It's a long, long road
From which there is no return
While we're on the way to there
Why not share?
And the load
Doesn't weigh me down at all
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
He's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
He ain't heavy, he's my brother
Sirius watched as the fainting stars let way to an early sun. Regulus wasn’t there tonight. Perhaps that was an unfair way of putting it, pretending things were one way, when they were not. Placing the blame in places where it doesn’t belong. The sun was just too close this month for the star to be visible. Still he kept staring at the sky, willing the little dot to appear just out of his own stubborn will.
‘Oh, it’s cold here,’ Remus muttered from behind him. Sirius looked back and saw him standing in a thin t-shirt, clutching his arms to his body.
‘Come here then, I’ll warm you,’ Sirius said.
Remus wrapped his arms around Sirius and hummed appreciatively. ‘Much better.’ He placed a kiss on Sirius’ hair. ‘What are you doing?’
‘Just, thinking.’ Sirius casted his eyes back to the sky. The first rays of sunlight were casting orange highlights on the buildings.
‘Thinking off?’
‘Mhm, life.’
Remus chuckled. It sounded muffled as he pressed his face against Sirius’ neck. ‘You always have a way with words.’
‘I’ll have you know; I speak 4 languages.’
‘Ah oui, oui. Je sais (ah yes, yes. I know),’ Remus said in his accented French.
‘Tu t'améliores à ça (you’re getting better at that),’ Sirius said, softly.
‘Oui, oui, amour. (Yes, yes, love)’
Sirius chuckled. ‘Sure, love you too.’
A comfortable silence fell over the two of them. Remus started to gentle sway them in his arms, hooking his chin on Sirius’ shoulder. The birds were rising with the sun, sounding louder than they had all summer. It was strange that such a peaceful day could exist right in the middle of everything. ‘Are you ready for today?’ Sirius asked after a while.
‘No,’ Remus replied honestly.
‘Me neither, doesn’t seem to be getting any easier, the longer we do it.’
‘At least you’ll be there. I can keep an eye on you.’
‘Yeah, I think being in the midst of it with each other is always better than waiting at home, anxiously, like one of those wives on the telly. When will my husband return home from war?’ He held his hand up to his forehead, feigning distress.
‘Yeah, that’s usually what I imagine you do when I’m away,’ Remus said, pressing a kiss to Sirius’ neck.
‘Good. You should always think of me missing you. It’ll make sure you will come home.’
‘I’ll always come home to you.’
Sirius knew how hard it was to say convincingly. He barely believed it himself most of the time. This was war. Sometimes people don’t come home. Still, Remus voice was soft and resolute, and the morning air took those words and blew them out into the universe like a protection spell.
He took Remus hand and pressed it against his lips, held it there to take in the comforting warm smell of Remus before pressing a kiss against it. ‘I love you.’
‘I love you too.’
***
The mission was relatively straight forward but undoubtably dangerous. There had been intel by one of Dumbledore’s spies that there might be an attack on Diagon Ally. Since it wasn’t the strangest place for Order members to be, and thus not reveal that they had a spy with Voldemort, Dumbledore felt secure enough to send a troupe of reinforcement to the already paroling members.
The disguises were varied and some better than others. Sirius had used some spells to colour his hair lighter and grow out a beard. He was wearing a fancy gown and used all the pose he had so desperately fought to forgot to blend in seamlessly with the mostly pureblood wizards that were the only once who really dared to roam the streets these days. Remus was with him. He overdid his limp in order to get away with poor posture and his hair had been greyed further with a spell, so he looked quite comically senior, a cane next to his side and glasses perched on his nose.
‘You know, I’m actually happy about this,’ Sirius said as they walked past shops.
‘Oh, you shut up,’ Remus already interjected.
‘You don’t even know what I was going to say.’
Remus shot him an unamused look.
‘Yep, still sexy. Just good to know I have something to look forward to.’
‘You are actually impossible, Laurent.’
‘Well, Eoin, I’m just making myself excited for the future. Important in times like these.’
The fake names had been sort of a mimic started by James when they first had to use disguises. Moody had told them just not to use any names as they weren’t supposed to talk to anyone anyway, but James had insisted that it would completely take him out of his role. So, now every mission they took up a new name. It didn’t matter anymore if they were in disguises. They had all noticed how it helped. To compartmentalise everything. When there was a battle, or a war, Sirius would be Laurent, or Harrington, or Eliot, and when he was home, and safe, he would be Sirius.
