Chapter 1
The Potters live in a sprawling home on a big plot of land a two hour’s drive outside of the city. Back when James was young, it was just the three of them; and then when Sirius decided he’d had enough of the Black family antics, it was the three of them and Sirius. And then, finally, after university finished and Sirius gently coaxed Regulus back into his life, there were the Potters, James, Sirius, and him. There are two dogs that used to be farm dogs back when the Potters had a little flock of sheep out back, but who have since retired to the house (old things that lounge about on rugs and dozens and dozens of overstuffed dog beds), and a cat that used to live in the barn and who has since also retired to the house.
Even after Sirius lured him back with promises of ‘making up for lost time’, Regulus felt a bit like an outsider at the Potters. Years have passed since he took up residence in the spare room next to James’, and even though they leave it done up just for him for the hols and the odd weekend trip he takes up to the country, Regulus can’t settle the nerves blooming in his stomach as his car trudges up the snowy driveway.
He doesn’t have time to acknowledge them, though, because as soon as he’s shifted his car into park the front door is thrown open and Sirius storms through it wearing a pair of rubber boots several sizes too large and a coat that has to belong to Monty.
“Regulus!” He’s not even all the way out of the car before Sirius embraces him.
“Get off me,” he complains, eyes narrowed. Sirius is affectionate, but he’s never this affectionate.
“Oh come off it, Reg, big smiles. It’s the happiest time of year, you know.”
“You’ve gotten all soft since you met that one,” Regulus sighs, gesturing to the door where Remus is waiting sensibly on the other side of the threshold. He’s watching the two of them with a bemused smile, wearing a gigantic jumper, socked feet firmly on warm, dry ground inside.
Snow crunches under their feet as they haul Regulus’ bags in from the back of his sedan, Sirius carrying the brunt of the load.
Inside, the house is as familiar as ever. Rich wood trim and warm, thick rugs under their feet. It’s exploded with color, mostly reds, golds, and greens, garlands wrapped around and around the banisters and oversized baubles dangling from the ceiling. It smells like a cheerful mix of pine and sweet pastries baking, and Regulus is sure there’s no less than three Christmas trees in varying states of decor dotted around the house.
“Your room is ready,” says Sirius, batting Remus’ hands away when he tries to take one of Regulus’ bags. They exchange a meaningful, suspicious look, and then Remus disappears back toward the kitchen.
“You’re acting weird,” Regulus accuses.
Sirius shrugs.
He wants to ask where James is. The question weighs heavy on the back of his tongue all the way up the stairs, but he doesn’t want to deal with the sympathetic look it’ll earn him, like he’s some pathetic, pining thing. It’s been years, he reminds himself, and would like to remind Sirius out loud. It’s been years, and I’ve survived every run-in so far. Just because this particular run-in is happening in his house and falls on a holiday doesn’t mean I won’t make it through. And anyway, I’m over him.
“Regulus?” Sirius is blinking at him from the door to his bedroom, and there it is without saying a thing, that pinched-lip sympathetic frown he was so afraid of.
Ugh.
“Sorry.” Regulus follows the rest of the way, dumping his backpack on the trunk at the end of his bed and busying himself pulling out chargers and toiletries. Sirius takes up residence in the chair by the window. The curtains have been opened already, crisp winter light spilling into the room and casting everything in long shadows. It’s one of Regulus’ favourite views in the world, peeking out over rolling hills, and, once, the pastures where the sheep lived. It’s a far cry from the busy streets of London..
“So.” Sirius claps his hands in front of him. Regulus glances up from where he’s unpacking, eyes narrowed. “We need to talk.”
Regulus’ stomach sinks. He can’t quite wipe the frown off his face.
“About?”
“James.”
He gives a full body wince, and turns pointedly to his suitcase instead. He’ll only be here for a few weeks, through Christmas and New Year’s, so there isn’t all that much unpacking to do. He pulls out jumpers and sets them neatly in the chest of drawers; he’ll need to re-fold his trousers to smooth away wrinkles and hang his nicer shirts up in the closet. It takes Sirius several long seconds to begin speaking.
“He hasn’t arrived yet.”
“Oh? He’s coming though, right?”
Regulus’ heart is beating harder than perhaps it should be. Of course James is coming, this is his house with his parents and his favourite holiday.
