‘Miss’!? You better hope I ‘miss’ when I hit you!

Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
G
‘Miss’!? You better hope I ‘miss’ when I hit you!
Summary
Dear Hermione Granger,We are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and wizardry. Please find enclosed—She stops reading as the memories crash into him. Hermione? Hogwarts?“Miss—““Oh for fucks sake,” he snarls, throwing the letter to the side.“Miss Granger!” Or Self insert as Hermione (Hermes) Granger gives no f@cks
Note
Had this idea and couldn’t keep it in, so, enjoy!
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Chapter 2

He hadn’t been lying. He’d been near nonstop reading for months and has only stopped to board the train to Hogwarts.

Yes, it’s the first of September and Hermes is near shaking with nerves and excitement. Also, yes, he goes by Hermes now, he’d even told his parents so, that he was a boy and wanted to go by his new name. They didn’t yell at him, which was more than he was expecting from parents in 1991. Not that they had accepted it, they’d laughed it off, saying ‘she was just a tomboy’ and ‘it’s just a faze’.

Ugh.

They’d only started taking him more seriously after he started refusing to reply when they used the wrong name or pronouns and cut off his mane of hair until it was a pile of floof on top of his head, which led to a few groundings. He’d just spent them reading.

Now he awkwardly waves them goodbye, watching as they exchange tense looks, before turning to find a seat.

He needs to find Harry.

He walks down the aisle, peeking through windows as he passes the compartments. No, no, nope, not him! How long is this thing? No, no, no-wait! Yes! Probably. Messy black hair? Check. Round glasses? Check. Over sized clothes? Check! Hermes grins as he gives a quick knock before sliding the door open.

“Hi! Can I sit here?”

Harry looks up at him, startled.

“Uh-yes?”

“Thanks!” Hermes sits across from him with what he hopes is a friendly smile. “I’m Hermes! Hermes Granger! What’s your name?”

Harry shuffles uncomfortably and Hermes wonders if he’s coming on to strong.

“Harry Potter,” he mutters with a cautious smile.

“Can I call you Harry?” Hermes beams back.

“Uh, sure!” Harry replies, smile a bit bigger now.

“Then call me Hermes! What class are you most excited for?”

“Oh, um, I don’t know what classes there are?”

“That’s fine, I didn’t either til I read some of the books to help out muggleborns, did you not get any?” Hermes asks with a small frown, which deepens when he shakes his head.

He had suspected from what he knew from the books and movies, but he wasn’t certain. Mcgonagall had told him which he should get when she took him to Diagon alley. Why wasn’t Hagrid told to do the same? Unless he assumed Harry already knew everything from his aunt? But even then—

“Oh, Professor Mcgonagall had me buy them when we went shopping, did you not go with a professor?”

“I went with Hagrid, he’s the grounds keeper,” Harry explained.

“I see, maybe he forgot? How about for now I tell you about houses and classes, then when we get our luggage you can borrow mine?”

“Really?” he asks, “you don’t have too.”

“But I want to! It’s what friends do, right? Help each other out?”

“We’re friends?” he asks, eyes going wide.

“Of course! If you want to be?”

“Yes!” Hermes smiles at him.

“Then let’s start with houses!” Harry leans forward, listening intently. “Okay, so, there are four house, Ravenclaw for the wise, Hufflepuff for the loyal and hardworking, Gryffindor for the brave, and Slytherin for the cunning and ambitious.”

Hermes holds in a chuckle as Harry raises his hand like he’s in class.

“Yes?”

“Isn’t Slytherin, you know, bad?”

“Why would you think that?”

“Well—Hagrid said everyone bad came from Slytherin.”

“Well, that’s just not true. There are plenty of bad people who came from the other houses. I think people think that because the latest dark lord was in Slytherin, gathered his followers mostly from Slytherin, who then made their children, who had grown up listening to their parents ideals, go to Slytherin. So, many of them might not be particularly good people right now, but how will they change that if everyone avoids them and calls them evil?”

Hermes pauses at Harry’s lost look.

“Okay, think of it this way. What if there’s a kid who grew up with their parents telling them all cats are horrible beasts that need to be killed? The kid wouldn’t know any better because that’s what their parents taught them throughout their whole childhood. But when they grow up, and start meeting people who could tell them different and meet cats who are actually cute little fluff balls, they learn the truth! But what if they don’t have that? What if people found out they hate cats, and shunned them for it? they gnore them, or get angry at them about hating cats without explaining that cats aren’t bad? All they’ll see is that people who like cats shout at or ignore them. Why would they change their mind from that? It would probably just push them further into hating cats!”

Okay, that had gotten away from him a bit, but hopefully it had made sense?

“This situation is a bit more complicated, but the fundamentals are the same—does that make sense?”

“Kind of? Basically some Slytherins are mean cause of their parents telling them bad stuff and we have to prove them wrong by being—um—nice?”

“Yes! That’s exactly it! Good job keeping up, cause I really went off on a rant there,” Hermes chuckles.

“No! It was good, I understand a lot better now!”

“Thanks Harry!”

Harry grins, just as the door is pushed open.

“Can I sit here? Everywhere else is full.”

Well, well, well, if it isn’t Ronald Weasley.

“Of course! We were just talking about houses!” Hermes greets.

“Oh? Well, Slytherins the worst, they—“ he starts as he sits next to Harry.

“No they’re not!” Harry quickly denies, continuing at his confused look, “I’ll explain!”

Hermes watches in amusement as Harry tries to explain everything he’d just learnt to Ron, Hermes only piping in when Harry missed something or stumbled. By the end Ron’s nodding along, confused, but thoughtful.

Boom! Success.

“I’m Hermes by the way,” he starts, turning to Ron. “Hermes Granger.”

“Ron Weasley.”

“Harry Potter.”

“Wha—really?!”

“Don’t be impolite Ron, I’m sure he gets enough smothering as it is!”

Ron pouts as Harry gives him a grateful look. Hermes beams back.

This is the start of a wonderful friendship, he can tell.

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