Arthur
Arthur almost choked as Merlin hugged him. Merlin was alive! And hugging him! And alive! And holy shit the entirety of Camelot could be watching as Arthur bawled his eyes out like a little kid on his best friend’s shoulder, and he loved Merlin enough to not care. That spoke volumes for someone as emotionally-constipated as himself.
Arthur had decided that he was perfectly content spending the rest of his life breathing Merlin in, but the knights of Camelot pulled him away. Before Arthur had a chance to tackle Merlin in another hug, Gwaine had knocked Merlin to the ground. It would’ve been hilarious, truly, if Arthur had not felt a pang of jealousy at the way Merlin laughed(because the suppressed dollop head that was Arthur Pendragon did not process the fact Merlin went to him first, and had held Arthur as he sobbed) when Gwaine grabbed him.
It was an entire ordeal now, the entire castle had heard about Merlin’s return. Arthur was about to throw Guinevere out of the castle if she didn’t step away from him. Arthur and Merlin got no alone time until very late at night, when it was incredibly inappropriate for a guest of the king(because Arthur had been threatened by multiple druids who had snuck into the castle that determined Merlin needed to be given better rooms) to be in the king’s bedrooms. It was entirely inappropriate for anyone to be in the king’s rooms this late, but Merlin was given a pass. After all, he was Merlin. What could he possibly do?
They talked for hours, about all the little things Merlin and Arthur could possibly think of(so mostly insulting each other and throwing things, but let Arthur catch a break! A hug was a breakthrough for him, the last hug he had given had been…well that doesn’t matter!). Arthur noticed that Merlin made a large and pointed effort to avoid the topic of where he had been all these weeks, and why he had addressed himself as Emrys, but Arthur was fine with that. For now, at least. Arthur would be content with just the sight of Merlin right now. His best friend, his love.
Who was coincidentally a god, but Arthur hadn’t quite processed that yet. He was too caught up on how beautiful Merlin looked with that circlet on his head, and the way his eyes would occasionally shimmer gold when Merlin laughed.
“Wait, wait, wait, so you’re telling me that when I eloped,” Arthur put up air quotes around his words, “With Sophia, she was a Sidhe to whole time? And you just let her cast a spell on me?”
“Slow down there you clot pole, I didn’t ‘just let her’ do anything! I distinctly remember multiple people telling you something was wrong with Sophia, and you just ignored them all. Let’s not place any blame on anyone but a murderous fairy.” Merlin scowled, poking Arthur in the chest. Arthur just smiled all goofy at him, god he was such a lovesick idiot.
“So all those times that I did something, it was you?” Arthur asked, not truly that upset about it. Merlin cared about him enough to let Arthur take the credit, to not take the chance and kill Arthur for one. Merlin had saved Arthur so many times, in so many different ways, and Arthur had accepted the fact that it was as close he would ever get to feeling the love of Merlin.
In all the weeks Merlin had been gone, and even before then, Arthur had wondered what it would be like to be loved by Merlin. Would he be gentle and sweet, like Merlin was when they were out hunting, or on horse rides. Or would he be sarcastic and commanding, like when it was just them in Arthur’s room. Truly, Arthur had no clue how he hadn’t figured out he had been in love with Merlin sooner(You can blame Uther for that actually).
“No, not truly. I just helped you along most of the time.” Merlin mumbled, and Arthur looked at him disapprovingly.
“So I did kill that dragon, or was I just imagining the one sitting outside the Citadel?” Arthur snarked, earning a bashful look from Merlin. God Merlin was so adorable.
“Alright that one was all me. But, you were very encouraging.” Merlin admitted, a shameful smile on his face. Arthur wanted to kiss it off of him so, so badly.
“Didn’t I tell you that you were a treasonous idiot multiple times? I believe there was also a threat of the stocks that I never followed through on.” Arthur teased, lightly punching Merlin on the arm.
“There is a possibility, but I’m fairly sure your father stuck me into the stocks enough times that I almost caused a food shortage.” Merlin joked, and Arthur desperately wanted to freeze this moment in time forever. Merlin was so perfect, everything about him. How could anyone not love him?
Arthur’s heart stopped. How could anyone…not? Merlin had so many options, just inside the castle. And now he was King of the Druids? What if someone took Merlin from him? That could not happen. Never.
Merlin was not allowed to leave Arthur’s side from then on. Arthur appointed Merlin his advisor(as if Merlin needed more titles) and never let anyone see his best friend unless Arthur was in the room.
Surely Merlin had made enemies. They’d be absolutely livid he had returned, and with new titles and a promotion? Arthur was just keeping Merlin safe.
At least that’s what he told himself.
Merlin had started to act strange. Stranger than usual, at least. Arthur was convinced it was paranoia, Merlin had to know someone was coming after him. He probably just wasn’t telling Arthur because he didn’t want Arthur to be concerned. That had to be it.
