Jules had been officially abandoned by his family.
Or: his mom was late at picking him up after school. She was usually the first in line, waving back with a grin and waiting for Mrs. Bee to let Julian go after spotting her. His mom would say Hi little champ! and he’d tell her all about his day, only for her to hear it all again at home when dad came back from work, and a third time when Remus called before bedtime.
But that day, his mom was not at pick up. One by one, all the other kids left to join their parents, going back home or to the park. And as the group of four-year-olds grew thinner and thinner, Julian could hear the panic rising and pulsing in his ears.
Where was his mom?
Oh. She’d probably forgotten about him, or decided to abandon him, that he wasn’t a good boy, and he’d never see his family again, he would stay at day-care forever, where would he sleep, he could never return home—
His train of thoughts was interrupted by a hand on his shoulder. Mrs. Bee was looking down at him with a concerned smile, and after seeing his lip trembling, she knelt in front of him. Her long skirts with sunflowers spread on the floor, but no footprint would stain it, because Jules realized, he was the last kid waiting to be picked up. He heard himself sniffling, a sob shaking his shoulders.
“Where…” he tried, his voice breaking. “Where’s my mommy?”
Mrs. Bee made a cooing noise. “Don’t worry, dear. I’m sure your mom is just running late, that’s all. She isn’t leaving you here, okay?”
Jules nodded rapidly, just so Mrs. Bee wouldn’t think he was scared or freaking out.
“Okay, then. Why don’t we wait for her at the reception?”
Mrs. Bee accompanied him to the receptionist’s office, and he sat down in one of the colorful chairs his size. He remained sit straight and proper, without taking off his hat or jacket, because he was absolutely, categorically, definitely sure that his mom was about to storm in, mentioning a problem with the car or traffic, and take him home. Jules was sure. Any second now.
But time passed.
A four-year-old couldn’t read the clock, or have a full conception of time, for all it mattered. But Jules could see that too much time was passing. He could see it in the arms of the clock moving and the sky turning darker. But most importantly, Jules could feel it. He could feel it in the concerned looks Mrs. Bee kept exchanging with the secretary, and he could feel his hat and jacket becoming too hot, making his cheeks red and his forehead run with sweat. He tried not to mind, not to show his concerns, not to move. So that he could be ready for when his mom came.
Julian was drawing a tree with the pens the secretary had given him when he heard footsteps coming from the door. Mrs. Bee had left some time ago, telling him she was sorry, but it was getting late, and she had to go home. They’d tried calling his home many times, and his mom, and dad, even Remus’s phone, because he always picked him up when he was home from college and Mrs. Bee knew him from when he was Julian’s age. But no one had picked up.
The door slammed open as a tall woman stormed in, looking around. When her eyes fell on him, Jules could practically feel the relief rush in the room.
“Auntie Layla?”
“Julian, baby, hi.”
“Auntie Layla!”
He scrambled to his feet, running to hug his aunt’s legs, tears beginning to fall again at full flow. Some words were exchanged between her and the secretary, but Julian didn’t listen, he didn’t care. Someone had come for him and that was enough. He hadn’t been abandoned.
Aunt Layla had to sign some documents and wait for a call before they could leave, but she held his hand the whole time. The lights were being turned off as they were still walking out of the school; they really had been waiting for the two of them to leave before closing.
Aunt Layla was his dad’s sister. They really looked alike, and her house was the nearest to Jules’ among the family, only a town away. She didn’t have a child seat in her car, so she told Julian to hold on tight to the door handle as she bucked him with two seat belts. They drove in silence, Jules being in a sort of trance for a few hours by that point.
Aunt Layla was the cool aunt. She didn’t have kids -the only aunt that didn’t- and she always brought Jules gifts from all over the world when she came back from her travels. Her house was cool, too, filled with decorations from countries far away. Julian usually liked her house. The tapestries, the long masks on the walls, the delicate knick-knacks that glimmered in the light in so many colors. He could watch and ask about everything, and the only rule was to have an adult near when he picked something up. But that evening, the house seemed too big, too delicate and unfamiliar for Jules to settle down.
They ordered fast food for dinner, and Jules ate all the things they usually wouldn’t let him, like extra nuggets or ice cream. Layla seemed pretty willing to provide a fun night, letting him pick some cartoons and smiling and listening. But there was something Jules needed to do before bedtime. Things he needed to hear.
“Mommy?”
“Sweetheart, hi. Hi, baby.” Something was off and Jules could tell by his mom’s voice. She wasn’t playful, or serious. Just cooing and tired. “Sorry I wasn’t at pickup today. Must have been pretty scary, huh?”
“But where were you?” he all but whined.
“Jules…Dad and I are with Rey right now. He has a big ouchie, so he needs me and Dad here with him for a while. It won’t be long, I promise.”
“But-but-why? And why did you leave me here? I couldav’come with.” He could hear his lip starting to tremble again. “I wanna go home.”
“Oh, baby. I know you do, I’m sorry. But it won’t be long, okay? We’ll come home soon. But for now, you must listen to your auntie. She’ll drop you at school tomorrow, okay? You be good. After school you and Aunt Layla can go home. It’s just this night that you have to hold on tight. Can you do that for me, little champ?”
Julian sobbed.
Layla sighed. Gosh, what a day. She checked her phone again -no new texts, just like thirty seconds ago. Lyall had promised to update her, but he seemed pretty on edge from his last call. Maybe he was finally getting some sleep, but she highly doubted it. God knew she couldn’t.
