Little Fires Everywhere
Little Fires Everywhere
It’s exam season by the time Pandora has a plan to acquire Mirthroot seeds. Peter has been meeting Pandora in the back corner of the library every other week to exchange information about the plant. And create plans for growing. So far Pandora knows.
-Mirthroot seeds need a dark, warm, and loud place to germinate.
-Mirthroot will die if it’s watered with water. It requires mead, which helps the root exhaust a stronger smell.
-Mirthroot reaches maturity after three months
All of this information was courtesy of Peter. He’s a very smart kid, and Pandora likes him. He’s contemplative, and takes time to notice the world around him.
One day in mid May when Pandora was helping him with the history of magic he noticed a mouse scurrying under a shelf, and immediately jumped up to take the critter outside. Saying “Ms. Norris will kill it” if he doesn't save it. In that moment Pandora felt she could see his soul. Peter is kind, and gentle. He cares so deeply it may come back to hurt him. He possesses a quiet strength that goes unnoticed to most. But not Pandora. She can see it. She saw when he continued to cradle the mouse even after it bit him.
Many people think Peter is just the annoying boy who tags along with the popular kids. But he is so much more. He is smart, kind, gentle, brave, but most importantly. He cares. Peter cares so much about everything, life, school, friends. That is special. Pandora wants to be more like Peter one day. She wants to care like he does.
This process is going to take a lot of trust. Peter has offered to grow the Mirthroot, under his bed. Pandora turned him down at first, thinking it was too risky. She does not trust James Potter and Sirius Black around her precious plants. And fears they would start using the root, before she could sell it. But Peter assured her he would take the highest precautions, including magical reinforcements, so it could not be touched by his carless roommates.
“It’s as much for their safety as it is for the roots, my friends are idiots. Well, excluding Remus.”
Pandora found comfort in this statement, and reluctantly agreed.
Which brings her to today. It’s the last week of classes before exams. Pandora is quickly running out of time to acquire the rare seeds. She and Peter decided it’s not plausible to grow the root over the summer, so she plans to wait until next year, though it’s disheartening. Pandora knows it’s the safest option. Since, neither her nor Peter have a good place to grow the plant at home, and even if they did. Hiding it from their parents wouldn’t end well. The Rosier’s will not tolerate the growth of Mirthroot. Plus Pandora has an extra obstacle, in the shape of Evan.
Evan is very observant, or at least he used to be. Before they grew apart. Pandora wants him back. But deep down she knows parts of the old Evan are gone. She will never get all of her brother back from what overtook him in first year. She will never get him back from Regulus, and Barty. Which is okay. It’s fine, she has accepted that. But just for a moment she wants to know him again.
When they were young the twins were inseparable. It was like their minds had merged together. They knew what the other was thinking at all times. They could communicate without making a sound. Pandora and Evan, Evan and Pandora. That’s the way it was. They were a unit. Pandora could always feel her brother's presents. She knew where he was, and if he was okay. It’s hard to explain, but she could always feel him. It was like a warm glow in her heart. But as they started their first year, the glow started to fade. Until it was gone. Now Pandora’s heart feels hollow. There’s a hole where Evan’s love once was.
She thinks about him a lot. When she goes to bed. When she wakes up. When she dreams. Pandora dreams about Evan a lot. They are never good or bad dreams, they just exist. It’s kind of how her relationship with Evan feels. It’s not bad. It’s just there. They’re just siblings, and nothing more. Pandora begs the universe every night to bring them back together. She shuts the curtains around her bed, and pleads to the vast emptiness that is the universe, to bring them back together. She wants her twin back.
Nothing’s changed yet. Maybe she just needs to be patient. The universe is surely busy with more important matters. Pandora is insignificant. Compared to all the stars and moons, and galaxies in existence. She is just a girl. She isn’t important. Sometimes she wishes she was.
In all of space and time, she is nothing. Pandora is nothing. But if she is nothing, then why does she hurt? Why does she need her twin back? And so Pandora has decided the universe can spare a moment to help reunite her with her brother. It will take time and that’s okay. She’s only 15. She can wait. They have time.