As if Arthur didn’t spend enough time with Merlin already, Arthur began to follow him. Luckily enough for Arthur, Merlin was still a clumsy idiot who wouldn’t notice a fireball flying towards his chest.
Merlin didn’t seem to be doing anything that would make Arthur think that someone was coming for Merlin, but that didn’t mean anything. Why else would Merlin be acting so strange?
There was one day where Arthur had been sure that Merlin had seen him, because the younger man had been looked straight into Arthur’s soul for a good hour(twenty seconds). But then Merlin looked away, and walked straight past Arthur’s hiding spot in the dark forest Arthur had followed him to, to the dragon Kilgarrah.
Arthur would never admit that he had fantasized what Merlin would’ve done if Arthur had been caught. That was something that went to the grave.
The next day, Merlin acted just the same. Just like all the other close calls. Merlin still had this off feeling about him, but acted as Merlin as ever(for that was the only way to describe Merlin, he was a category all on his own).
Despite this, and the scolding from Morgana he had gotten when Arthur had asked her to spy on Merlin, Arthur was still convinced. Something had to be going on. Merlin just wasn’t Arthur’s Merlin.
It was only to keep him safe, Arthur told himself. It wasn’t safe for Merlin to come with Arthur on the next hunt. He’d take one of the knights instead.
It was only to keep him safe, Arthur told himself. It wasn’t safe for Merlin to voyage to another kingdom with him. He’d take an advisor.
It was only to keep him safe, Arthur told himself. It wasn’t safe for Merlin to walk around the Citadel on his own. Merlin would not leave the castle without Arthur.
It was only to keep him safe, Arthur told himself. It wasn’t safe for Merlin to talk to anyone but Arthur. He’d send Gwen, Gwaine, and Morgana away from his Merlin.
It was only to keep him safe, Arthur told himself. It wasn’t safe for Merlin to go out at night alone. So Arthur followed him. As he had done for the past month. As Arthur would for the rest of his god-given life. To keep Merlin safe. Merlin needed Arthur.
But then Arthur got caught. He had been trailing Merlin into a dark forest in the dead of night. If Arthur remembered correctly, it was in the direction that
“What the actual fuck have you been doing you clot pole? Why have you been following me? And you’ve all but locked me in my room! Morgana told me, you know, that you lied to everyone about me being sick! What it wrong with you?” Merlin bellowed, catching Arthur off guard. Merlin had made a sharp turn around a patch of trees, but as Arthur peeked around, he found an incredibly angry Merlin staring him down.
“Merlin please! You must understand, I—“ Arthur began, stepping to his love.
“No! No, I am done with your crap, Arthur Pendragon! You’re going to shut up and listen to me!” Merlin screamed, causing a group of birds to take off into the night from behind them. Arthur was going to try and plead with Merlin again, but in a flash of gold, Arthur’s mouth was glued shut. Before he could even panic, Merlin flicked his wrist, and Arthur was thrown into a tree.
Arthur groaned, or tried to, as no sound came out. He gasped at the feeling of Merlin’s magic on his skin. Arthur had been entranced by Merlin’s magic since he first saw it, but it had never been directed at Arthur. No feeling in the world could compare. It was purely Merlin.
“You destroy all of my closest circles. You ban me from seeing my people. I haven’t been able to leave the castle to let my mother know that I’m alive. I’m unable to see Gaius, the closest thing to a father I’ve ever had. I’ve been unable to do anything but sit and wait for you. And don’t think I have noticed you following me around at night, Pendragon. I cast glamours so you can’t see what I’m actually doing.” Merlin hissed, and Arthur shuddered as the magic bindings tightened around his wrists. “I thought you were better than this Arthur. But I was wrong. I had much misplaced faith in you, King of Camelot. I thought maybe, just maybe, Arthur actually accepted me for who I was. Maybe he could look past the lies, and see how horrible I felt. But no, no, of course not! I don’t get that lucky.” Merlin ranted, and Arthur noticed the wildlife around him go wild. Merlin didn’t seem to though, as the man continued to wave his arms around, throwing rocks, bending trees, and growing plants. “You ban my dragon, my druids from the castle like a maniac. Do you want to know why I snuck out every night? So they didn’t raze Camelot to the ground. And trust me Arthur, they were plenty ready. I was barely able to console them each night that I was being treated well. So, tell me Arthur. Give me a good reason, I am begging you. Why are you acting like Uther?” Merlin said Uther Pendragon’s name like it was poison. Arthur couldn’t blame him.
“And I swear to you Arthur, if you don’t give me a really fucking good one, I will destroy Camelot. You are my best friend, but if you turn into a tyrant, I will not hesitate. I have responsibilities now. Not just to magic folk, but the mortal realm. I will not let another Uther happen.”