They stopped in front of a cloak shop, pretending to be interested in the garments in the window display. ‘I think the green one is very nice,’ Sirius said, putting up a slightly French accent.
‘It’ll looks great with your dinner suit.’ Remus, who against all odds, was quite a brilliant actor. He leaned forward to inspect the cloaks. ‘Oh, but no that isn’t good at all. Do you see those buttons, that is clearly stitched on by hand. We can’t have any of that, imagine the scandal.’
Sirius tutted. ‘You would think they wouldn’t advertise it like that. Hand-sewn buttons all on display. The disgrace. I think we shall have to go somewhere else.’
The walked on, pretending to enjoy a leisurely day in town, while the whole time they were hypervigilant at every noise, and every sketchy person. He recognised more people than he had expected. Most of them were other purebloods that had often come to family gatherings when he was younger, but none of them were known Death Eaters and none of them looked particularly sketchier than they already do.
They spend an hour like that, strolling around finding no leads or suggestions that any attack was to happen. That was until, Remus muttered under his breath: ‘to the right. I can smell them.’
Sirius nodded, but didn’t look. They walked on, stopping at the closest shop to pretend to do some window shopping again. He wanted to cast muffliato but that might make them too conspicuous. ‘How many cauldrons did we need?’
‘At least 5.’ Remus said, catching onto the coded language immediately.
‘Just the one’s on display do you think?’
‘Might want to check if they have anything downstairs.’ Remus said, cocking an eyebrow.
Sirius frowned slightly. ‘I didn’t know they had a downstairs.’
Remus just nodded.
‘Should I check with the missus first, or shall we purchase them immediately?’ If it was any other situation, he would absolutely burst out laughing calling Prongs his wife. He made a mental note to tell him about it after the mission.
He saw on Remus face the slight hint of a smile. ‘She did say it was a matter of urgency, better not come back empty handed.’
Remus was right. They were there to stop the attack and losing any trail of Death Eaters will not help that. They went into the shop, where the shopkeeper greeted them excitedly.
‘Hello, let me know if I can help you with anything.’
Remus ignored the man and walked up to the wall on the right, the one connecting the ally next to the shop. He pretended to look at the potion while Sirius went up to the shopkeeper.
‘Yes, I think you might. I’m a hobby potioneer myself and I have been experimenting with somethings, just little concoctions, you know how it is. Anyway, I’ve been trying to make a nice little draft of peace, because well, my wife gets a bit antsy sometimes, always talking about her nerves. But yes, I seem to be getting it wrong. Do you have any tips for me as a talented potioneer yourself?’ Sirius rattled on, just long enough for Remus to have walked right up to them and mutter a stunning spell at the shopkeeper. Sirius caught him just in time and lowers him gently to the floor.
Their eyes met, before Sirius followed Remus to the back rooms of the shop. As Sirius had been hoping, there was a staircase leading down. Remus pointed at it and cocked his head questioning. He nodded in response holding his wand out.
It was quite stupid, going directly into suspected enemy territory without any protection except their own wand, or any way to disguise themselves.
They did it anyway. The stairs, thankfully, weren’t creaky and they made it down quite soundlessly. The cellar seemed empty, and when Remus cast a revelio charm it indeed came up clear. Despite that, there were definitely signs people had been here and left in a hurry. It could be the shopkeeper going up quickly to help customers, but Sirius doubted it. They searched in vain for any secret tunnels in the shop before making their way back up the stairs, outside.
Sirius shot a look at Remus, who took a breath in before nodding. The alley beside the shop was dark, but at first glance no signs of life. They walked forward confidently, still in character.
‘Your disguise is awful,’ a sharp voice said before Sirius could feel a wand press up against the back of his neck.
He turned with a smile. ‘Thought you would appreciate that I finally ditched the muggle clothes for a chance.’
Regulus sighed. ‘Leave, Sirius, I am not afraid to curse you.’
‘Where are you buddies?’
‘It’s just me. I am the only one who knows anything about potions around here.’
‘An army full of Slytherins and you’re the best they can do. Surely ol’ snivvely can give you a hand,’ Remus said, his wand raised and cast at Regulus. He took a step closer to Sirius.
‘Severus isn’t as good at potions as he likes to let everyone think,’ Regulus said, haughtily.
‘There were four others here. Where are they?’ Remus asked.