“Mhm. He’s coming. And he’s bringing someone.”
Regulus stalls halfway through folding a pair of corduroys. “Peter joining?”
“Oh yeah, Peter’s coming up for New Year’s. But it’s not… He’s bringing Henry.”
Regulus gives his brain a quick wrack and tries to remember a Henry. He knows most of Sirius’ friends from secondary and university, and most of James’ friends are just Sirius’ friends. But he can’t think of a Henry. He turns his puzzled look on Sirius, encouraging him to go on.
Sirius isn’t quite looking at him. His eyes are instead locked on a stray thread hanging from his comforter. Regulus follows his gaze and plucks it off, wrapping it nervously around and around his finger.
“They met a while ago. Six months, maybe? Got serious pretty fast, so James figured it was time to bring him around for the holidays, and anyway his parents don’t live all that far from here so it was a win-win either way.”
“What do you mean?” Regulus asks, suddenly exasperated. James met some guy six months ago and now he’s bringing him around for Christmas. It isn’t unlike James to collect strays – look at how he brought Sirius into the folds of his family. But he sort of thought he’d dropped that habit, unless…
“Oh.”
Sirius winces.
“Yeah… Look, I was going to tell you over the phone but I thought you might not come if I did and we haven’t spent Christmas together in a few years.”
The floor feels a little bit wobbly under his feet, so Regulus perches on the edge of his bed. The knot in his stomach is quickly growing, making him feel all sorts of nauseous.
“It’s been years, Reg,” Sirius says sympathetically, which is annoying, since that’s usually his line. “I think it’s probably time you both moved on?”
Regulus blinks heavily several times and stands up abruptly to stride toward the closet. “I have moved on,” he argues. “Just because I’m not dating right now doesn’t mean I haven’t moved on. Can you… I need to shower, unpack, can you stop hovering and let me do that?”
Sirius stays seated for another few seconds before he gives a great sigh and pushes himself up and out of the armchair.
“Sure,” he says, chewing on his bottom lip. “But don’t hide up here, Effie has a whole welcome dinner planned.”
“Great.” The absolute last thing Regulus wants to do is sit down for dinner with James and Henry. “I’ll be there. Now go.”
He can hear the hubbub when James arrives, which tells him that Sirius told the whole lot of them to lie low when he did. It makes him itchy, to know that Sirius had to sit Effie and Monty down and have a talk. He probably told them that he’d be all sorts of cagey about James, and that it would be difficult news to break, of James and his new boyfriend, so he best do it alone. If there’s one thing Regulus hates more than almost anything in the world, it’s being talked about like that.
Monty’s voice carries loudly up the stairs, and even though Regulus aches to go down and say hello to the people who became better-than-parents, the thought of seeing James and laying eyes on Henry still makes him feel ill. So does listening to the sound of creaking floorboards on the other side of his bedroom door as the two of them pass by in the hall. He realizes with a startled jolt that they’ll be on the other side of the bloody wall. A door opens, and in the next moment James laughs loudly. It’s still the loveliest sound he’s ever heard, too-loud, over-exuberant. It’s joined by a quieter laugh, the sound of shushing, and then the door closes and it’s all too muffled to make out.
He doesn’t make it down the stairs until half-past seven when the smell of baking pastries changes to the smell of roasted chicken. He takes careful steps through the hallway like he’s afraid one or the other of his floor-mates will poke their head out of the bedroom to greet him. Honestly, he’s not sure which one would be worse: Familiar James, or unfamiliar Henry.
But neither Henry nor James are in their bedroom, both of them are in the kitchen and so, when he rounds the corner, there isn’t a single thing he can do to avoid either of them.
It’s a cacophony of noise all at once, which is a good thing, because in the several hours he spent alone in his bedroom he’d nearly convinced himself that nobody wanted him here in the first place.
Effie is the first to greet him. Her hands smell like rosemary when she takes his cheeks in them, bringing his face close to hers so she can smother it in kisses. Monty takes him into his arms next, squeezing him so tightly his feet leave the floor and asking him emphatically about work and the drive and whether or not there are enough comforters on the bed.
And then it’s James’ turn. James, who used to crowd him into corners in this very kitchen, who used to greet him with fingers threaded through his hair and plush lips on his own. James, who stands up from the kitchen bench and hugs Regulus like they’re old friends.