Arthur didn’t know what to say. Merlin thought him to be like Uther? That was possibly the second most terrifying thought Arthur had ever had, after losing Merlin, of course. Uther may have been Arthur’s father, but Uther did not hold that connection in Arthur’s heart. Just as Ygraine did not truly hold the spot of mother in the king’s heart. In truth, Arthur was and always had been an orphan, even before both his parents had died. Sometimes Arthur wondered what Camelot may have been like if not for the Purge, but that was simply a waste of time. Arthur’s only goal as king was to be a better man than his father had been. For Merlin, the only person in the world whose opinion mattered, to say that Arthur was turning into Uther? That Arthur was becoming a tyrant?
“Merlin, please, I swear, that was not my goal!” Arthur begged, Arthur needed Merlin to know this was not why. It was all for Merlin. All for it.
“Did you know, that until I came to Camelot at seventeen, I did not overextend my magic? A few simple spells here and there, a teenage boy trying to impress his crush, but never to the extent that I would’ve guessed where I am today. My magic is for you, there’s an entire fucking prophecy about it. I use it for you, and only you. My existence is to bring magic back to Camelot. To give you glory. I exist for you, Arthur. So you must understand how hard this is for me.” Merlin stated, his face void of any emotion. Arthur felt a pang of dread in his heart. He was going to die here, tonight. Merlin would never know how much Arthur loved him. Arthur had to tell him. Even if it wouldn’t change Merlin’s mind.
“Please, Merlin. I do this only because, because I—“ Arthur choked on his own words. He knew his father would have both Merlin and Arthur on the pyre for this offense. A sorcerer and a king. A man and a man. “I do this all for you. Because I love you Merlin. I always have, and I always will. Even if you kill me.” Arthur finished disconsolately. He bowed his head as much as Merlin would allow.
Arthur tried to take in as many of his surroundings as he could in the moments before death came for him. Arthur had never truly appreciated Camelot’s beauty, especially the night. His father had taught him the dark was something to be feared, the unknown. But now Arthur understood, that was the ramblings of a paranoid sinner who knew his time was coming for him. The night was to be feared, but it was also to be admired. To be loved. One could not understand the beauty of the dark until one learned to fear it.
Just like Merlin. Arthur smiled to himself. The crisp night air felt good in Arthur’s lungs, and Merlin’s magic, while angry and tight against Arthur’s skin, buzzed oh-so sweetly. Arthur smelled the pine of the tree he had been tethered to, and heard the quiet rustling of the life in Camelot. This was a nice way to go out.
But there was something else Arthur heard, that almost ruined the peaceful night. Let’s be honest, it did, but it was also Merlin, so nothing could be completely wrong. It was laughter. A wheezing laughter, one that made Arthur remember all the joyful nights he and Merlin had spent. It filled Arthur with a sense of warmth.
“I-please, did you really? How could I be so stupid? Oh my gods, that’s—I almost thought…” Merlin trailed off into fits of laughter. Arthur felt the binds tying him to the tree slowly loosen, until the king of Camelot was released completely. Merlin was practically rolling on the ground from laughter, and Arthur was certain there were tears in his love’s eyes from laughing so hard. Arthur looked at him curiously. What did Merlin mean? Why was he laughing so hard? “Did you really think I was going to kill you Arthur? What a dollop head, how has Camelot survived with you as its king?” Merlin muttered to himself, smiling as if he had made a hilarious joke.
“Please, my love, if you are going to kill me, do it now. Do not play with my heart like this.” Arthur begged. He just wanted this over. Who would take over Camelot for Arthur? Merlin? Maybe Morgana would. Surely Merlin would let her, she was magic folk. She deserved it, Morgana would make a wonderful Queen.
“By the gods, Arthur. How could I not have figured this out sooner?” Merlin giggled. “You’re so obviously enchanted, I was just so blind in my joy that I could not see it.”
Arthur looked at Merlin curiously. Merlin looked absolutely ethereal like this. But that was beside the fact. God, Arthur couldn’t focus when Merlin was looking at him like that. So caring. Like Merlin hadn’t just threatened to usurp Arthur and end the Pendragon reign.
“I’m not enchanted.” Arthur insisted, grabbing Merlin by the wrist.
“Arthur, you’ve been enchanted so many times before, and can you guess what you always say?” Merlin teased, dragging Arthur back towards the castle. “Saying you love me was the final straw, though I should’ve guessed when you first began following me around.”
“Why is it so hard to believe that I love you?” Arthur demanded, annoyed at Merlin for being so cruel to himself. He was so lovable, so beautiful, so kind, so perfect. Why wouldn’t anyone love him?
“Arthur, you don’t know what it means to love me. No one does.”