SIRIUS
When James got home from his shift that afternoon, I automatically knew something was off. Usually, he came bursting through the door, excited to tell me about his day or some weird customers he had at the café, but that day he was completely silent. I walked up to him and took his jacket, helping him settle into our apartment. He started muttering something but I couldn’t hear a word of what he was saying so I led him to the couch and plopped down next to him.
“It’s Reg,” he finally said. I looked up into his eyes and I didn’t see a drop of humor.
“What?” I managed to say.
He took a deep breath and told me the whole story. The way James told stories was always interesting, it always made the listener sit on the edge of their seat. At every twist and turn of his stories, he calls for a reaction and always gets it. This time, his story made me sink further and further into the couch as if I would be able to dissolve into the couch and never have to think a thought again. When he finally finished his retelling, he leaned forward and rested his head in his hands. “He doesn’t use your nickname anymore, Sirius. He’s Regulus.”
“Regulus.” I echoed. For a horrible moment, a peak of sun came through the window and the world stopped. I stared at James and I wanted to hug him and kill him at the same time for the news he had just given me. How dare he tell me my brother doesn’t use the name I gave him, but at the same time I couldn’t be more grateful that he told me; I know now that my brother is okay. The moment passed and the sun hid behind another cloud and time started going again. James asked if I wanted tea and I accepted so he slinked over to the kitchen and started boiling the water in the kettle. After James finished making our tea, he handed me my mug and silently plopped down next to me on the couch.
“Regulus?” I prompted after we each took a couple of sips.
“Regulus,” he confirmed.
“He’s okay?” I looked up at him and he nodded. “Angry, I assume?” James nodded again. Selfishly, I was hurt that my brother was angry at me. I know every right was there to be mad at me, I would be mad at me too, but I couldn’t help being mad right back. I took the last couple of sips of my tea and stood up. “I’m gonna go call Remus.” I threw on my leather jacket and walked outside without waiting for James’ response.
When I got outside, I pulled my long black curly hair into a bun and zipped up my jacket despite the weather being in the transition period from Summer into Fall so it was still quite hot out. As people walked by in their t-shirts and shorts, I shoved my hands into the pockets of my leather jacket and walked down the block. The black leather jacket with a big red star on the back was my first purchase when I ran away to America with James. It was the first purchase I made with my own money and of my own accord outside of my mother’s harsh view of what I should be wearing. I always wore it, rain or shine, hot or cold. I guess my leather jacket was the same to me as a knight and his sword.
I crossed the street and sat down on one of the benches in the park. I shakily reached into my pocket and pulled out my phone, dialing Remus’s number and putting the phone to my ear. The phone rang a couple of times before Remus picked up.
“Hi Sirius!” he said cheerily. Remus was this American guy I had met at a bookstore almost six months prior. He had helped me pick out a book for someone’s birthday and next thing you know, he’s the one I wanted to call when my brother appeared out of nowhere.
“Hi Rem,” it was a rather new nickname for him that I was trying out. On the other end of the line, Remus paused, hearing the tension in my voice.
“Hey, you okay?” he asked. I sighed and repeated the whole story James had told me. When I was done, Remus was quiet for such a long time that I had to check to make sure he was still on the call.
“Rem?” I prompted.
“Yeah, sorry. That’s just… a lot.” he exhaled.
“Yeah, I know. Sorry.” I rubbed my eyes and stood up, unable to stay sitting any longer.
“Regulus is your twin right?” Remus asked after dismissing my apology. After I confirmed, he continued. “Are you going to reach out to him?”
“I don’t know, Rem. I want to reach out to him, you know? But I don’t know his phone number and I don’t know where he lives,” I sighed. “I miss him but I don’t think he misses me back.”
“He misses you, Sirius.”
“You don’t know that.”
“Listen, if I was away from you for six years, I would miss you too.” I could hear his smile through the phone. I was about to respond when I heard distant voices coming through the line. “Listen, I’ve gotta go, I’ll call you later?”
“Everything alright over there?”
“Yeah, sorry, I’ve just got a meeting right now, sorry. I’ll call you later, promise.”
“Okay, yeah, have fun in your meeting.” I shoved my phone back into my pocket and walked around the park, trying to get my mind off of Regulus, trying to think of anything but him.
I desperately wanted to find Regulus, to shake every single person in my vicinity until someone told me they’d seen him. I could feel my heart practically jumping out of my chest trying to find him, trying to guide me to my brother. When I left him in France, of course, I wanted to take him with me but if I stepped foot into that hellhole of a house, I was scared I would never see the light of day again. I had left that note in Regulus’ room, right on his bed where he would surely see it but he never followed my request. All these years, I wanted to jump on a plane and go back to France to steal my brother away from my parents, but as time went on I wasn’t sure if he even wanted to leave them. He was always the rule follower, mommy’s boy and daddy’s boy at the same time, while I was nothing to our parents. I would talk back when they would say horrible things about my friends, I would put myself in harm’s way when they would try to hurt Regulus. I would do everything I could to save him but he still hated me. At first, Regulus hating me was the worst thing in the world but after six years, it was bearable. Bearable, of course, until I figured out I could find him and talk to him again.
I walked around the fountain in the park, it always reminded me of a fountain near our house in France that Regulus and I used to walk to. After a little bit of standing and staring at the fountain and mourning my very alive brother, I left the park and started back home.