’t want to put words in your mouth,” James said, carefully.
Lily scoffed. Those were her words, now, in his mouth. His beautiful, lying mouth.
“I think you think it’s an apology,” James said. “And I do need to apologise, and I know that, but this isn’t that.”
He brought his mitt towards his head, before remembering that he was wearing a hat and couldn’t tousle his hair the way he always did when she looked at him for too long.
“I got it before yesterday. As a Christmas gift.”
“You got me a Christmas gift?” It was a surprise, but only partly. They had been friendlier the past few months. They were Prefects together. Partners. People got their partners Christmas gifts. Lily had had one tucked away under her bed for him, a small chocolate snitch which she had been planning on giving to him right before she left. She had eaten it in full while crying the night before, cursing Potter and his stupid ideas of heroism which looked like bullying and always seemed to involve her somehow. She was an idiot for thinking he had changed.
“Of course.” James smiled at her tentatively. “I knew you wouldn’t want anything big from me, but I couldn’t help getting something.”
“And now it’s your start to an apology?” Bitterness was still lodged in Lily’s chest. Who was he to think he could just corner her and talk to her? Who was he to smile at her like that, like he cared beyond his stupid need for attention?
“No! No.” James shook his head frantically. His breath was fogging up his glasses, eyes obscured. “It’s just a Christmas gift before you leave tomorrow. I want you to have it. Even if you won’t talk to me after this – it’s yours.”
He took a step closer. Lily’s back tensed, but she didn’t move.
Not talking did sound pretty nice. And the wrapping paper was lovely: a soft green (her favourite colour, despite the lack of house pride), with a golden ribbon. The paper wasn’t even creased.
“C’mon, Evans. It’s Christmas.” There were snowflakes caught in the dark tendrils of hair that had managed to escape the confines of his hat. His nose was pink.
“Potter.”
“Yes?”
“Fine.” She glared at him, taking the box out of his hands gently. He didn’t move, still as a man trying not to scare off a doe in the woods. The box was light in her hands. Despite herself, she could feel a burning curiosity growing in her ribs – the contents of the box were desperately intriguing.
“Thank you.”
“You’re welcome,” James said, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his robes. She tried to ignore the glee coming off of him in waves. This was why she tried not to give in to anything he did. It made him far too happy.
Lily scowled.
“Potter.”
She turned and started walking back towards the castle doors, sure he would follow. There were no more children outside that they needed to monitor on their route. If she was honest, there hadn’t been for a while.
“Yes?”
James bounded after her eagerly, like an overly attached puppy. She was sure he was smiling.
“I ate your Christmas present last night.”
“My Christmas present?” James stopped.
She kept walking, ignoring the slow drip of snow into her boots. She was in desperate need of a warming charm and a cup of hot chocolate. She wanted to open the box where his attentive eyes weren’t watching.
“Wait! You got me a Christmas present?” James shouted, running up to her. His smile was blinding, brightening his face like the sun. She looked away, cheeks warm from the cold.
“Not anymore.”
“That’s okay, Evans.” James wrapped an arm around her. “I can wait ‘til next year.”
The certainty in his voice Lily think that maybe, just maybe, there would be a next year, where she liked him more than she loathed him.