***
June 22, 1975
Pandora has scheduled a meeting with Professor Sprout. She is going to try to convince the teacher to lend her Mirthroot seeds, for a “potion” Pandora is making over the summer. She’s created a whole story, about her 5 year old cat Howard who is living in pain. Pandora being the kind soul she is, formulated a potion that would rid her cat of his pain. And the last ingredient she needs is Mirthroot seeds.
It’s all made up, and truthfully Pandora feels shameful about it. Professor Sprout has always been kind to her. And here she is manipulating her, so she can create an illegal business. Pandora decides she’s going to grow some really beautiful flowers over the summer, and when she comes back to Hogwarts in the fall, she will put together a nice bouquet for Professor Sprout. The idea makes her feel marginally better about the situation.
She’s nervous as she walks down to the green houses. Peter told her, there are other ways if this doesn’t work, but from the tone of voice Pandora knows they aren’t ethical. She pauses outside of the door, taking a deep breath. The smells are nice around the green houses, it almost reminds her of the shade of green. Almost. She smells soil, and humidity, but not a musty sort of humidity, the kind that smells like rain.
It’s warm in the greenhouse. All the plants are growing large as summer approaches. It’s a shame there are no students to witness them in their full bloom over the summer. Pandora wishes she could see all the plants in their prime. How beautiful they would be. She’ll have to settle for her small garden at home.
Pandora spots Professor Sprout in the corner. She is taking her apron off, and whacking on the corner of the shelf to get the dirt off. Her hair though messy is glorious poof of brown curls. Her face is warm and soft when she turns to Pandora.
“Oh hello dear.” The witch says hanging her apron on the wall, and gesturing towards two tall stools, near a rather spikey red plant.
“Hello Professor” Pandora plops down on a stool, with a startle as it starts spinning.
“Is this meeting about your upcoming exams? If it is, I fear it’s too late for me to schedule any more study sessions.”
“No Ms. Sprout. It’s about a project I'm working on over the summer.” Pandora tries her best not to sound nervous.
“I see. And it involves herbology?”
“Sort of. You see my dear cat Howard is only five years old, but a few weeks ago I got the news from home that-that” Pandora makes sure to sniffle for good measure. “He’s been diagnosed with cancer” *snif* “and it’s-it’s only getting worse. It’s in his leg, and. Oh professor, he can barely walk. My poor baby is in so much pain.” *sinf*
“I’m very sorry to hear about your cat Rosier but, I don’t know that herbology can help him.” Professor Sprout looks very saddened by the news, which only makes Pandora feel more shameful.
“Well I've been thinking about him a lot. And-and I have a potion recipe, that if brewed correctly will, keep him from living in pain.”
“Roiser, I appreciate that you trust me with your cat, but I'm really not going to be much help. I would advise you to speak with professor Slughorn.”
“Actually, I was hoping you might be able to help me source an ingredient?” Pandora wipes her nose pitifully.
“Oh, alright then. What is it?”
“Mirthroot seeds” Pandora crosses her fingers, as she says it. But only two fingers, anymore would be bad luck.
“Mirthroot is a quite dangerous ingredient Roiser.” Professor Sprout says, eyeing Pandora carefully. Her lips are pulled into a line, giving her a look of deep concontraction. “Why should I trust you?”
Pandora tries not to freeze. “Professor Sprout. I have taken classes from you since second year, and not once have I betrayed your trust. I need the seeds for the sole purpose of helping my beloved cat live out his final days pain free. He was a gift from my-my grandpa-who's no l-longer *snif* with us” Pandora allows her eyes to water, and for a moment she forgets Howard isn’t real.
“I’m going to trust you girl. Don’t let me down.”
And with that the short which starts to rummage around the green house. Stopping in front of a locked wooden box. Ms. Sprout taps her wand on it clicking it open. She leans down into the box, and after a few moments resurfaces holding a small fabric pouch. She passes it off to Pandora.
As she takes it, it feels like she is holding solid gold. Pandora allows herself a small smile.
