“Regulus, why?”
Hurt dripped from James’ voice as he spoke, the words coming out strained. When the boy he loved had asked him to meet him in the astronomy tower at midnight, he thought it was for some little date. He wasn’t expecting what he was seeing in front of him at the moment. His boyfriend. On the other side. The betrayal. He couldn’t even look Regulus straight in the eye, not knowing what he would find there. Would it be his boyfriend looking at him, or some cold killer who had taken the form of the one he had previously loved? He couldn’t be sure and he didn’t want to face that reality. The nightmare that had become a reality for him. His worst nightmare.
Regulus on the other hand stood still. He didn’t know what to say. He thought James would understand - but from his reaction, he knew he had judged wrong. He didn’t get anything wrong anymore, his mother had corrected that habit out of him years ago when he and his brother were kids. So why did he feel so scared? Why was he so ashamed of the actions that he had taken? What had he become…
“Answer me!” James snapped, trying his best not to cry. He wasn’t going to cry now, he wouldn’t allow himself too. He mentally beat himself up for the amount Sirius had warned him about dating Regulus. Regulus Black should come with a caution sign, he had chosen to ignore it, and when Sirius had warned him, he hadn’t listened. He had brought this all upon himself and he was beginning to recognise that.
“I can’t-” Regulus swallowed. He let go of his sleeves, letting the robes fall down onto his arm, covering up what he had done. He didn’t want to become this, he wanted to do the opposite. But at the time when he was told, he had no choice. His mother gave him the choice that if he got the Mark, she would leave Sirius alone. Sirius would be a free person from the burden of the Black family. And Regulus cared about Sirius, even if he didn’t care much about him anymore. Sirius had left the family behind, and had left Regulus at the same time, but it doesn’t mean that Regulus was ready to leave his brother behind in the past.
“Sirius was right. You are nothing but a coward.” James said gently, trying to keep his calm. He didn’t want to blow off and say something that he would regret. But it was too late. Regulus had taken it too far. He was unable to come back from the choice that he had made and that had permanently ruined the relationship that they had in the process.
Regulus didn’t say anything but he just stood, hurt. He bit the inside of his cheek, trying to stop himself from crying. He couldn’t cry. Not now. What would his mother say? She would probably scream at him. Not only because he was dating a boy, but also because he wasn’t embracing what a Black should be.
‘Don’t think that,’ Regulus mentally screamed at himself. ‘I am nothing like them. I am not Mother. I am not Father. I had no choice and I did what I thought was right.’
….Or did he?
“James, you don’t understand, you have to listen to me please. Let me explain-” Regulus started, trying to quickly form the words in his mind. He knew he didn’t have much time to explain himself. And if he was James, he would have walked out by now. James was much stronger than Regulus could ever be. He knew that. And it hurts. It hurt like salt in a wound, especially when Sirius rubbed it in how James was a better brother than Regulus ever was to him.
“How can you possibly explain something like this Regulus!” James suddenly snapped, his voice raising from the anger he was trying to hold back. But it was too late now. “You became a Death Eater for what?! Power?!”
“James, you know that I wouldn’t do something like that. I am not my mother!”
“We’re done. I can’t date a Death Eater. I am so sorry Regulus.” James said, slipping away into the darkness and down the steps of the astronomy tower.
Regulus wanted to run after him, to plead, to explain further. To do anything. But he knew that now it was far too late. He cursed at himself angrily, leaving the astronomy tower and running as quickly as he could to a bathroom.
The hallways were silent with it being midnight. It was an advantage for him as we ran down the corridor, but it was also a disadvantage. Every heavy foot step that he took, it echoed through the hallways and he knew he had to be quick to reach the bathrooms quickly.
He swung the door open, throwing his robes off to the side and turned the tap on at the nearest sink, rolling up his shirt sleeves. Placing his arm under the boiling hot water, he didn't scream. There had to be a way to get it off, right? Maybe if he scrubbed at his skin long enough, the Dark Mark would be gone.
Yes, that had to be it.
But no matter how much he scrubbed, it remained. The reminder of what he did was there and it made him sick to his stomach. The thought of him knowing what he had done. It hurt. He had hurt James. And hurt himself. But hurting James made him hate himself even more than he did. He listened to the words his mother had implanted in his head and at the time, he thought that this was the right way to make his brother safe. He thought that by doing it, Sirius would be safe and live a happy life. It didn’t matter for Regulus at the time the consequences that would follow for him. He had always put his brother before him. But he hadn’t thought that this act would be the reason to why he and James would break up
“Get it off!” Regulus screamed helplessly into the dark of the bathroom. “Get it off-” He kept repeating before he gave up, hitting the sink in a hopeless despair. He hated everything that had led him here. He hated his mother most of all. This was all her fault.
He grabbed his robes off the floor, ignoring that they were covered in water and walked back towards the dungeons. He stepped outside into a courtyard on the way, looking up at the sky. He could see his star tonight clearly. And his brothers.
“I’ll make this right Sirius,” He mumbled. “For us and for James.”
—---------------------------------------------------
Regulus Black has been missing for a month.
He didn’t come back to school for his final year of Hogwarts, and that alarmed everyone. But no one had thought to send a search party out for him.
Evan and Barty hadn’t seen him since the last Death Eater meeting after Regulus had rushed out of the room at the end in a hurry, not telling either of them what was wrong. They knew that Regulus was a private person, but the weeks leading up to his disappearance were odd. Regulus never spoke much, and when he did, it was in mumbled and inaudible phrases that no one would be able to get him to elaborate on.
That was why no one was shocked when the Daily Prophet article came out.
—-----------------------------------------------------
James answered the door as the knocks came. He had graduated and he and Lily had settled down in a house in Godric's Hollow, trying to live as peacefully as they could in the middle of a war with members of the Order.
“Sirius,” James said in shock as his best friend stood at the door, rain soaking his clothes through. “I wasn’t expecting yo-”
“He was 17.” Sirius managed as he walked into the house, his eyes puffy and red from crying. James quickly shut the door in confusion, helping Sirius to the living room.
Lily was out on a mission for the Order at the moment, meaning that it was just James alone. But James was regretting being alone. Because if Sirius was in one of his states, he wouldn't be the best person to help him with that or help Sirius out of it. Lily was an empathetic person, not James. It was always Lily and Remus who were the ones who comforted people. James was the person who would make the jokes to lighten the mood.
“What’s going on-?” James managed out before he was shoved this morning's copy of the Daily Prophet.
It was then when he froze at the headline.
“NOBLE HOUSE OF BLACK HEIR PRESUMED DEAD.
Regulus Arcturus Black, son of Walburga and Orion Black has been presumed dead after two months of searching. No body has been found, but it is known that Mr Black was a follower of You-Know-Who and he went missing in late July. If anyone knows of his whereabouts or what happened to Mr Black, please get in touch with the Aurors as soon as possible.”
“He was fucking 17-” Sirius mumbled, tears in his eyes. He hadn’t shown emotion towards his brother for years, and he hadn’t even been in contact with his brother for years. But here he was, sat in James’ living room with his best friend hugging him.
James suddenly regretted what he said years ago. Regulus Black had died thinking that both he and Sirius hated him when it was the opposite. James had continued loving Regulus all of these years and after what had happened between the two. James had reflected and figured that maybe he had been a little too harsh on Regulus and hadn’t let him explain properly.
He was going to find Regulus and explain. But now he couldn’t.
If anyone was the coward, it was him. James Potter was a coward.
—-------------------------------------------------
In a cave, far away, a star was preparing for his final moments as he held the locket up as the water filled his lungs.
“Goodbye James and Sirius. I am sorry.”