“Hi!” He says excitedly into his ear, squeezing him around the shoulders. It lasts all of a second, before his warm arms retract and he backs up several steps to the table. “Regulus, this is Henry. Henry, Regulus. He’s Sirius’ brother, the one I told you about.”
And just like that Regulus has been reduced once again to Sirius’ baby brother.
He looks desperately around the room to find someone else, anyone else to focus on, but the only person looking back at him is Remus. He watches with a sympathetic frown as Henry crosses the tile floor and seizes Regulus’ hand in his own, smiling a wide, white-toothed smile.
“It’s so nice to meet you!” He exclaims. “I’ve heard so much about you.”
I’m sure you haven’t heard anything that matters, Regulus thinks wryly.
Dinner is terrible. It’s almost bad enough to send Regulus up for his bags and out to his car to make the long drive back to the city. He sits wedged between Sirius and Monty against the wall so he can’t escape, across from Henry who is annoyingly handsome. He has brown hair that falls to his earlobes and curls at the nape of his neck, warm skin and dark eyes. They look absolutely nothing alike. Henry is well-muscled, he looks like he goes to the gym regularly and he’s nearly as tall as James is. He speaks in concise, well put-together sentences and nods a lot while he listens. Regulus learns that he’s in business, real estate specifically, that he doesn’t have any pets, that he’s planning on taking James to Bermuda next year if it all works out well.
Next year is only a few weeks away, but it still feels awfully fucking presumptuous.
Henry and James disappear not long after dinner to do some shopping, winking conspiratorially at Effie and murmuring something about the finishing touches on Christmas presenta. Effie and Monty disappear shortly after, yawning and stretching and insisting that nobody touch a single dish until morning. Sirius gets up right away anyway and rolls up his sleeves to wash them at the kitchen sink. The kitchen is dim, lit by the lights recessed under the cabinets and above the stove. That, the wine he’s drinking, and the general stress of the evening, make Regulus drowsy enough that climbing the stairs to his bedroom feels like a monumental task.
“What do you think?” Remus asks him over his glass. He’s drinking red, his lips are stained and his cheeks are flushed pink. Regulus likes Remus, always has, really. When he first came around, Sirius went absolutely stupid over him, fawning and stumbling over words. Remus took it all wonderfully in stride and turned out to be just as smitten with Sirius as Sirius was with him. Privately, though Regulus would never say it out loud, he’s glad Sirius is finally getting the sort of love he deserves.
What he does not like about Remus is that he’s so good at reading people, himself included.
Regulus fixes his eyes somewhere above Remus’ right shoulder and shrugs.
“I think he’s fine.”
Remus makes a little, curious noise and pushes his dessert around on his plate with his fork.
“Seems nice enough,” he supplies. “The no pets thing is a bit of a red flag, don’t you think?”
Sirius glares at Remus from the sink, flicking a soap bubble across the kitchen.
“You agreed with me last time I said it!” Remus squawks.
Regulus swallows the lump lodged in his throat with another sip of wine. He’ll have to be careful or else he won’t be able to make it upstairs at all. Already the room feels pleasantly fuzzy, and his tongue feels heavy in his mouth. Not heavy enough to keep from bad-mouthing James’ new boyfriend.
“He’s good looking, that’s for sure.” Regulus says, squinting down at the cake he hasn’t managed to finish. “Looks too much like James, though.”
Sirius and Remus exchange a look that Regulus pretends he doesn’t see.
“It’s just a bit weird, don’t you think?” Regulus carries on. “To date someone who looks just like you. He’s not James’ type.”
“I think it’s time for bed.” Sirius announces. It’s only just after ten, James and Henry aren’t even home yet, but even Regulus has to admit that the allure of his comforter is strong.
Regulus drags his feet all the way there, listening to the sounds of Sirius washing the last of the dishes. The rest of the house is quiet, except for the dogs snoring in the living room and the gentle purrs of Tilly the cat winding between his feet as he climbs the stairs. She follows him right into his bedroom like she knows he’s feeling downtrodden and watches with big yellow eyes as he discards his clothes in a heap on the floor. By the time he’s changed and crawling under the covers, she’s settled herself next to the pillow, so Regulus curves his body around her and lets her gentle rumbling lull him to sleep.