Turn Red
Evan
The attack has instilled a new fear in Evan. Killing. Evan doesn’t hurt people, at least not without good reason. He hates to see his friends in pain. Once Barty broke his toe and Evan couldn't stand to see him wincing in pain so he had to leave the room until Regulus got it sorted out.
Sure he’s beat people up from time to time, but they always deserved it. There was the Seversus incident, in which the greasy haired boy had insulted Sirius, which upset Regulus, which upset Barty, which led to Evan to join Barty and beat the shit out of him.
But he deserved it. Evan doesn’t hurt good people. He doesn’t hurt innocent family’s or children. It’s disgusting, absolutely foul, and he’s glad the person who did it is dead.
Secretly Evan hopes if we were put in the same situation he would be dead too. He couldn’t live with himself after that.
He doesn’t show it but Evan is kind at heart.. He just wants to protect the people he loves.
That's what he’s doing now. Voldemort can have him, Evan will go willingly if it means his people are safe.
He told his parents he would. So next year when Evan takes the mark it will be of his own will. He will do as Voldemort says of his own will. It terrifies him. Evan is watching his innocence slip away. But he does nothing to stop it.
For Pandora, for Felix. Is what he keeps telling himself. He will sacrifice his innocence for theirs.
What hurts even more is that he is not alone, Regulus’s brother is being dragged into the same situation. He will not be as willing as Evan.
There's something more, Regulus doesn’t share the full story with Evan. His friend is hiding something, but Regulus is always hiding something.
And then there’s Barty. He insists on joining Evan so that he won’t be alone but Evan would rather lock him up forever, than allow him to join the dark lord. Barty has a choice. Evan didn’t get that, he has to do this, but Barty wants to.
Their relationship has been extremely co-reliant. Barty is Evan’s boyfriend, but he is so much more. Barty is Evan’s everything. They are more than lovers. It’s like they’re the same person. Evan cannot function without Barty and Barty cannot function without Evan.
Loving him is intoxicating. Barty is a drug and Evan is an addict. Evan hates it. He hates loving Barty, but oh Evan loves loving Barty. His spontaneous nature, his confidence, his mentality, his extremes, his everything.
Barty doesn’t like things, he loves them or hates them, there is no inbetween. Barty does everything fully.
Evan loves him for it, but it’s terrifying. There is no doubt in his mind that if he jumped off a cliff Barty would follow.
That’s what’s happening right now, Evan is losing his future to a man he despises. He is losing his dreams to a murderer, Evan is jumping from the cliff, and Barty is right behind him.
Their love will consume them. It was always going to happen, they both knew this. But they don’t care. Even now Evan doesn’t care.
He would sacrifice anything to love Barty. It will hurt him, but that’s okay. Evan will die for Barty. He would die for Barty over and over again, just to love him for a second. It’s worth it.
Joining Voldermort will be worth it. As long as his people are safe.
Yet Evan can't help but worry. Something is off about Pandora. Everytime he looks at her she is somewhere else.
It feels like looking at a ghost. She isn’t quite here. His sister has always had ghost like qualities, but they are becoming more and more present as she ages.
In the beginning he was the only one who could see it but that’s not the case anymore. Everyone notices. When he talks to her the words go straight through her brain, and out the other side. Something isn’t right.
It’s scary because Evan can protect her from the world and keep her safe from Voldemort. He will punish anyone who harms her, yet he can’t protect her from herself.
With each year, he watches his twin fade.
No one comes to save her, maybe they don’t know how.
Evan was saved, Regulus did that. But for some reason Pandora is unreachable, he can’t pull her back from whatever force is taking her.
In first year Evan learned that humans are broken. While other animals have natural survival instincts, humans attack themselves.
The Rosier parents were always hard on their children, they expect great things, and good grades, they want perfection.
Evan’s not perfect, he tried, for them. But he could never achieve perfection. He tried until he couldn’t, suddenly his will to live was gone, Evan was tired, but he couldn’t sleep, hungry, but he couldn’t eat.
He didn’t know how to live. Until one day a small boy with black hair and green eyes gave him a hug. Regulus taught him how to survive. Not only that, but Regulus learned to survive himself.
Evan got better, but it seems that Pandora only gets worse.
That’s the issue with the Rosier twins is they can’t save each other.