*snif* “Thank you Professor. This means a lot to me.”
“Be responsible with it.” The woman gives Pandora a stern look, before turning soft again. “Now get out here, and don’t tell anyone I gave you that.”
Pandora doesn’t need to be asked twice. She speedily walks towards the door, throwing another thank you over her shoulder. She lets the door shut behind her, carefully tucking the sack into the pocket of her favorite patched dress. She made it last summer, and has declared it her lucky dress, it never disappoints.
She takes a detour to the quidditch pitch to visit Peter before she heads back to the castle. He’s exactly where she expected him to be. Watching the Gryffindor team practice, next to Remus Lupin. Pandora doesn’t know if she can trust Lupin with her secret. He seems like a very sensible person. Which leads her to believe he would report her to Dumbledoor. She’s never had a good experience with the man. And has always felt slightly on edge while he’s around.
She decides to say hi to Peter, but she’s not going to spill the news of her success just yet. She is patient.
“Hi Peter!” Pandora says walking up to the small boy.
“Pandora. Hullo.” He gives her a confused smile from his seat on the bleachers. Though it’s nothing compared to the look she gets from Lupin. It’s confusion, judgement, and threat all in one.
“What are you doing here?” Peter asks.
“Just fancied a stroll. And thought, hm. I would like to see Peter right now.” She responds semi truthfully.
“oh.”
Something shifts in Peter. He looks at his shoes for a moment. Pandora loves his shoes, they look like him. It’s a pair of well loved green Adidas.
While Pandora watches Peter, she feels a set of eyes on her. Lupin's gaze is intense, though he looks a bit ill. He’s sizing her up, trying to see what she wants with his friend. It’s a little scary. Pandora feels like she’s being hunted by a wild animal.
This is the closest she’s ever seen Lupin. He has scars on his body. She’s never seen any marks like them before. It’s almost like an animal put them there. Where did they come from? Pandora wonders, as Peter speaks.
“Do you want to watch the practice with us?”
Pandora would, but she needs to get these seeds back, and do some last minute revising for her exams. She doesn’t agree with the school system. And wouldn’t study for any classes she didn’t want to but, if she fails she will be expelled. And Pandora will not be expelled. So she must revise. On another note, Lupin is still looking at her and it’s quite frightening.
“Sorry. I need to do some revising. But I’ll be in the library, if you want to join.”
Peter looks a little disheartened, brushing his light hair out his eyes. “Alight.” He pauses, and looks at Pandora. Really looks at her. “Thank you Pandora. It’s been really nice knowing you.” He’s smiling at her now. It sends a spark of warmth through her body.
“No need to thank me. Peter, it's a pleasure.”
Peter lights up a little. And Pandora can feel the gaze of Lupin shift. It’s softer now, like a dog that’s just learned to trust. Oh. Pandora looks at him. He’s tall and lanky, a little pale, but otherwise he seems healthy. The boy has many scars, but he’s still here. They make him look rugged. It’s inexplicable really. From that one look, Pandora knows. She can feel it. She’s always had a strange connection to animals, it’s like they can understand her better than humans sometimes. And Lupin is part animal. She lets new information settle in her brain, before she smiles at him.
“Bye Pete. Take care of yourself Lupin.”
Peter waves her good bye, and Remus stares after her, his eyebrows furrowed in look of confusion, amusement, fear, and gratitude. It is quite impressive that he can express so much from one look. Or maybe he just circulates through them really fast, who knows.
She thinks about the friend group all the way back to her dorm. They’re is more to them than they let on. They have secrets. Everyone does. But it’s easy to forget. So simple to trust what you see on the surface. So hard to discover what lurks below.
***
After covering her transfiguration study guide, Pandora ventures to the dungeons. Peter did end up joining her for about an hour, before disappearing to do who knows what with his friends. He squealed when she showed him the seeds. Their plan is working seamlessly so far.
She’s seeing her friends tonight. That’s why she has to walk through the cold lower layers of the castle. She doesn’t like it down here, it feels claustrophobic.