Regulus was silent for a moment, his face not betraying him. ‘It’s just me.’
Sirius took a step closer, feeling Reggie’s wand dig into his skin. ‘Come on, brother mine. Help us out here.’
‘I literally have the upper hand here, Sirius.’ To further his point, he pressed the wand deeper into Sirius skin. Enough to hurt.
Sirius just smiled. ‘Guess we’ll have to find them ourselves. Good doing business with you, Reggie.’
Anger flickered over Regulus’ face. ‘Don’t call me that.’
‘Sorry, Reggie, old habits die hard,’ Sirius said with a wink, taking a step back. Regulus didn’t follow him. He took another step, assessing the situation. He didn’t actually believe Regulus would do him any serious harm, but then again, he also didn’t believe he would actually become one of them, and here they are. Stupid thing siblings are.
‘You have to be more careful, Sirius. The day is long gone that you could best me at duelling.’
That actually made Sirius laugh. ‘Oh, Reg. That’s very cute.’
‘I know what you’re doing. That doesn’t work on me anymore.’
Sirius shrugged. ‘That’s alright. I’m not doing it to annoy you this time. Arrogance just looks sweet on you. Like a little cat.’
Regulus looked at him with a tired face. ‘You’re one to talk about arrogance.’
‘I know, I know, but hey, at least my arrogance is founded in something. You were always the softer one.’
‘You don’t know anything about me, Sirius. You don’t know what I’ve done, you don’t know what I’ve seen,’ he spat out.
‘Yeah, I suppose you would grow quite the stomach from torturing muggleborns. Tell me Reggie, how long did it take you to stop thinking of them as humans? What did you have to do for your mind to believe that what you are doing is right?’
‘It is not that simple. You and your fellow Gryffindors are always thinking so black and white about things. I do what I need to survive, sorry that we don’t all have a fetish for noble sacrifice.’
‘Merlin, Regulus. Listen to yourself. How do you look yourself at in the mirror?’
Regulus was still for a moment. Anger curled at his upper lip. ‘How do you? This was supposed to be your burden.’
The words were sharp, whispered into the dark alley, cutting through skin and bones, and perfectly build up nonchalance. Sirius felt the air in his lungs seep out. ‘I told you to come with me.’
‘You never should have left in the first place.’
‘That’s not fair, Reg,’ Sirius words came out full of air. ‘I wouldn’t have survived if I stayed.’
‘Then you understand exactly how I can look at myself in the mirror, Sirius,’ Regulus said.
Before Sirius could protest, a loud explosion sounded from behind them. Sirius instinctively shielded his head. ‘Fucking hell.’
He turned around to see what was happening, as a swarm of Death Eaters filled the square, casting spells at shops, setting them aflame. The chaos was such a stark contrast from the low-life street, it took Sirius a second to react. But as Remus tug his arm, he rushed forward back into the open street.
They weren’t expecting them. It was good, it was alright. Members of the order came crowding in, casting attack spells at the Death Eaters, protection spells at the innocent shops. The streets were a flurry of reds, and yellows and whites, and Sirius’ whose body was still on fire from his confrontation with Regulus, was thriving.
This was what he was good at. The quick thinking, the fast reactions. He reached an interesting place in his head, a focus that was unmatched. His brain picked up on everything, yet he felt almost calm in the middle of it.
He cast a spell right in the chest of an unmasked person and watched them fall limp in front of him. He hated the masks. He hated to think that it could be his brother under there and he wouldn’t know until he already done harm.
But no, Regulus, Regulus was behind him. Had been, before. Before this started? How long had the battle been, had he seen him run away? He risked a glance back, just to check, just to make sure.
His eyes were averted for less then a second, and yet that was enough. He heard it first. A shout of ‘Sirius’ and then small yelp before he saw him fall right in front of him like the mask person did before. His dark hair turning wet as blood puddled at his feet.
‘Fuck, Reg, why the fuck did you do that!’ He shouted, moving to crouch in front of him, covering cut on his head with his hand. He cast a healing spell, but the wound broke open again.
But before he could do anything more, another death eater shot a spell at him. This one, unmasked, he recognised him. Mulciber’s spell was wonky and missed by inches.
He stood up, but Mulciber was now shooting at Remus, who deftly blocked him and then disarmed him. Another guy shot him from the right and he had to turn his focus, trying to disarm or stupefy as many as he could.