***
Pandora
The floor is solid under her feet. Blood pumps through her body, she can feel the steady thud of her heart. Her lungs expand and contract. She can hear the quiet adjustment of feathers. The air smells of straw. She is looking into green eyes.
“Hi.”
Then Lily is looking away, attaching her letter to the foot of a little grey owl.
Pandora realizes she must look silly unmoving in the doorway. She’s never really talked to the gryffindor before and suddenly Pandora must know Lily Evans.
“That’s one of my favorites.”
She says gesturing to the owl who lets out a small hoot as Lily finishes tying the string around its foot.
“I’ve named it Squid.”
Finally Lily looks at her again, the owl fluttering out the window.
“Squid?”
The red head's expression changings into fond amusement, and as she lets out a chuckle Pandora wonders why on earth she’s never talked to Lily Evans before.
“Like the squid in the lake? I like it.”
Pandora can’t help the way her face warms, Lily is like a beacon of light.
“That one is my favorite.”
Lily points to larger white owls that has its eyes closed in a peaceful rest. It’s beautiful.
“She always lets me stroke her.”
Pandora sees the way Lily’s green eyes soften at the animal. There is so much care in her gaze, for a brief moment Pandora wonders what it’s like to be an owl.
“Have you named her?”
“Not yet.”
“Do you want to name her?”
“I don’t have any ideas.”
Pandora has a strange obsession with naming things, she always has ideas.
“What about Beluga? They could be named after animals.”
When Lily smiles, the skin around her eyes crinkles, making her whole face glow. Looking at Lily feels like looking at Karthos beetle, but a thousand times better. She is real, she is a person, and she’s right in front of Pandora.
“I love it. Her name will be Beluga.”
After the exchange Pandora finds an owl to carry her letter and Lily turns to leave. The room feels a little less warm.
Just before the gryffindor exits she turns, hopefully not alarmed, that Pandora is already looking at her.
“I like your necklaces.”
Pandora is so caught off guard that it takes a moment to get words out of her mouth.
“Thank you.”
Lily smiles again. AHH
“Thanks for naming Beluga.”
Pandora nods, warmth spreading through her body as she watches Lily leave.
***
Pandora heads towards the gryffindor dorm from the owlery. She wonders if Lily is there, part of her wanted to follow the girl, but she knows better.
Pandora is a bit nervous, she is meeting with Peter and his friends. They’ve decided they would be the perfect group to test the Mirthroot. Peter says his friends are trustworthy. Pandora isn’t convinced, hence the meeting today. She needs to talk to Sirius and James, Remus is alright.
The common room is quite empty when Peter opens the portrait for her. There are only a few six and seventh years scattered around the circular room studying. It’s a Saturday and most students are at lunch, so they should be undisturbed.
Peter leads her up the stairs into his dorm. The silence is loud as she enters. Sirius, James and Remus all go quiet. After an awkward moment Peter introduces her.
“This is Pandora”
The announcement seems to break the ice enough, as James tunes in.
“Hi, I’m James.”
“Sirius”
As if Pandora didn’t know who they were.
Remus looks her up and down before giving her a polite nod.
She hasn’t forgotten the help Remus gave her.
“So what is this mystery drug you have for us?”
Sirius asks eagerly.
Pandora, tired of standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, sits on a small patch of clean floor, punching a pair of trousers out of the way to make more space. Then starts digging through her bag to procure her research. Not that Sirius or James seem particularly interested in safety, but Lupin might want to see it.
“It’s Mirthroot.”
Sirius and James look at eachother stunned.
“You have Mirthroot?!”
“Like the dangerous kind?”
“I’ve never seen any around hogwarts.”
“We grew it.”
Peter says sitting next to Pandora as sets her notebook on the floor. Leading the other three boys to come to the floor as well.
“Our Petey boy grew Mirthroot? Behind our backs?”
Sirius gives Peter a firm pat.
“I’ve never been more proud.”
Pandora is feeling quite overwhelmed, Peter's friends are a lot so she focuses on Remus.
“Here, have a flip through, this is the majority of my research, and the process of diluting the root. Peter also has some research he can give you if you need to see more.”
Pandora's ears begin to ring a bit as Peter chats with his obnoxious friends. Remus flips quietly through the pages.
After about ten minutes Remus hands the notebook back.
“These are really thorough.”
“That’s the point.”