She plays with her bracelet as she walks through the echoey halls. It's a bit of a nervous, fidget of hers. It’s hard to be around her friends sometimes. For one thing they are all Slytheryns and she’s a Ravenclaw. For another she’s been more distant this year. Often backing out of plans and leaving hangouts early. It’s been a few weeks since she last saw them.
She feels oddly nervous as she taps her wand on the familiar section of blank wall, asking for entrance. It slowly slides open revealing the dark slytherin common room. She’s gotten a lot of shady looks from the other Slytherin students, but no ones ever said anything about her being in their common room. She suspects her friends have something to with that, they know an awful lot of hexes.
She quickly locates her friends sitting in their favorite stoney corner. Barty and Regulus are sitting in a love seat. Well Regulus is sitting. Barty is slouched over the arm of the seat, arse in the air. He’s droning on about something, but all of his words are coming out mumbled as his face is squished against the fabric of the chair. Dorcas and Evan are sprawled across a large couch. Pandora takes her place next to Dorcas. Trying to tune into the conversation they were having before she arrived.
“Mhm-faher-stuud-ucking-basthmh” Barty mumbles into the cushion.
“Pandora save me! All these blokes ever do is complain about their family’s.” Dacas gestures helplessly at the boys.
“Is it the America thing again?” Pandora wonders.
“YESSS, my bastard father’s increased it to a monthhh!” Barty winges. He’s been upset about a holiday his dad’s forcing him to go on this summer.
“He’s making me come to these meetings with some official, or shit. Swear to salazar if this guy tries to make me take a ministry position after school. I’m gonna fucking riot” Barty has readjusted so now his words aren’t mumbled.
“Come off it Barty” Evan insists. “A visit to America isn’t the end of the world.”
“No. But a month with my dad is.” His face dims. And as his countenance becomes more solemn, Evans follows.
Pandora can see the connection between them. The one she wants desperately. Come back please. I want to know you again.
“Sorry Dorcas, I don’t think there’s anything I can do. They’re too far gone.”
Darcas sighs, looking at Pandora searchingly.
“How have you been?”
“Good” Pandora responds reflexively. She is always good, even when she’s not. Even when she is alone, when all she can think about is a random color of green that she can’t find anywhere. Truthfully Pandora is losing her mind. But she still responds with “good”.
“How are you really doing?” Dorcas is more firm this time. Pandora thinks, zoning out to the noise of the boys arguing about whose summer is going to be the worst. Well, Barty and Evan are arguing and Regulus is trying to get them to shut up.
“I’m good, really Dorcas.” Dorcas squints her brown eyes sceptically.
“Do you think your summer will be okay?”
“Yeah, my parents have been too busy to care what me and Evan are doing. And we can keep Felix busy.” As she says it she can feel Evans eyes on her. Something doesn’t feel right. Dorcas looks at Evan and then back to Pandora.
Evan sighs exasperated. “Um-Pandora, I’m not going to be around much this summer.”
“What?”
“Mum and dad have found me a summer internship in London. I’ll be busy six days a week.”
“Oh.” This news hurts, it hurts a lot and Pandora doesn’t even know why. Maybe it’s the fact that her parents have always overlooked her because she is a girl. Or the fact that she's going to be alone. But suddenly her eyes are starting to water. She’s always been “weak” and “sensitive”, as her parents put it. Pandora likes to believe that deep down she is strong. But she’s not. She is just a weird loner, who no one really likes.
As she collects herself, Barty and Regulus watch. It makes her feel itchy. Especially Reg. It’s like he’s dissecting her with his eyes. Sometimes she wonders if he’s a legilimens. Because every time he looks at her she feels like his icy green eyes are shooting straight through her.
“When does it start?”
“The day after we get home.”
“What’s it for?”
“I’ll be shadowing a man who studies magical bloodlines. Apparently he specializes in the preservation of pure magical blood.”
Pandora feels a pit in her stomach. Oh course her parents would set Evan up like this. She’s always hated their blood purist ideals, and Evan used to agree with her. But now? Well she doesn’t know him anymore.