It had all started a few hours ago, while she was at work, with a call from a shocked and sobbing Hope. Something happened, we need to go, but Jules, oh God Julian, please Layla do something. Then Lyall had taken the phone, a bit more lucid, but his voice was two octaves higher than normal, and it trembled like a leaf.
“Layla, we’re in Madison right now.”
“You’re- what? What are you doing there?”
“I—I drove here.”
“Well- thanks. But why are you there?”
“Remus.” And that was all. Layla blinked.
“What about Remus?”
“I—we don’t know. We got a call from the hospital, he was in ER, then in surgery, and now he’s in surgery again—”
“What, what? Surgery? What happened? Lyall, is he—”
“Layla, don’t ask me if he’s alright, I swear to God.” A deep breath. “It was—an injury at the college rink, they say. At practice. His shoulder—but they found him unconscious in the locker room…I don’t know…”
“Okay, okay,” she repeated with the steadiest voice she could master. Remus had been the first child in the family, so naturally he’d been showered in attention since he was a baby. But Layla and Lyall had always been closer to each other than to the rest of their siblings. Call it twin factor, call it living together for longer than others. What remained was that Layla, while dead set on not having kids, had always had a special bond first with Remus, and now with Julian. To hear her nephew, still a kid to her eyes, was in danger and pain, was to have a dagger stabbed in her chest.
She wanted to jump in her car right away to join them at the capital, but she knew that wasn’t her place to decide. If they’d called her, there must have been a reason.
“What do you need right now?” she asked.
“Jules. I- we—we really needed to go. God, I didn’t even check in with you or Mom if someone could pick him up, what kind of father am I—"
“Lyall, time to keep it together.”
“Julian. I need you to pick up Julian at school. Can you keep him with you tonight? I—I swear I’ll be back tomorrow. Or I’ll let you have the keys, I don’t know. But right now…”
“You got it.”
And so, she did what Lyall needed her to do. She left her office early and ran to get her car, and definitely drove past the speed limit, and picked Jules up. She didn’t really know what to do, but what she knew was that Jules had been left alone and he was scared. She did everything in her power to let him relax, turning on tv channels she didn’t know existed and letting him play with her wooden carved animals from central Africa.
Bedtime had been hard. Julian wanted to call his parents again, wanted Remus to answer, and then a story, and then another, and finally they settled on the couch with warm milk and cartoons. It worked quick enough.
A week later, Remus was back at home. Or better, he was back in his room.
Julian was home with Aunt Layla when they heard the door open, and his dad’s hushed voice. He sprinted in the hallway, colliding with his dad’s legs and screaming and crying at the same time. Daddy, you’re home, you came back, I missed you, where’s mom, where’s Rey, I wanna see Rey, Rey. Dad picked him up and eased him on his hip, with a quick kiss to his temple.
“Shh, Jules, quiet. I missed you too, monkey, but we need to be quiet now.”
Confusion rushed through his head as he was passed to his aunt’s arms and let down only once in the living room. His dad was always happy to see him. To listen to him, to calm him, to hug. He didn’t dismiss him like that. Aunt Layla held him close as more shuffling came from the hallway. His mom’s voice, and bags hitting the floor. His mom entered, voice low and gentle, and then another figure appeared on the doorstep. Julian made sure to use all the air in his lungs to call his brother.
“Remus!”
He was immediately shushed by Layla, that held him tight as he tried to wiggle out of her grip to go greet Remus. His brother was almostnever home during the week, and when he came back, he was happy to spend time with him. But Remus didn’t answer, nor turned to look at him. He remained on the doorstep, eyes dull and face pale. It was only when his mother gently took him by the arm that wasn’t in a sling that he stepped forward. And when he did, his mother accompanied him immediately to his room. And closed the door behind her.
Jules was so taken aback that he didn’t even cry.
Not until he was in his bed, big lights off, and his parents had wished him a good night.
Julian stared unconvinced at the box of fast food in front of him. It was Remus who usually took him to Speedy Joe’s, the old town’s diner, when he was back home. But now Remus wouldn’t come out of his room, and his dad was looking at him from the other side of the plastic table expectantly.
He wasn’t wearing his usual smile. Just something close.
“How’s your burger, kid?”
Julian had given up asking what happened to Remus. No one would answer.
It had been a few weeks since Remus had come back. Julian still hadn’t seen him. His parents and family were spoiling him with ice-cream and new toys and snacks after practice—his first year playing, and he didn’t have a big brother to talk about hockey with anymore. He was beginning to think he’d done something wrong, if hockey was something wrong. It was around his parents’ tight smiles when he got ready for practice, and the hushed conversations with coach Johnson (Remus helped him every summer), and the hours spent with babysitters. The house began to fill with meds he was absolutely forbidden to touch, and bandages, and papers everywhere.
“Saving the bacon fries for last, eh? Just like your mom, you.”
And then there was that. Mom and Dad being weird. Not spending the same time with him but trying to make it up with extra snacks, toys and tv time. Julian liked it—any sane kid would have liked it—but it still felt different, and therefore wrong.
Julian felt lost. And the worst thing was, no one wanted to help him with directions.
He looked out of the window, where snow was starting to fall. Soon the pond in the park would freeze and kids would bring their skates there. Mom and Remus had taken him last year, and Julian had spent all summer waiting for the ice to form again. But how he was not so sure he’d get to skate on the pond, or to see the pond at all.
Julian went to bed with many questions in his head that night.
The morning after, Remus’ home skates were gone.
Jules’ sat alone in the pantry, small and new.
All by themselves, they looked way less special.