“I have one concern.”
Pandora knows what’s coming. She knows what he’s going to ask, but she doesn’t have an answer.
“How do you know this won’t be a repeat of last time?”
There it is. Now everyone is quiet. Sirius is staring at Remus and everyone else is looking at Pandora. She doesn’t know what to say. The Mirthroot fucked her up last time.
“Sorry you’ve taken mirthroot before?”
James asks, looking between Peter and Pandora.
“If you’ve taken it before, why do you need us to test it?”
Pandora freezes. She’s ashamed of what happened before. She can’t form words. Thankfully Peter steps in.
“We’re only two people. We wanted to do more extensive testing.”
This settles James and Sirius but Pandora can tell Remus isn’t satisfied.
As Peter pulls the root from his bag, Pandora’s mind starts to spin. She can’t take it again.
Peter tries to pass her a cotton swab, but she gives it to Remus.
“I’m not going to have any, so I can take notes.”
Remus gives the swab to James.
“I’m going to sit this one out lads. You lot can get really crazy, and we’ll need someone to keep you in check.”
One by one the boys take the root. Pandora jots down a few notes as they become silly, and watches for any side effects. Once they are all having a strange conversation about stones Remus turns to her.
“Can we talk about what happened last time?”
Pandora sighs. She doesn’t know what happened, or maybe she does, but she won’t admit that. A small part of her feels Remus already knows, nonetheless she owes him a conversation.
“Okay”
The boy pauses collecting his thoughts before he continues. Pandora likes this about Remus, he always thinks before acting.
“What did you see?”
“What?”
“When you took the Mirthroot, what did you see?”
She could lie. It would be easy, yet she doesn’t.
“Green. I saw the color green.”
Remus corks an eyebrow, clearly this isn’t the sort of answer he was expecting.
“But you were begging for someone to come back.”
“Yes, green. I wanted the green to come back.”
He looks at her dumb found, like none of this makes sense.
“I’m sorry but all of that was the result of a color? Green is very beautiful but you were in a right state.”
“I don’t expect you to understand.”
Suddenly Sirius is shouting at James and climbing all over him, “TAKE THAT BACK! MY HAIR IS THE BEST IN THE SCHOOL!”
Remus lets out a small chucke before continuing.
“Why did you react differently to the root than Peter?”
“Because I’m a different person than Peter.”
“I’ve read about Mirthroot before, the effects it leaves. I couldn't help but notice it says some groups of people are more susceptible to the root. Particularly those whose minds are the most expansive.”
Pandora feels a pit in her stomach. It shouldn’t be a big deal that she’s a seer. She just doesn’t want to accept it. Maybe if she doesn’t acknowledge it, it won’t be true.
“You’re a very insightful person Pandora.”
She doesn't have anything to say.
“How did you know I am a werewolf?”
His tone isn’t demanding or rude, it's soft and questioning. Pandora gives in.
“It was simple, all the pieces were there. I just had to put them together. The thing that confirmed it was your eyes.”
“My eyes?”
“People can lie with their expressions but their eyes always tell the truth. Yours are particularly forthcoming.”
Remus gasps and looks into space as he speaks.
“Fuck, my eyes are telling all my secrets. I feel betrayed.”
“It’s alright, most people don’t know how to look.”
By this time James, Sirius, and Peter are all laying on their backs and staring at the ceiling.
Pandora writes a final note as she watches them. Remus looks too, and Pandora sees one final secret in his gaze.
“He’s awfully thick Remus, your eyes might not be enough this time.”
Remus tears his eyes away from Sirius, his voice full of surprise and confusion.
“What?”
“You know what I said. Anyways, I have another commitment, I have to go.”
Pandora heads towards the door.
“Thanks for your observations today.”
With that she leaves. Her second commitment is her research she needs to add to her segment about the Karthos Beetle. Finally she has found her green but the mystery is still there. Pandora knows there is a meaning behind it, there is some sort of connection that she hasn’t mapped out yet. Really she needs to find a beetle again but the conditions won’t be right for months. Part of her wants to try during the next new moon but she knows it will be too cold. Plus the last one was only a few days ago so she’ll have to wait until December.
Despite better judgement Pandora thinks she will go into the forest during the December new moon, she won’t find her beetle but she can take note of the environment and maybe she’ll find a different animal to add to her book.