The attack was clearly not a big mission, now that the initially chaos had faded, there were only a handful of Death Eaters. The order just about outnumbered them. But it was enough, enough that the rest of the Death Eaters were starting to retreat.
Leaving Regulus on the ground.
It was stupid and reckless, but Regulus was lying on the ground and his head was bleeding and Sirius never thinks anyway, so what’s one more? He scooped up his brother and hurled him over his shoulder before sending another shot up to Mulciber who fell limply to the ground. And then he apparated back home. He landed right in front of their house, buckling slightly under the weight of holding up another person.
Three seconds later, Remus apparated right next to him. ‘Jees, Sirius,’ then his eyes shot to who Sirius was holding, ‘is that–?’
Sirius felt panic and dread, and then pleading fall on his face. ‘I couldn’t leave him, Remus. I couldn’t–.’
‘Fuck, okay,’ Remus rubbed his eyes. ‘Let’s get him upstairs, and then we’ll figure out what to do.’
He gently put him down on their couch as they entered their living room. Regulus didn’t stir. The wound on his head was bleeding less now, but still looked rather critical. Sirius cast over several healing spells, to little avail. ‘I think it’s not just a trauma to the head,’ he mumbled, pressing a cloth down on Regulus’ head as none of the bleeding had stopped.
Remus was sitting next to them, eyebrows frowned. ‘No, this is a magical cut. Did you see with what he was cursed?’
Sirius felt bile rise in his throat. He shook his head. ‘It was supposed to be aimed for me. I had my backed turned, and he jumped right in front of the spell. I didn’t notice until he was already on the ground.’
Remus took a hold of his hand. ‘He’s safe now. You’re safe now. We’ll patch him up the muggle way. The bleeding has already calmed down, it shouldn’t be too much of an issue.’ Remus got up to their cupboard and got out their medical kit. He sat about wrapping Regulus’ head in a gentle and practised way. It looked soothing, the cleaning of the wound revealing a much smaller cut than the bleeding had seemed to imply, and then the clean bandages being wrapped over it, tugging it away safely. ‘The wound seemed small enough, he should wake up soon,’ Remus said, before going to clear away the bandages.
The thought of Regulus waking up send Sirius heart in overdrive, only now dawning on him the stupidity of his own actions. ‘Remus!’
Remus looked back with a frown. ‘Yes?’
‘We have a Death Eater in our house!’
Remus face gave way to a combination of confusion, amusement and concern. ‘That seems to be the case.’
‘I brought a Death Eater in our house!’
‘Yes, you can repeat it again.’
‘My brother is a Death Eater!’
Remus shrugged. ‘And he saved you tonight.’
‘But he’s evil,’ Sirius said, softer now, looking down at a cigarette burn on the arm rest of the couch that had absolutely not been his fault. Remus came back to sit with him.
-
Regulus woke up an hour later. His eyes shot open, and he sat up immediately. His face scrunched and turned even more pale; Sirius rushed to make sure he didn’t faint. ‘Careful, there, Regulus.’
‘Sirius, what the fuck were you thinking?’ Regulus said, leaning back slightly against the couch. ‘What am I doing here.’
‘There were going to leave you.’
‘I don’t need you protecting me.’
‘You jumped in front of that spell for me.’
‘So, this is just you feeling guilty.’
‘Of course it’s not.’
‘What the fuck am I doing here, Sirius? They’re going to kill me.’
‘I won’t let that happen.’
‘I’d let them kill you. If it comes to it. I didn’t jump in front of that spell.’
‘That’s okay.’
‘You shouldn’t have brought me here.’
‘I know.’
‘Stop saying that. Stop pretending like you thought this through. I could alert The Dark Lord of your location right now.’
‘I know.’
Regulus pressed his fingers against the bridge of his nose. ‘You should have left me there.’
‘Probably.’
‘Why didn’t you leave me there?’
Sirius smiled, sighing almost contentedly. ‘Because you’re my brother.’
Regulus didn’t respond, just let his fingers slowly fall down his face, staring at the ceiling for so long Sirius was afraid he might faint again. Until he saw Reggie’s face scrunch up and heard soft sobs coming from his chest.
He rushed closer, carefully trying to wrap his arms around his brother. ‘Shh, it’s okay. It’s okay. You’re safe now. I won’t let anything happen to you now.’
‘Sirius, I’m so scared,’ he heard muffled against his shirt.
‘I know, it’s okay. You’re here now. Nothing’s going to happen to you.’