“Are they forcing you?”
“No. But you know how they are.”
She nodes.
Pandora thinks back to the day Evan broke his wrist. Her parents were mad. They were so mad, not that their son was hurt, but because a large branch of their ancient family tree had broken. It’s not that they hate their children. But they do everything they can to avoid interaction with them. Pandora and Evan grew up with a nanny. Her name was Ester. She was a stern older woman, who was very proper. She wasn’t a good mother figure, but she cared for the twins more than their parents ever did.
Ester was fired last year. Pandora doesn’t know why. Sometimes she misses her. Not often, but occasionally she’ll catch a whiff of eucalyptus, and be reminded of Esther's soap. She would always wear a plain grey dress, and tie her silver hair into a tight bun.
The day before she was fired, Ester gave Pandora a hug. It was the best hug she’s ever received. It was tight, and lasted a few seconds too long. When Ester pulled away her usually stoney countenance had cracked. A singular tear fell down her cheek.
That’s when Pandora knew something was wrong. Ester left the next day. She hasn’t seen her since.
Felix is only five, he won’t remember Ester. At least he has Pandora. She’ll make sure her little brother knows love.
Pandora looks at her friends. Barty and Regulus are now fighting about Reg’s study habits. Dorcas chiming in every now and then. They seem happy. Calm. Evan is looking at her. She looks back. As they lock eyes she feels something break between them. He’s getting farther away.
“Evan. This summer i’ll-i’ll miss you.”
“I know.”
That’s all she gets from her brother before she’s whisked into a game clue with everyone.
She smiles as she wins, and laughs at Bartys story, about sneaking out and stealing the game from a muggle shop.
When they pass a joint around she takes a drag. It makes her feel funny. Pandora lays on her back and zones out as her friends drone on about families and summer, and school, and life, and the future and everything. She can hear them, but she’s not listening.
At some point she decides to leave.
“Will I see you again before school gets out?” Dorcas asks.
“I’m not sure.” Pandora doesn’t really want to see them again before summer. But she can’t say that. “I’m quite busy” She keeps walking towards the door, feeling drained.
Pandora is zoning out again, as her friends bid her goodnight. She feels the cool air of the corridor hit her face when the brick entrance slides open. It’s refreshing.
But before she can step out into the blissful chill of the hallway, footsteps approach her.
Shit. It’s probably past curfew. Pandora prays it’s not the slytherin perfect, Lastrange. He’s brutal with his punishments, and she just wants to go to bed.
Bracing herself Pandora turns around.
Thank the gods. “Have I forgotten something?” Pandora feels her pockets making sure she still has her wand and everything.
“No. I just wanted to make sure your parents don’t destroy letters or anything?” Regulus asks.
“Letters?”
“You know, if you receive too many letters, your parents get suspicious, and angry.”
“My parents don’t get upset over letters.”
“Good, because I’m sending you some this summer.”
This catches Pandora very off guard. No one sends her letters, not even Emmaline, and they’re roommates. So why would Regulus, of all people, want to write to her?
“Why would you do that?”
“Because, I know siblings can be complicated, and I don’t want you to feel lonely.”
“Oh.” That’s the kindest thing Regulus has ever done. He always seems so cold, and stoney. Pandora’s never been able to chip away at him. But this is special. Regulus has a weak spot. His brother. Pandora can see it now. It’s in his eyes, they shift, and the icy tone within them warms. Only a touch, but she can see it. Regulus can say he hates his brother all he wants. And maybe he does, but there is love within this boy.
“Thank you Regulus. That means a lot.”
The warmth in him is gone as fast as it came. His green eyes are icy once more, as he turns and leaves.
Pandora stands there for a moment thinking. There’s a lot more to Regulus than she sees, he is a mystery. She doesn’t really know him at all. But there's a pressure in her chest that tells her she wants to. It’s not the deep longing, and despair, she gets when thinking of Evan. It’s gentle, like the feeling of rain on your skin. Or a wave tickling your feet. It leaves her wanting more. Who are you?